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Rated: 13+ · Book · Personal · #2186370

Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool!

A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes.

I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore!

I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children.

I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be.

I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone.
August 17, 2019 at 3:35pm
August 17, 2019 at 3:35pm
#964336
20:22

The past few days have been completely devoid of writing. The day before last, I got up early and sat down to write but what happened instead was that I opened up an old story of mine and started reading it. Time flies when you're having fun, right?

I have had very little sleep over the past couple of days. Tonight, when I get back home, I'm just going to put my son to bed, do my prayers, and go straight to bed. If I have the willpower to stay awake after getting up for the morning prayer, I'll do some writing then.

And I know I've been putting it off for...forever, but I do plan on getting around to sorting my character song out. Hopefully, I'll begin that tomorrow too, since I'm not on my computer and don't have it saved on my Chromebook. I know, I know, I should back my stuff up so I can access it anywhere but Google Drive seems to hate me and never shows any changes I've made beyond several months ago (unless I'm not using it right or I need to pay to have a more reliable service). I got Dropbox too but...yeah. It's all so confusing. I should look into it.

My friend wasn't going to stay over last night but it got very late so I asked her to take it easy and just go home in the morning. Like a couple of kids who have no idea why bedtimes should be adhered to, we stayed up all night watching Titans on Netflix. We literally went to bed a few minutes short of sunrise. With kids of our own, you would think we would have some sense. Now I am tired beyond belief and fell asleep watching Masha and the Bear, which my son seems to love. I did the same thing yesterday - I was doing my languages on my phone and I'm in the middle of answering a question and just drifted off then and there. So much for sorting my sleeping routine out!

20:35

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