%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 17:58 I am so dopey. I've been neglecting my blog at those moments when I had ample opportunity to do it, and then rushing to get it done when I was pressed for time because I wasn't on my computer and didn't think I had a copy of the song here, but I do. I uploaded it my port ages ago!  Here we are then! Chorus and second verse: Those were bloodthirsty nights Without thought or purpose When I was a slave to these impulses Coming to, I see the destruction at my feet, Lives cut short by my hands, bleeding out around me, Will I ever be free to live in peace? Or is this what I am in the dark, where none can see? Raven falls as I turn my eyes to the sky, As if it holds the answers I seek I like the chorus as it is. It changes over the course of the song to (hopefully) reflect the character's changing mindset about his situation. The second verse, though, I hate it. I've changed it several times already, although this is by far the version that's most relevant to how the story is now. And the last two lines as just...ugh. I think I was trying too hard to get the word "sky" in there, as a sort of foreshadowing (do songs use foreshadowing?) or prelude for the character called Sky in the next verse, though she's not mentioned by name. I see the destruction at my feet, Lives cut short, bleeding out around me Did my hands do this, the sea of red where I stand? Will Raven ever leave me to live in peace Or is this what I am where none can see? Meh. I don't know. I still don't like it. But I'll keep trying. 18:16 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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