%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
|
A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 16:18 Old draft: Is it true when they say love is blind? Do they also say it hurts in so many ways? Before you, I was a simple soul and didn't mind That I was mostly at peace, even if it wasn't the case always. Then I met you and everything became a mess. You made me feel as if I meant something to someone. My life wasn't just repayment for some failed college test. In that gloom, you were like a shining beacon. I strove to be better, to be worthy of you. In the end, I guess I wasn't worthy enough. You left, taking with you all your stuff. Without a word, without a trace, you disappeared And all I had to go on was the memory of your face. Like the result of a knife through the heart, Everything started to fail. I became worse than the failure I'd been before, I craved something which I could not afford. Even though you broke me, you turned me into an addict, You weren't around but all I wanted was my next fix. New draft: Is love really blind? Is it supposed to hurt in this way? I was a simple soul and didn't mind I was at peace, even if I wasn't always sound. I met you and everything was a mess. You would wait for me and made a fuss Over the details of my day, which was something new. In my gloom, you were like a shining beacon. I strove to be better, to be worthy of you. But I wasn't worthy enough. You left, taking all your stuff. You disappeared, without a word, without a trace. All I have to go on is the memory of your face. It hit me like a knife through the heart, That the one I trusted most wanted to be apart. I became worse than the simple fool I'd been before, I craved something which I could not afford. Even though you broke me, I still needed you. Our brief time was a distant dream, bittersweet and untrue. I'd better stop there. I take ages with these things. I didn't help that I fell asleep halfway through! I'm getting old! 16:52 Edit: Doesn't have anything to do with an epiphany - I was checking through my entries if all the letters of the alphabet had been covered XD ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
)
