%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 07:21 I don't think I got the placement. The interview yesterday was the best one I've ever had (of the...what, three that I've ever been called for in my entire life?) but I don't think I got the role. Too young and too little experience in dealing with people who are bereaved, they said. I guess it's true - I've led a pretty sheltered life, which is not something that I like and even now, I still struggle to get around it. Anyways, onto the song. Finally, last verse! The sky above the battlefield is a bright blue, The Blue-Eyed Demon will cease its night-time rule, Her face affixed in my mind, I throw the blade to the ground, To protect what matters, I have no need of this power from a parasite Not while I have these hands to hold what I have And that's all right, I've realised at last. I hate this verse! I despise it! It wasn't part of the original song. I added it in when I felt the song wasn't adequate enough after revamping the story a little, but I just don't like this. It feels too forced, like I'm trying too hard to fit in Aoi's desire to overcome Raven. And the whole blue sky thing is just a little too sickly sweet, what with the main girl being called Sky and the main guy's name meaning "blue". Yeah, I'm so creative! For her sake, I will do whatever I must, Even if I have to turn Raven into dust. To protect what matters to me, I don't need the power from this being. Not while I have these hands to hold what I have, And that's all right, I've realised at last. ...A little better, I suppose. So here's the whole thing after revamping: Raven in my hand, darker than night Dripping wet in the pale moonlight Cutting down every foe coming at me Leaving rivers of blood for all to see. Those were bloodthirsty nights Without thought or purpose When I was a slave to these impulses. I see the destruction at my feet, Lives cut short, bleeding out around me Did my hands do this, the sea of red where I stand? Will Raven ever leave me to live in peace Or is this what I am where none can see? Those were bloodthirsty nights I have to have greater purpose I refuse to be a slave to these impulses. I saw her for the first time, A doll-like face and skill combined To make a mixture of blood-lust to mirror mine. Broken inside and crying for help, But no voice to voice the nightmares of bygone days Which haunted her to the present day. Those were bloodthirsty nights I'm searching for my purpose I push away the impulses. Raven's voice in my head is getting stronger, Even at rest, I feel the rush of power. "Let's spill more blood like old times, it says, Don't give up the blade now, don't let me rot away, Because we're partners to the end, until you break." They used to be bloodthirsty nights But now I've found my purpose I don't worry about those impulses. For her sake, I will do whatever I must, Even if I have to turn Raven into dust. To protect what matters to me, I don't need the power from this being. Not while I have these hands to hold what I have, And that's all right, I've realised at last. The bloodthirsty nights don't haunt me anymore. And there we have it, folks! *Bit of an edit on 3rd verse, 5th line. It was by far the longest line out of the whole thing so I cut it back a bit. Another edit on the 3rd and 4th lines of the 5th verse. And I also decided to put "break" in after all, at the very end of the 4th verse, since we now have a bit of assonance there to help the rhythm along. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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