%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 23:02 Running late today! It's supposed to be my bedtime now! I always end up delaying and then going to sleep much later than I should, but I still wake up early. None of these days, I fear my body will just give up on me and I'll knock out in the middle of something important. Anywho, the third verse of the song is a bit weird. I don't like it one bit. That was when I saw her Coming at me like she meant to kill A life tampered by isolation and fear But she shone bright all the same Now things would have to change. So, the character of Sky - who was sort of alluded to in the previous verse - is supposed to be a catalyst for the main guy to change his situation for the better. But I just don't like the way I've dealt with this verse since the very beginning. It just feels really inadequate. I saw her for the first time, A doll-like face and skill combined To make a mixture of bloodlust to mirror mine. Broken inside and crying for help, But with no voice to say how the nightmares of bygone days Continued to haunt her to the present day. ...I dunno. It's better than it was, I suppose. Meh. 23:14 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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