%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 12:53 After a good night's sleep, my first attempt at writing a new song looks even worse than it did when I wrote it! It must be true what they say, That love is blind And it hurts in every way. I was a simple soul before you came along Then you turned my world upside-down Being with you was the best thing that ever happened to me A lifetime of repression and anxiety set free But then you went away You went away and left me alone. You plunged a knife through the heart And everything started to fail. The idiot I was before came back Only it was worse 'cause I knew I was better than that But the mess you left behind didn't want to be undone.  Let's see what can be done with this disaster: Is it true when they say love is blind? Do they also say it hurts in so many ways? Before you, I was a simple soul and didn't mind That I was mostly at peace, even if it wasn't the case always. Then I met you and everything became a mess. You made me feel as if I meant something to someone. My life wasn't just repayment for some failed college test. In that gloom, you were like a shining beacon. I strove to be better, to be worthy of you. In the end, I guess I wasn't worthy enough. You left, taking with you all your stuff. Without a word, without a trace, you disappeared And all I had to go on was the memory of your face. Like the result of a knife through the heart, Everything started to fail. I became worse than the failure I'd been before, I craved something which I could not afford. Even though you broke me, you turned me into an addict, You weren't around but all I wanted was my next fix. Yes, darker! I like darker! :D And I'm way over ten minutes! It's been half an hour!  13:25 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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