%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Well, not so much fun and leisure as...get some damn writing done, you fool! |
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A while ago, I attended a writers' workshop and the lady who hosted it told us all to go away with this bit of advice - to write for just ten minutes a day. I was determined to go ahead with it and I did...for two days. So today I remembered that I'd resolved to do so and I whipped out my journal and wrote for fifteen minutes. I'm typing out pretty much the same thing that I wrote earlier, with some differences. I find I can go a lot more in-depth when I'm typing than when I'm writing by hand. Writing by hand is such a chore! I've struggled with loneliness a lot throughout my twenty-nine years. I struggled with it when I was the only one home with my mum when I was a teen and everybody else had other places to be. I struggled with it after marriage and when we moved into our own house for the first time. I struggled with it after my son was born and I felt torn between pursuing my writing and being a good mum, because my culture seems to indicate that a woman has absolutely no chance of living her own life - or at least, she has no chance of attaining any goals she hasn't already attained - once she has children. I feel it occasionally still, even though I get so little time to myself nowadays that any alone time is simply awesome. I've tried to come to terms with the idea that being alone isn't a bad thing - and a lot of the time, it isn't. My friends don't live nearby so I don't get to see them often, and even when I do, I feel like there isn't much depth to our conversations. I'm surrounded by people who do not think like me, who do not share any of my interests and hobbies. I feel like I've become desensitised to isolation. Loneliness is my preferred way to be. I walked into my college cafeteria at lunch today and it was the usual hubbub of activity. Youngsters walking around, chatting animatedly, shouting across the room, laughing, eating, socialising. I could recall how that clamour wouldn't have bothered me ten-twelve years ago, when I would have been one of the youngsters talking excitedly with her friends. But, as this moment, I just found an out-of-the-way little table and sat down. I watched the crowds for a while, wondering why it was only at moments like these that the sense of isolation became so strong. In the middle of a crowd, I feel most alone. |
| 15:15 These queries would be something along the lines of: Why you no write? Why you so lazy? Why you can't be bothered sitting to do ten minutes of serious writing a day? Today is my deadline for the novel I started last month and, unfortunately, I have not finished it. In fact, it's a far cry from finished. I tried to focus on not doing edits while writing - which is something I often do - but even so, I did not manage to finish it. Part of it comes from the fact that it doesn't feel...organic. I don't usually get stories ideas like this and then expand on them before writing. It feels weird. Plus, I don't feel I can play around with the ideas because I have to get to what I envisage the climax to be. And I've been lazy. Really lazy. Plus, I'm down at my parents' house every other day (or sometimes several days in a row) and the muse doesn't get in touch that well here. Reception must be bad. Let's just say there's a whole slew of reasons why I didn't finish, although I did want to and had honest aspirations to do it. Most of all, I think I'm just out of the habit of sitting in one place and writing seriously. By the time I've put the little one to bed, sitting still and trying to focus in front of the computer is like asking for a nap. So I find other ways to wake myself up, which is usually by watching k-dramas or reading some manga. And then that takes up my concentration and I don't want to stop. I thought I was over my Netflix addiction but I don't think I am. I'd like to say that I want to stretch out the deadline, maybe for next month, but I've been putting off college assignments for this and I don't want to give myself another reason not to do my work. Maybe after I've finished my assignments. If all else fails, this can be my story for NaNo this year. 15:25 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
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