%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 10:24 I usually like Sundays. They're my chill-out days. But today I'm a bit irritable. I was doing some learning activities with my son, in the lead up to his starting nursery in a few weeks. I know he's small and doesn't understand a whole lot, and I usually try to remind myself not to get annoyed, but today I did and my exasperation with his half-hearted attitude manifested in some angrily-spoken words. I feel so ashamed. Earlier, I had a go at the cat too  I'm tired and wondering if maybe that's the cause of it. Also, it's not my typical Sunday because we're going out in a bit with my sister and her two kids. I'm looking forward to an outing but I want to stay home more than I want to go out. I like being home, especially following a day when I spent most of the time elsewhere. Anyway, until my sister comes to pick us up, I'm going to continue reading my story. I'll probably finish it today - I'm near the end. The first time I participated in NaNo, it was to do the second draft of this story. And then last year, I did a the Little Mermaid version of this story...kind of. I picked randomly and it was quite a challenge to get the thing to match up with the character details I'd already established. Oh well. This year, I'm thinking I'll do another version of the story. I'm still thinking what it'll be. NaNo's just a bit over two months away! 10:34 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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