Thanks everyone. My wife appreciates all the cares and comments. Maybe I'll be able to convince her to come hang here with us rather than on Facebook with her mom.
I hear you. Went through my own anniversaries of those lost last month and it knocked me out for two weeks straight before I could get my head around writing again.
Don't let guilt be one of the emotions. We feel what we feel. We remember, usually not when we'd like to, and often times, at the worst possible time.
I filled my time with memories- as many good ones as I could pack into my quiet time. I focused on watching the birds at the feeder outside my office window. Did the bare minimum at work. Tried to enjoy time with friends.
Eventually, it passed.
I've found that sometimes talking to them helps, even though they can't hear. Do the things that give you joy and peace, and most of all, forgive yourself for whatever wasn't done, wasn't said, or conversely, was. Let lavender winds ease your pain and remember, we're all here if you need us.
Would you rather:
a) Go back to being 10 years old but all the knowledge you have now, or
b) Skip forward 10 years but have $50 million in the bank?
Totally I would go for b. Even having all the knowledge I have now I wouldn't know how to turn that into money. I mean I suppose I could figure out how to mine for bitcoin and get in on it at the beginning. I really didn't have any money to invest in things like google or facebook. So if money were my goal I would have to go with b.
On the other hand it would be a chance to go through my life over again and make different choices. I could apply myself in school and go to a good college and have a career? I don't think so, I would most likely still suffer from bipolar and that has been one of my major obstacles in life. I would also have to see all the crap that happened to me happening all over again because I can't see how any of it could be avoided.
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