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Rated: 13+ · Campfire Creative · Fiction · Comedy · #2072887
A slice of life story in the monster world's craziest town.
Neo Neapolitan is a campfire story that tells the tale of three human brothers who live in Direopolis, a hilltop village populated by giant monsters. The three brothers live in Direopolis with their giant monster wives and work at the titular restaurant that is a bizarre combination of a pizzeria, a burger joint, an ice cream parlor and a donut shop. However, the townsfolk of Direopolis are an eccentric bunch and the village attracts the most bizarre phenomena, most of which happens at Neo Neapolitan. However, the Wraith Brothers are descendants of the Greek hero Achilles and inherited his invulnerability, making them capable of surviving being flattened and eaten by the giant monster ladies they interact with on a daily basis.

Human Protagonists

Name: Wes Wraith Round
Height: 5’ 6”

Appearance: A 26-year old tan-skinned human man with black hair and a slight goatee. Mainly wears a pair of thin glasses, jeans and a black Iron Maiden t-shirt with sneakers.

Description: Wes is the oldest, smartest and most stoic of the Wraith Brothers. He is the most level-headed and plays the straight man, albeit prone to sarcasm at times. He and his wife, Patty, are the ones to keep order around Neo Neapolitan. Wes is mainly the one who has to make sure that Patty’s stress doesn’t get the best of her which it usually does.

Name: Allen Wraith Von Richter
Height: 5’ 3”

Appearance: A scrawny and long-haired blond 23-year old man who normally wears a pair of khaki pants and a gray-colored hoodie with boots.

Description: Allen is the middle child of the Wraith Brothers and the most anxious. Despite being invulnerable, Allen is the most easily scared and panics under pressure. Because of this, he prefers to stay close to his wife, Salli. Often, Allen finds himself in the middle between Wes and Norman’s disagreements.

Name: Norman Wraith Hocker
Height: 6’

Appearance: A buff and fair-skinned 21-year old male human with short dirty blond hair and a scar on his chin. Normally wears a purple tanktop and American Flag print shorts with a pair of running shoes.

Description: Norman is the youngest of the Wraith Brothers and the one in charge of acting as his wife’s navigator. Norman consequently the most reckless of the brothers and the most prone to rash decisions due to being the jock of the trio who does the least amount of thinking. Needless to say, Wes usually has to bail him out of harm’s way.

Kitchen Staff

Name: Patty Round
Species: Werehippo
Height: 1350ft

Appearance: An enormous and strawberry pink-skinned hippopotamus woman with long golden red hair worn all the way down to her enormous butt that’s much wider than she is tall. She has a cyan-colored tattoo of a pyramid over her right eye. For clothing, she wears a red tank top with a keyhole shaped opening under the neck, skintight black shorts and an apron along with a pair of scarab beetle-shaped earrings and a tongue piercing.

Description: Patty is Wes’s wife and the leader of the proprietresses of Neapolitan as she’s the one in charge of cooking. Patty is the smartest of the trio and the one who mainly has to keep Salli and Pam in line. However, she is also the most easily irritated of the trio and can be very intimidating when she’s mad, forcing Wes to calm her down. Despite not looking it, Patty comes from a human father as well as a werehippo mother.

Name: Salli Von Richter
Species: Loxodon Vampire Hybrid
Height: 1350ft

Appearance: A heavyset dark vanilla white-skinned monster resembling a humanoid Asian elephant. Unlike other loxodons, she has fangs from her vampire father, as well as a second set of fangs located in her trunk. Salli has long bluish black hair reaching down to her large butt that is dwarfed by her even larger belly. Salli dresses in a goth girl style with striped sleeves and leg warmers along with skull-shaped earrings and a hair clip shaped like a bat. She also paints her finger and toenails black. Because of her weakness to sunlight she is usually seen carrying an umbrella in her trunk.

Description: Salli is a goth girl who is married to Allen. Since she’s the most pleasant and perky of the proprietresses, her job is to act as the eatery’s waitress. Surprisingly, Salli is the daughter of Elektra from Monster Slopes and a vampire father, but her parents have been divorced for years now. While Salli doesn’t eat humans, she still drinks blood to the point where she goes into a trance when she smells blood. She originally disagreed with Patty’s plan to sell pizza and it was her idea to make Neo Neapolitan a quasi-burger joint, if only to keep a steady supply of bloody dinosaur meat in the kitchen. Despite Allen being indestructible, Salli mainly acts as her husband’s bodyguard.

Name: Pamela “Pam” Hocker
Species: Wereboar
Height: 1350ft

Appearance: An obese and hourglass-shaped tan-skinned giantess resembling a wild boar with long blonde hair, six sharp tusks and two leather demon-like wings growing out of her back. Pam wears a pair of dark yellow jeans and a white polo shirt.

Description: Pam is Norman’s wife who is in charge of delivering food to customers who would prefer to eat at home. She is the girly girl of the trio of wives and is very immature, often acting like a child and causing Salli and Patty to mock and belittle her. Pam is also very airheaded and relies on Norman to guide her and acts as her navigator. However, their mutual recklessness often lands them both into trouble that Patty and Salli have to get them out of.

Recurring Customers

Name: Scarlet Leeds
Species: Jersey Devil
Height: 875ft
Appearance: A heavy and hourglass-shaped teenage giantess resembling a demonic looking pink and white striped quagga with leather wings, fangs and sharp talons for feet. Scarlet has long bright reddish brown hair and for clothing, wears a red shirt, black jacket and shirt with silver jewelry and is usually seen with a quiver and bow.
Description: Scarlet is the captain of the local high school’s archery team and has such remarkable aim that she can hit targets that aren’t clearly visible from the horizon, something that she’s quick to show off. Salli hates when Scarlet comes to Neo Neapolitan because Scarlet loves garlic so much that it makes up 90% of her diet. As a result, Scarlet’s breath is potent enough to act as acid. Scarlet comes to Neo Neapolitan primarily for garlic pizza.

Name: Vienna
Species: Gargoyle
Height: 1350ft
Appearance: A plus-sized gold-skinned gargoyle with long brown hair, pointed ears, an ape-like face and leather bat-like wings. Vienna mainly wears a gray-colored dress decorated with blue sigils along with a sapphire tiara and earrings. She also has abnormally large breasts due to having lactose overload syndrome.
Description: Last name unknown. Vienna is a popular jazz singer known throughout the monster world. However, she always finds time once a month to show up at Neo Neapolitan since she’s been friends with Patty for years. Whenever Vienna comes into Neo Neapolitan, she is sure to binge heavily on cheese pizza. In fact, Vienna eats so much cheese that Wes wonders if she’s compensating for her LOS.

Name: Ethiopia Gnu

Species: Catoblepas
Height: 1250ft

Appearance: A heavyset giantess resembling a scaly yellow-green-skinned wildebeest with long gray purple horns and long curly aqua-colored hair. She wears a Basketball tanktop along with a mawashi and a pair of sunglasses to protect other monsters from her fatal gaze.

Description: Ethiopia is surprisingly athletic for such an obese monster. Her two passions in life are basketball and sumo wrestling. However, she recently decided to combine the two sports and spends most of her time perfecting the process and trying to legalize “sumo basketball” as a professional sport. She is usually seen hanging out with Wilma and Pinky. Ethiopia has a human husband named Misao who rarely leaves their house.

Name: Esther Tortuga
Species: Kappa
Height: 875ft
Appearance: An apple-figured, burgundy-haired and turquoise-skinned kappa giantess resembling an alligator snapping turtle with sharp teeth and a dark-yellow colored shell with spikes covering the back.
Description: Esther is an anchorwoman for channel 6 news. Because the Rounds like to know what’s going on in the world, they have a TV in both the kitchen and the main dining area to watch the turtle woman’s reports when they can. Esther is one of Patty’s best customers because of her love of pizza. However, Esther has bizarre taste in food and will eat anything if you put it on a pizza, even if it doesn’t make any sense or is disgusting, forcing Patty to push her cooking skills to the limit.

Name: Trini Howler-Grunewald

Species: Saber Tiger
Height: 900ft

Appearance: A giant and very fat bright yellow-furred sabertooth tiger with long black hair reaching down to her large rear and a cream-colored underbelly. Mainly seen wearing a white lab coat with pale-colored jeans but no shirt or bra.

Description: Trini is an eccentric inventor who is always working on strange gadgets. Unfortunately, most of the time, they either don’t work the way they’re supposed to or wreak havoc throughout Direopolis. The problem is that Trini doesn’t think things through most of the time and is very forgetful when it comes to her own notes and plans. She is also the younger sister of Fang Grunewald and the ex-sister-in-law of Fiona Reaver of Monster Boondocks. Trini mainly comes to Goggle Round for the pizza and sundaes.

Name: Juliana Saruyama
Species: Nue
Height: 875ft
Appearance: An extremely pear-shaped monster with white and gray striped fur, the face of a lemur, the torso of a tanuki, the limbs of a tiger, a snake for a tail and the bright-colored behind of a baboon. Juliana usually wears a khaki-colored shirt and a loincloth that is small enough to leave little to the imagination.
Description: Juliana is Scarlet’s best friend from school and a regular party animal. She is rarely seen without her boombox, blasting latin music and dancing ferociously to the beat, something that annoys Wes to a heavy degree. Scarlet usually accompanies Juliana out in town to keep her from getting into trouble and unintentionally annoying everyone.

Name: Mia Maza
Species: Wereleopard
Height: 850ft
Appearance: A giant and obese pear-shaped leopard with bright gold and white fur and black spots with long red hair and a scar on her right ear. Mia normally wears a white shirt and blue jacket with her name tag on it and a pair of tight blue jeans that expose her butt crack. Mia’s most notable feature is a prosthetic mechanical right arm.
Description: Mia is the handywoman (or handycat as she prefers to be called) who the Rounds call whenever something breaks down in Neo Neapolitan. Given the chaos that goes on in Direopolis, Mia is too busy to eat a normal dinner and usually prefers to chow down on pineapple pizza at the restaurant that requires her help more than anyone else in town. Mia is also a cousin to Petra of Monster Arms, Roxy of Monster Shores and Janet of Monster Hollow, though nobody in Direopolis is sure how since Mia is the only monster in her family who isn’t a gargoyle.

Name: Crescent Howler-Grunewald
Species: Werewolf
Height: 900ft
Appearance: A large and chubby hourglass shaped werewolf with bright blue fur and long golden blonde hair worn in a poodle-cut, making her resemble a weresheep from behind. She usually goes about wearing a pair of glasses along with a steampunk-style Victorian dress and gloves. Like Vienna, she is stricken with LOS.
Description: Crescent is one of Lupa’s many cousins and Trini’s wife, usually being the one to keep Trini from hurting herself with her absent-minded behavior. Crescent is an artist like the rest of the Howlers except that her line of work is sandcastles and collects sand from the lake at the bottom of the mountain for her craft. However, Crescent is somewhat of a perfectionist and every one of her sandcastles has to be better than the previous one she made. Sand sculptures created by Crescent are found all over Direopolis. While her wife comes to Neo Neapolitan for pizza, Crescent prefers french fries and burgers. Crescent also doesn’t eat humans like most werewolves because she is violently allergic to them.

Name: Delphine Dare
Species: Weredolphin
Height: 895ft
Appearance: A pudgy and hourglass-shaped teal-skinned and violet-haired giantess resembling a humanoid porpoise. She dresses in a western-style outfit complete with a cowgirl hat and tie that make her resemble a Texas ranger.
Description: Delphine is one of the mountain rangers that patrol Direopolis. However, she is very unwise and prone to jumping to conclusions, often landing herself in embarrassing situations. Delphine is a total klutz who believes herself to be smarter than she actually is. She’s prone to telling tall tales in a vain attempt to salvage her ego, though only Pam appears to believe them.

Name: Corona Poe

Species: Minotaur
Height: 1000ft

Appearance: An enormous apple-figured minotaur resembling a cross between a bison and a Native American woman with long black hair and an udder three times as big as her head. In her civilian clothes, she normally wears a black shirt, yellow jacket and blue jeans along with a pair of glasses. When at work, she alternates between wearing glasses and contact lens.

Description: Corona is the Wraith Brothers’ older stepsister due to the Wraiths’ father marrying Corona’s mother a long time ago. Corona has made a very successful career as an actress in several high-rated movies in the monster world and is the one who helped her brothers and sister-in-laws establish the capital to start Neo Neapolitan. While Corona gets along well with two of her three sisters-in-law, she doesn’t get along well with Pam because her human boyfriend was eaten by a blonde wereboar similar in appearance to Pam. Ironically, Corona’s favorite items on the restaurant’s menu are the burgers.

Name: Akira Oda
Species: Japanese Dragon
Height: 855ft
Appearance: A fat and apple-shaped teenaged dragoness with bright violet skin. Mainly wears a kimono the same color as her skin with yellow highlights. Akira also has a habit of dying her hair every 3 days or so, to the point where nobody knows her natural hair color.
Description: Akira rarely orders a meal to eat at Neo Neapolitan and prefers to pick up take out for both her and her mother who run a hair salon in town. However, nobody in Direopolis has ever seen Akira’s mother and have no idea what she looks like or if she’s even a dragon. According to Salli, Akira blindfolds the customers before her mom can go to work on them and Akira’s father was born blind. The only thing Salli knows for sure about Akira’s mom is that she’s at least twice as big as her daughter. Akira only ever orders burgers because she’s severely lactose intolerent.

Name: Gardenia Vile
Species: Werecheetah
Height: 785ft
Appearance: An elderly and big-bellied werecheetah with graying yellow fur and long white hair with black spots in it. She has a remarkably young-looking body but a wrinkled face. Wears a gray unitard with red leg warmers.
Description: Gardenia is one of Neo Neapolitan’s first customers and has been a loyal regular for years and is on good terms with Salli, Pam and Patty. However, when web surging one day, Wes found a newspaper article on a costumed jewel thief named Black Spot who terrorized Direopolis 100 years ago and was never caught. From what Wes saw exposed by Black Spot’s costume, she resembles Gardenia except younger and thinner. But it’s probably just a coincidence, right? In spite of her age, Gardenia is as fast as a meteor.

Name: Perry Hart
Species: Peryton
Height: 660ft
Appearance: A pear-shaped giantess resembling a bright green-furred deer with blood red-hair worn in a bobcut, long orange horns and enormous feathered green wings. She normally wears a t-shirt with an anime graphic on it and an aqua-colored thong.
Description: Perry is a Gooseshout High student who is the shortest girl in her class and is very shy as a result, preferring to spend all her time reading manga, watching anime and stuffing herself with burgers and sundaes. However, in spite of her appearance, Perry is strong enough up to lift 300 times her own weight for no known explainable reason.

Name: Wilma “Deneb” Kidd

Species: Capricorn
Height: 1125ft

Appearance: A giant and very pear-shaped monster resembling a humanoid indigo-furred goat with long blonde hair and curved horns from the waist up but with grayish blue fish scales covering her legs and gills on her neck along with a large udder. For clothing, she wears a black mask that only covers the top half of her face along with a cape, fingerless gloves, utility belt and unitard with fishnet stockings

Description: Wilma is a rather strange stone-faced vigilante known as Deneb who is always on the lookout for crime and villainy, (not that there’s a lot of that in Direopolis). Nobody knows what motivates Deneb but Salli theorizes that she was a recluse who went mad from watching too many action movies. Sometimes, the capricorn stops by at Neo Neapolitan between patrols to pig out on burgers. She lives in the high part of town with her 10-year-old adoptive human son, Adam.

Name: Pinky Ringmoore

Species: Harpy
Height: 950ft

Appearance: An enormous and chubby hourglass-shaped flamingo-like harpy with long pink feathers and long rose-colored hair. Pinky goes around wearing a gold and pink-colored luchadore mask along with a yellow tanktop and pink spandex thong.

Description: Pinky is a teacher at Direopolis’s high school, Gooseshout High who dresses like a Mexican wrestler. She originally wore the costume on her first day as a teacher in order to intimidate students who might cause trouble for her. However, she wore the costume so long that it’s made her more aggressive and emotional, to the point where she behaves more like a wrestler than a teacher. Pinky is one of the most loyal customers to Neo Neapolitan and is the one that eats the most donuts.

Name: Beatrix Huffington
Species: Basilisk
Height: 777ft
Appearance: A voluptuous and hourglass-shaped teenage giantess resembling a yellow and gray-colored puff adder with arms and legs. She is completely bald and wears a t-shirt for the popular mango-flavored drink Mango Go along with a light blue leopard spotted skirt. Unlike most other monsters in Direopolis, Beatrix wears shoes, specifically, a pair of sandals with socks.
Description: Beatrix comes from a family of auto mechanics and she works part time at her family’s garage working. However, Beatrix is somewhat overzealous and every car she fixes ends up converted into a car that looks like it came out of a comic book. Her parents often wonder whether or not Beatrix would rather be designing race cars. Beatrix is also a major fan of mangos to the point where she knows all there is to know about mangos. Her favorite food is mango donuts.

Name: Elisabeth Makoa
Species: Wererhino
Height: 1240ft
Appearance: An enormous, apple-shaped, raven-haired and pinkish gray-skinned teenage wererhinoceros resembling an extinct elasmotherium. She wears wildflowers in her hair along with a floral print sari-like skirt and tanktop that make her look like she lives in Hawaii.
Description: Elisabeth is a wererhinoceros friend of Beatrix's who grew up in Hawaii before her family moved to Direopolis. When she’s not swallowing honey-glazed donuts, Elisabeth spends most of her time either surfing or chasing after monster boys. She has terrible luck with boyfriends and has had so many romances end in failure. After a breakup, she stuffs herself more than usual, but she never stops trying.

Name: Una Pride
Species: Nemean Lion
Height: 1000ft
Appearance: An indigo-furred and apple-shaped lioness with long gold and auburn-colored hair worn in a strange hairdo resembling a large beehive with a ponytail at the bottom. Normally wears nothing more than a bikini made out of dinosaur bones.
Description: Una is the town doctor. However, she’s also a witch doctor and relies more on magical cures more than modern medicine. Unfortunately, while her spells and medicines do work, they have a high risk of outrageous and unpredictable side-effects because Una doesn’t always know what she’s doing. She’s a cousin of Pauline Pride of Monster Cove on her mother’s side.

Name: Lapis Collins
Species: Loch Ness Monster
Height: 1450ft
Appearance: A giant pear-shaped and obese woman resembling a humanoid blue-skinned plesiosaurus with teal spots on her back, a cream-colored underbelly and long white hair. For clothing, she wears a leather black and red-violet unitard.
Description: Lapis is a fisherwoman who lives at the foot of Direopolis. Whenever she shows up, it means that she’s either buying donuts or selling megalodons and lobsters as big as battleships. Most of the creatures that Lapis brings in are harmless and aggressive towards humans, making the Wraith Brothers cautious around her. Lapis is also oblivious to her own weight and refuses to realize that she’s fat because her huge body is mostly numb from sitting around in the cold waiting for fish to show.

Name: Claire Melon
Species: Werelizard
Height: 875ft
Appearance: A pear-shaped lizardwoman resembling an anthropomorphic silver-skinned and hunchbacked chameleon with three horns. Claire has gray stripes on her back and brown reddish hair worn in a bobcut and a rainbow colored tongue used to snatch up and devour insects and humans. For clothing, she wears a white-colored business suit with a skirt.
Description: Claire is an entrepreneur who runs a hotel chain around Mons Terra, one such hotel is located in Direopolis. However, the lizard woman is always stressed out because there’s always something going on that she has to worry about and is prone to panic attacks when something bad happens. The Rainbow Tongue Hotel located in Direopolis in particular, always has something go wrong that forces Claire to keep close to home. While she’s busy most of the time, sometimes she comes to Neo Neapolitan for lunch, but has a tendency to overdo it on the coffee.

No Killing Anyone. All violence that occurs in this story is meant to be slapstick.
No Toilet Stuff
The minimum height for adult monsters is 300ft
OCs are welcome, but please give them interesting quirks. This story is meant to be a comedy.
No Mary Sue characters.
Keep profanity to a minimum. If you’re going to swear, use symbol swearing.
No Human Giants, Nightmare Giants or Mutates
Neo Neopolitan doesn’t serve human meat on the menu, not just because of the brothers, but because Patty’s father is human.
The restaurant also doesn’t serve alcohol because Salli is a mean drunk.
Chapters must be a minimum of 5 paragraphs
ABSOLUTELY NO sexual content. This story is meant to stay PG-13.
No ending the story. When one episode/adventure ends, another begins.
Once it’s your turn you have 2 weeks to add a chapter before you’re skipped.

(This campfire was transferred to me by RedHurricane, who has left Writing.com to pursue a more professional career. I will do my best to keep the story they way he wanted it to be.)
A Non-Existent User
It was a sunny day over Direopolis and Wes and Patty Round had woken up before the alarm clock could even ring. "Too slow." Said Wes as he climbed up his werehippo wife's back and turned the clock off. Patty let out a yawn and then kissed her husband. "Morning, Wes." "Morning Patty, my Queen of the Nile." "Flatterer. I’ll bet we’re the first ones up." The naked hippo took her husband and turned on the tub in the bathroom as they passed a photograph of their wedding picture.

In the home of the Van Richters, the alarm rang and Salli opened the coffin and reached out her trunk to turn it off. She looked down to see Allen sleeping in her navel and then nudged him to wake him up. Allen let out a yawn and smiled up at Salli. Soon, the Van Richters were having breakfast with Allen munching on a piece of toast and Salli sucking a packet of blood with her trunk and spraying it into her mouth. Allen smiled and looked at his and Salli's own wedding photo that depicted Allen appearing to be floating in the air making a kissing gesture towards an empty blood red wedding dress that was standing up as if being worn. At that moment the telephone rang and Salli answered it before smiling. "Who is it, Honey?" asked Allen. "Just your brother and Patty checking if we're ready, Sweetie." Allen let out a laugh. "Those early birds don't have to worry about us. I'd be more concerned about Pam and Norman." The Van Richters shared a laugh.

At that moment, Norman and Pam Hocker were still fast asleep in their messy bedroom as their alarm clock was going on. Pam let out a mumble and tumbled out of bed before grunting while at the same time pulling the sheets and causing Norman to fall on the ground and groan. Pam grumbled and stood up and knocked down her clock. Norman stood up and then spotted the clock before gasping. "Good grief! Pam! We overslept!" Pam gave a mumble then gasped. "Oh no! Patty will kill us!" Patty gave a hoggish snort and rushed to get her pants on, accidentally stepping on her husband in the process. Norman grunted. "Oops. Sorry Honey." Pam grabbed Norman and flew out the window.

By the time Pam and Norman reached Neo Neapolitan, the restaurant they were co-owners with alongside Norman's brothers and their wives, the Van Richters and Rounds were already there. "Overslept as usual, Norman." Said Wes smugly. "Shut up, Wes." Allen and Salli just laughed at the Hockers' expense. "You know," said Allen. "I'm surprised that we've been running for over 2 years." Salli let out a giggle. "Well, we've had our ups and downs, Honey."

- - - -

The 6 remembered the day they were able to open up Neo Neapolitan. They decided that they would wait until they were all married and then commence with the plan. The day when they went forward with their plan, Patty and Wes were reading the newspaper. “Good news, everyone,” said Wes. “We know where we’re setting up shop. You remember that clothing store, Khaki Whack?” “Ugh,” said Salli. “I hate those guys. The trio that works at that store are so stupid and flat that I’m sure they’re a cloning experiment gone wrong.” “Well,” said Patty. “The store got shut down. Turns out they were making khakis out of lotus-eater tree skin.” Pam gave a look of disgust. “That’s gross. But it’s good for us. “How much are they selling for?”

Wes adjusted his glasses and walked down his wife’s snout to read the paper. “7500 skulls.” Patty, Salli and Pam put their respective husbands on the table. “Okay,” said Wes. “We’ll have to pool our resources. Corona gave us 2000 as capital startup.” Pam gave a scoff. “Corona, Corona, Corona.” She muttered. “Come on, Pam,” said Norman. “She gave us that money to help us.” “To help your brothers and their wives! She hates me.” “Pam,” said Patty. “Stop grousing. We need 5500 more bills. Hopefully all of us have some money saved away somewhere.” Norman let out a scoff. “You bet. My babe and I have a whopping 1000 saved away from working at Sprite Sports.” Pam gave a snort. “You would not believe how many shoes we had to sell. I mean, Hal Grundy has got to be the worst shoe salesman ever.” Allen moved to the side as Salli used her trunk to hold up a case full of skull bills. “Allen and I managed to scrounge 1500 skulls acting as ushers at the theater. I had to settle for B- for months.”

“And you two?” asked Allen in regards to Patty and Wes. The Rounds smiled at each other as Patty put a briefcase on the table and opened it, revealing 2500 skulls, to the surprise of the others. “Oh my gosh!” yelled Allen. “I’ve never seen so many Morgan Le Fays all in one place.” “How the heck did you two get 2500 skulls?” asked Norman. Patty gave a smirk. “Bounty hunting. And it only took one. He was a rather mean one, but I’d say he made a better throne than he did an outlaw.” Patty slapped her own butt and wiggled it in front of a smiling Wes. “And that’s just enough to get the ball running.” Said Wes. “Well, what are we standing around here for?” asked Patty. “Like the Jetpack Pets say; let’s make tracks.”

It wasn't long before the Rounds, Van Richters and Hockers had bought the bankrupt Khaki Whack and started to redecorate it to look like a restaurant.“I can’t believe it,” said Pam with a squeal. “It’s finally happening. This is it.” Salli gave a smile. “After years of planning, we’re finally there.” The Wraith Brothers gave a high five as their wives were laughing. “I’ve seen it for years now,” said Patty. “And this is the perfect spot. I can imagine it now, pizza dough flying through the air, sundaes that belong in a museum...” At that moment, Salli and Pam’s eyes popped. “Pizza?” asked Salli. “Sundaes?” asked Pam. Patty turned to face her brother-in-laws’ wives. “Well, yeah. I’ve been planning to open a pizza and ice cream parlor for some time. Is that a problem?”

Salli gave an angry trumpet and Allen gasped in fear. “Pizzas mean garlic!” yells Salli. “Garlic makes me sick! I’ll admit, the ice cream is a good idea, but I’m not working in a pizzeria.” Patty gave an angry look Salli’s way and Wes let out a groan. “Oh no.” “Well, hose-nose,” said Patty as she showed her long and sharp fangs. “How would you do things differently?” Salli gave a smile and inhaled through her trunk. “I’d make our dream restaurant a burger joint. I can smell apatosaurus steaks soaked with blood cooking on the grill with stegosaurus bacon.” The vampiric elephant licked her lips and Allen jumped out of the way to avoid getting splashed by his wife’s drool.

Pam gave a snort and then stomped her feet like an angry child. “Hey! Hey! Hey! I have a say in this too!” “Pam,” said Norman. “Calm down.” Pam just gave a pout as Salli and Patty turned their attention to her. “Well, Pam?” asked Salli. Pam gave a snort and giggle. “I have the perfect idea for our restaurant. A donut shop.” “A donut shop!?” yelled Patty. “You can’t sell donuts and ice cream at the same restaurant! That’s ridiculous!” “Well, who wants pizza, burgers and ice cream at 8 in the morning!? If we sold donuts, we could be open from morning to night!” “People don’t want milk with thier lunch, Pam,” said Salli. “They want blood! I mean, they want soda! You ever tried donuts with soda? Yuck!” “You ever try donuts with ketchup, mustard and mayo like you do with burgers?! Double yuck!”

Wes grabbed himself by the face and moaned. “Wes,” said Norman. “Talk some sense into your wife. Pam’s the one making the most sense.” “Hey!” yelled Allen. “What about Salli?!” Wes turned to his brothers and gave an intimidating glare. “Don’t you two start this as well. Patty! Salli! Pam! This is getting us nowhere! Isn’t there an easier way to decide where we go from here!?” The elephant, hippopotamus and boar giantesses looked at each other and rubbed their chins. “Wes is right,” said Salli. “We’ve come too far to let everything fall apart now.” “I’ve got it,” said Patty. “We’ll play rock, paper, scissors to decide if we make a pizzeria, burger joint or donut shop.”

The Wraith Brothers looked up as their wives prepared to decide their fate. However, after a few gestures, all three of the giant women chose rock and it ended it tie. “D’oh!” “Bats!” “Darn it!” They tried again but all three drew scissors. “D’oh!” “Bats!” “Darn it!” Wes let out a sigh and leaned against a saltshaker. “This is going to take a while.”

3 hours later, Pam, Salli and Patty were still at it and all three had simultaneously drew paper. “D’oh!” “Bats!” “Darn it!” Wes, Norman and Allen had gotten tired of watching and Norman had even fallen asleep. Patty let out a sigh. “This is getting us nowhere,” she said. “I say we compromise. Neo Neopolitan will serve pizzas, sundaes, burgers and donuts.” Salli and Pam nodded their heads and Salli let out a sigh. “Agreed.” “Well,” said Allen. “It will certainly be unique.”

- - -

In the present day, the Hockers, Van Richters and Rounds let out a laugh. “And that’s when things got really crazy,” said Wes. “This restaurant has become a magnet for weirdos and chaos.” Norman scoffed. “Things weren’t so crazy last week. The ghost of Neil Armstrong left eventually.” Patty let out a sigh as she tied on her apron. “Well. It’s a new day. Better get ready for what’s up ahead."
A Non-Existent User
A few hours later, Neo Neapolitan already had a few customers. Salli had just finished waiting on a human-werelizard couple when she heard the door open. She looked up and started to chuckle at the sight in front of her.

Walking into the restaurant was the saber tooth inventor Trini Howler-Grunewald and her wife, the werewolf sculptor Crescent. Both of them were covered in soot, Trini's coat was burned, and Crescents hair was burned as well.

"What happened to you two?" Salli asked as she sat them at a large booth to accommodate Crescents LOS.

"It's a long, complicated story involving a teleporter, two Succubi, a human, an ice cream sandwich, and the complete works of Mark Twain." Trini replied.

Salli blinked. "Right." She said, confused.

After taking their orders (they already knew what they wanted), Salli went back into the kitchen.

"The Howler-Grunewald's are here." Salli said as she walked in.

"Oh boy." Wes said as he took the order from Salli. "Keep Trini away from the pizza oven. We don't want it making out with the fridge... again."

"But they make such a cute couple." Pam said as she cooked some doughnuts.

"I wonder what Trini's managed to do this time?" Wes asked.

"With her, it could be anything." Allen replied.

"We'll have to ask them later." Salli said as she went out to take more orders.

"Let's hope they don't accidently tear the place down in the meantime." Wes said.

"Yeah, we don't need a repeat of last month's incident. I'm still finding penguins in the freezer." Patty replied.


Meanwhile, down the street from Neo Neapolitan, a figure was sitting on a rooftop. The figure was wearing a black mask, a cape, fingerless gloves, a utility belt, a leaotard, and fishnet stockings. This was Wilma Kidd, aka the hero "Deneb". She was vigilantly watching for crime to stop. But despite the weirdness, Direopolis was safe from crime, so she was bored. She was about to start nodding off when she heard a voice from below.


Deneb looked down and saw a famililar face. It was a flamingo harpy in a luchador costume. This was Pinky Ringmoore, a teacher at the local high school who used the costume to intimidate students, but let it go to her head.

Deneb jumped down and landed in front of Pinky. She smiled at her.

"Hello, citizen. How are you this crime-free day?" Deneb said, trying to sound heroic.

Pinky raised an eyebrow. "I'm doing fine. Look, I'm heading over to Neo Neapolitan for lunch. You looked bored, so you want to come with me?" She asked.

"Sorry citizen, but justice doesn't break for snacks." Deneb said.

Pinky just shook her head. "Whatever you say." She replied and started to walk away. Under her breath, she added. "You freaking nut."

Before Deneb could go back to her rooftop, her stomach growled. "Hm. I guess I am a little peckish. Wait for me, citizen." She yelled, chasing after Pinky.


Meanwhile (again), in a nearby cemetary, a lone figure was standing in front of a tombstone. The figure was wearing a cloak, but the massive bosom made it clear it was female.

"OK, let's see if I can get it to work this time." The figure said as she pulled out a book. Before she could even do anything, her stomach growled.

"Crap!" She yelled. "Fine! Food first, then undead army."

She looked around and noticed Neo Neapolitan. "Eh, that will do." She said as she started for the restaurant.

No sooner had the Howler-Grunewalds' food come out than Claire Melon arrived, looking her usual nervous self. Salli felt Allen cringe from his perch on her shoulder as she thundered over to the seated werelizard. "Calm down, Allen; you know she's not going to eat you, especially not with me here." Claire didn't look the least bit predatory, even: she was hunched over her cell phone, wincing while going over her emails.

"Doesn't mean I'd put it past her..." Allen grumbled. "You think she hasn't gulped down some poor sap like me when she's out of town?"

Salli shushed him just as she arrived at Claire's table, and put on her best smile. "Morning, Miss Melon! Strange to see you here this early. Will it be the usual today, or some breakfast?"

Claire flinched at Salli's introduction, clumsily pocketing her phone and looking up at her. "O-Oh! Sorry about that...I'll go for the pancake breakfast please...but cut out the eggs, please. There was this....incident at the hotel yesterday involving a phoenix guest, and it's put me off eggs for a while now." She hissed at a memory, her clawed hand colliding with her face. "The yolks were like napalm, and I accidentally sat on one of the human cashiers and now he's in the hospital AND he has my company's insurance plan so we'll have to pay for his treatment and---well, you get the idea, right?"

"I...guess so?" Salli didn't, but she also didn't want to make Claire feel any worse. A glance at Allen showed even he looked sympathetic. "Will that be everything?"

"...Coffee. LOTS of it." Claire's tone made it clear she wouldn't accept anything like a "no".


Trudging back to the kitchen, Salli gave a sad trumpet. "Poor Claire; she's always so high-strung because of that hotel. Can't be healthy. Neither can all that caffine...."

"I don't even know how that place stays open, with all the chaos going on all the time," Allen commented. "I STILL say someone should put a warning sign in front of that nightmare."


"Halt, citizen! We must be especially vigilant here; a public place can be the perfect time for miscreants to strike! Be on the lookout for lowlifes in the crowd!" Deneb bounced on her heels in a boxing stance, eyes twitching this way and that in search of any perceived threats.

Pinky face-winged and gave an angry squawk. "For the love of--Deneb, stop trying to be in SEAL Team 6 and just go through the damn door! It's Saturday morning, you think some demon from Hell's sixth circle is out trying to raise an army of undead or something?!"

An awkward cough made them both turn around, to see a hooded figure.
"Erm, Seventh Circle actually..."

Back inside Salli has brought Claire her breakfast, as well as a cup of coffee. "Leave the pot." the lizard says. Salli sighs, but does as she's asked. Allen watches as she downs a cup of coffee and downs another. "She's going to drive herself crazy one day." Salli says. "If she hasn't already." Allen adds. From her seat, Claire begins going through her phone again with a sigh. "I swear, this has been the worst couple of days." she says to herself as she takes a bite of her pancakes. "I don't think I can take anymore surprises."


Over in their booth the Holwer-Grunewalds are starting to eat their food. Trini takes out a small device and starts fiddling with it while she eats. "Seriously?" Crescent asks. "What?" Trini asks. "After this morning's incident your already messing with another gadget?" Just relax and enjoy the food." the wolfess tells her. "This is how I relax. Besides, this thing is harmless." Trini assures her. Crescent raises her eyebrow. "Well I'm pretty sure its harmless." Salli happens to spot Trini's little device and comes over to the booth. "I'd be careful with that." she warns. "Patty wouldn't be too happy if you caused another scene." Trini throws up her hand sin an exaggerated way. "Why does everyone act like I'm an accident waiting to happen?" Her wife simply looks at her stone faced and points to her burnt hair. Trini sighs and gives her a kiss. "Lets just agree to disagree." she says.


Back outside Deneb and Pinky are standing in front of the hooded stranger. "And who might you be?" Deneb asks her. "I don't see a reason to answer that." the stranger says. "I just came here for something to eat. Deneb gives her a suspicious look but relaxes. "I suppose you're right. I'm sorry citizen, I'm just on edge." she says. "Which is normal for her." Pinky adds. The hooded girl walks past them and enters the restaurant. "See? Just take it easy once in a while." Pinky says. "No, she's up to something." Deneb says and walks through the door.
Pinky shakes her head and follows.


Allen watches as three new customers enter. He recognizes Deneb and Pinky, but the hooded one is new. "Hey there! Just let me know when you're ready to order!" Salli says in a perky tone. The hooded girl sits by herself while Pinky and Deneb take a table. Allen sees Deneb shooting glances at the stranger every now and then. He hopes she's not going to cause a scene. In the past she's been a big help with getting rid of troublemakers, but she can sometimes get out of hand. But what can you expect from someone who's that delusional? "So we've got a stressed out lizard, a mad inventor with some doodad that does God knows what, and two whackos. That sure doesn't spell trouble." Allen says sarcastically. "Oh hush, and stop being so paranoid." Salli says as she heads to the kitchen to check on Patty and Wes.
A Non-Existent User
Salli walks into the kitchen to see Wes slicing tomatoes as Patty put another pizza into the oven. “We got three more customers in. Deneb, Pinky...” “And Ethiopia?” asked Wes. “Ethiopia isn’t here yet, Wes,” said Allen. “But there’s somebody out there in a black cloak.” “She’s a succubus, Allen.” “How do you know, Salli?” Allen asked his wife. “She obviously had L.O.S. and her hands were too smooth for a gargoyle’s and too hairless for a werewolf’s.” Wes puts down his axe and wipes his brow. “There aren’t any succubi in Direopolis. She must be new in town.” “Well,” said Patty. “The more the merrier. As long as they behave themselves.”

At that moment, the telephone rang and Patty picked it up. “Neo Neapolitan, Pizzeria, Ice Cream Parlor, Burger Joint, Donut Shop and most recently, Pancake House. Oh.” Wes pushed a pen the size of a canoe up to his wife’s hand as she took the customer’s order. “Let’s see. 1 large pizza with olives, mushrooms, goat cheese and capicola, 12 cheeseburgers with no tomato or sauce, 4 blueberry donuts, 2 cookie dough donuts, 2 strawberry donuts, 2 chocolate donuts and 2 elephant ears.” Salli trumpets in anger. “Relax, Honey,” said Allen. “Elephant ears are a type of pastry.” Patty nods her head. “And where do we... oh, got it, out in the ocean. Look for the ship with the seagull figurehead. Got it.” Patty hangs up the phone and gets to work on the large order.

- - - - -

At that time in the main dining area, the woman in the black cloak held up her book of spells right as Trini paused working on her invention to eat another slice of pizza. Crescent looks at the gadget that her wife was working on. “What exactly is that thing, Trini?” Trini paused and drank a sip of her milk shake before tinkering with the machine again. “It’s a shell magnet.” “Shell magnet?” asked Crescent. Trini nodded her head. “It attracts seashells. That way you won’t have to comb the pond at the bottom of the mountain for shells to make your sandcastles.” Crescent swallowed a burger before speaking. “Seriously? How do you know that thing works? Seashells aren’t exactly made of magnetic material.” Trini just shrugs her shoulders while nearby the succubus is reading her book. “Soon,” she said. “My undead army awaits.”

Suddenly the door opened and a basketball bounced in and onto the hooded woman’s table, causing her to scream and drop her book right before landing in Crescent’s breasts and making her shriek as she knocked Trini’s gadget out of her hands where it landed in the cleavage of the hooded figure. The ball then bounced forward and knocked down one of the two chairs Claire was sitting in and made her yell as she fell to the floor. The ball landed on the finger of its owner, Ethiopia Gnu, the basketball player/sumo wrestler catoblepas. “Oops,” said Ethiopia. “My bad. My hand slipped.” Claire got back in her seat and angrily glared at Ethiopia before drinking the entire coffee pot. “You’re lucky I’m not suing you, Gnu.”

Ethiopia sat down at the same table as Pinky and Deneb. “Well, look who’s finally here,” said Pinky. “As if my day wasn’t crazy enough.” Ethiopia just dribbled her ball slightly as she fixed her mawashi. “Don’t you feel ridiculous wearing a sumo thong in public.” “You go around dressed as a Mexican wrestler.” “Touché.” Salli then comes to the trio’s table. “Hi, Ethiopia. What will it be, today?” “The usual, Salli. Green pepper and toadstool pizza with Gila Cola.” Deneb then gave her order. “2 apatosaurus burgers with a large fry and a diet Gila Cola. I’d prefer for it to stay in the thighs of justice.” “Me,” said Pinky. “I’ll have a half dozen strawberry donuts with coffee milk.”

Salli nodded her head and then walked up to the hooded figure who then shrieks as she sees the loxodon vampire standing in front of her. “Uh,” said Allen. “What will you have?” The hooded figure gave a shriek. “Just give me 2 donuts to go! 1 Hawaiian meringue and 1 cookie dough! Chop, chop!” Salli snorts as she walks away. “And I thought Claire was impatient.”

As Salli walks away, Pinky notices the hooded figure's book on the floor. "Huh? What's this." Pinky picks up the book and Ethiopia takes it to look through with it. "What language is this book in? I can't read a thing." Deneb takes the book and reads through it. "This book is from Lemuria, the lost continent that sank thousands of years ago." "Lemuria?" asked Pinky. Deneb nodded her head and placed the book into her utility belt so she could study it later.

The hooded figure didn't yet notice that her book was missing as Salli came back and handed her a bag of the donuts she ordered. "Here you go." "About time!" yelled the hooded figure as she stuffed money into Salli's trunk and then stormed off with her order. "I have work to do!" Salli gave a blink. "What? No tip?" The hooded figure smiled freakishly as she took out and bit into her Hawaiian meringue donut.

Nearby, Claire's cellphone rang. "Hello? Dammit, Winton! You're kidding me! I'll be right there." The were lizard got up and laid money on the table and walked away, not realizing that the chairs she had sat in were stuck to her large chameleon rear. As Claire was leaving, she passed Beatrix who turned her head and hissed at the chameleon lady. The teenaged basilisk shrugged her shoulders and then took her seat at the table before looking at her watch for some reason. Then she took out an issue of Mango Monthly to wait for Salli to come to her.

- - - - -

In the kitchen at the time, Patty had called Pam and Norman forward and handed Pam a pizza box, a donut box and a tin of burgers. “Alright, you two. I don’t know who exactly called but apparently they’re out on open water near the bottom of the mountain and are in a ship with a seagull as the figurehead.” “Cool,” said Norman. “Maybe we’ll run into some pirates.” “Oh,” said Wes sarcastically. “Pirates that order takeout. I’m shaking in my boots. Norman, the great age of piracy is over. Besides, pirates don’t eat donuts.” Patty snorted to her brother-in-law and his winged porker of a wife. “Just don’t drop the food in the ocean or I know a certain wereboar who will be walking the plank.”

With that, Pam walked out of the back door of Neo Neapolitan with Norman on her shoulder and flapped her wings to fly off and make her delivery. “You know,” she said. “Sometimes I get the feeling that Patty doesn’t trust me.” “Don’t worry about it, Babe. Wes and Allen have been belittling me for years. Let’s just get this over with.” With that, the Hockers were flying over the ocean.

- - - - -

In the cemetery at the time, the hooded figure had finished her donuts and let out a laugh. She took off her hat to reveal that she was indeed a succubus with turquoise-colored skin and cream-yellow hair and long horns like those of an oryx. "And now," she said. "The dead will..."

Suddenly, the succubus realized that she forgot her book at Neo Neapolitan and gave a scream. "Of all the absent-minded and stupid... huh?" The succubus saw Trini's seashell magnet in her cleavage and fished it out to get a better look at it.
A Non-Existent User

An hour later, the Hockers arrived out on the ocean. As Pam flew, Norman kept an eye out for the ship with the seagull figurehead. After about 20 minutes, Norman called out that he had spotted it. Pam looked and saw it too. It was a silver schooner. Pam flew down and landed on the schooner's deck.

"Hello?" Norman called out. "We're from Neo Neapolitan! We have your order!"

There was no answer. Pam and Norman looked around the deck. It looked like a normal schooner deck, just a little more rustic.

"Maybe no one's here." Pam said. "Or maybe it's haunted!"

Before Norman could say anything, the door to the schooner's lower deck opened. Out of the door stepped who Norman and Pam assumed to be the owner of the ship. And she was a odd sight.

She was a purple, obese ghost woman with solid black eyes and silver hair. But the odd part about her was that she was dressed like a pirate. She had on a brown pirate hat, a brown longcoat, a white undershirt, a belt with a flintlock and cutlass, brown pants, and brown pirate boots.

"Ah, finally, me food has arrived." The ghost woman said in a stereotypical pirate voice. "I've been starvin' fer days on end, and-"

"Honey, enough." A voice from her shoulder said. Looking, Norman and Pam saw a human man. He was a Caucasian man with dirty blonde hair and green eyes, and was dressed more normal, wearing a green tee-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. "Sorry, let's try again. I'm Jack Belling-Haunterman, and this is my wife, Phanta."

"That's CAPTAIN Haunterman to ye." Phanta said

"Sorry, she thinks she's a pirate." Jack said.

"That's because I AM!" Phanta yelled.

"I knew there'd be pirates!" Norman yelled.

"Sorry fer me bad introduction." Phanta said. "Why don't ye stay fer a spell? We can get to know each other better."

"Sorry." Norman said as Pam set down the box. "We actually need to be going."

Phanta frowned, and handed over the money, plus a gold coin. "Just to show we are good terms."

Pam smiled and flew off. Phanta and Jack watched, then Phanta broke out into a huge grin. "Jack, plot a course fer Direopolis. Me thinks we've got two new crewmates comin'." She said.

"Oh dear." Jack said.


Meanwhile, back at Neo Neapolitan, Salli was waiting on a Golem women when the succubus from earlier stormed in. Salli looked up. Now that she didn't have her hood, Salli could see she was turqoise with cream colored hair and oryx-like horns. She also had red eyes, or eye, since she had a huge scar and eyepatch on her left eye.

"You. Loxodon." The succubus said. "I left a book here. Where is it?"

"I don't know what your talking about, miss... um..." Salli said.

Grinning, the succubus dramatically threw off the rest of her cloak. Underneath, she was wearing a black spiked choker, black corset covered in spikes, a black thong, elbow length black gloves, and knee-high black high heeled boots. Salli could see her LOS boobs had to be about the size of bean bag chairs.


"CAN IT!" Someone from the back yelled back.

"Eep! Sorry!" Deathina said.

Patty walked out of the kitchen to see the commotion. "The crap's going on?" She asked.

"Patty, this is the hooded woman from earlier. Says her name is Deathina." Salli replied.

"It's really Mallory Von Blaze, but Deathina is a better villain name, right?" Mallory asked.

"Villain?" Salli asked.

"I'm going to rule the world. Isn't that neat?" Mallory said, hopping up and down happily, making her massive boobs bounce and slosh.

"Uh..." Patty said, stumped.

"HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU STARTED HIRING STRIPPERS!" A male werewolf in the back yelled. Mallory fired a purple beam at him, turning him into a chicken.

"That was mean." Salli said.

"He called me a stripper! Granted, I do work in a club, but I don't dance! I'm a waitress." Mallory said

"Don't mind Harold. He always does that. So, is something wrong?" Patty asked.

"I'm missing my book of black magic. I need it if I am to be a proper villainess. See, I even have a business card." Mallory said. She fished out a card from her cleavage. Sure enough, it said 'Mallory "Deathina' Von Blaze. 37 Years Old. 855 Feet. Profession Villain."

"Uh huh." Patty said. "Why don't you sit down and tell us where you last saw it? Also, most business cards don't include age and height."

"Eh, whatever. By the way, do you know what this is?" Mallory asked, holding up Trini's device. Her thumb accidentally presses the button.


Meanwhile, a mile away, a limo was driving along the road. Inside was Vienna, a plus-sized, gold skinned, LOS afflicted gargoyle. She had just finished a Jazz tour and was on her way to visit her friend Patty. Suddenly, the limo came to a stop.

"What happened?" Vienna asked the driver.

The driver said nothing and just pointed forward. Vienna rolled down a door window and stuck her head out. To her confusion, thousands of shells were flying through the air.

"Well, I guess something interesting is happened at Neo Neapolitan. Driver, on the double." Vienna said.
At the restaurant Deathina is still trying to get some answers. "That looks like Trini's whatchamacallit." Salli says, pointing at the device in her hand. "Hey Trini!" The tiger looks up at her name being called. "Is this yours?" Trini walks over with a smile. "Yeah! I was wondering where it went!" she says as she reaches for it. "Thanks for finding it!" The succubus pulls her hand away from Trini's paw. "Not so fast." she says. "First tell me where my book is." Trini looks at her confused as Crescent walks over. "I don't know anything about a book, how about you babe?" Crescent shakes her head. Deathina sighs and her shoulders droop before she looks at the device in her hands. "So what does this thing do?" she asks. Suddenly there's a tapping on the windows and everyone looks toward the sound. What they see are seashells upon seashells piling up on the glass. "It does that." Trini says.

A couple minutes later Vienna's limo pulls up in front of the restaurant. As she gets out she notes that the seashells are being drawn there. "Of course." she says with a chuckle, then walks through the door. She spots the group standing there as she enters. "Whats the point of a seashell magnet?" Deatina asks curiously. Trini shrugs. "I'll find a purpose for it. Genius doesn't always make sense." she says. "Actually my cousin April could use that." Crescent suggests. Her wife grins proudly. "See? Told you!" Vienna interrupts and joins in at this point. "Looks like things are lively as usual huh Patty?" she asks as she walks over. The werehippo rushes over to her old friend. "Vienna!" she exclaims and goes in for a hug. It hard with the gargoyle's massive jugs, but she tries as best as she can. "We've just got a little issue." she says, pointing at the seashells. Vienna nods. "I see. Well, you can tell me about it while we catch up."

Meanwhile Deathina has gotten over the whole thing and makes to leave. "Here's your gadget. she says to Trini. "Just make sure you contact me if you find my book. I can't rule the world without my dark magic!" The lively way she says that belies her evil intentions. She tosses the gadget to Trini, who ends up fumbling it. "Whoops!" Trini yelps as her creation bounces off of her paws into the air, landing square in Vienna's cleavage. "Sorry." she says, but Vienna waves it off. "Don't worry about it. With boobs this big you're bound o catch something." Deathina and Crescent nod in agreement. "Tell me about it." they say in unison. After Vienna fishes it out of her breasts she notices sparks coming from it. "Should it be doing that?" she asks. "Uh oh..." Trini says. Suddenly the seashells begin slamming against the window faster and harder.


In the sky above Pam and Norman are returning when they spot the seashells flying through the air below them. "Whats up with that?" Pam asks. "I don't know, but I can guess where they're going." Norman says. They continue on, passing Deneb, who is on a nearby rooftop. She's on her way home as she glances back at the flying shells.
Meanwhile Delphine had come back down from the Mountains after a long day

"Boy I'm starved!" She said to herself "Where can a Cetacean Girl find some decent grub around here?"

She then spotted the Neo Neapolitan "Hmmm, Pizza, Burgers, Ice Cream, Donuts and Pancakes...Sounds good to me!"

She walked in "Hey could I get an extra-large anchovy pizza and a seaweed soda to drink?"

Inside she head some gurgling sounds coming from the kitchen, as there was no one at the counter

"By the Pacific Northwest!" Exclaimed Delphine "Sounds like trouble is brewing in the kitchen!"

She charged full throttle into the kitchen, there she saw her immortal enemy the Giant Squid! She tackled the squid!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Screamed too female voice, Delphine looked up and saw Salli and Patty scowling at her

"We paid good money for that Squid!" Said Patty "And you're beating the tar out of it!"

"Uh well..." Said Delphine bashfully "I heard some gurgling sounds coming from the kitchen."

"That was the vat of tomato sauce I was stirring!" Said Patty

"No one is going to want to eat a bruised Squid!" Said Salli

"It's not bruised..." Delphine said "It's...Tenderized?"

The Two Pachyderms weren't buying it

"Who are you?" Salli asked

Delphine got up and took off her cowboy hat "My name is Delphine Dare...The greatest ranger in the Direopolis Mountains!"

Patty and Salli looked at each other, this Porpoise Girl seemed full of herself

"Can we help you?" Salli asked

"Well I was going to ask for an extra large anchovy pizza and a seaweed soda..." Said Delphine

"We don't sell Seaweed Soda." Said Patty

"Then I'll have a glass of salt water then." Said Delphine

"Fine." Said Salli "Get out of our kitchen and take your seat."

Meanwhile in the Mountains where Delphine Patrolled deep in an underground cave a sinister plot was brewing.

Deep in the the Cave was a Giant Albino Weresquid was brewing up something nasty

"Gosh darn those Rangers!" The Squid said as she emptied another bottle into her brew and it gave off a puff of green smoke "Always getting in my way...I can never complete my work!"

She took a few brightly colored gems of her self and dropped them one by one into the brew

"Soon..." She cackled rubbing her tentacles together "...My diabolical plan shall be complete with this enchanted brew I shall be able to draw all Human Men to my cave to be my loving slaves! MWUHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Still got a Human Fetish eh?" Said The Weresquid's Pet Rock whom she had enchanted to talk

"Oh hush up Eugene!" The Squid said to the Rock
A Non-Existent User
That was exactly 1 year ago and Delphine was remembering what happened as she let out a sigh and drove down the street in her patrol car. “I still say that giant squid is out there. But at least that was the day I found out about a really awesome restaurant. I could sure go for a pizza with anchovies. I hope they have seaweed soda these days.” Suddenly, Delphine slammed on the brakes as she looked up and spotted hundreds of seashells heading in one direction. “What the!?” Deneb was nearby and drove past Delphine in her Goatmobile chase after the seashells. “Oh my,” said Delphine. “Something is definitely going on.” Delphine drove forward while at the same time, Norman and Pam flew down and saw the eatery filled with seashells of all kinds. “What happened here?” asked Norman.

Inside, Neo Neapolitan, Patty had stomped on Trini’s shell magnet and destroyed it to get it to stop attracting the seashells. By the time the damage was done, every window in the place had been severely damaged and some were even broken. “Well,” said Trini nervously. “It certainly works.” Vienna shook her boobs to knock out a bushel of sea shells while Crescent pulled out a few scallop shells and tossed them to the side. Salli was bent over and sniffing shell after shell. “Allen?” she asked. “Allen? Where are you?” “I’m in a yoka star shell, Salli! Over here. Unk.” Vienna inadvertently stepped on the shell that contained Allen and then lifted up her talon in embarrassment to see the dazed human stuck between her talons. “Oh! Sorry, Allen.” Salli had to peel Allen off the gargoyle’s foot as Patty grumbled to herself and took out a broom. “It’s always something, isn’t it.”

Suddenly, Deathina burst up rather flustered from under a pile of seashells. “This isn’t over! I came for my spell book and I’m not leaving without my spell book!” Vienna raised a brow horn at that thought. “Spell book? Patty, what was going on when I came in?” “Shut it!” yelled Deathina. “Pay attention to... ow!” Deathina reached into her cleavage and pulled out a seashell that turned out to be the home of a very angry hermit crab with a cycloptic eye and what looked like talons shaped like pachyderm’s feet. At that moment, Delphine and Deneb burst in.

“What the Sam Hill is going...?” Delphine gasped as she saw Deathina carrying the hermit crab. “By the Pacific Northwest!” yelled the porpoise giantess. “That’s an endangered species of hermit crab. A poacher, eh? You’re coming downtown.” Delphine walked up and laid the cuffs on Deathina as Vienna, Pam, Salli and Patty looked on in puzzlement. “Let me go! I’ve got a world to conquer, you idiot!” Suddenly, Deathina sees Deneb with her book in her hands. “My book! That’s mine! Give it back, you stupid goat!” But before Deneb could even think of giving Deathina back her spell book, the succubus is already in Delphine’s patrol car being escorted away.

“Okay,” said Norman. “That was weird.” Salli notices the spellbook in Deneb’s hands. “So that’s what that whacko was talking about.” Deneb nodded her head. "From a distance, one would believe that this is a necromancy spell. However..." Deneb revealed that the pages had been stuck together and they were actually 2 different spells. "So, you're saying that if that nut job did try... I dunno, maybe resurrect the dead?" "It wouldn't work. Some of these spells are so old that the pages have faded. Only a complete and utter fool would try to get any kind of magic out of this.” “Then take it somewhere where Pam won’t find it.” Said Patty. Pam gave a scoff. “Rude.” She muttered. Deneb nodded her head and then took the book and left. “I came to return this book to its owner, but seeing as that owner is a super villain, now I don’t feel like it.”

As Deneb walks away, Patty kicks a seashell to the side and lets out a sigh. “I’m sorry about the mess, Vienna,” she said. “I wasn’t actually...” Vienna shrugged her shoulders. “These things happen. I really should drop in more often.” Patty then noticed that the windows were destroyed and her eye begun to twitch. Salli took out her cell phone using her trunk and then pressed a few of the buttons to contact Mia, the handycat. “Mia is not going to like this at all.”

- - - - -

At that moment, Mia was just stepping out of the shower when she heard the phone ringing. She staggered out of the bathroom and reattached her cybernetic arm before wrapping two towels around her large feline posterior as she checked the caller ID. “As if I didn’t already know.” The leopard giantess said with a sigh before picking up the phone. “Hello. Uh-huh. Should’ve guessed. This is the only thing she built that works properly.” Mia said this as she pointed to her mechanical arm. “Don’t worry. I’ll be there and while I’m working, I’d like an octopus and swordfish pizza. Mia then looked at her butt in the mirror and tapped it. If I keep having pizza for dinner, I’ll have Janet beat and knowing that cousin of mine, she’ll throw a fit about it.” The wereleopard then let out a sigh as she put on a pair of pants that only covered the lower half of her big butt. “If this keeps up,” she grumbles. “It’ll be as big as Patty’s.”

- - - - -

Back at Neo Neapolitan, Patty and Salli had managed to round up all of the seashells and place them in a pile. “Well,” said Trini. “I guess I need to work out the bugs.” “Y’think?” asked Patty. “Come on, Trini,” said Crescent as she walked out the front door. “We’ve caused enough damage for one day.” Trini nodded her head and walked out with her wife just as a new customer came in. This creature was a 1000ft tall werecrocodile with orange-red skin, a yellow underbelly and long ginger colored hair. She was very fat with a large rear and brown lips and freckles. The crocodile giantess was wearing green khaki pants with a black tanktop and from the looks of it, she was in her early 20s or at least the reptile equivalent. Patty looks at the crocodile giantess and seems uneasy.

“Patty,” said Vienna. “Meet my new driver, Christina Sweet.” Patty was reluctant to shake hands with the crocodilian giantess. “Uh, pleased to meet you.” Pam just looked in confusion. “What’s wrong with Patty?” she asked. “She looks paler than you do?” “Werehippos and werecrocs are usually enemies, Pam,” whispered Salli. “Patty’s just trying not to make any trouble.” “Right this way,” said Patty with a nervous laugh. “If you need me, I’ll be in the kitchen.” Vienna let out a laugh as she sat down in a booth made to take her LOS into account as her chauffeur sat down in two chairs. “What’s that hippo’s sitch?” asked Christina. “She acts as if she’s never seen a werecroc before.” Vienna gave a giggle. “She hasn’t. Keep this under your hat, but Patty is afraid of crocodiles.”

Salli walked right up to the table and gave a trumpet. “What can I get you two?” Vienna smiles and begins to drool slightly. “Just bring me the usual, Salli; the 13 cheese pizza. Twice as much gorgonzola as last time if it isn’t too much trouble.” Allen rolled his eyes. “That woman eats more cheese than a pack of wererats.” Thought the middle Wraith Brother to himself. Christina gave a smile that made Allen feel uneasy given her enormous jaws. “As for me,” she said. “I’ll take the biggest naco your hippo friend can put together.” Salli raised an eye in confusion. “Excuse me? What on Earth is that? I’ve never heard of a... what was it you call it?” Vienna let out a sigh. “Christina,” she said. “This isn’t a taco joint.” Christina crosses her arm. “What? Given everything else they sell, it might not be a bad idea. Okay, just get me a brontosaurus burger and a triple coconut sundae.” Vienna looks at Christina in concern. “Are you sure that’s a good idea, Christina? You know what the cold can do to you.” Christina just scoffs. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

In the kitchen at the time, Patty was tossing pizza dough as Wes stood on her shoulder. Pam was about to put the money from the Hauntermans in the safe but Patty stopped her. "Stop. We're going to need it to pay Mia." Patty put the money on the table and Wes immediately noticed the gold coin. "Is that a doubloon?" Norman gave a scoff and smacked his older brother in the back. "That's right. Pirates are real. The customers were a ghost pirate and her husband." Wes just gave a scoff. "Yeah right."

Suddenly the doubloon begun to twitch. "Huh?" asked Pam. Patty looked out the window and dropped her jaw, revealing her skyscraper-sized tusk. "Oh no." Wes climbed up onto his wife's snout and looked out the broken window and then grit his teeth. “Norman,” grumbled Wes in annoyance. “What did you do now?”
A Non-Existent User
Everyone heard the noise and raced to the window. Sure enough, a flying ship was landing in the parking lot. It was the same ship that Norman and Pam had gone to. Once it landed, Phanta floated off the ship and into the restaraunt, Jack on her shoulder.

"Ay, hello lads and lassies." Phanta boomed. "Captain Phanta Haunterman at ye service. I be looking fer two workers here. They were on me ship earlier, givin' me me food."

"Um, ma'am?" Patty asked, clearly baffled. "Are you referring to Pam and Norman?"

"Is this 'Pam' a wereboar?" Phanta asked. Patty nodded. "Then that be who I'm lookin' fer."

Vienna and Christina walked up to Patty. "I didn't know you had a pirate regular."

"We don't." Patty replied, still cautious around Christina.

Phanta looked and saw Pam and Norman next to a confused Salli. Grinning she floated up to them. "Ay, there ye are."

"Hello again." Pam said. "Did you want to order again and decided to eat here."

"No, no. I've a better idea fer you two. How's about you leave this eatery, and come join me and me husband on the Seven Seas?" Phanta asked.

"Phanta, please stop." Jack said, embarrassed. "You're making a scene."

Sensing trouble, Patty walked up to Phanta and coughed to get her attention. "So, being a pirate and all, you must have some good stories, right?" Patty asked.

Phanta somehow grinned even wider. "Ay, that be true! Everyone, pull up a seat and I'll spin ye a yarn of the open sea!"

"Oh crap." Jack said. "Phanta, can you set me down?"

Phanta shrugs and sets Jack on a table and floats over to a booth. "Bring me a round o' grog!" She bellowed.

"How'd you know she likes to tell stories?" Jack asked Patty.

"I didn't. I just didn't want her causing trouble."

"Well, I should probably start over. I'm Jack, Phanta's husband. And the story on how she got like this is... interesting." Jack said.

"Try us." Wes said.

"Thank ye, serving wench." Phanta said to Salli as she brought her a drink.

"This is going to be a long day." Jack said, putting his hands on his head to rub away the oncoming headache.
Meanwhile, at the Direopolis ranger station, Delphine was walking Mallory into a holding cell.

"I've told you a hundred times, I'M NOT A POACHER!" Mallory yelled.

"Then why was that hermit crab smuggled into your bust?" Delphine asked.

"You saw all those shells on the floor, right?" Mallory asked.

"Yes." Delphine said.

"Well, I accidentally pressed a button on a shell magnet and it brought hundreds of them. The crab must have been in them." Mallory explained.

"You expect me to buy that?" Delphine said.

"The Saber-Tooth tiger made it, I think." Mallory said.

"Saber-Tooth tiger? You mean Trini?" Delphine asked. Then she slowly put two and two together. "Oh... crap. I think Trini said something about that."

"So you'll let me go?" Mallory asked.

"No. You outright yelled you wanted to rule the world!"


"Do you have anyone I can call to let them know you're here?" Delphine asked.

"Oh, my boss." Mallory said, suddenly calm. She then fished another card out of her cleavage and handed it to Delphine.

"What, you got a TV in there too?" Delphine asked, joking.

"I do. Somewhere." Mallory said, beginning to dig through her cleavage.

Delphine sighed and walked over to the phone to dial the number on the card. After 2 rings, it picked up.

"LOS Lovely's Strip Club, Tanya speaking." The voice said.

"Yes, I'm calling about a Deathina." Delphine said.

The voice was silent for a second. "Hang on, let me transfer you to our boss." The line went quiet again. Then a new voice picked up. "This is Cora. You're calling about a Deathina?"

"Yes. I'm Delphine Dare of the Direopolis Mountain Rangers, and I-"

"Oh geez, who did Mallory annoy this time?" Cora asked.

"This time?" Delphine asked.

"She's a waitress here and her antics are known. Look, I'm on my way up. Be on the lookout for a LOS-afflicted werewolf with pink and green hair and skimpy clothing." With that Cora hung up.

"Oh, geez." Delphine said.

"FOUND IT!" Mallory yelled. Delphine turned and went wide eyed as Mallory held a monster sized flat screen. "Silly me, it was next to the mini fridge."
Delphine blinked, her jaw dropping open at the succubus' violation of material space. Chittering like the dolphin she resembled she stuttered, "H-How did you...but...WHAT?!"

Mallory had already set the TV down, and was giving her a confused look from behind her cell's bars. "...Do what? Fit the TV in here?" She waved at her ample breasts.

"Of course--that's impossible!" Delphine's arm/fin collided with her face.


"Because the TV is BIGGER than your hooters, dammit! There's no way it could just disappear like that; it defies the laws of physics!"

"Oh, so I took out the TV like you asked me to, and suddenly you get all uppity?!"

"I was being sarcastic, you demonic ditz!"


"--and then I gave a mighty 'BOOGA-BOOGAH-BOO!', and the lily-livered speed boat jockeys turned tail and ran like the cowards they were! But the poor sods got caught in MY boat's wake and capsized; easy pickin's for me to snatch up. I snatched away all their guns got Jack back by me side, then took their boats and tossed the bilge rats back into the drink! " Phanta exulted, pausing to take a swig from her frosted mug (it only had orange juice, since nobody served alcohol this early, but she'd insisted on 'somethin' a wee bit worthy of a pirate.) Polishing off the drink, she concluded, "And once we'd sold their guns and boats fer a pretty penny, we got us monster-sized boat. And that's how I got me start as a pirate, and became the terror of any Kalashnikov-weildin' lubber up and down the coasts of Somalia!"

The restaurant erupted in applause and laughter, with even Pam and Norman joining in. Down on the table below, Jack facepalmed...but only to hide his grin. "Dammit, no matter how many times she tells that story, I can't help but get into it. Heh, I still remember the look on those idiots' faces when she came screaming out of the water, big as an aircraft carrier, not two seconds after they took a shot at her. Hell, I probably looked the same."

Salli looked down at him, raising an eyebrow as Phanta kept up her monologue. "So you guys get guns shoved in your faces...or fired AT your faces, in her case; er, no offense...."

"None taken," Jack assured her with a shrug.

"...and the first thing she does after becoming a ghost is go pirate? Just.... Why?"

Again, Jack shrugged. "I stopped worrying about that a long time ago, ma'am. Besides, it's not like we've hurt anyone---when your yacht can make a human-made battleship capsize just by sailing next to it, you don't need to bring much muscle. She just makes some scary faces and pinches a little cargo off the deck....sometimes she even leaves an IOU to pay the crew back!"

"Sounds like you two have a lot of fun." Vienna says. "Well it is a treat to get to work with your wife." Wes comments with a smirk, to which Patty gives him a kiss. Phanta laughs heartliy and continues. "Aye, that we do, but there is somethin' we be lacking." She looks over at Norman and Pam, then points at them dramatically. "We're in need of a crew, and these two would be a great addition to our ship!" The place goes silent for a second. Patty and Salli both look at their sister with raised eyebrows. "I don't know what she's talking about! We just delivered their food and chatted a little!" she says. "I don't know, you guys do have a wild streak." Wes tell Norman, who groans. Phanta, on the other hand, laughs again. "Thats good! A thirst for adventure will make bein' a pirate all the more fun!" she says. Jack sighs and looks up at his ife. "Phanta, we can't just expect them to join your crew. Not everyone thinks being a pirate is a good career, and they've already got jobs." he tries to tell her. "Nonsense! I'm not giving up until they join!" Jack sighs again and facepalms.


Back at the ranger station Mallory is waiting for her boss to show up. She's absentmindedly rooting around in her breasts while she waits. "Huh, I really should keep these things mory tidy." she says as she pulls out a camera. Delphine is just watcing with her mouth slightly agape as the succubus continues to pull things from her cleavage. The door suddenly opens and a woman who can only be Mallory's boss walks in. She's a large werewolf with pink and green hair, as described. She's wearing a pair of extremely short shorts and a top that does nothing to hide her LOS- ridden breasts. It looks like its only purpose is to hold them up so they can be on display. "Hello, sherriff. My name is Cora and I'm this girl's boss." she says, then looks over at Mallory. "What is it this time?" Mallory jumps up from her chair. "I didn't do anything! I just went to a burger joint and everything went nuts! There were these two women dressed up in costumes and then some tiger's invention made like a million seashells-" Cora puts up a hand to stop her. "Okay, okay. Officer, she's just a goofy kid who lets her imagination get ahead of her. I'll take her from here." the werewolf says. "Well, I guess since she didn't actually do anything I can let her go, but stop with all the "ruling the world" talk." Delphine says. Mallory starts to protest but her boss puts a paw over her mouth. "Thank you." Cora says as she drags the succubus out of the station.

"You really should watch that crazy talk." Cora says as she and Mallory walk toward her car, their overgrown boobs jiggling out of sync. "Its not crazy talk! I'm going to rule the world!" Mallory protests. Cora sighs. "Just try not to get in any more trouble. Do you need a ride?" Mallory shakes her head. "Nope, I'm good." she says. "Okay, just make sure you remember your shift later." Cora tells her as she drives away. After Mallory watches her go she reaches into her cleavage and pulls out a piece of paper. It looks old and worn. "I forgot I saved this." she says to herself as a pair leathery turquoise colored wings sprout from her back. She takes off into the sky and stuffs the paper back into her breasts. Truth be told, when she tried to raise the dead she couldn't perfectly make out the spells since the book was so old. There were actually a couple of pages that could have been the necromancy spell, but she just couldn't tell which one. Instead she decided to try one, and if that didn't work she'd try another. Now it might not seem smart to so casually throw around dark magic like that, but Mallory doesn't exactly think too hard about things. She had stashed one of the pages away and is currently heading for the cemetery once again.


"Okay, look." Pam says as Phanta stands proudly with her hands on her hips. "Me and Norman don't plan on leaving our restaurant. We've put a lot of effort into this place." Patty nods and chimes in. "Its our family, and we can't just break it up." she says. "See?" Jack says. "They've got commitments and we can't just-" "Nonsense!" Phanta interrupts. "These two are perfect! I might even add the rest of you if you can prove your mettle!" The staff of the Nepo Neapolitan groans in unison. Vienna and Christina are listening as they eat their food. "This is pretty entertaining. Has your friend always been this interesting?" the crocodile asks. "Oh yeah, and she got even better when she et her husband." Vienns says, picking a bit of cheese off of her massive boob and popping it into her mouth. Meanwhile Phanta continues trying to persuade them.


Mallory meanwhile has arrived at the cemetery and pulls out her spell page. "Okay, I'll just get my army, then we can get the book back from the goat." she says as she prepares to recite the incantation. Soon she's speaking in a strange language, trying to make out the words on the page as best as she can. The air feels different around her, so she's knows its doing something. When she finishes she looks around and sees nothing, no zombies rising from the ground to obey her whim. "I guess I really need that book." she mutter and turns to leave. Suddenly movement catches her eye and she rushes over to the ground. There's something tiny poking out, and upon closer inspection she sees its a hand. After some some effort it claws its way out and she sees that its a tiny zombie. "Seriously?" Mallory asks dejected. "This is all I get? He didn't evn grow to monster sized?" The zombie in question shakes his head and yawns. "Whats going on?" he asks confused, then sees Mallory's giant face in front of him. "Whoa! Who are you?" She clears her throat and introduces herself. "Mallory Von Blaze, also known as Deathina, mistress of black magic! It was I who brought you back to the world of the living!" The zombie shakes his head in confusion. "What?" Mallory pulls a small mirror from her cleavage and sets it down, letting him see himself. He can't believe it. He indeed doesn't look human anymore. His skin is now a pale blue and his hair is messed up and covered in dirt. "I died?! What the hell!?" he yells. Suddenly two huge fingers slam down on either side of him and grab him. She places him in her palm and stands up. "You are now the first minion of Deathina!" she says proudly. "Thanks but no thanks. he says annoyed. Mallory shakes her head. "Kneel." she commands, and he does as he's told. "What the?" The succubus grins. "I raised you from the dead, and I am your master, so you have to obey me." she says. "Now whats your name?" The zombie glares at her. "Its Rob, and what do you mean minion? Just let me go so I can figure out what I'm going to do now that I'm a zombie." he answers. Mallory shakes her head. "You're going to assist my plans, that whats you're going to do." She then looks at her watch. "But first I have to get to work." She tosses him into her cleavage and takes off into the sky. "Its a little cluttered in there, so tidy up a bit." she says into her boobs.


Back at Neo Neapolitan Phanta hasn't budged. The staff is beginning to get tired of trying to reason with her. "Phanta, just let it go." Jack pleads with his wife. Norman finally gets an idea and makes a proposal. "How about if me and Pam sail with you for one day. If we like it, we'll join you." he suggests. His brothers are on him in a second. "What are you doing?" Allen asks. "Relax guys, we won't actaully join, but this might be the only way to get her to drop it." Norman explains. Patty and Salli look at their sister, who smiles and shrugs. Vienna and Christina continue to watch. "When do you think this will end?" Christina asks. "Soon, I hope." Vienna says. "Me and Patty still have catching up to do."
Out on the Ocean there was a blossoming romance between Human Teenager Dilbert Studebaker and his monstrous Girlfriend Aqua and 300 Ft Wereshark.

Aqua's specific breed was a Thresher Shark, the kind with the long elegant tails, Dilbert and Aqua met when Dilbert's class was on a field trip to the beach to learn about...Marine biology or something like that...They then saw the enormous shark fin and everyone ran away screaming, all except Dilbert who stood and watched as a giant but very fair of face Wereshark came out of the water.

"Don't run away!" Said the Wereshark "I know I'm a Shark but I'm really very friendly!"

The Wereshark then sat down and wept "No one wants to be friends with me..." She sighed "...Because I'm a Shark."

"I know the feeling." Said Dilbert "No one will be my friend because I'm a complete and total geek."

And one thing led to another and Dilbert decided to run away and live with Aqua in the Sea, deciding he had no life back on the land.

Aqua was very sweet but a bit overenthusiastic at times, she would hold Dilbert too tightly forgetting about her sandpaper like skin, she also had to keep a steady supply of oxygen bubbles around to make sure he was able to breathe in her underwater lair.

Dilbert also learned that Aqua was a bit psychic and could sometimes see future events, not always with a 100 percent clarity.

"I just had a vision." Said Aqua

"What about this time?" Asked Dilbert

"Some Human Men and the Monster Wives are coming." Said Aqua "I see in my mind's eye a Werehippo and Loxodon and a Wereboar."

"Are they friend or foe?" Asked Dilbert

"That I don't know." Said Aqua "I guess we should assume they're friend until proven otherwise...I should make them gift baskets."
Meanwhile as the our Heroes and Heroines begin to set sail Norman turned to Pam.

"So I guess I did pretty good on the negotiations?" He said winking

"You sure did." Giggled Pam


Back at her office in the Mountains Delphine got a call from her boss, the 50 Ft Weresheep Eleanor Capra

"Hey Delphine." The Blue and Silver Ewe Bleated "I've been getting numerous complaints about how you perform from the denizens of Direopolis."

Delphine gulped if there was one creature who she couldn't screw around with it was her boss

"Delphine, how many times have we talked about the dangers of jumping to conclusions." Said Eleanor

"Uh well...."

"We of the Mountain Ranger Council want to be seen as caring about doing our jobs right, and that we didn't hire a Sea Creature to become a Mountain Ranger because of...Affirmative Action."

"Yes Ma'am." Said Delphine

"I know Delphine you have talent but as the Sages once spoke of, 'A talented mind must be balanced by a disciplined body."

Delphine as ditzy as she was instantly recognized that quote and where it came from

"That's a Quote from Master Splinter!" Said Delphine "You just replaced the word 'Creative' with talented."

This was when Eleanor became speechless

"Still a Ninja Turtles fangirl?" Asked Delphine

"No!" Said Eleanor looking at her desk full of TMNT memorabilia

"Still got a crush on Leonardo?" Asked Delphine knowingly\

Eleanor looked at the Leonardo plushie on her sofa

"Don't try to toss a TMNT Quote at me." Said Delphine "I watched that show religiously when I was a Calf."

A Non-Existent User
Meanwhile, in the caves above Direopolis was the albino weresquid that Delphine had mentioned and the weresquid was fanning her cauldron as her rock, Eugene, coughed in disgust. “For crying out loud! Would you knock it off! You’ve been making that ghastly brew for a year and we haven’t seen even one human in that time.” “Shut up, Eugene! This will be different. I can feel it. This time it will be different.” Eugene just rolled his eyes. “She gives me the power to talk and yet she never listens.”

The aroma of the cauldron was reaching what appeared to be a club of some kind that was blasting out loud music. Atop the building written in bright yellow and red lights was a neon sign that read “L.O.S. Lovelies”. Inside, dancing on a stage was a gargoyle that like Vienna was stricken by LOS. This gargoyle girl was a fat dark blue-skinned gargoyle girl with small curvy horns and round spikes coming down her forehead. She was dressed in a skin tight Aztec-style loincloth and her breasts were shaking with every move she made. The waitresses included werewolves, gargoyles and succubi since those were the only monsters that could catch Lactose Overload Syndrome. Mallory was at the moment in the woman’s bathroom putting her uniform on. Rob was deep inside her cleavage trying to maneuver his way around. The minuscule zombie slipped and then landed in the cockpit of what looked like a crashed and abandoned airplane.

“For crying out loud. How much junk do you have in here?” “Be quiet, minion!” yelled Mallory. “Just make sure everything is perfectly organized by the time I pull you out.” From out of a stall appears one of Mallory’s coworkers. This one is a pear-shaped L.O.S. afflicted gargoyle resembling a pink-skinned Japanese woman with kanji tattooed to her face and long brown hair. “Are you talking to your cleavage now?” asks the gargoyle woman as she turns on the faucet. “You really are insane, Mallory.” Mallory glares at her co-worker and then walks out and reaches into her cleavage to take out a serving tray and then pulls out a half-eaten hoagie. “Huh. Was wondering where that was.” The succubus quickly devours her sandwich before she takes out a notepad. She then begins to cough as the scent of the weresquid’s potion enters the club. Inside Mallory’s cleavage, Rob suddenly falls into a trance.

- - - -

At that time, Phanta and Jack had taken Norman and Pam back to their schooner. Wes, Patty, Allen and Salli had come as well. “I can’t believe we’re doing this.” Grumbled Patty as she stepped on board the ship and dragged in Salli’s spare coffin. Wes fixed the tie on his black suit and stared into his wife’s eye. “Do you really want to leave those two idiots alone with that other idiot?” Patty let out a sigh before stepping on board before Salli grunted in her coffin. Inside, Allen had dressed up as well, in a pair of brown overalls and an olive green plaid bandana with goggles on it and was trembling in his wife’s belly button. “Could you be careful out there!?” yelled Allen. Patty gave a snort. “Well, sorry. You try pulling a coffin containing an undead elephant the size of a skyscraper.” “Leave me alone!” yells Salli from inside the casket. “I’ll get out once I’m in the cabin. It’s a sunny day. What do you expect?”

Norman and Pam were the only ones who appeared to be excited about being on a pirate ship. The former had dressed up in blue jorts, a red open jacket with no shirt and a straw hat while the latter was wearing a striped orange shirt and blue skirt. Pam gave a snort as Norman gave a smile. “Hey, you scalywags! Come on. Before the Hauntermans leave without us. Can’t make the decision if we don’t go!” Pam skipped aboard the schooner as Patty let out a sigh and lifted up Salli in her coffin. Pam turned to see Vienna and Christina. “I’m really sorry about this, Vienna,” said the werehippo to her gargoyle friend. “I had no idea...” Vienna just waved her clawed hand. “Don’t worry. I’m in town for a week. I’ll see you later.” “Well,” said Patty. “Mia is supposed to come and fix the windows later. There’s a check and a squid and starfish pizza waiting for her in the kitchen.” Vienna nodded her head before Phanta held out her cutlass. “We have our heading, all adrift that’s going adrift!” Patty let out a groan and stepped aboard the schooner as it floated away and Vienna and Christina waved goodbye. Wes let out a sigh and then slid into Patty’s cleavage. “Wake me when we reach Raftel.” He said sarcastically.

The schooner took off while out in the water up ahead, Aqua was swimming as Dilbert rode on her dorsal fin. The wereshark was in a trance as she hummed to herself slightly. Dilbert walked up to the front of Aqua’s face as Aqua’s eyes were glowing. “They’re coming,” she said. “I can see it. The werehippo, the loxodon, the wereboar. Wait. I can see something else. Something that I can’t see clearly yet. But it’s ominous.”

Inside the cabin, Salli cracks open the coffin slightly to make sure that she’s out of the sunlight and then lifts the lid before she steps out to find Patty working the stove. “Hey, Patty,” said Salli. “Something just occurred to me. Don’t we have customers waiting back at Neo Neapolitan? People aren’t going to like us to close so suddenly.” Patty cracked open a barrel and took out an apple and sniffed it before answering her brother-in-law’s wife. “Don’t worry, Salli. I anticipated this and hired someone to mind the place while we’re away. You just have to worry about surviving the trip with Captain Kook.” Allen just gave a gulp. “I think I liked it better in the coffin.”

- - -

At Neo Neapolitan at the time, Mia had arrived and had converted her mechanical arm into a sledgehammer to put in the replacement windows. “Good grief,” said the leopard giantess. “Trini and her inventions.” “Well,” said Vienna pointing to Mia’s arm. “Occasionally, she builds something that works perfectly.” Mia gives a scoff and then her hammer arm shifts into a pizza cutter to dig into the pizza Patty left for her. "I guess that's true. So the Rounds, Van Richters and Hockers are out at sea? I would hope they don't expect me to patch holes in a sinking ship."

Vienna lays her glass on one of her enormous breasts before she walks up to the television installed into the wall and starts to change the channels. “I better check the news to see if there’s a weather warning. I just hope Patty remembered her cellphone.” On the television was Eshter Tortuga of Channel 6 news and the snapping turtle kappa was doing a live report in front of an apple tree of some sort, except this tree grew blue apples. “For reasons yet to be explained, Direopolis’s apple orchard has mysteriously turned blue. The mysterious fog enveloping this area of the mountain is believed to be responsible for the unsual bumper crop.” Eshter then bit into one of the strange apples before continuing her report. “However, these blue apples are confirmed to be safe to eat and no toxins have been detected. I might even consider having these things on a pizza. The fog, I’m not sure. However, it would appear that monsters don’t have to worry about what’s to come.” Vienna let out a sigh as she watched the report.

“Come on. Come on. Hurry up and switch to the weather report. If there’s a tropical storm coming, I at least want Patty to know about it.” Christina just let out a sigh. “Weather reports are rarely accurate, Vienna. Besides, with that crazy pirate, they have more to worry about than nasty weather.” What neither Vienna or Christina knew was that Delphine had returned to the eatery and overheard. Despite her conversation with her giant weresheep boss, Delphine had once again misunderstood. “Oh no! The Rounds, Van Richters and Hockers have been kidnapped by pirates? I didn’t even know pirates still existed. This looks like a job for Delphine Dare.” With that, the porpoise girl ran off, not realizing what was really going on and leapt off the side of the mountain into the water below to swim after the Haunterman's schooner.

Mia witnessed this display and then went back to fixing windows. “She’s going to do something stupid again.” Mia let out a sigh and went back to her work before she felt somebody tapping on her back. “Excuse me?” asked a female voice. “Is this Neo Neapolitan? Patty asked me to mind the place for the day.” Mia saw a large shadow over her before she turned and saw a large and fat pear-shaped manticore giantess with bright blue raspberry-colored skin and long brown hair. She was wearing a red fedora with several flowers in it and a white jacket and skirt with a pink shirt.

Mia just raised an eyebrow. "Yes," she said. "This is Neo Neapolitan." The manticore looked inside and noticed the menu before she rubbed her head with her stinger tail. "My," she said. "That's an interesting menu." Mia herself seemed unsure of this manticore she had never seen before but when back to fixing the window.

- - - -

Out in the ocean at the time, the Belling-Hauntermans' schooner was drifting along as Pam flew to the front of the ship to get a better look at what laid ahead.
A Non-Existent User
"HEY! I SEE SOMEONE!" Pam yelled out. Everyone except Phanta ran up to the front of the ship to see. Swimming up to the ship was Aqua, Dilbert still on her dorsal fin.

"Greetings" Aqua said, smiling. "We were expecting you."

"You were?" Patty asked, confused.

"Yes. I'm somewhat psychic. So I forsaw you coming. Right, Dilbert?" Aqua asked her boyfriend.

"Yeah. And you were accurate for once." Dilbert replied. He then looked up at the boat. "We made you gift baskets!"

"YAY! GIFTS!" Pam yelled in happiness.

"What's all the commo-" Phanta began to say before she spotted Aqua. "Oh. You."

"Hello Ms. Haunterman." Aqua said.

"You know her?" Wes asked Phanta.

"Not completely. All I know is she's a psychic. And I HATE psychic's." Phanta replied angrily.

"Really?" Pam asked.

"Yes. They always ruin me ship runs. Warnin' vessles of me comin' to plunder. I LEAVE IOU'S! I NEVER KILL! WHY IS THAT SO HARD FOR THOSE BLASTED FUTURE SEER'S COMPREHEND?!" Phanta yelled.

"Oh my." Aqua said. "She seems testy. But don't worry. I don't plan on ruining anything."

Phanta calmed down a bit. "Bring them aboard." She said.

"Why?" Jack asked.

"I have me reasons." Phanta said cryptically.

"This can't be good." Patty said.
Meanwhile, back at LOS Lovely's, Mallory was taking orders from the patrons of the club. After getting 4 orders, she started for the kitchen when she ran into something. She looked and saw that her huge breasts were pressing against a bigger pair. A pair she wasn't a fan of.

The person in front of her was Viveka. She was an 35-year-old indigo skinned succubus with lavender hair and violet eyes. She had on black eyeliner and black lipstick. She had the third biggest pair of LOS breasts in the club. She also had a huge butt to compliment her breasts. Like Mallory, she wore the club uniform, a French Maid uniform (Mallory had asked Cora many times why that type, but Cora always brushed her off).

"Well, hello there hot stuff." Viveka said in a sultry voice. Viveka was a massive flirt, but also had a huge crush on Mallory. Despite knowing about the crush, Mallory found her annoying.

"What do you want, Viveka?" Mallory asked.

"Cora needs you to work with me behind the bar. Lani's still not allowed back there." Viveka said.

"She's STILL pregnant?" Mallory asked.

"She's a succubus, sweetie. You know Succubus pregnancies last a minimum of 5 years." Viveka said. She then pressed her boobs further into Mallory's. Inside Mallory's cleavage, Rob, still in a trance, was jostled around and landed on a roller coaster.

"Fine." Mallory said. Viveka didn't move. "WHAT?!"

"Wanna go out later?" Viveka asked, eyelids half closed in a sultry look.

"NO! I'm going to go look for my book later so I can raise my army." Mallory said.

Viveka shrugged and walked off, but not before smacking Mallory's ass. Mallory was now steaming mad.

"When I rule, I'm turning her into a statue." She muttered. Back in her cleavage, Rob started to climb out.
Back at Neo Neapolitan, Mia had just finished fixing the window when she saw something odd.

"Vienna, check this out." She said. Vienna walked over and looked. Dozen's of humans were walking in a trance.

"What's going on here?" Mia asked.

"Knowing this town, anything." Vienna asked.

"HEY! WHERE DOES PATTY KEEP THE RECIEPTS?" The manticore asked from the kitchen.

"IN A BOX BEHIND THE STOVE!" Vienna called back.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW?" The manitor called asked.

"I'M HER FRIEND. WHO ARE YOU?" Vienna asked.

"I WAS CALLED TO WATCH THE PLACE!" The manitcore called back.


"I'LL TELL YOU LATER!" At that, the manticore went silent.

"This will be fun." Mia said.
As the manticore rummaged around behind the counter, Vienna kept looking out the window. "What the heck?" she asked herself, and decided to get a closer look. She headed for the door and went outside to try and figure things out. The humans didn't even acknowledge the earthquakes creted by her steps as she approached. Vienna just stood there and looked down since she couldn't kneel down for a better look because of her breasts. They just kept marching on like ants. A few even climbed over her talons as if they were noting but an obstacle. Shaking her head she went back inside. "So what do you think?" Mia asked. "Don't know, they look hypnotized or something." Vienna says. "Maybe Trini messed up another crappy invention." the leopard suggested. "I wouldn't bet on it!" the manticore shouted from the back. "I saw it on the way over and I'd say it looks magical! Defintely not Trini's area of expertise!" Mia scoffed. "I wouldn't say she even HAS an area of expertise."


Back at LOS Lovlies Mallory was behind the counter with Viveka, who was currently mixing a drink. After handing it to the yeti at the bar she turned to her partner. "So annything new going on with you? Do you WANT anything new to happen to you?" she asked while batting her eyes. Mallory rolled her eyes. "Please, don't try flirting with a succubus." she said annoyed. "But to answer your question I'm in the process of taking over the world. I just need to get myself some minions." Viveka laughed, causing her breasts to jiggle. "Oh yeah, Cora mentioned that! You got arrested!" she teased. Mallory glared at her. "I'm serious! I just need to find my book of spells and raise an army!" she fumed. Viveka gave her a patronizing look, so she decided to prove it. "Look!" she said, rooting around in her cleavage. After a minute of feeling she finally found what she was looking for. "I have one minion! I just need to get some more." The gargoyle leaned closer. "Is that a human?" she asked. "Technically, if you mean by size, but he's basically undead." Mallory answered. "He's my first loyal servant!" Viveka smirked. "Doesn't look like he's too loyal to me." she said, pointing at Mallory's palm. Looking down she saw her tiny zombie about to jump off onto the floor. "Hey!" she exclaimed, catching him with her other hand. "What do you think you're doing?" she aksed, bringing him to her face. He remined silent, his legs still moving. "I order you to stop walking and tell me where you were going!" He stopped and looked up at her. "To my mistress." he said. Mallory turned red in anger while Viveka laughed. "Looks like someone else is in charge!" she said. Just then the door opened and a harpy came in and sat at the bar. "Man! I almost stepped on a bunch of humans on the way in." she said. "What was that?" Mallory asked. "There's like twenty human guys out there walking like they're hypnotized." she said, jerking her thumb at the door. "They better snap out of it because its only a matter of time before someone decides to grab them for a snack." The succubus marched to the door and headed outside. "Where are you going?" Viveka asked. "To find whoever tried to steal my servant!" she said and looked to see where the humans were headed. "What about your shift?" Viveka calls as she leaves.


Out in the ocean the Wraiths and their wives were still on Phanta's boat. "So how long have you been having your visions?" Pam asked Aqua. "Ever since I was a kid." the wereshark answered. "It was never really anything serious until I had one that showed my meeting Dilbert here." she said, giving her boyfriend a pat. "Wow, you knew ahead of time that you would meet your true love?" Pam asked. "Not specifically, but I saw myself with a human." Aqua told her. "Psychic mumbo jumbo..." Phanta said under her breath. "Come on Phanta." Jack said, patting his wife on the neck from her shoulder. "Anyway, its time to set sail in earnest!" the ghost yelled. "Now that the wereshark is on the ship, she can't warn anyone about us!" Patty and Aqua looked at each other curiously while Norman and Pam nodded excitedly. "Yeah! Lets plunder!" Norman shouted. "Thats the spirit!" Phanta shot back. Meanwhile below deck Salli sat on the bed of the cabin. "This isn't so bad I guess." Allen said to his wife. "It does seem cozy, but I wish something would happen already." the elephant said. Out on the deck Phanta looked through her spyglass and saw something headed for them. "Avast! A storm is coming it seems!" she announced. "What?" Patty asked. "It wasn't supposed to rain." Aqua looked out to the sea. "There's something coming all right." she said. "Lets check it out!" Pam told her husband and stuck him in her cleavage before taking off into the sky. "Thats my future crew!" Phanta yelled with a smile as the two of them flew toward the storm. As she flew farther out Pam saw a myserious fog.
The storm was indeed coming, no one had any idea of knowing that it was being caused by the God Neptune deep beneath the waves.

Well, Aqua would know, but something was blocking her vision causing her to get a headache from the vision blockage.

Neptune was in a bit of a foul mood today -I should note by the way Neptune looks a bit like the Creature from the Black Lagoon only one million feet tall-He was stirring up a storm to vent his feelings.

Meanwhile in the Mountains, Eleanor took note of the unusual weather activity and even though it was far out at see, she could see it from her mountain perch, and it might become a danger further inland, She issued a warning to all her rangers to be on guard, Particularly Delphine

Meanwhile the albino weresquid knew the storm was happening, and checked the weather report

"Oh Neptune!" She fumed to herself "You and I used to be so close, Now I'm here brewing potions, and you're stirring up temper tantrum storms out of your obsession over Venus!"

Her Potion was almost ready Eugene said "I'm not sure you should do this..."

But the Weresquid blew, and out of her lair poured plumes of sewer green smoke.

The Smoke crawled across the land until it reached the Human City of Plains Town, there the smoke made it's winding journey through town.

Whenever a Human Man smelled the smoke, his eyes turned a sickly green color and he became hypnotized, he would then start to move, arms stretched out before him like a stereotypical sleepwalker or zombie in the direction of the weresquid's lair.

Meanwhile as the Pirate Ship was tossed about in the storm Norman got more then a bit seasick

"Avast!" Exclaimed Phanta "I can see him! The God of the Ocean itself! It's...Neptune!"

Mr. God-Of-The Ocean-Itself was standing in the eye of his own storm, stamping his feet on the water, waiving his trident and screaming in his high pitched

'Wow!' Allen thought to himself 'I never thought the God of the Oceans had a voice that sounded just like Mike Tyson!'

The Green and blue scaled God of the Seas was screaming at the top of his lungs "IT'S NOT FAIR! WHY DOESN'T VENUS LIKE ME?! SHE'S MARRIED TO VULCAN AND HAS FLINGS WITH MARS BUT SHE DOESN'T LIKE ME! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

And then tears like Angel Falls, came flooding down his face

Meanwhile the storm hadn't quite reached the land, and Delphine was content to sit in her office watching reruns of TMNT, then her beloved cartoons were interrupted by a breaking news report, thousands upon thousands of human men were leaving their homes and jobs and heading towards the sea, despite the storm danger.

The news footage showed Human Women trying to reason with the men and tugging on them to break them free of their trance, but the men seemed implacable as they marched forward

Seeing the green glow of their eyes, Delphine knew who was behind this dastardly deed!

"All Right Delphine." She said to herself "Here's your chance to prove you're not just a fool! Here is your chance to be the hero you always wanted to be!"
A Non-Existent User
Delphine sprung out of the water and was running into the mountains. “I knew it! This is that weresquid’s doing. The pirates can wait. This time, I’ll be the hero and I’ll show Eleanor what I’m made... Uhf!” Delphine was running so fast that she wasn’t watching where she was going and bumped head first into Vienna’s enormous breasts before falling down. “Delphine?” asked the gargoyle songstress. Delphine sprung back up and grunted. “One day you are going to KILL somebody with those wrecking balls! Wait. What am I doing? Where’s that evil weresquid?”

Mia rolled her eyes. “Good grief,” she said. “My cousins should see what passes for law enforcement around here. We don’t have time for your stupidity today, Delphine. Every male human in the area is in a trance of some sort and they’re coming up from the human village at the foot of the mountain. It’s only a matter of time before some opportunistic predatory monster snatches them up.” Delphine then begins to cough and holds her nose. “What is that foul stench.” Mia and Vienna look in confusion but then Mia sniffed the air. “Ugh. It smells worse than Scarlet’s breath.

Nearby, Mallory was still trying to maintain a hold on Rob who was still in his trance. She had to squeeze her breasts to keep the tiny zombie under control. “You are MY minion. You will do as I say!” Then Mallory gasped as she saw dozens of male humans being lured higher and higher up the mountain. “Oh my gosh,” said Mallory. “This is just like the handiwork of Pikarime of the Shakōkidogū. Tensou Sentai Goseiger episode 28. The humans are put in an emotionless trance and are made to walk off a cliff.” Mallory then shook her head. “Hey! Wait a minute! I’m the one around here who’s supposed to be taking over the world! I’m the villain here! I’m going to give whoever’s behind this a piece of my mind.” With that, Mallory stomped off to find the weresquid witch who was brewing her evil potion.

Back at Neo Neapolitan, the manticore woman was holding down the fort but from the looks of it, she setting up a panini maker and took out several wheels of different kinds of cheese and several different loaves of bread. “I hope Patty doesn’t mind me adding a new chapter to the menu. I’ll already have the advantage of winning Vienna over with this idea. That gargoyle goes through more cheese than a wererat.” At the door, Una, the Nemean lioness witch doctor ran inside to get out of the rain. She took out a piece of wood with the symbol for Neptune carved on it and the rune was shaking on the table. “Neptune is angry,” said Una. “The heart of the sea king burns for the goddess of love. He has fallen prey like many others.” Una then takes a deep breath and then she claps her hands. “I think today I’ll have a pizza instead of donuts. I’m running low on fish bones.”

Downtown, Deneb, Ethiopia and Pinky are wrangling the human men who were being drawn by the weresquid's evil spell. Deneb had placed the humans in cages and they were fighting to try and force themselves out. "Carumba!" yells Pinky. "What's with this humans? They're acting even more loco than Deneb." Deneb loaded a cage full of humans into the back of her car and one of then tried to pull on her breast before she smacked him in the hand. "These humans are in a trance. We have to make sure they can't hurt themselves or fall prey to some human eating creature.” Ethiopia let out a sigh. “This would be a lot more bearable if it wasn’t raining.” Deneb then looked up and noticed Delphine running up the mountain.

“Zounds,” said Deneb. “Delphine is running head first into danger.” Pinky let out a laugh. “Don’t worry. It’s Delphine. She’s probably...” Before Pinky could finish her sentence, she noticed that the hypnotized humans in their cages were trying to move in the same direction as Delphine. “On second thought,” said Pinky with a sigh. “The three of us had better back up that idiot before she hurts herself.”

Up in the air, Vienna was flying after Delphine as Mia held onto her talons. “Come to think of it,” said Mia. “That weresquid makes sense. My Aunt Gaia in Direopolis said that a weresquid criminal escaped from Aquaslab with a talking rock 18 months ago.” Vienna raises an eye to that sound. “They put an aquatic monster criminal in an underwater prison? Why didn’t they send her to Under Gloom?” Mia let out a sigh. “Who knows? Anyhow, Aunt Gaia told me that this weresquid was a sorceress.” “Please tell me she’s as dangerous as that Deathina nut.” Said Vienna. Mia shook her head. “No such luck. Delphine needs all the backup she can get.” Vienna’s eyes glowed red so she could see through the storm and saw the weresquid in her cave brewing the potion, but she gave a look of shock because Delphine was rushing in. “Oh no.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Out in the ocean, Neptune was continuing to let high pitch shrieks as his despair intensified the storm around the Hauntermanns’ schooner. Salli even ran up with Allen on her shoulder. She was holding up her umbrella before she realized it wasn’t sunny. She was about to close her umbrella but Jack shook his hands. “You’re still going to need that!” Pam gave a snort and got on all fours. Norman was blown by the wind and had to grab his wife’s tail to avoid being blown into the ocean. "What's going on?" asked Wes as he held onto one of Patty's earrings. "Ar," grunted Phanta as she grabbed Jack and placed him between her ghostly breasts to protect him from the storm. "It be Neptune. Like many gods and mortals he has fallen prey to the charm of Venus, yet she ignores him and it maddens him."

“Doesn’t surprise me,” muttered Patty. “Those Greco-Roman gods are so moody and full of family issues." I’m really glad that I’m an Egyptian monster. You don’t see Sobek getting so upset about a girl.” Suddenly, a bolt of lightning came down and barely hit the mast. Allen let out a scream and hid inside Salli’s ear. “If we keep going up towards that storm, we’ll gonna get scuttled,” said Phanta. “One of us is going to have to find a way to get past Neptune.” “Get Aqua to do it,” said Allen. “She’s a wereshark.” However, Dilbert felt Aqua’s head to show that she was still in a daze. “No can do. She’s still in a psychic coma. It will be a while before she wakes up.

Patty sees several geysers erupt in the water. “For crying out loud,” said Patty. “One of us is going to “Why don’t you go!?” yells Pam. “You’re the only other aquatic monster here, hippo hips.” Patty gives an angry grunt as Pam squeals at her. “Really, Pam? That’s funny. From the looks of it, you’re the only Greek monster on board. That makes you the most qualified to talk to that big baby.” “You’re thinking about Poseidon! Not Neptune!” “Aren’t Poseidon and Neptune the same god?” asks Patty. Wes let out a groan and took off his glasses to wipe the rain off of them. “Well, Norman,” he said. “This is another fine mess you got us into.” “Get off my case, Wes! Or I’ll throw you overboard!”

Neptune yelled again and summons tidal waves that even made Phanta worried. "You landlubbers better get your act together! Ye be squabbling while Neptune is running amok and we be this close to Davy Jones's Locker!" Allen gave a gasp and Salli curled her trunk around her neck in fear. "What are worried about, Phanta?" asks Pam. "You're already dead." “But we’re not, half-brain!” yells Patty. “Not yet at least! Once again, you and your husband got us in highwater hell! If we survive this, Pam, I’m adding pork chops to the menu!” Salli at this point screamed in frustration and then she bludgeoned both of her brother-in-laws' wives with her umbrella.

"Will you two stop screaming at each other! We've got enough problems to worry about! We've got to come up with some kind of a plan to get past Neptune without shipwrecking ourselves." Patty let out a sigh. "This won't be a problem. We just need to take the helm and..." Before Patty could finish her sentence, another bolt of lightning came down and destroyed the helm." "Uh, Honey," says Wes. "Something tells me that plan isn't going to work."

Allen at this point was having a panic attack. "This is bad! This is bad! This is bad! We're going to be sunk! We're doomed!" "Allen, shut up!" yelled Norman. "You're not helping! Geez! Okay, we just need to call Lapis and have her fish us out of this." "Norman," says Wes. "Lapis would never make it in time and I doubt one fishing rod could pull an entire schooner." Suddenly Salli has a flash and then turns to Patty. "Salli?" asks Patty in concern. "What are scheming." Salli smirked, showing her fangs and then giggles. "I just had an idea to save our butts and I'm sure it will work." Patty just drops her jaw. "And that plan is?"

- - - - - - - - - -

At that moment, the weresquid was laughing fiendishly. "At last, my scheme has come to fruition. Come to me my minions." The sorceress laughed fiendishly as Eugene the rock rolled his eyes. However, what neither of them knew was that Delphine spotted them and was about to go in after them.
A Non-Existent User
A few minutes later, in the captains cabin, Salli's plan was in action. Sort of. She had told Patty to dress up as Venus to distract Neptune while Phanta manuvered the ship out of the malestrom. What Salli didn't tell her was that she would be almost naked, only wearing a blond wig and a Greek styled bikini.

"Salli, when this is over, we are adding a LOT of garlic to the menus." Patty said angrily.

"Just be quiet and get out there." Salli said, pushing Patty out.

Patty walked to the center of the deck. Neptune looked down and saw her.

"Venus? You've gotten shorter. And thinner." Neptune said.

"That's not important." Patty said, trying to act like Venus. "Why are you stomping around and crying like a kid who didn't get the toy he wanted?"

"BECAUSE IT'S NOT FAIR!" Neptune yelled, sending up waves. "WHY DO YOU LIKE EVERYONE BUT ME?!"

"Well, uh," Patty started, trying to think of an excuse. "It's because... you've been too moody lately."

Neptune sniffled. "What do you mean?" He asked.

"You've been whining and crying for weeks and won't say why." Patty lied.

Neptune frowned. "Well, it's just, everyone has love except me. I'm left all alone out here." He explained.

"Well, that explains part of his tantrum." Jack said.

"Oh, well, why don't you tell me about it?" Patty said. As she said this, Phanta snuck out of the cabin and up to the wheel.

"Well, it started 5 weeks ago..." Neptune started.
Back at the weresquids hut, Delphine was about to confront the woman before a voice rang out.


Delphine looked and saw Mallory stomping into the cave. She looked furious.

"Can I help you?" The weresquid said.

"YOU'RE TRYING TO TAKE MY MINION!" Mallory yelled, holding up Rob. She had tied him up with chains to keep him from escaping.

"Feh, pathetic if you only have one. I'll soon have an army, miss..."

"I AM DEATHINA! AND I WILL END YOU!" Mallory yelled before tackling the weresquid.

"Well that was good timing." Delphine said.

While Mallory grappled the weresquid, Delphine snuck up to the cauldron. "This must be the source." She said. She then tried to tip it, but it was too heavy. She then heard footsteps. Turning, she saw the humans march in.

"Oh crap." Delphine said.
Back down at Neo Neapolitan, Una was eating her pizza while the manticore continued on her idea. Vienna and Mia had walked back in and was sitting with her.

"Why are you in such a foul mood, Neptune?" Una asked.

Before Vienna could say anything, the door flew open. Literally. Suddenly, a loud voice boomed.


"Oh boy..." Mia said.

Walking in was a very crazy looking gorgon. She had scales dyed different colors, purple sunglasses, and various types of snakes for hair in different colors. She had an exaggerated hourglass figure, with Z-cup boobs and a massive ass. She was wearing punk clothing.

"Who is that?" The manticore asked.

"Carina Veldarez. A punk rock singer who lives in this town. She is very loud, and very crazy." Mia said.

"YOU!" Carina boomed, pointing at the manticore. "I AM HUNGRY! I DEMAND FOOD NOW!"

"Ok, what would you..." The manticore began.


"Did you just beep?" The manitcore asked.


Mia just sighed.
"...and THEN the Elvis impersonator slapped my in the face and stormed out! I couldn't even summon the Kraken to eat everyone for laughing at me; I was so embarrassed!!" Neptune finished, capping off a very, VERY long rant. "Don't you see, Venus? Nothing goes right for me..."

As the whiny sea god slouched, Patty fought down an overwhelming urge to burst out laughing...one that she'd had since Neptune began his story, and come dangerously close to losing against. More than once she'd had to disguise a few errant guffaws as coughing fits. Good Lord, what...other...god did Neptune anger to suffer THAT sort of humiliation conga? The part about the swarm of hornets and the Russian Mafia thugs was gonna have her falling asleep for weeks...

No; she had to stay focused! Things had gone smoothly so far, she couldn't mess up now. "Oh, you poor sweetie. Nobody, god or mortal, should have to go through all that," Patty cooed, patting Neptune's chest. "No wonder you're upset." Still no excuse for bawling about it, she added mentally. Allen handles stress better than you!

Neptune sniffed...and the storm began to die down. "I...I know...it almost makes me want to try that 'global flood' business that other guy tried once--"

"Now, now; let's not get hasty!" Patty interceded, trying to hide her panic. "No need to destroy everything just because you had a bad day....er, month...or two! Besides, you know whinging about bad times only makes things worse."

Neptune sighed, and the weather calmed further. "...You're right, Venus. There's no excuse for my behavior; it's unbecoming of a god. I...don't really blame you for distancing yourself from me after my outburst. It's time I stopped being such a spineless jellyfish."

A sudden bloom of glowing forms rose from under the waves, blurry and tentacled. "Er, no offense; of course!"
The forms receded...and the whirlpool ceased.

"That's better, big guy. Now, how about helping these mortals and I on our way, hmm?"

Down below, Phanta chuckled. "The lass shouldah gone into politics...she has the gift of gab more than any landlubber I've met."


Mallory ducked under a tentacle-swipe from the weresquid, rushing inside her guard and throwing a haymaker that caught her opponent square in the face. She tried to follow it up as the weresquid reeled back, but the latter recovered quick and headbutted her...which only meant she was in turn smacked upside the jaw by Mallory's LOS-afflicted breasts as the succubus stumbled back, knocking over a table and spilling various potions on the cave floor.

Meanwhile, Delphine had abandoned trying to upend the cauldron and was desperately keeping the throng of hypnotized human men away from the thing, slapping down jars and bowls around groups of them and hastily making barriers with books and loose rocks--she ignored the one rock that TALKED to her. Thankfully, none had been stepped on from Mallory's brawl with their would-be mistress...yet. But Delphine herself had had a few close calls, and she was getting desperate enough to just try sitting on the whole bunch just to keep them still.

"I could REALLY use some backup right about now!" She huffed, blocking off another line of humans with a tissue box...then ducking under a book Mallory had thrown at the weresquid. "No, really; a 'Big Damn Heroes' moment would be great, Universe! Right damn NOW, preferably!!"
As if to answer her call three figures appeared at the entrance to the cave. It was Deneb, Ethiopia, and Pinky, who followed the humans to their goal. "What the hell is going on here?" Ethiopia asked as she looked around. There were humans all over the place, books and potions all over the floor, and a mountain ranger trying to corrall the tiny men. "A little help?" Delphine asked, and they rushed into the cave. Ethiopia and Pinky set to gathering the remaining humans, filling their hands with as many as they could. "I take it that cauldron is the source of this?" Deneb asked as Delphine dropped a group of humans into an empty potion beaker. The porpoise nodded. "Yeah, but the damn thing is too heavy!" she answered. Deneb walked over and geared up for a kick, then delivered a powerful roundhouse to the cauldron. It tipped over, spilling the brew inside all over the floor. As soon as the potion hit the cave floor all of the humans snapped out of their trance. They began looking around in confusion at their surroundings, most of them panicing at the giant monsters around them. In particular, the ones being held by Ethiopia and Pinky freaked out. "Calm down little guys! We're going to get you home!" Pinky said, trying to calm them down.

Meanwhile Mallory and the weresquid were still duking it out. Now that they were back to their sense the various men on the floor became aware of the giant monster battle going on above them. They began to run around, trying to avoid the feet of the titanesses as they struggled. The succubus dodged a tentacle and reached into her cleavage, pulling out her tiny zombie. The weresuid reared back for another swing when the zombie came flying at her. In a moment of panic she caught him, only to see he wasn't human. "A zombie? No thanks!" she said. While she was distracted Mallory came at her with a frying pan she pulled out of her boobs. With a smash the weresquid was out cold and fell to the ground. "Well done!" Deneb said as she walked over. "Yeah well, she was..." Mallory began, then she looked at the goat woman. "You guys were in that restaurant!" she exclaimed. "Yes, and for your work here I'll let your evil intentions slide." Deneb said sarcastically, air quoting part of the sentence. "Now I can finally get this menace to Under Gloom where she belongs!" Delphine said as she began to tie up all of her tentacles. "We'll get these men back to their homes." Pinky said as she and her companions gathered up the humans. Mallory picked Rob up off of the floor and removed his chains. "What the hell is happening?" he asked annoyed. "You were put under the thrall of that lousy squid, but I'll overlook your punishment in gratitude for your help distracting her for me." the succubus told him. "More like you threw me at her." he muttered. She just rolled her eyes and wlked to the cave entrance. "For now, we should get back to work." she said. ""Yes, oh mistress." Rob replied with great sarcasm. "I feel your pain." Eugene the rock said as Delphine carried him off with the weresquid.


Back at Neo Neapolitan the men outside were coming to their senses as well. They looked up as the ground beagn to shake and a group of giantesses walked over. "Looks like they're back to normal." Mia said as she bent down to get a better look. They cringed at the leopard's face as it drew closer, and backed away from Viennsa's massive talons. "Its okay guys, now get home before someone decides to make a meal out of you." Vienna told them. The men began to disperse, some of them ogling Vienna's breasts first, and the girls headed back inside. "OH MAN! THE STORM'S OVER AND ALL THOSE LITTLE GUYS ARE LEAVING! JUST WHEN THINGS WERE GETTING INTERESTING!" Carina said as she ate her burgers. "Can you turn down the volume?" the maticore asked. "SORRY, NO WAY!" Carina answered. "I GOTTA BE LOUD AND PROUD! BY THE WAY, THIS IS SOME TASTY SH*T!" she said and took a big bite of burger. "I JUST WISH SOMETHING ELSE EXCITING WOULD HAPPEN!" Una, who was sitting nearby looked outside. "The men are back to their senses and Neptune's anger has been quelled." she said. She then pulled out another rune with a different symbol carved into it. This rune was glowing like the other one was. "I'm afraid you might get your excitement." she told Carina.


Out on the boat Pam landed on the deck. "Good work getting rid of the big guy. And uh, nice outfit." she said to Patty. The werehippo glared at her and walked toward the cabin. "Whatever, I'm changing. And may I remind you we wouldn't have gotten into this if you two hadn't decided to play pirate." she said. "Don't mind her, adventure is all about the unexpected!" Phanta said as she tried to rig up a makeshift helm. As everyone settled down from Neptune's rampage someone was watching them from above. "A mortal, impersonating me? That is blasphemy." the figure said in a calm and beatiful voice. "I think I should head to the mortal realm and deal with this."
Venus quickly descended down from the Heavens to deal with the impostor.

Meanwhile as Delphine made her way back to her base she saw three figures, Eleanor the Weresheep and her Boss,along with two young cadets, A Silver Furred Weregoat named Fornarina and a Werelizard Chameleon whose scales shined like Emeralds,she was one uncreatively named Emerald

"Delphine!" Exclaimed Eleanor "I'm impressed I never thought you had it in you!"

"Aw shucks!" Said Delphine blushing "It's the least I could do to save the Human Men of this world...And I din't do it alone I had help."

"Seems you've really changed for the better." Said Eleanor "I was in the process of completing these two youngsters initiation when all this happened...I guess it turned out for the best as they get to see what A TRUE ranger looks like."

The Weregoat Fornarina came up to Delphine and said "Eleanor tells me you're a big fan of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."

"I am." Said Delphine "First things first I got to throw these varmints in the pokey."

Meanwhile as Phanta's ship sailed on ,Venus disguised herself as a 700 foot tall Water Dragoness with Bright Blue-Green scales, a mermaid tail instead of legs and a mane made out of kelp

She rose out of the sea "Hold!" She said in her Musical Voice "Who comes here?"

As Delphine threw the Weresquid and her Rock in jail, she turned to Fornarina and Emerald

"So you gals like TMNT Eh?" Asked Delphine

"Fornarina like TMNT." Said Emerald "I'm more into Batman the Animated Series."

"You two know each other?" Asked Delphine

"We're sisters!" Said Fornarina

"STEP-Sisters." Said Emerald

Meanwhile a Young Human named Johnny who was still recovering from his traumatic experience of being hypnotized and seeing a giant Monster Battle, stumbled around aimlessly until he walked by the Neo Neapolitan he smelled the delicious smells and his stomach gave a loud rumble

"Well..." Said Johnny "Even if this IS a Monster Place I guess it wouldn't hurt to stop in for a quick bite...I don't know how many calories I burned marching up that mountain."

Venus, still disguised as a Water Dragon tried to engage politely

"I heard an ugly rumor that someone was pretending to be the Goddess Venus..." Said the Water Dragon to the Passengers

"Why is the rumor 'ugly' Phanta asked

The Water Dragoness Faltered for a bit the Mortals of this era were much more clever then the Mortals of bygone eras

Meanwhile Delphine was showing Fornarina and Emerald her small shrine to the TMNT

"Wow!" Exclaimed Fornarina "Who is your favorite?"

"Leonardo." Said Delphine because everyone knows he's the best

"Oh..."Said Fornarina "Raphael is my favorite I was named after the Woman that the Artist Raphael was said to have been making love to before he died."

A Non-Existent User
Back at Neo Neapolitan, Patty, Salli and Pam took their husbands and walked inside. “Geez,” said Wes. “What a day.” “You said it, Bro.” Said Allen. Inside, Vienna was the first to greet the sextet. “Hello, everyone,” the gargoyle giantess said. “How was... huh?” Vienna saw that Patty was still dressed as the goddess Venus and could only stare as Christina walked to her side. Patty just let out a groan. “Don’t ask. Just don’t ask.” It was there that Patty saw that Christina was munching on what looked like a pretzel bread panini with pepperjack cheese and sautéed onions. “Where did you get that?” asked Patty. “We don’t serve panini at Neo Neapolitan.” Patty looked to see several other customers were enjoying toasted panini as well and became more confused. “Christina?” asked Salli. “Where did all these panini come from?” The werecrocodile finished her panini before speaking. “That temp you hired added them to the menu.” “What?!” yelled Patty in anger. “Oh no, she didn’t!” The werehippo stomped towards the kitchen and Salli gave a trumpet. “That really triggers her.

In the kitchen, the manticore that Patty hired was still cooking panini when Patty confronted her. “Dorothy!” she yelled. “I’d like a word with you!” The manticore, now known as Dorothy, turned her head and spotted Patty, giving her a look of surprise at Patty’s outfit. “What the hell are you wearing?” “Don’t change the subject,” said Patty as Pam and Salli came behind her. When Allen spotted the manticore, he very nearly fainted from seeing her horrifying teeth. “You hired a manticore to fill in!?” yelled Salli in shock. Dorothy spotted Allen and Wes and begun to drool. “Are you going to eat those humans?” she asked. Salli gave a trumpet in Dorothy’s face and managed to blow her fedora off her head. “These are our husbands!” yelled the loxodon vampire in rage. Dorothy gave a look of surprise. “That’s unhealthy.” Patty then let out a sigh. “Salli, Pam,” she said. “This is the temp chef I hired, Dorothy Coward.” Norman and Pam broke into laughter upon learning Dorothy’s surname. “Your last name is Coward?” asked Pam. Dorothy gave an angry roar but then she saw Patty still glaring at her. “Don’t get overheated, Cleopatra,” she said. “I just figured with everything else on the menu, you wouldn’t mind. Besides, your customers seem to enjoy it.”

Patty was about to yell at Dorothy but then stopped herself and gave a grunt. Dorothy then smiled, showing off her razor sharp teeth. “What I’m proposing is a partnership. Three monsters and three humans aren’t enough to run a restaurant with such a variety. Don’t you think two fat ladies in the kitchen might be better than one.” Before Patty could give her response, the telephone rang. “Hello?” asked the werehippo. “Uh-huh. Large panini, Foccacia Bread, Asiago, fried egg, deep fried pickles, chili waffle fries. Got it. Deliver to Shirley Woods at Night Angel Mountain. We’ll send somebody right away.” Wes raised an eyebrow. “Night Angel Mountain? That’s in Fearfield. Hell. That’s where Under Gloom is.” Patty gave a scoff. “Do you honestly think that one of the inmates in Under Gloom would be capable of ordering takeout? It’s probably for the guards.” “Why would they order from a restaurant that’s several cities away? And how did they know about the panini anyway?” “Who knows?” Dorothy gave a smirk and Patty let out a sigh. “We’ll discuss this at the end of the day. Now we need a panini ready.”

As Patty and Dorothy were preparing the order, Venus, still in the form of a water dragoness, was making her way up the mountain. So was Johnny for that matter, who had completely overestimated the ability of a tiny human to climb a mountain where giant monsters made their home. Johnny was only a quarter up the mountain before he begun to pant heavily. He looked and saw that he was right above the side of a lake leading into the ocean and stopped to take a break. “Great,” he muttered. “Now I’m hungry and tired. I just hope that Neo Neapolitan’s food is worth it. And they’re open late. Before Johnny knew it, he heard a whistling sound and then saw a large shadow cast upon himself. “Huh?” Johnny looked up and gasped because there was a large and obese pear-shaped monster woman about to sit down on him. Before Johnny could get out of the way, he found himself pinned under this woman’s behind, yet not enough to be crushed, as he grunted. The giant woman who sat on him was Lapis Collins, a Loch Ness Monster fisherwoman who was friends with the Neo Neapolitan crew. She had sat down to cast out her line to try and pull up lake fish to sell to the restaurant. As she was waiting for fish, she checked her cellphone to a dating service website and pulled up her own profile. However, nothing came up and she let out a sigh before putting the phone away.

Back at Neo Neapolitan, Patty (still dressed as Venus) handed Pam the takeout for Shirley Woods. “Now, Pam,” says Patty. “You’re delivering this takeout to a prison. Be very careful.” Norman gave a scoff. “Patty,” he said. “I am surprised at your lack of faith.” “And I’m often surprised at you and your wife’s consistent lack of brains,” said Wes. “This is no joke. Don’t do anything stupid.” Dorothy then tugged on Pam’s curly tail. “Hey,” she said. “My cousin is the vice warden of Under Gloom. The actual warden’s name is Destiny Sirtis and she’s kind of temperamental. Also, she’s... sensitive about her appearance.” “Why?” asked Norman. “Is she butt ugly or something.” Dorothy bit her lip. “Not exactly. Just be careful what you say.” Pam gave a snort and then flew off in order to make her delivery. “Hope the food’s not cold by the time they get there.” Said Salli.

Patty then let out a sigh before she turned to Dorothy who was still smirking. "So," said Dorothy. "Have you considered our partnership?" Patty gave a sigh. "We'll give it a trial run. As for the panini, so far nobody's complaining." Salli was eating a panini herself and smiled as she walked out and saw Christina walking away. "Where are you going, Christina?" asked Salli. Vienna sucked the pepperjack out of a panini in her hand before speaking. "Christina's due for a haircut and I recommended Mrs. Oda." "Oh," said Salli. "I'll take you there." "Thanks," said Christina. "Exactly what species of monster is Mrs. Oda?" Salli gave a trumpet. "We don't know. Mrs. Oda always blindfolds us. Only her daughter Akira knows what she looks like." "What?!" yelled Christina. "She works on your hair and you have no idea what she looks like? Wait, she has a daughter. What about her husband." "He's blind," said Allen. "All we know for sure is that as big and fat Akira is, Mrs. Oda is even bigger."

As Salli and Christina walked out the door, a voluptuous water dragon came in. It was Venus and she was beyond angry. Harold the werewolf walked up to her (the spell that turned him into a chicken wore off) and smiled. “Hey there, dragon lady,” he said. “Care to see have a go with the...” Before Harold could finish his sentence, Venus cast a spell on him and turned him into a sea slug. “Not again.” Complained the wolf man as Venus walked over him. Vienna's eyes popped as she watched Christina walk to the kitchen. "Uh-oh." She said.

In the kitchen, Patty was looking at herself in the mirror. “I can’t believe I had to do this. Dressing up like a Greek goddess. Darn Salli. I hope the next gallon of blood she drinks gives her indigestion.” Wes just gave a smile at the outfit his werehippo wife was wearing. “I dunno, Patty. That’s a good look for you. How about you wear that on Saturday night. It would really set a fire on Mt. Olympus. What do you say?” Patty gave a grunt but then smiled before she heard a door open up. The real Venus came in, fire in her eyes as she looked at Patty and Dorothy. “Which one of you is Cleopatra Round?” she asked. Patty let out a sigh. "What now?"
A Non-Existent User
Still wearing the bikini, Patty stepped out into the main eating area. She came face to face with a giant, annoyed water dragon.

"How can I help you?" Patty said.

"You can start by telling me why you decided to pretend to be me and insult me." Venus replied.

"Insult you?" Patty asked. Venus eyed Patty's outfit. Patty saw this, and finally realized how she was talking to. "Oh crap..."


"Wait, look, there's a good explanation to-" Patty began to say. But before she could finish, Venus had fired a beam at her, causing a bright flash. Wes fell off of his wife, but luckily landed on a piece of soft bread.

When the light faded, Wes looked up at his wife, and was shocked by what he saw.

Patty had instantly gained about several tons of weight. Her breasts had blown up to 2000 feet wide, her belly was 3000 feet wide, and her butt was equal to her belly. Her arms and legs had bloated so much that her hands and feet seemed tiny in comparison. And it looked like she had 6 chins.

"What the heck did you do to me?" Patty asked.

"You have mocked me, and now you must pay. I'd say you weigh about 10 tons now. Now, I must leave, but I will return in 5 days. If, when I return, you do not apologize, you will remain that size permanently." Venus said. With that, she dissapeared in a flash.

Wes groaned. "I don't believe this." He said. He looked back at his wife, who was trying to stand up.

"Crap. I'm too fat to stand." She said. Then her stomach growled. "Oh great."
Meanwhile, Norman and Pam had made it to Fearfield and Under Gloom prison. As soon as they entered, they heard shouting.

"I SWEAR, WADE, YOU TRY AND ESCAPE AGAIN, AND I WILL FEED YOU TO PERSEPHONE!" The person yelled. They then heard stomping towards them.

Walking up to them, with her head down and rubbing her temples, was a cyan gargoyle with long pink-red hair and an hourglass figure. When she bumped into Pam, she looked up at them.

"Who are you?" She asked.

"We're from Neo Neapolitan. We have a delivery." Pam said.

"Delivery? There were no orders. I'm the warden, all deliveries need to go through me first. Unless an inmate snuck a phone in." The warden said.

Norman looked at her. "You remind me of someone." He said.

The warden finally registered his presence. "Don't you dare..." She warned.

Norman thought for a minute. "I know! You look like Demona!" He said.

"IT'S DESTINY! DESTINY SIRTIS!" The warden screamed, blowing back Pam and Norman's hair.

"But Norman's right. You do look like Demona." Pam said.

Destiny started to yell incoherantly. Just then, a hourglass shaped harpy flew up to them.

"Sorry, she really hates being called that." The harpy said. "I'm Icy. Why don't you come with me and we'll see if we can work this out?"
Meanwhile, at a Direopolis bus station, a bus pulled up and let off a passenger. The passenger was a 900 foot tall female werecat. She had grey fur, orange hair in a ponytail, and blue eyes. She had a medium bust and a slim waist, but her butt was enormous. It was twice as tall and wide as she was, and made her tail look tiny. Her hips and thighs were also huge.

"Geez, you'd think they'd make the seats bigger." The werecat said. "OK, Neo Neapolitan should be nearby. Tanya hopes they will hire a werecat with Glutos Syndrome." Glutos Syndrome was a very rare disease that only affected adult women. It caused their butts to become insanely huge and made them more sensitive. It was also permanent.

"No, Tanya will be hired. Tanya will finally get a job. Tanya hopes." The werecat, evidently named Tanya, said to herself. "Tanya also hopes they don't mind that Tanya always refers to herself in the third person." With that, Tanya started walking to Neo Neapolitan, her butt dragging behind her.
Back at Under Gloom Icy leads Pam and Norman to the break room. "Geez your boss seems like a real hothead." Norman says from his wife's shoulder. "Tell me about it." the harpy agrees. "She can be nice too but you really don't want to get on her bad side. I'd suggest not mentioning Demona again." She opens a fridge and pulls out a soda. "But she really does look like her." Norman says. "And it drives her nuts." Icy repeats. "Yeah, so don't even think about it Norm." Pam tells him. "She already seemed upset when we got here." She hands Pam her order and the harpy takes out her money. "Oh that was Wade. He's the only human locked up here. He's always trying to escape and it only makes the warden angrier every time." Pam cocks her head. "A human? What did he do to get locked up in here?" she asks. Icy just shrugs. "I don't know really. He's been here since before I came in." She sits down and takes a bite of her panini. "Hey Pam, shouldn't we get back to the diner?" Norman asks. "Nah, we have time to chew the fat." she says and sits down with Icy to talk some more. Meanwhile a human has just scampered into the room under the door. "Finally got away from Demoan, now I just need to find a way out." Then he spots a new monster who doesn't look like prison staff. "Maybe I can hitch a ride on the pig." he says.


At Neo Neapolitan Salli is currently trying to put Patty upright. "I can't believe that was actually Venus." she says as she puts the hippo back on her feet. "Me either, but I also can't help but feel this is Pam and Norman's fault! If we handn't been on that ship we wouldn't be dealing with Greek gods!" the hippo exclaims. "I think thats kind of a stretch dear." Wes says, trying to calm her down. Salli puts him on his wife's shoulder but she almost falls over again, prompting Dorothy to catch her. Wes goes rolling onto one of her bloated breasts, and almost falls deeper into her cleavage before Vienna catches him. "Look on the bright side." the gargoyle says. "At least your boobs are bigger than mine now." Everyone snickers at this and Patty gives Vienna a death glare. "Very funny, but I can hardly move!" she complains as she waddles forward. "How am I supposed to run a restaurant?" Dorothy gives her inflated back a pat, causing her to jiggle. "Guess you'll need me a little longer huh?" she asks. Patty just sighs, still a little sore about the menu being changed. "I guess we'll just have to deal with it until Venus comes back." Allen says, giving Patty a pitying look. Just then the door opens and a gray furred werecat with orange hair walks in. Upon seeing Vienna's boobs and Patty's bloated body she gets an excited look on her face. "Tanya assumes you have nothing against girls with big bodies?" she asks as she drags her oversized bottom inside.


Meanwhile Mallory has gotten back to work and is behind the bar back at LOS Lovelies. "So it was some kind of witch?" Viveka asks, leaning against the counter. "Yeah, but I defeated her, with a little help from my minion." Mallory says puffing out her oversized chest proudly. "Really?" Viveka asks with a raise eyebrow. "So how did you beat her?" Mallory gives her a thumbs up. "With a frying pan!" Viveka just laughs at her. "Nice one oh mistress of black magic!" she says. "You weren't there! It was a really intense fight!" Mallory insists. She stuffs her hand down her cleavage in a huff. Inside Rob is napping on a pillow thats the size of a city to him when suddenly a hand from the sky plucks him up. Mallory pulls her tiny zombie from between her boobs and holds him out to the lavender succubus. "Tell her how I awesome I was!" she tells him. "I was taking a nap!" Rob just complains with a yawn. Viveka smirks and Mallory starts to get annoyed. "I order you to tell her how I beat that weresquid!" she shouts. Suddenly Rob perks up and looks straight at Viveka. "My mistress beat the witch by throwing me as a distraction, then bashing her with a frying pan." he says. "You already told me that." Viveka says with a yawn. "You were supposed to make me sound amazing!" the Mallory says to her minion. "Well you didn't tell me that, you just wanted me to tell her what happened!" he yells back. Viveka watches their little exchange and laughs. "I like this litle guy!" she says. "He's funny." Rob just rolls his eyes. Cora happens to walk by and spots him as well. "Is this the little slave you've been bragging about?" she asks. The werewolf leans over and gives him an appraising look. "He's pretty nice looking for a zombie. Not decayed at all. I think we could use him in some of the acts around here." she walks away toward her office. "Look forward to it." she calls back. "I didn't say you could use my minion!" Mallory shouts. "Yeah, well I've gotten your ass out of trouble so many times I think you don't have a choice!" she counters. Mallory huffs while Rob glares at the Wolf's backside. "Don't I get a say!?" he yells to the women around him. "But enough banter." Viveka says and sidles up closer. "Why don't we grab a bite together when our shifts end?" Rob is squished between the breasts of the two giantesses until his mistress pushes her away. "No thanks, buut I could use a snack later, and I know just where to go." she says as she tosses Rob back into her boobs.
A Non-Existent User
At Neo Neapolitan, everyone whose eyes weren’t on Patty’s much larger mass, were on Tanya’s enormous butt. “Holy cow,” muttered Wes to Patty. “Her butt is almost as big as yours.” Patty gave an angry snort and glared at Wes before Tanya walked forward. “Is she a splintercat?” asked Allen in confusion. Vienna shook her head. “No,” she says. “From the looks of it, she has Glutos Syndrome.” “What the hell is Glutos Syndrome?” asked Patty. “Glutos Syndrome is a very rare disease,” said Vienna. “It’s like LOS but in the opposite direction. It only affects adult women and it’s incurable.” “I hope it’s not contagious.” Muttered Christina under her breath. Tanya bent over to speak with Dorothy, Salli and Patty. “Which one of you is the owner.” Dorothy gestured to Salli and Patty. “These two are the co-owners, but as you can see, the hippo lady is kind of indisposed right now, so I’m in charge.

Patty grunted and tried to stand up, her undersized limbs in comparison to the rest of her body, making this very difficult right before she heard a tear. “Oh no.” Grunts the werehippo. The tear had come from Patty’s bikini top that was falling apart to say nothing of her bikini bottom that was almost completely off. Patty’s pink skin was the only thing hiding her blushing in embarrassment and she grunted as Wes couldn’t help but stare at ever inch of his wife’s bigger body. “Tanya came to apply for a job.” Said Tanya. Salli gave a trumpet of surprise and then trumpeted. “Oh! She must be applying for that Help Wanted ad Pam put in the newspaper.” “I remember that,” said Wes. “My idiot brother and his idiot wife put it in a paper that Direopolis doesn’t even get.” Patty let out a sigh. “Why not?” she asked. “We need all the help we can get right now.” Dorothy then inspected the giant werecat with the large behind and then nodded her head. “Congratulations, Tanya,” she said. “You got the job. Starting today, you’ll be helping Salli wait tables. “Yayzies!” yelled Tanya as she twirled around and accidentally bludgeoned a male gargoyle customer with her enormous butt. “Yayzies daisies! Tanya won’t let you down! Thank you.” Dorothy gave a smile. “You should be honored. You just scored a job at the best place in the monster world for pizzas, burgers, sundaes, donuts, pancakes and most recently panini.”

Patty let out a groan. “Salli,” she said. “I’m going to be out for five days. Unfortunately, I can’t really get out of the restaurant to return home.” Salli trumpeted. “Don’t worry, Patty. I’ll get some of the girls to get you out of this mess.” Allen rolled down to Salli’s cell phone and then let out a sigh. “This is going to be one crazy day.” He muttered.

- - - - - - - - - -

Meanwhile, Lapis had managed to capture a cooler full of giant spotted salmon that were flopping about, still blissfully unaware that Johnny was stuck beneath her massive rear. “Just one more and I can call it a day.” Lapis reeled in her line and had managed to capture a strange crustacean-like creature that resembled a lobster with tentacles instead of legs. She placed the creature in her cooler right before she got up. As the Loch Ness monster woman was walking away, she failed to notice that Johnny was stuck to her massive rear, plastered but still alive just under her tail. “Thank goodness,” thought the flattened young human. “I thought she was going to crush me. Dang, her butt sure is big. I doubt she realizes how fat she is.” Lapis whistled as she was walking to Neo Neapolitan to sell the fish she caught. “Now,” said the titaness with a sigh. “If only I could catch a man as easily.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Back at Under Gloom, Pam and Norman were getting ready to leave. As they did so, they failed to notice one human inmate grabbing onto one of Pam’s pant legs and climbing up towards the winged wereboar’s pocket. “Thanks for the panini,” said Icy. “I’ll recommend you to the rest of the guards.” “You’re welcome,” said Norman. “See you, Icy.” Destiny walked out to see the Hockers off and both Pam and Norman waved to her before saying. “See you later, Warden Demona.” Needless to say, Destiny was swearing incoherently as the two flew off. “Geez,” said Norman. “What a grouch. She has to admit the resemblance is uncanny.” Pam just gave a snort and flew towards Direopolis and it isn’t long until she’s out of sight and Destiny lets out a sigh. “Thank goodness those morons are gone. Icy, how did you know that they even served panini? That pig said they only started today.”

Icy shrugged her shoulders right before another guard came out. She was a giant onryo with enormous breasts that were similar to Vienna’s in size. “Warden,” said the onryo woman. “I was just at Wade’s cell. Lockette’s there but Wade wasn’t.” Upon hearing those words, Destiny bit her lip as one of her eyes begun to twitch. “Uh-oh.” Said Aria as she covered whatever Icy had for ears. Destiny took a deep breath. Seconds later, down the street, there was a dark gray skinned male gargoyle in a green sweater and glasses with a thick mustache who turned his head. “Oh my. That’s the loudest profanity I’ve ever heard.”

- - - - - - - - - -

Back at Neo Neapolitan, Deneb, Ethiopia, Pinky and Mia had arrived to help Vienna, Christina and Salli move Patty. "And I thought my cousin Roxy was fat." Said Mia. "You've got to lay off your own cooking, Patty." Grunted Ethiopia. "It's not her fault," said Salli. "She was cursed by Venus for impersonating her." Deneb let out a sigh. "You're lucky that this was one of the nicer Roman gods." Christina panted as she tried to hold up her end of the platform that Patty was being carried on. "I wish that one of them that showed up was Hercules," she complained. "Patty was bulky even before that curse." Vienna gave a scoff. "Whoever heard of a skinny werehippo." Patty let out a grumble as she was carried through town and everybody was staring at her. "This is so embarrassing. I look like a parade throat." Wes at this point was standing on one of his wife's chins. "Well, think about it another way. Your full name is Cleopatra after all. Think of yourself as a queen being carried in a golden litter." Patty let out a sigh. "I really hope Tanya and Dorothy can handle Neo Neapolitan while we're away."

At Neo Neapolitan at that time, Dorothy was already working the kitchen while Tanya was waiting tables. At that moment, the elderly but large bellied werecheetah, Gardenia Vile came in and took her seat. "Welcome to Neo Neapolitan. How can Tanya take your order?" Gardenia looked in surprise at Tanya and was slightly confused. "Where's Salli?" she asked. "Salli will be back in five minutes. Tanya is the new waitress." Gardenia shrugged her shoulders. "In that case, I'd like to make it clear that I usually order burgers. I'll take two brontosaurus and bacon burgers with a side of cheese fries and a diet Hauntling Cola." Tanya nodded her head, but as she was taking Gardenia's order, she couldn't help but stare at Gardenia. "You look familiar," she said. "Have I seen you somewhere." Gardenia gave a smug grin. "If you're one of those people who think I'm the infamous Blackspot who disappeared 100 years ago, how can you be sure?" Tanya let out a laugh. "My mistake. I'll go tell Dorothy right away."

Gardenia let out a laugh before giving a blink. "That's weird. None of the usual staff are here." Before she could say anything else, Lapis walked in and looked around. "Patty?" she asked. "Salli? Pam?" Dorothy walked out and noticed Lapis. "Oh," she said. "You must be that Lapis who sells fish to this fine establishment. I'm the owners' new partner. Dorothy Coward." Lapis raised an eyebrow. "Your surname is Coward?" "It's a real surname! So what do you have for sale." Lapis gave a smile and held up her cooler. "17 spotted salmon and an octopus-lobster." "Wow," said Dorothy. "Those are some expensive ingredients." As Dorothy took out her wallet, she heard a muffled yelling and then noticed Johnny stuck to Lapis's rear. "Uh," said Dorothy. "How do I tell you this." Lapis just blinked at Dorothy in confusion.

- - - - - - - - - -

It wasn't long before Patty was taken back to hers and Wes's house and the now more morbidly obese than usual hippo lady was sitting naked in the living room with her cellphone to her ear. Her butt was so enormous that her couch couldn’t even hold just one butt cheek. “Hello,” said the enormous hippo lady. “Trini. Thank goodness you’re home. Listen. I’m somewhat immobile at the moment and I need you to build me something that will help me move my own bulk. Preferably something that allows me to exercise my motor functions. Thank you. I’ll see you later.” Wes was at that moment stomping on Patty’s thicker than usual rear. “This always was my favorite part of you. Besides your face that is. Who would’ve thought this would happen.” Patty let out a sigh. “And if I can’t kiss up to Venus in 5 days, there’s no going back.” In order to make the wait for Trini’s gadget more bearable, Patty picked up the remote to turn on the TV.
A Non-Existent User
Over at Trini and Crescent's house, Trini had started drawing the blueprints for the device that would help Patty move. It looked like an exoskeleton. As she was drawing, Crescent walked in and saw the blueprints.

"Oh dear." Crescent said. "What are making now?"

"Patty called. She said she needed help with mobility. Something to work her motor functions. So I'm making an exoskeleton for her." Trini explained.

"Oh dear, another exoskeleton?" Crescent asked, worried.

"Hey, the last time wasn't my fault. The rain showed up out of nowhere." Trini argued.

"And because of that, you are no longer allowed to build anything mobile in Peru." Crescent said.

"Anyway, Patty needs this, so could you be a dear and help get some supplies?" Trini asked.

Crescent smiled and kissed Trini on the cheek. "I have a feeling this won't end well." She said.
Meanwhile, over at LOS Lovely's, Mallory was cleaning the bar and had just finished telling Rob a rather bizarre story.

"So, that's why you're not allowed in Peru anymore?" Rob asked.

"Sadly, yes. But how was I supposed to know those living coconuts were allergic to pickles?" Mallory said. Just then, Cora walked up to her.

"Your shifts over, Mallory. You can go now. Just don't use any butt expansion spells. Remember what happened last time?" Cora said.

"No one can prove that was my fault. Besides, that scorpion woman was always testy. Still don't know what happened with that Stephen King book and that snack cake." Mallory said. "Anyway, I'm going to head to Neo Neapolitan for a snack."

"Oh, I've heard of that place." Cora said. "Hey, Gina's shift is over. You mind taken her?"

Mallory shrugged. "Why not?" She replied. "HEY GINA! I'M GOING TO NEO NEAPOLITAN! WANT TO COME?"

Responding and walking up to Mallory and Cora was Gina Vincent, one of the main dancers. She was a 27 year old, 900 foot, silver furred werewolf with dyed blue hair and orange eyes. She had the second biggest pair of breasts, but was also incredibly muscular otherwise. She was wearing a black tank top and jean shorts.

"Um, I guess. I've actually wanted to try that place out." Gina said in a soft voice. On-stage, Gina acted confident and teasing, but when she was off the clock, she was incredibly shy. Mallory never did understand why.

"Alright, let's go." Mallory said, leading Gina out of the club (though it took a little effort, since Gina's breasts were slightly bigger then the front door).
Meanwhile, a few miles up above in the air, Pam and Norman were on their way back to Neo Neapolitan. They were talking about Destiny.

"Destiny sure is tempermental." Norman said.

"Yeah, you'd think she'd appreciate resembling a character from a very popular cartoon." Pam replied.

Norman shrugged. "Guess she didn't like the 3rd season. Then again, not many people did." He said.

In Pam's pocket, Wade was snickering. "Idiots." He said to himself.
Back at Neo Neapolitan, Salli, Allen, and Tanya were in the kitchen. Salli was taking Patty's place as cook, but was getting overwhelmed.

"Tanya, can't you help me?" Salli asked.

Tanya shook her head. "Sorry. Tanya's not a very good cook. Only thing she can cook right is toast." Tanya replied.

Allen was on the counter watching them. "Tanya, why do you speak in third person?" He asked.

Tanya looked at him. "Tanya's not sure herself. She's done it ever since she was a little girl." She replied.

"But I heard you use first-person pronouns earlier when talking to Lapis." Allen said.

Tanya looked confused. "She did? Tanya never does that." She said.

Just then the phone rang. Tanya picked it up. "Neo Neapolitan. This is Tanya. How can Tanya help you? Oh, Patty. Ok, she's right here." Tanya said before handing the phone to Salli.

"Yeah? What, really? Crap. We're swamped as it is, you really- Fine. We'll send it when Pam gets back. Bye." Salli said before hanging up.

"What?" Allen said.

"Patty wants us to bring her a lot of food. Apparently that curse made her extremely hungry." Salli said.

"Great. Anything else?" Tanya asked.

"DEATHINA HAS RETURNED!" A voice in the back yelled.

"Tanya had to open her mouth, didn't she?" Tanya asked.
"Oh great." Salli said when she heard Mallory's introduction. The succubus walked up to the counter, Gina shuffling behind her. The two of them sat down and Salli called out from the kitchen. "Welcome back oh great sorceress!" she said sarcastically. "Its nice to get the respect I deserve." Mallory said, puffing out her enormous chest proudly. Salli rolls her eyes as her sarcasm was lost on her. Tanya walked over at this point. "Can Tanya take your orders?" she asked. "I'll have two bronto burgers with barbeque sauce and onions." the succubus told her. Tanya turned to Gina. "Oh! Well, um..." the shy werewolf said fumbling over her words. Tanya tilted her head as she waited while Mallory rolled her eyes and reached into her cleavage. "I'll have a stego reuben panini." she finally spat out. "Thank you, your food will be out shortly," Tanya said and headed for the kitchen. After digging around Mallory finally pulled Rob out of her boobs and sat him on the counter. "Where are we?" he asked, looking around. "A burger joint. We're getting some grub." his mistress said. She glanced at Tanya as she walked away and noticed her butt. "Whoa! Whats up with those cheeks!" she exclaimed. "If they were in the front you could come work with us!" Tanya turned around, not upset at the outburst. "Tanya has Glutos Syndrome, so Tanya's rear is oversized." she said. "And then some, but we can relate." Mallory told her, pointing at her bosom. "At least its rent free." Rob commented from the counter. The werecat smiled and headed into the kitchen. Its then that Pam and Norman returned and walked through the door. "Whoa, this place is a magnet for oversized women." Norman said as they were greeted by the sight of four giant boobs and one giant butt. From Salli's pocket Wade heared the bell of the door. "Wonder where we are. Maybe I should make my get away now." he said to himself.


Meanwhile Lapis was outside with Dorothy. Johnny was sitting in her hand after he was freed from her butt cheek. "I'm so sorry I sat on you!" she said for the fifth time. "Its okay. I guess I should thank you for having such a soft butt." the human said with a small smile. "I can't believe you didn't notice him. He must have been there for a while." Dorothy said as they walked. "What are you doing around here anyway?" Johnny looks back toward Neo Neapolitan. "I was actually trying to get to that restaurant. I've heard great things about it." he said. "I may have underestimated how hard it is to climb a mountain for monsters though." Lapis giggled and smiled at the tiny human. "Well I'll treat you then." she said. "I owe you that at least." Johnny patted her palm. "Great, its a date!" he said. The Loch Ness Monster's heart skipped at the word "date." Dorothy butted in as they neared the diner. "Cool, my break is almost over anyway. I wonder if it got busy while I was gone." she said.


At Trini and Crescent's house Trtini was getting started on her exoskeleton. Crescent walked into her lab and looked over the contraption. "So this is it?" she asked. "Yeah. I just started, but I don't think it will take too long." the weretiger told her. Crescent walked over to a table and looked at the blueprints. "It looks like a giant ball." she noted. "Well Patty has to be able to wear it, and from what I was told Patty's gotten quite big. I'm sure this will fit around her." Trini explained. As her wife observed Trini continued talking. "I thought about giving it some legs, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't support her new weight. Instead I'm putting wheels on it so she can get around, plus some arms for her to grab things with." Crescent pats her on the back. "And you're sure there won't be any incidents?" she asked. "Look, Patty said she wouldn't need it for too long so there won't be any time for incidents." Trini says with a groan. "Uh huh." the werewolf says and looks over at a section of the lab where numerous inventions had blown up or malfunctioned. "Whats the worst that could happen?" Trini asks as she gets back to work.

A Non-Existent User
In the kitchen at the time, Salli handed Pam a large order of takeout and Pam grunted as she tried to hold it up. “There’s enough food here for a family of gargoyles, Salli.” Said Pam. “It’s for Patty, Pam.” “Even a werehippo like Patty couldn’t eat this much,” said Norman. “Did she swallow a tapeworm while we were gone.” Salli bit her lip. “No. The real Venus showed up while you were gone and she was NOT amused with Patty dressing like her. She put a curse on her that made her several times fatter than before. She'll be back in 5 days” Norman and Pam laughed themselves silly upon hearing that.

- - -

Soon, Pam and Norman had delivered Patty’s dinner and Patty was stuffing her already more bloated than normal self with pizza. Christina and Vienna were also in the room. “What?” asked Patty. “You two delivered takeout to a prison?” “Oh yeah,” said Pam with a laugh. “The warden was a grouchy blue gargoyle who looked like Demona.” Vienna gave an uncomfortable look. “That’s not funny.” “Not as funny as how big Patty is now. I’m surprised the moon isn’t orbiting around your wife’s butt, Bro.” Said Norman through his giggling. Wes glared at his brother before he heard Pam gruntin as she felt somebody climbing down her leg.

The 4 monsters in the room looked down and saw Wade climbing down Pam’s pants. “Crap!” yelled Wade as he jumped to the ground. Wade tried to run off but Vienna grabbed him and looked down at him in curiosity. “Oh come on!” yelled Wade. “A stowaway.” Said Wes. Pam nervously rubbed the back of her head. “Oops.” She said. Wade looked at Vienna with pure hate and even tried to bite her finger before Vienna placed her on the table with Wes and Norman. “I can’t believe this!” complained Wade. “I hitch a ride on that floozie hog and this happens.”

“Hey!” yelled Norman. “Bite your tongue! That hog is my wife!” Wade gave an appalled look. “Are you brain dead!? Humans marrying monsters?! That’s disgusting!” Norman held out his fist. “I’ll have you know that me and my brothers are all happily married to monsters. This is my brother Wes’s house.” Wade turned to face Wes and then looked at Patty in surprise at how large she was and how Patty had to reposition herself to get a good look at the tiny inmate. “You’re kidding me,” said Wade. “We have a meathead married to a smelly boar and a hipster married to a werehippo version of Fox. I’d hate to see what disgusting beast your other brother got saddled with.” Patty grit her teeth angrily and then turned to face Pam. “Congratulations, Pam,” said Patty. “I think we found somebody more irritating than you.” Pam then gave a snort. “Wait,” she said. “One of the guards mentioned an inmate named Wade. This must be him.” “Are you sure?” asked Wes. “Hey,” said Norman. “They said he was the only human inmate in the prison.”

Wade gave a scoff. “What’s it to you? Where am I anyway?” Vienna cleared her throat before speaking. “You’re in Direopolis. In the mountains.” Wade gave a look of particular hate towards Vienna and then turned to Wes. “How could you let that thing into your house?” “What are you talking about.” “She’s a gargoyle! I hate gargoyles! The only monster species worse than gargoyles is minotaurs.” “Our stepmother and stepsister are minotaurs.” Said Wes. Wade gives a look of pure disgust. “What kind of human are you to call one of those filthy cows your mother? But then again, that explains it. Bad taste in women must run in the family.” Patty grits her teeth. “You really shouldn’t be insulting somebody more than 100 times your size, jerkwad.” “Stick it in your ear, pyramid face! I didn't break out of Under Gloom just to play chitchat with two losers who were stupid enough to marry you and Ms. Piggy over there!” Christina gives a growl and snaps her jaws but Vienna holds her back.

At that moment, there was a knock at the door and in walked Crescent and Trini. "Is everything alright?" asked Crescent. "Oh great!" yelled Wade. "More monsters! This is just terrific! Why not invite the whole town of freaks and geeks!? I can't believe you two can call yourselves humans." "For your information," said Wes. "My wife is human too. Sort of." Wade is at first confused but then he realizes what Wes meant and mentally gagged. "Human and monster hybrids? That's disgusting. I really hope you don't ever have kids. The last thing we need is for..."

Norman at this point had enough of Wade and decked him hard enough to send him flying into Vienna’s cleavage as Vienna yelled and her breasts shook. From inside the gargoyle’s cleavage, Wade let out a series of muffled curses as Christina looked down her boss's chest. Wes just stared at his brother. “What?! He was getting on my nerves!” Trini just let out a whistle. "Is this a bad time? I just came to..." Patty let out a sigh and waved her pudgy hand. "Trini," she said. "Wait."

“No wonder Destiny was so angry.” Said Pam. Vienna nodded her head. “With that guy around, I don’t blame her. Having to put up with somebody so mean and obnoxious everyday. That's no way to make a living. It’s amazing she hasn’t gone insane by now.” “He sure is rude,” said Wes. “How did he survive in prison for so long?” Pam shook her head. “If he’s so much trouble, why doesn’t Destiny just squash or eat him? I mean, he keeps trying to escape, shows no signs of improvement in his behavior and causes trouble among everyone else. Surely she’d have the authority to hang him or something.” Patty let out a snort. “I can’t believe I’m saying this,” grunted Patty. “But Pam’s making sense. What DID this guy do to win up in Under Gloom? Being criminally annoying doesn’t count.” Wes then realized something. “Wait,” he said. “A while back, Corona told me about an incident in the Van Nuys when a mummy was hired to play a role in a kaiju flick. But she accidentally crushed some jerk’s car and he set her on fire.” Christina and Vienna were both horrified. “That’s horrible,” said Vienna. “Are you saying Wade did that?” Norman gave a scoff. “Well if he thinks of causing any trouble, I’ll see to it that Claire gets a surprise in her next order of french fries.”

"Wait," said Crescent. "Under Gloom? My cousin is locked up in Under Gloom." "Really?" asked Vienna. "What for?" Trini rolled her eyes. "Cannibalism." Everyone other than Trini looked at Crescent in disbelief and horror. "Geez," said Patty. "Thank goodness somebody like that didn't follow Pam back to Direopolis." Trini nodded her head and then she snapped her fingers. "Oh. Patty, I just wanted to let you know that I've developed a machine that will help you in the mobility department." Patty let out a sigh. "Hoo boy." Groaned Wes.

- -

Back at Neo Neapolitan, Lapis had walked in through the front door and placed Johnny down on a table before she sat down in three chairs at once. There was a smile on her face at the fact that she was actually out on a date and she looked down at Johnny with a grin. “You’re a Loch Ness monster, right?” asked Johnny. “I thought that there was only one of them.” Lapis let out a laugh. “That’s a common misconception. Loch Ness monsters like me actually prefer not to be seen by humans out in the human side of the world. However, I am the only one in Direopolis.” Johnny looked all over Lapis’s massive body in awe. “Do they normally get as big as you?” Lapis looked in confusion. “What do you mean by “big”?” she asked her date.

Johnny realized that Lapis appeared to be unaware of exactly how massively obese she was and didn’t want to point it out. “Uh, never mind. Lapis was it? That’s a beautiful name.” Lapis gave a grin that revealed she had rather sharp teeth, to Johnny’s surprise. Before Johnny could say another word, Tanya walked up and Lapis looked in surprise. “Looks like Patty hired a new waitress,” said the sea serpent giantess. “I didn’t think there was anyone in Direopolis with Glutos Syndrome.” Tanya gave a blink. “You’ve heard of Glutos Syndrome.” Lapis nodded her head. “My mom has Glutos Syndrome. It’s a wonder me and my twin sister didn’t get it.” Johnny took a look at Tanya’s massive behind and then looked at Lapis’s rear end. Lapis’s butt was nearly as large as Tanya’s but if Lapis was to be believed, her mother’s butt was even bigger. “Well that explains it.” Thought Johnny to himself.

Tanya then held out her notepad. "How may Tanya take your order?" Johnny looked up at the big butted werecat and then back at his smiling Loch Ness Monster date. "I think I'll let Lapis decide." He said. Lapis gave a smile. "I think we'll take a large seafood pizza made from that octopus lobster I sold Dorothy earlier and a Hauntling Cola to split between us." Tanya nodded her head and walked away. "You're a fisherman?" asked Johnny to Lapis. Lapis let out a laugh. "Well, yeah. My species eats mostly fish. I gotta say, it's a good think my species loves cold water. I'll been sitting out waiting for fish so long that some parts of me have gone numb." Lapis let out a laugh and Johnny laughed as well. The more he was seeing of the white-haired Loch Ness woman, the more he was starting to like.
A Non-Existent User
Back at the Round house, Wade had been fished out of Vienna's cleavage and was sitting on the coffee table, nursing his sore jaw. Norman was watching him, pissed at him insulting everyone. Christina was in the kitchen on the phone. Vienna, Patty, Wes, and Pam were glaring at Wade.

"Are you going to say anything, or just glare at me like that?" Wade asked.

"Zip it." Wes growled at him. Christina walked back into the kitchen.

"OK, I've called Under Gloom and told them about Wade. The warden and a guard will be here any minute." Christina said.

"I'm not going back there." Wade said. "You think just because you're bigger means you can do whatever you want, huh? If that stupid flying pig hadn't-"

Wade was cut of by Norman uppercutting him in the jaw. A loud crack was heard.

"Mai jahw." Wade said, his speech now messed up. "Euh bwoke mai jahw."

"I'll break more if you don't shut up." Norman shouted. Just then, the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Pam said as she went to the door. Opening it, she saw Destiny and the Onryo guard on the other side.

"Hi. We're here to pick up that little asshole Wade." Destiny growled.

Pam walked over and picked up Wade. Then she walked back and handed him over to Destiny. Wade was trying to put his jaw back in place.

"What happened to him?" The onryo asked.

"He insulted me, so my husband broke his jaw." Pam said. Destiny chuckled a bit.

"Finally pissed off the wrong person, Wade?" Destiny said. "Thanks for telling us where he was. We'll dump him in a hole so deep he won't know which was is up. Let's head back, Aria."

The onryo, apparently named Aria, looked at her watch. "Actually, it's my lunch break. Head back without me." She said.

Destiny shrugged and flew off, cursing at Wade. Pam looked at Aria, smiling.

"If you're hungry, I'll take you to Neo Neapolitan." Pam said cheerfully.

Aria nodded. "Sounds good." She said.

Pam walked back and picked up Norman. "See you guys later." She said. Then she walked off with Aria.
Back at Neo Neapolitan, Lapis and Johnny were still talking while Mallory and Gina were eating nearby.

"Seriously? 20 pounds?" Johnny asked.

Lapis grinned. "Yup. I was just as surprised as you are. I didn't even know fish that big were in Kemertoll Lake." She said.

"You've been there?" Mallory asked. "I fished there once. But I don't fish now. Court order."

"What'd you do?" Johnny asked.

"Odd story. You see, this mummy-" Mallory started to explain before being interrupted by Pam and Aria walking in.

"You're back!" Tanya said, coming out of the kitchen with the orders. "Tanya was not enjoying working alone." She then saw Aria. "New customer. And a rather busty one at that."

Mallory got up and looked at Aria. "Wow. Didn't think it was possible for ghosts to get LOS. You want to come to LOS Lovely's?" She asked.

"It's not LOS, it's macromastia." Aria replied. "And if you're giving me a job, don't bother. I'm a guard at Under Gloom."

Mallory shut up and went back to her seat. Gina looked up at Aria.

"Um, hi." Gina said in a small voice.

Aria walked up and sat at a table next to her. "You don't need bo afraid of me. I'm a guard, but I don't bite." Aria said.

"It's not that." Gina replied. "I'm just, um, not that good with people."

"Oh, a shy one." Aria said. Before she could continue, Tanya walked up and gave Aria a menu.

"What can Tanya get you?" Tanya asked.

Aria grimaced at the choices. "Do you have a human menu?" She asked.

Tanya looked confused. "But you're a ghost."

"I know." Aria said. "But I used to be human. Got killed in a gunfight. Still have my human tastes. I actually hate monster food. No offense."

Tanya nodded. "Tanya will get you a human menu." She then walked off.

"And no spicy food. That stuff makes me gag." Aria called. She then turned to the others. "So, what were we talking about?"
Meanwhile, in an unknown location, Aphrodite was still fuming about Patty.

"Stupid hippo. Thinks she can mock me. The goddess of love." She growled.

Just then, a red-scaled, hourglass shaped Gorgon walked up to her. She had cobras for hair and wore a purple Greek dress.

"Still upset about the werehippo?" The gorgon asked.

"Yes, Cia. She thinks she can just pretend to be me whenever she wants?" Aphrodite fumes.

"Well, I'm sure she'll apologize, you'll shrink her back down, and everything will be fine." Cia said.

"She will apologize, but I'll tell you a secret." Aphrodite said. "I lied about removing that weight. I have no intention of making her normal again. It's her punishment for imitating me." Aphrodite then laughed, but Cia looked concerned.

'Not again.' Cia thought.
Back on earth, Trini was at Patty's house taking measurement on the hippos bloated body. "Geez, you weren't kidding when you said you'd grown!" she saidas she stretched her tape measure to its limits. Patty just snorted and looked away in a huff. "And I can thank Pam and Norman for this! Thay just HAD to go on a pirate adventure! Next thing you know I'm getting cursed by some Greek Goddess!" said, venting her anger. Wes hung his head, having heard this rant too many times already. "Actually, Venus is a Roman goddess, just so you know." Crescent interjected. "Thanks for the mythology lesson!" Patty snapped. The werewolf just shrugged as she watched her wife struggle to get her tape around Patty's stomach. "Alright, I think I have what I need." she said and let the tape snap back into place. "How long until its done?" Patty asked. "Well the blueprints are drawn up. All I needed was your measurements so I know how big to make it. I should have it by the end of tommorrow." Trini answered. "Are you sure you can build it that fast?" Wes asked. "If she can, then all the better." Patty told him. "But its Trini! If she rushes this, there's bound to be something wrong with it!" he countered. "Hey! I'm right here!" Trini interrupted. "I'll have it done and it'll be perfect!" With that, she stormed out, her wife following with a roll of her eyes. Vienna, who had been silently watching, let out a sigh. "Well I have to say, you certainly lead an interesting life now!" she said. Patty just shook her head while Wes gave Vienna a shrug and a smile. "I'm gonna get going, but I'll stop by tommorrow." the gargoyle said as she headed for the door. "Alright, bye." Patty said as she fell backward onto her already broken couch. Wes groaned as he became trapped in a fat fold and tried to get free.

At the diner things seemed to be getting pretty lively. Everyone decided to have some ice cream, which Tanya brought out with a smile. Johnny tried to grab a handful of ice cream and ended up getting his whole arm stuck in the enormous scoop. Lapis giggle and picked him up, licking his arm clean. "You two seem to be getting chummy." Mallory said as she ate a spoonful of her own ice cream. The two of them blushed and looked away. "Well, what about you and your boyfriend?" Lapis asked. "Boyfriend?" the succubus asked. Laapis pointed to Mallory's bowl. Rob was sitting atop one of the scoops of ice cream, slowly enjoying the taste. Mallory scoffed . "He's not my boyfrieend! He's my minion!" she said, picking him up and tossing him in her mouth. "What are you doing!?" Lapis exclaimed. Mallory spit Rob out into her palm, having licked off the ice cream. "What?" she asked. She placed him on the table and resumed eating. "Anyway, he's my minion. He does what I want, when I want." The tiny zombie took offense to this. "Hey, I can hear you!" he yelled up at his mistress. "Quiet." she said in between bites, causing him to shut up. "Sit" He fell onto his butt and folded his arms with a grunt. "Well girlfriend or not, she sure has you whipped." Norman told Rob, who couldn't respond. Dorothy, who was experiencing a small break in orders, came by the group as they chattted. "But come on, you've gotta enjoy being so close to those boobs all the time." she said, leaning down toward Rob. He looked away with a slight blush. "How does a zombie blush? Don't you need blood flow for that?" Pam asked with a chuckle. "Hey now, joke all you want, but these babies are like a mansion for him." Mallory said as she cupped her enormous jugs as best she could. "But hey, you get to hang around tons of busty ladies right? Like her?" Dorothy asked as she nodded toward Gina. The werewolf jolted upon being refered to and sheepishly went back to her dessert. Rob's eyes were glued to Gina's furry chest, causing Mallory to snatch him up and thrown him back into her cleavage. "Someone's possesive." Norman muttered to his wife. Things went on like this until everyone realized how late it was and headed home. Mallory walked with Gina while Lapis took Johnny. Pam and Salli closed the store after sending Tanya and Dorothy home. "Well things have been pretty hectic, but I think they'll get better." Salli said as they started to head home.

Meanwhile, out on the sea, Phanta and Jack were on their boat, looking out at the water. "So do you think we should head home dear?" Jack asked with a yawn. His ghostly wife smiled and patted his head. "I think I'd like to spend tonight on the sea. Shall we retreat to the cabin?" she asked. She was about to retreat below deck when something caught her eye. She took out her spyglass to get a better look and gasped. "It can't be!" she exclaimed andd rushed to the helm. "Phanta?" Jack asked, unaware of what she saw. "Full speed ahead!" she said with an excited smile. "After all these years, I never thought I'd see her again!" Over in the distance another larger ship was headed toward them. It had a flag with the skull of a two horned rhino. A massive wererhino with midnight blue skin was at the helm. She had black hair reaching down to her butt and a figure that was very thick but not quite fat. She wore a typical pirate captain's outfit. "It feels good breaking in my new ship. It took a while to gather the money I needed but it was worth it!" she said. "Captain Blackhorn is back!"
A Non-Existent User
Jack looked in surprise as he spotted Blackhorn’s ship. “Is that Captain Blackhorn’s ship?” he asked. “Phanta. I thought that Captain Blackhorn disappeared.” Phanta gave a laugh. “Who knows where that scallywag has been. Hoy! Maribelle Blackhorn!" Captain Blackhorn heard Phanta's yelling and then looked through her telescope. "Well I'll be," said the captain in a Scottish accent. "I didn't think I'd find more pirates out here in the water. Are ye friend or foe?!" Phanta waved a hand. "I be Phanta Hauntermann," said Phanta. "And I be friend. Prepare to be boarded." Phanta and Jack's schooner came forward as Captain Blackhorn dropped her anchor. Phanta stepped on Blackhorn's ship and admired the interior. "Not bad for a ship that went missing for centuries.” Blackhorn gave a laugh. “I had to work as a maid at a pub for 6 months, but I’d say it was worth it.” “Where have you been, Maribelle?” Blackhorn let out a sigh. “It be a long story, Lass. Pull up a barrel and I'll explain the whole thing.”

However, the meeting between the two pirate captains did not go unnoticed by the authorities because Fornaria, Emerald and Delphine were looking around the mountainside through their binoculars. Emerald let out a yawn. "Oh, come on, Delphine. It's late. Shouldn't we be going home now?" "I thought you were a Batman fan, Emerald," said Delphine. "As rangers, it's important that we stay vigilante both day and night for anything suspicious that may show up." Fornaria looked through her binoculars and spotted Captain Blackhorn talking with Phanta. "Uh, Ranger Dare," said the goat giantess. "Does that qualify?" Delphine looked through the binoculars and gasped. "Pirates," she said. "I knew it. They're here to... wait... that Jolly Roger." Delphine dropped her binoculars on the ground and froze in fear. "What's wrong?" asks Fornaria. Delphine gave a gulp. "Fornaria," said Delphine. "Those aren't any pirates. Those are the infamous Blackhorn pirates. We're in serious trouble."

- - -

At that time, Eleanor was watching television in her pajamas and eating nachos. “I still can’t believe they brought Dregg back,” said the 500ft sheep. “The fact that they even considered such a thing is mind boggling. What’s next? Dirtbag and Groundchuck?” It was there that Eleanor’s phone begun to ring and she looked at the caller I.D. to see that it was Delphine who called her and let out a groan. “I should’ve know,” she said as she answered it. “What do you want Delphine?” “EMERGENCY!” yelled Delphine. “Chief! The infamous Captain Blackhorn is heading for Direopolis! We’ve got a pirate invasion on our hands!” Eleanor rolled her eyes. “Delphine,” she said. “Captain Blackhorn disappeared centuries ago. I doubt she’s come back!” “I know what I saw, Eleanor! We need more rangers on the case! That pirate is going to destroy the mountain! Hello?! Hello!?

In seconds, all Delphine heard was the dial tone and she gave a gulp before turning to Fornaria and Emerald. “Looks like we’re on our own.” “What?!” yelled Fornaria with a bleat. “Sweet Mona Lisa!” Emerald then took a closer look at Captain Blackhorn’s Jolly Roger and then she rubbed her chin. “It’s alright,” she says. “Delphine. Take a closer look. That flag is black.” “So?” asked Delphine. Emerald gave a smile. “It’s the red flag you have to worry about. Traditionally, when a pirate flew a red flag, it meant they didn’t intend to leave any survivors. Blackhorn’s flag is.... well.. black.” Delphine and Fornaria just blinked before breaking out in laughter. “Oh,” said Fornaria. “So there’s really nothing to worry about.” “Yeah,” said Delphine. “She just wants to ransack the town.” Delphine continued to laugh before her eyes bulged out and she gave a scream. Fornaria gave a gulp but Emerald just rolled her eyes. “Oh bother.” She groaned.

- - -
Meanwhile, at Wes and Patty’s house, Patty had to use three werehippo-sized mirrors to see all of herself. Venus’s curse was causing Patty’s pajamas to come apart at the seams, exposing her strawberry-colored skin. “Stupid Pam,” muttered Patty. “If I don’t kiss up to Venus, Trini is going to have to graft the wheels onto my body. Patty then heard mumbling and then reached down into her folds to take out Wes who was breathing heavily. “I hope that gizmo comes with air conditioning.” Patty rolled her eyes and then sat down on the floor, grunting as the floorboards broke underneath her and caused her to grunt before she fell into the basement and landed with a crash. In the process, Wes fell into Patty’s canyon-sized belly button. “Well,” said Wes with a sigh. “This is another fine mess.” Patty gave an angry snort. “Yeah,” the hippo giantess said. “And it’s one Pam got us into.”

“You know, Patty,” said Wes. “You’ve been kind of hard on Pam lately.” Patty just gave a scoff. “She’s an idiot who keeps making costly mistakes and getting us in trouble. How can I not get mad at her? She wanted to go joyriding with pirates and most recently, she brought a criminal into our house.” Wes let out a sigh as he stood on his wife’s nose. “I know Pam is far from perfect, but you’ve been really mean to her lately.” Patty let out a sigh. “I guess I have been letting my temper get the best of me with Pam. That being said, I’ve still been treating Pam better than that sister of yours usually does.” Wes actually has to stop and blink. “You have a point there. But you should still try to leave Pam alone.” Patty nodded her head. “Alright, Wes. I’ll try to be nice to her. But I swear if she... huh?”

Patty looked to her side and saw something wedged into the hip of her pajama pants that looked like a wallet. “That doesn’t look like my wallet.” Out of curiosity, Wes crawled up towards the wallet and pulled it forward, walking as carefully as he could to avoid sinking into his wife’s titanic pink blubber. Patty picked up the wallet and looked into it to see a driver’s license with Warden Destiny’s photograph on it. “Good grief,” said Patty. “This is that crazy gargoyle’s wallet. She must’ve dropped it when she came to take away Wade.”

Wes raised an eyebrow. “What would a gargoyle need with a driver’s license?” Patty rolled her eyes but then she noticed something. “Huh? What’s this?” Patty took out a photo of an overweight purple gargoyle who resembled Destiny in the face but looked younger and had darker hair. “Huh,” said Patty. “This must be Destiny’s daughter. Pam was more right about Destiny than she knows. This girl looks remarkably like Angela.” “If Angela was twice Broadway's size.” Suddenly, Wes has to plug his ears because he hears loud swearing in the distance. "Gee, Patty. That woman's temper is worse than yours."

- -

Elsewhere, Salli and Pam were flying over Direopolis with Allen and Norman in their hair. “I’d say Lapis and Johnny will make a great couple,” said Salli. “She’s taking him fishing tomorrow.” “Well,” snorted Pam. “I still say that there’s hope for Rob and Mallory.” “I don’t know, Pam,” said Allen. “A succubus and a zombie.” “You married a vampire elephant,” said Norman. “You’re not one to talk, Bro.” Salli then let out a sigh. “I hope Patty’s okay. Tomorrow, there will be only 4 days left until Venus comes back.” Pam gave a snort. “Those Greek gods are so temperamental.” “Roman.” Said Allen. Norman gave a scoff. “Aren’t Greek and Roman gods practically the same?” “I dunno,” said Pam. “Personally, Greek monsters are hardly any better. I can name one stupid cow in particular. Thank goodness she’s out filming that horror movie. If she saw Patty all bloated, she’d blame it on me.” “Well,” said Salli. “You were the one who wanted to go out on the schooner.” “Shut up, Salli.”

Salli and Pam split up as Salli landed in front of hers and Allen’s gothic-style manor. “See you tomorrow, Pam.” Allen then realized the door was open. “Salli, look.” Salli trumpeted in surprise. “That’s funny,” she said. “I remember locking the door this morning. Somebody must be inside.” "But who?" asked Allen. "They'd have to know where we keep the keys." Salli floated inside and she and Allen were surprised at who they found waiting for her on the couch. It was none other than Corona Poe, a minotaur movie star who was Wes, Allen and Norman's older stepsister. "Hey, Salli," said Corona as she adjusted her glasses. "Allen. How's tricks?"
A Non-Existent User
"Corona!" Salli said, surprised. "When did you get here?"

"About an hour ago." Corona replied. "But that isn't important right now. I've heard that something's happened to Patty. What did Pam do this time?"

"It wasn't her fault!" Allen said.

"Yeah, it was kind of my idea to dress up Patty as Aphrodite..." Salli said.

"But Pam must have been the one to start all of it." Corona replied.

"Why do have to blame Pam for everything?" Salli asked.

Corona hesitated. "What happened to Patty?" She asked, avoiding Salli's question.

Allen rubbed the back of his head. "Aphrodite made Patty so fat that she's immobile. She now has 5 days to apologize or she'll be that way forever." He said.

Corona pinched the bridge of her nose. "Unbelievable. I'm going to go check on her." She said, and got up to leave.

"It really wasn't Pam's fault." Salli said.

Corona didn't say anything as she left. Salli sighed.
Meanwhile, down at the docks, Delphine, Fornaria, and Emerald were getting a boat ready to head out to Blackhorn's ship. Delphine was ranting about "plundering pirates" the entire time.

"Delphine, don't you think you're jumping to conclusions?" Fornaria asked. "It's possible these pirates are just passing through. Last time you though someone was being robbed, it turned out to be someone returning something instead."

"He could have been trying to rob her." Delphine said, before looking in the direction of the ship. "Who knows what pillaging those pirates are planning..."
"...and I'm actually surprised it worked." Phanta said.

Blackhorn laughed. "She really dressed up as Aphrodite?" She asked.

Phanta nodded. "Ah, me ship has seen some amazing adventures." She said. "Let's see what's out on the horizon."

Pulling out a spyglass, Phanta used it to scan the area. Eventually, she found something interesting.

"Hm. Looks like we have some landlubbers wantin' to come our way. From the looks of it, they're mountain rangers. Guessin' they think we pillagers. What say we prove we meen no harm?" Phanta said.

Blackhorn nodded, while Jack groaned.

"It's going to be one of those days." He said.
Back at Under Gloom, Destiny was in the middle of an search. Well, not so much "search" as "ripping her office to pieces". Aria was nearby, having left Neo early to get back to her shift. She was watching Destiny freak out.

"WHERE THE F**K IS MY WALLET?!" Destiny screamed.

"Maybe you left it at that couples house when you got Wade." Aria suggested.

Destiny punched a wall. "DAMMIT!" She yelled. "We're going back there. Make sure Wade doesn't somehow break out and follow us."

Aria held up a small glass box. Wade was inside. It was soundproof, so he was screaming but couldn't be heard. Aria called for Icy and handed the box to her. Then she and Destiny left for Patty and Wes's house.

Meanwhile, in an apartment two miles away from the town, a woman was typing on her laptop. She was just finishing up a chapter in her newest novel.

The woman was a werewolf. She was 900 feet tall, covered in cement grey fur, had black eyes and white hair. She was fairly chubby, but suffered from a extremely sever case of LOS. Each breast was bigger then her bedroom, having broken her walls, and they were so extremely heavy that she was completely unable to move. So she spent all day in her room, on her bed.

Not that she minded. She hated people and the outside world, prefering to be completely shut in. She so hated other people that she considered even having them get her food an annoyance. In fact, the entire floor she lived on was empty.

"Finally done with that chapter." She said. "Time for a snack."

She reached over to the fridge next to her bed, but found it to be empty.

"DMAN IT!" She yelled, smacking one of her monolithic breasts, making it jiggle. "Guess I need to order groceries again." As she reached for the phone, she caught a glimpse of her newspaper. On it was an ad for Neo Neapolitan. She thought for a second, then grabbed her phone and dialed the number.

"Hello? My name is Sasha Matanos..." She began.
To her disappointment all Sasha heard was a recording stating that Neo Neapolitan was closed for the night. After she hung up the phone Sasha sighed and lied back. Guess I'll have to try tomorrow. she thought as she hit the mattress. Her titanic bobs jiggled from the impact. She ran a paw over one of them and sighed again. She was actually torn over how to feel about her LOS. She loved having big breasts, but the damn things got so big it made it hard to even move. Its a good thing she became an accomplished writer, as it allowed her to afford clothes that fit her. Specifically her bra. Most werewolves or gargoyles with LOS had special bras made of mythril or admantine to support their breasts, but Sasha's problem was one of strength. She couldn't lift the humongous things! She recently finally bought a bra made of enchanted thread that makes her boobs much lighter. Don't know why, its not like I ever go anywhere. she thought to herself. Since it was already getting late she decided to turn in early and call the diner in the morning. With a yawn she let herself fade into sleep.


Back on the water Blackhorn steered the ship toward the rangers on the shore while Phanta stood on the deck waving to them. When they reached the shore Emerald looked confused. "Thats the ghost thats always sailing around, I thought you said this was Blackhorn's ship." she said. Just then the wererhino walks out onto the deck and Delphine laughed. "I told you! Ha! Surrender now, Blackhorn!" The pirate just raised her hands and gives a hearty laugh. "Easy there ladies, I'm just passing through!" she said. "Why would we believe you? Especially when we've already seen you cavorting with another pirate!" the dolphin said. "Well Phanta's not exactly a criminal, so thats not really a big deal." Fornaria pointed out. Delphine glared at her cadet. "Who's side are you on?" she asked. The weregoat smiled awkwardly. "Now hold on, I just happened to run into Phanta here and we got to talking. We go way back. Of course, she wasn't a ghost back then." Blackhorn said, putting an arm around Phanta's shoulder. Delphine eyed the two sailors suspiciously. "Then what are you doing here?" she asked. "Well I've kind of been...indisposed for a while. Now that I'm back and have a ship, I decided to visit the most trusted member of my crew!" the rhino explained. "See? She's getting her gang together. Who knows what they'll do?" Delphine snapped, still trying to make her case. Blackhorn looked down sadly for a second. "Sorry but wrong again. Old Anne Ductra died before I even went off the grid. I'm just here to visit her grave." she told the rangers. "Smooth." Emerald muttered at Delphine. "Anne ductra? Your first mate? Can I come?" Phanta asked. "Of course! Anne would love if that plucky little kid came to visit her!" Blackhorn answered. Having really no case, the rangers let the pirates go. Delphine stood there looking grumpy while her cadets consoled her.


Meanwhile, at the same cemetery as before, Mallory was yet again trying to raise her army. "Are you sure about this?" Rob asked, peeking up from her boobs. Mallory picked him up between her fingers and smiled. "Yes, I'm pretty sure I've got this page figured out, so this time it will work." she told him. "I won't end up with a shrimp." Her tiny zombie folded his arms and frowned. "Well excuse me for being small. Its not like I asked you to pull me out of the ground!" he said in a huff. The succubus rolled her eyes and stuffed him back in her cleavage. Once inside he just sighed and climed onto a giant pillow to relax. Meanwhile outside his mistress was chanting like before, only this time she made some variations, channeling her succubus magic. The magic spread over the graves and sure enough, a hand popped out of one. Seeing that it was actually monster sized this time, Mallory jumped for joy and rushed over. Good thing for Rob the inside of her boobs had its own center of gravity. Mallory watched in anticipation as her new minion clawed its way out of the dirt. A minute later the zombie was standing before her. It was a succubus with an hourglass figure like Mallory's, but with more muscle. She had dark purple skin, bull like horns, and long midnight colored hair that looked wild and covered in dirt. One of the horns was broken and her right arm was hanging on by a thread, as if it was sewn back on before she was buried. She was wearing what looked like a pirate costume, but it was rip in places. From the looks of her breasts, she also had LOS, but they were slighlty smaller than Mallory's. "Were the hell am I?" the zombie asked in a Welsch accent. "Why are you minions all so rude?" Mallory asked. "You have been summoned from the dead by Deathina, mistress of Black magic! You're here to do my bidding!" The zombie scoffed and made to grab her. "Stop." Mallory ordered, causing her to freeze in place. "What the hell?" she exclaimed. "I already said you're under my command. Now whats your name?" the succubus asked. "Anne, Anne Ductra, first mate to Captain Blackhorn." the zombie answered. Mallory reached into her boobs and pulled out Rob. "See? I got a real monster this time, and she's a succubus!" she declared smugly. Rob looked at Anne. "Guess you're stuck with her too." he said. "This is an insult and I won't stand for it!" Anne roared. "Then sit down." her new mistress ordered. In a flash she was sitting cross legged on the ground fuming. It was then that Rob made an observation. "So just one again?" he asked. Mallory looked around, then her smile faded as he continued. "Also, why isn't she mindless? You can tell us what to do, but isn't the point of a zombie army having them just shut up and nod?" Mallory thought for a second before nodding. "You're actually right. Both of my minions are back talkers! Something's wrong with this spell!" she said. "Or the caster." Rob muttered. She angrily stuffed him back her cleavage and motioned to her new slave. "Alright, come with me. We're heading back to my place." she said, causing Anne to get up and follow her, cursing Mallory until she was ordered to shut up.


Meanwhile at Patty's house she and Wes were watching TV. Wes was sitting on the arm of the couch, so he wouldn't get caught in his wife's fat folds. He looked up at her and reached over to rub her bloated belly. "Don't worry honey, we'll get you back to normal soon. Trini should have her contraption finished soon too!" he said, trying to cheer her up. Patty wasn't exactly upset, just annoyed. She knew she'd get back to normal eventually, but this was just such a crappy situation to be in. "I know Wes." she said, patting him with a pudgy finger. "I can't wait till she brings it over." The doorbell rang then, making them look up. After one ring the door opened and Wes's sister Corona walked in. "Sorry for barging in, but I figured with your situation you wouldn't be coming to the door." she said. "What are you doing here?" Wes asked, surprised. "Geez, thats how Allen reacted too. Is it really so shocking to see your big sister?" the minotaur asked exasperated. "Forgive him Corona, we're just going through a hard time." Patty told her. Corona looked over Patty's bloated form and nodded. "Yeah, I heard. How did Pam screw up this time?" she asked. Wes groaned as his sister opened the flood gates. Patty launched into an explanation of what happened, pointing out Pam's involvement of course. He just sat there as the two women caught up and ripped on poor Pam.


Over at Una's house she was reading a book in bed when something across the room caught her eye. Another of her talismans was shaking. "Another one?" she said to herself. "Just what is going on in Direopolis?" As if to answer her, a figure appeared in a burst flame somewhere near the cemetery. Mallory and her followers were long gone, so the figure stood alone. It was an amazonian cerberus woman standing about 1100 feet tall. Her fur was black and each head had short spiky black hair. "Seriously? Why did lord Hades send us here?" one of the heads asked. "Apparently someone is raising the dead like crazy and he wants to know why." another answered. "Maybe if you'd pay attention you'd know that." the third one added. With a sigh she walked toward the cemetery to look around.
A Non-Existent User
Meanwhile, Delphine was driving the jeep away as Fornaria and Emerald were eating marshmallows in the back seat. “Well,” said Delphine with a sigh. “That was a disaster.” “Isn’t it a good thing that there wasn’t any real crime tonight?” Delphine let out a sigh. “I guess.” Emerald ate a marshmallow from her sister’s bag when she saw two unfamiliar figures up in the sky. “Looks like we’re not alone.” Those two figures in question were Destiny and Aria. However, Delphine spotted Destiny and gasped at Destiny’s appearance. “Holy socks!” she yelled. “It can’t be!” Fornaria looked up and gasped as well. “Is that Demona? I thought she was only a cartoon character.” Emerald blinked. “Are you sure about that? If that’s Demona then who’s that ghost who’s with her?” Delphine gave a chatter. “She must be her accomplice. No time for dwadling. We need to take action.” With that, Delphine drove ahead to set a trap for who she thought was a threat to the populous.

Up in the sky, Destiny was swearing like a sailor as she flew towards the Round House. “You know, Destiny,” said Aria. “You really have a bad temper.” “I do not have a temper!” “Yes, you do. You practically trashed your office over a missing wallet.” “You try keeping calm when there’s a jerk who’s constantly pushing your buttons! Let’s just get my wallet back and...” Before Destiny could finish her sentence, a large net was cast over her and Aria and both let out screams as they crashed on the ground. Aria tried to shake free but from the looks of it, the net was ghost proof. “Who’s the jerk who threw this net over us!” shouted Destiny. Destiny and Aria looked up to see the rangers staring down at them. “Stop right there, Demona,” says Delphine. “You’re under arrest.” Destiny gave an angry look at Delphine. “Do you have cream cheese in between your ears?! I’m not Demona!” “Nice try,” said Delphine. “But I'm no fool. Clearly you and your ghost friend here are here to destroy the human population of Direopolis.” Destiny grit her teeth as Aria rose her head. “This is a clear misunderstanding. My friend here only looks like Demona.” “I do not!” yelled Destiny angrily.

“Well,” says Fornaria as she continues to munch marshmallows. “She does have Demona’s temper.” Destiny was so furious that she let out an angry roar as he eyes glowed red and she grabbed Fornaria’s marshmallow bag out of her hands with her teeth before shaking it like a mad dog. Emerald gave a look of fear. “I vote we keep those two in separate cells.” The rangers put handcuffs on Destiny and Aria and were driving them back to the ranger station. “You know that pink werehippo? The one that looks like Fox?!” groused Destiny. “She’ll tell you that I’m only here to get back my wallet.” “Yeah, right,” said Delphine. “And I’m Sasha Rasto.” Destiny growled in anger as Aria let out a sigh. “It’s gonna be one of those nights.”

- -

Corona shook her head. “That pig outdid herself this time. Getting you mixed up with pirates? Getting you in trouble with a Greek goddess?” Wes gave a groan. “Corona. Patty gives Pam enough heck as it is. Do you have to join in? You’re an actress yourself.” Corona gave a scoff. “None of the movies I star in risk provoking deities.” Corona then poked Patty’s much larger stomach and then shook her own large stomach. “Well,” says Patty. “That’s why I’m going to be staying around here for 4 days before I apologize to Aphrodite and end this nightmare.” Corona bit her lip. “I don’t know about that, Patty,” said the minotaur to her sister-in-law. “Something tells me Aphrodite isn’t going to undo the curse even if you do apologize.” Wes gives a look at his stepsister. “What makes you say that, Corona?” Corona gives a snort. “Hello, little bro! I’m a minotaur! I know Greco-Roman gods. They can be real touchy. This is the goddess that played a big hand in causing the Trojan war, just by bribing a judge. Remember King Midas?” “The man with the golden touch?” asked Patty. Corona nodded her head. “That wasn’t his only problem. He said Pan’s music was better than Apollo's and wound up with donkey ears.” Wes shivered. “And I thought you movie stars hated critics, Sis."

It was there that there was another knock on the door. “Now what?” asked Patty. “Come in, Salli.” The door opened up and in walked the black-furred cerberus girl on all fours as all three of her heads howled. “I’m not Salli.” Said the left head. Corona gave a look of surprise. “Were you expecting a cerberus?” The cerberus walked towards the hole and looked down at Patty and Wes. “Sorry to barge in like this,” said the middle head. “But do any of you happen to know anything about the dead coming back to life in the area.” Corona gave a blink. “What was that? As far as I can tell you, there are no undead in Direopolis.” Wes gave a scoff. “You should’ve been here earlier, Sis. If it’s necromancy you want, you’re looking for Deathina. Look for a one-eyed succubus with LOS. Though, I don’t know why you should bother. She only revived one zombie and he didn’t even grow.” The right head barked and nodded her head. “Would you happen to know where she lives?” “No,” said Patty. “We just met her today.” The cerberus nodded all three of her heads. “Well,” said the left head. “Thanks the Rounds and blinked. “Okay,” she says. “What crazy thing happened this time?” Wes let out a sigh. “You know, Sis. I envy you. You’re so busy making movies that you don’t have time to put up with all the freaks that come to our restaurant.” “You think I don't know what it’s like to work with freaks?” Wes could only blink at his sister’s remark. “Fair enough.”

Suddenly, the cerberus stopped in her tracks. “Oh,” said the center head. “Before we forget. My master has a message for you, Mrs. Round. He overheard Aphrodite say that she has no intention of removing that curse she placed on you, even if you do apologize.” Patty’s eyes popped upon hearing that news and she gave an angry snort. “Is that so?” she asked. Corona nodded her head. “What did I tell you? You’re going to have to find some other way to undo that curse.” Patty grit her tusks angrily. “Oh,” she said. “I'm going to give her an earful when she comes back!”

- -

At that time, Phanta and Blackhorn were on there way to the cemetery. "It will be nice to see Anne's grave again. It's too bad she didn't come back like you did, Phanta." Phanta let out a sigh. "I guess not every sea dog can be a specter. Who would've thought the old salt would've ended up in this harbor. A lot has changed since ye fell into your slumber, Maribelle."

But when the pirate's reached grave, Blackhorn stopped and screamed, causing Phanta to stop in her tracks. “By all the straw hats and doubloons!” yelled Blackhorn. “Look!” Both of them looked in shock because of the large gaping hole in Anne’s grave. “Blow me down!” yelled Phanta. “The grave, it’s empty! Some bilge rat robbed Anne Ductra’s grave!” Blackhorn gave an angry snort and held up a cutlass. “Nobody pirates a pirate from their tomb! When I find out who stole my first mate’s corpse, I’ll keelhaul them!” Blackhorn stomped away in fury as Phanta followed her. Jack however, poked his head out of his wife’s tricorne and looked closer at the grave and realized something wasn't right.

- - -

Anne and Mallory at that moment were back at Mallory’s place. “Be it ever so humble.” Said the living succubus. Anne looked around and saw that there were several actions figures of Japanese superheroes in display cases. Mostly Sentai heroes. There were also several posters, one of which appeared to be a motivational poster that depicted a vulture rather than an eagle. Anne rolled her eyes, one of them open due to lack of lid. "And now," said Mallory. "Since you're my minion, now, I'll fill you in on my new plan." Anne just let out a sigh. "If you must."
A Non-Existent User
At the ranger station, Destiny and Aria were being led in by Delphine. Destiny was fuming mad, but Aria was trying to keep a cool head, despite being just as frustrated.

"Listen, Destiny is the warden of Under Gloom prison and I am a guard. We don't have any evil plans." Aria said.

"A likely story." Delphine said. "You were probably planning to turn the population into stone."

Aria rolled her eyes. She was really beginning to hate this woman for her sheer stupidity. "Listen, call the mayor of Fearfield. She's the one who gave Destiny her job. I'm sure she will clear this up." She said.

"Fine." Delphine replied. "But I doubt she will."

Delphine told the other two to watch Destiny and Aria, and she went to call Fearfields mayor. A few minutes passed in relative silence before Delphine came back, looking mighty embarrassed.

"So, um." She started. "Turns out you were right. The mayor did clear things up. So... you can go now."

"Finally!" Destiny yelled as Emerald took off both handcuffs. "I told you we weren't evil."

"But you do look like Demona." Delphine said.

It took all of Aria's strength to keep Destiny from breaking Delphine's neck. "We'll be going now." She said as she pushed her boss out the door.

As soon as they were flying again, Destiny rubbed her temples. "If I ever see that stupid ranger again..."

"Let's just get your wallet and go." Aria said.
Back at Patty and Wes's house, Corona had gone into the kitchen to try and fix some dinner, while Patty and Wes were talking.

"Unbelievable. Aphrodite lied. I'm going to be an immobile ball of blubber for the rest of my life." Patty said, angry.

"Calm down, Patty." Wes said. "Why don't we call Memphis? Maybe she can help undo this curse."

"Memphis is a mummy. She knows more about Egyptian magic, not Greek magic." Patty replied.

Wes was about to say something, but then the doorbell rang. Corona went to open the door. On the other side were Destiny and Aria.

"Oh, you're back." Wes said. "I'm guessing you want your wallet back. It's on the coffee table."

Destiny nodded and walked over to pick up her wallet. Patty looked at her and saw her angry face. "Did losing your wallet piss you off that much?" She asked.

"I just had a run-in with a very stupid mountain ranger." Destiny said. "I'm not in a good mood."

"Oh, Delphine." Patty said. "She tends to see many things as a crime, no matter what the explanation."

Corona looked at Destiny, then at Aria. "You know, I'm making dinner for these two, but it's simple and I can whip up more. You want to stay?" She asked.

Aria looked at Destiny. "It'd take your mind off Delphine." She said.

Destiny shrugged. "Fine." She replied.
Over at Mallory's appartment, Mallory had initially begun describing her plan to take over the world, but then it quickly derailed into her rambling about her action figures. Anne and Rob, whom Mallory had put on the table, listened on in boredom.

"Is she always like this?" Anne asked.

"I've only known her since yesterday, so I don't know." Rob replied.

Anne sighed. "Who were you before you died?" She asked.

"Not a very well known person." Rob answered. "Just a store cleark who died of Pnemonia. You?"

"I was a member of Captain Blackhorn's crew. Her first mate, in fact. After she dissapeared, I tried commanding the crew myself. Got shot in the heart for my trouble."

"I thought Succubi were hard to kill." Rob said.

"This was a magic flintlock. Could kill any species except ghosts." Anne replied.

"Excuse me. Your mistress is talking here." Mallory interrupted.

Both Anne and Rob went quiet. Mallory smiled. "Good. Now, I got my Maskman figures two years ago in-"

She was cut off by pounding above her. "SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!" A voice yelled.

"My upstairs neighbor, Sasha Matanos. She has super hearing, but hates me. JUST AS MUCH AS I HATE HER!" Mallory yelled up.


Mallory's eye twitched. "Oh that is it! Minions, come with me. We need to talk with my neighbor." She said.
At the Round house Patty was fuming while Wes tried to comfort her. "Don't worry honey, we'll figure something out." he said. "You're damn right we'll figure something out! I'm not gonna let some petty goddess leave me as a bloated ball of lard for the rest of my life!" she said. Destiny and Aria, who had been listening, looked at each other. "Wow, gods can be jerks, huh?" Aria said. "You got that right!" Corona said from the kitchen. She was busy preparing dinner for everyone while they all got better acquainted. "But how are we gonna fix this?" Wes asked, rubbing his chin. Destiny took a sip of her drink and looked at them. "Well, you guys seem to be dealing with a lot of these gods right now. Why not just get another one to undo the curse?" she offered. Corona, who was just waiting for the food to finish cooking came back in. "Thats not a bad idea." she said. "Although easy to anger, some of them might be willing to help. You either need to find a helpful god, or one that just doesn't like Aphrodite." Wes looked pretty optimistic. "Great!" he said. "Hold on little brother." the minotaur interrupted. "Thats easier said than done. Although its not impossible, they don't generally care about helping mortals. I'd say you should either find someone who doesn't care for Aphrodite, or just try and strike a deal." Everyone listened to Corona, who seemed like an expert on this stuff. "Well we should think about how to go about this. I would love to have that arrogant dragon come back just to get schooled." Patty said. "Since we're here we can help you brainstorm." Aria offered. Destiny nodded and the five of them started planning.


Meanwhile back at Mallory's apartment she and her zombies were heading up the stairs. "I'll show that lousy wolf! Now that I've got my minions she'll be singing a different tune!" the succubus said as they ascended. "I'm sure she'll be impressed by your one and a half zombies." Anne added with a roll of her eyes. "Hey!" Rob said from Mallory's shoulder. His fellow minion gave him an apologetic shrug. "Anyway, all we have to do is scare her a little right? Or I could rough her up if thats what you want." she offered. Mallory thought about it for a second. "Yeah, scaring sounds good." she said. "Spoken like a true evil sorceress." Rob said sarcastically. "You do know you can't take over the world just by scaring, right?" he teased before his mistress flicked him back into her cleavage. She then saw Anne about to enter the next floor. "There's something you should know first." she called as Anne rushed ahead. "Whats there to know? I'll just MMMMPPHH!" the zombie was cut off as she ran right into a furry wall. After standing back to see what she ran into it jiggles slightly. "Hey watch it!" a voice snapped. "Sasha has an overblown case of LOS." Mallory said, walking up beside Anne. "She's actually the only person on this floor. Looking around Anne saw that the entire floor seemed vacant, except for the huge furry orbs that dominated the place. Some of the walls had even been knocked down. "Whats the matter tiny tits? You jealous?" Sasha taunted. Mallory walked over to where the wolf's voice was coming from and found her lying on her side. "Listen, I'm here to show you that I'm a full fledged evil sorceress now! I even summoned two zombies from beyond the grave to do my bidding!" she proclaimed. With one hand she presented Anne, and she was rooting around her cleavage with the other. When she found what she was looking for she held Rob out in her palm. "What, I'm supposed to be impressed by one zombie and this half dead runt?" Sasha scoffed. "She looks like a wuss anyway." Annoyed by that comment, Anne stepped forward. "I served on the fiercest vessel on all the seas!" she said. Unfortunately she tripped on an empty snack cake box and fell into Mallory, who in turn fumbled with Rob, launching him Sashsa by accident. 'What the-?" the werewolf muttered as the tiny zombie bounced off of her neck and went tumbling into her cleavage. "Hey! Give him back!" Mallory demanded. "Does it look like my arms can reach in there?" Sasha countered. "Keep a better grip on your pet!" With a sigh Mallory turned to Anne. "Guess we gotta get him ourselves." she said. Anne just sighed and shook her head.


Elsewhere in Direopolis the cerberus was closing in on her next destination. She was searching through town when one building caught her eye. She saw various monsters coming and going, but more to the point she saw a few succubi with abnormally large breasts. "Well this looks like a good place to look next." the right head said. "Why does lord Hades care about some necromancer anyway?" the middle asked. "Because he usually knows when a zombie is being created. The fact that this woman is raising the dead without his consent means she's throwing the balance of souls out of whack." the left head told her. "If left unattended, she could end up taking a lot of souls right out of the underworld." the right head added. "She must be using some old magic if she can bypass lord Hades though." They entered the building and were met with girls of considerable bust. There are gargoyles, werewolves, and succubi. The entire staff of this place is made up of the monsters who can get LOS. "Can I get you a seat gorgeous?" an indigo skinned succubus asked, showing some generous cleavage. "No thanks, but I would like to talk to whoever's in charge." the cerberus told her. With a bit of a sigh the succubus headed to a door on the other side of the club. "Well she had both eyes so its not her." the left head said. The door opened and out walked a green furred werewolf with pink and green hair and very big boobs, even by LOS standards. "Cora, can I help you?" she asked. "Yes, I'm looking for a Deathina." the right head said to the woman. "Oh boy, what did she do now?" Cora asked shaking head. "She seems to have been raising the dead willy nilly." the left head answered. "Yeah, and now she needs to answer for it." the center added. "Can you tell us where she lives.?" Cora narrowed her eyes at this woman. Sure Mallory could be a troublemaker, but she was a good girl, despite her ambitions. She didn't want to lead any trouble to her. "I'm sorry, but I don't give out my employees personal information." she answered brusquely. "I suggest you make an exception." the right head said, getting a little annoyed. A few feet away, Viveka and Gina were watching nervously. "Uh oh, the boss is getting mad." Viveka said as Gina hid her face behind a serving tray.
A Non-Existent User
With a loud smash, the cerberus was sent flying out the window of the bar before Cora jumped out after her. the cerberus rose up to her full height and gave a growl. “You are not dealing with any cerberus. I work for Lord Hades.” Cora gave a growl. “Well, Mallory works for me and she may always be getting into scrapes, she’s not evil.” There was a beat. “Okay, so she thinks she’s evil, but I think that it’s perfectly clear she's harmless. If you’re looking for her, try the next town over.” The cerberus’s left head gave a growl. “I think you’re lying.” Viveka and Gina looked in fear as the cerberus got up again and her left and right heads gave a whistle so loud that it upset Cora’s ears. Then, in a flash of fire, two more monsters showed up and they were both as tall as the cerberus woman.

The first of the monsters from the looks of it was a two-headed orthrus with long gray fur and black and white spots all over her body. Her heads resembled those of a great dane and she appeared to be wearing glasses on both heads. Her thighs were enormously thick and her hair was worn in dreadlocks. The second of the cerberus’s allies was a rather muscular four headed hydra with bright brown scales. Three of her heads had slicked back purple hair while the last head’s hair was brown and the hydra was wearing a bikini that was made out of bones and leather. All three monsters glared at Kora who looked in surprise at the nine heads that were facing her. She let out a sigh as she cracked her knuckles and prepared for the scrap. “Something tells me that it’s going to be one of those nights.”

- -

Meanwhile, Corona was washing dishes as Patty, Destiny and Aria were discussing their plan. “What about either Hera or Athena?” asked Patty. “After all, Aphrodite cheated when Paris was to decide which of the three was the most beautiful.” Aria shook her head. “Hera is even more ill-tempered than Aphrodite.” “But Athena is the goddess of wisdom,” said Destiny. “She could be of use to us.” Corona bit her lip. “Are you absolutely sure that summoning a goddess in charge of war is a good idea?” Wes gave a scoff. “We could invite the goddess who started the mess between Hera, Aphrodite and Athena. Eris.” Corona freezes and sticks her tail in the air. “Alright. Just be careful. Greek gods can be unpredictable. Ironically, for all the hate Hades gets, he’s one of the more reasonable ones.” Destiny then gives a smirk. “Good. Now all we need is somebody to cast the spell and summon Athena in the form of a monster.” “Good,” says Wes. “We’ll just get Una and cast the spell.” Destiny gives a blink. “Una?” she asks.

Patty nodded her head. “The town witch doctor. I’m sure she...” “I’m afraid that it isn’t that simple,” said Destiny. “It would require 5 magic users to summon Athena down to Earth in the form of a monster. I can use magic when I have to, but aside from simple telekinesis and the ability to use magic through use of an object, Aria’s no sorceress.” Aria shrugged her shoulders in embarrassment. “Say, would...?” Patty let out a sigh. “Don’t even ask. I’m no sorceress.” Patty then realized something. “But I’ve seen Vienna cast a spell or two in the past.” Aria gave a look of surprise. “You know, Corona Poe AND Vienna? Good grief, are you lucky. Ive got to tell this to Jez!” Destiny held up three fingers. “That’s three. Any other spellcasters you know?” “Memphis next door for one.” Said Wes. Wes then held his head down. “But that’s about it.” Patty stroked her larger than usual stomach and then a thought came to her. “Wait!” she yelled. “That idiot Mallory managed to raise the dead. I’m sure she could make it work.”

“This Mallory,” said Aria. “Would she happen to be a succubus about yay big with an eyepatch? I saw her with another succubus that looked like she was undead.” “What?!” yelled Wes. “She brought back a full-sized zombie? That’s... that’s impressive.” Destiny let out a sigh. “Aria and I will handle Mallory. You get Vienna, Una and Memphis.” With that, Destiny walked out only for Aria to stop at Corona’s side. “Uh,” said Aria. “This may not be a good time, but could I trouble you for an autograph? My daughter is a big fan.” “Aria!” yelled Destiny. “Get over here!” Aria let out a groan and then turned to Corona. “Remember. Address it to Jez Tazel.” With that, Aria flew off to follow her boss and Corona decided to go next door to get Memphis’s help. Corona knocked on the door and out came Memphis, a gigantic pear-shaped mummy wrapped from head to toe in gauze with the head of an undead horse. Memphis just gave a hiss at Corona. “This had better be good.”

While Corona was explaining the situation to Memphis, Wes was on the phone with Una. The witch doctor at the time was busy washing dishes when Wes told her what happened. “I see,” said the giant lioness. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Una hung up and then Wes contacted Vienna. Wasting no time at all, the gargoyle songstress took to the air and got ready to fly off. Christina ran up towards her boss before speaking. “Are you sure about this, Vienna?” asked the crocodile giantess. “You’re dealing with very powerful magic.” Vienna gave a smirk. “Half the population of gargoyles can use magic,” said Vienna. “And I’m part of that half. I won’t be gone long.” Vienna then flew off to meet with Patty and Wes.

Back home Patty let out a sigh. “I’m still not sure this will work.” “Well,” says Wes. “We don’t exactly have a lot of options, Patty.”

- - -

Meanwhile, Sasha was growling in discomfort and annoyance as Mallory and Anne were going through her to look for Rob. “He’s got to be here somewhere,” said Mallory. “Somewhere.” Anne gave a grumble. “I never thought it would come to this. Me, one of the world’s most frightening pirates, reduced to pressing someone down.” Anne heard a moan and then reached down as Sasha growled and then pulled Rob out. Rob breathed in and out before speaking. “Did you have to pull me out?” he asked. Sasha gave a growl. “So you got your stupid minion back. Now get lost.” “Oh no,” says Mallory. “You and I still have business. You have angered the great and powerful Deathina long enough!” As Mallory was speaking, she failed to notice that Anne was behind her, moving her lips to mock her. “Prepare for...”

Before Mallory could make her move, she heard footsteps and turned around to see Destiny and Aria had come forward. “Is this woman bothering you, Ms. Matanos.” Sasha gave a scoff. “You bet she is. I can hardly write with this idiot always bugging me and making trouble.” “She’s the one harassing me!” yelled Mallory. “Just who do you think you are?” Destiny made her eyes glow bright red. “Warden Destiny Sirtis of Under Gloom.” Anne gave a look of discomfort. “Just our luck,” muttered the succubus zombie. “A prison warden. I didn’t come back from the dead just to do time in the brig.” Rob shook his hands. “For the record,” he said. “I’m not with them.” “Excuse me?!” yelled Mallory. “Ugh!”

Destiny grabbed Mallory by the ear. “We’re gonna need you to come with us, savvy?” Mallory grumbled and then nodded her head. But then she got a good look at Destiny and realized something. “Did you know...?” Before Mallory could continue, Destiny grit her teeth and hissed “Say it,,” growled Destiny. “And I’ll clobber you.” Mallory knew when to quit and quickly zipped her lip as she was dragged away. Anne and Rob grunted as the spell on them caused them to be pulled along with the would-be world conqueror. Sasha growled and went back to her laptop. “Hopefully they’re finally coming to take that moron away. I can get back to my writing. Might as well work on the next chapter while I'm up."

- - -

At that moment, on a hill, Memphis, Vienna and Una had already gathered to prepare the ritual that would summon Athena. Patty caught up with them on the very vehicle that Trini designed to help her carry her newly bloated body. “I’ve got to hand it to Trini. This thing actually works well.” Corona followed behind and let out a sigh. “I just hope that your plan works just as well. You’re playing a dangerous game, you two.” Wes let out a sigh himself. “Well, it’s not as if we have anything to lose from this, Corona.” Corona just let out a groan. “I hope this Mallory you told me about actually is a sorceress and not some clown.”
A Non-Existent User
Back at LOS Lovely's, Cora, the cerberus girl, and the cerberus girl's friends were still fighting. Cora had thrown the hydra through a wall, and slammed the orthus on a table. But both just kept getting right back up.

Viveka was watching in awe while Gina was cowering behind the bar. The other patrons were also watching the fight.

Eventually, the cerberus girl got Cora in a headlock. The orthus and hydra grabbed her arms to keep her from fighting anymore.

"Listen to me." The left cerberus head said. "If you don't want this place destroyed, tell me where the succubus is."

"No way." Cora choked out. "I'm going to protect my staff and customers."

As if lady luck itself was listening, the police car carrying Mallory drove by, blaring it's siren. The three Underworld creatures turned to the sound, and saw Mallory.

"That's her!" The middle cerberus head yelled. "Follow that car!"

All three of them let go of Cora and went after the car.

Holding her neck, Cora turned to Gina and Viveka. "Go after them. Mallory may be an idiot, but I'm not letting them hurt her."

Viveka nodded and dragged Gina with her out of the club.
Back with the group on the hill, they were getting bored waiting for Mallory to show up. Patty looked at her watch. It was almost time for the graveyard shift.

"Crap." Patty said. "We need to start the graveyard shift soon. And I'm in no condition for that. Wes, can you call the others and tell them to handle it.

Wes nodded, pulled out his cell phone, and started dialing.

First, he called Salli and Allen. They were still at her house watching a movie. They were willing to do the shift.

Then Wes called Pam and Norman. But he wasn't able to get an answer. They must have been busy with... something.

Then he called Tanya. She wasn't doing anything, so she agreed to take the graveyard shift.

Finally he called Dorothy. She said she would like to, but she had made other plans, so she wasn't able to.

At that, Wes thanked her anyway and hung up. "Well, at least it won't be completely empty." He said to Patty.
Meanwhile, at the graveyard Mallory raised Rob and Anne from, a ghost wandered into it. Despite being a ghost, she looked terrified.

The ghost was about 850 feet tall, had long white hair covering her face, blank white eyes, and chalk-white skin. She was slim, but had an enormous bust, only slightly smaller then Mallory. She was wearing a simple white tee-shirt and black jeans.

"O-ok Luanne." The ghost said to herself. "You're in D-Direopolis now. Just find the r-restaraunt, and you can leave this g-g-g-"

She wasn't able to finish before she heard a twig snap. She screamed and ran out of the graveyard at full speed. Once out, she put her hands in her face.

"Stupid, stupid." She muttered. "Luanne Kenmore, you're a ghost. A Hantu Tetek, in fact. A ghost known for a huge bust and being scary. But I'm just a big scaredy cat."

Truth was, Luanne was afraid of many, many things. She was always on the verge of a freak out, and even the smallest thing made her cry in fear. She felt pathetic.

"Ok. OK, just breathe." She said. "You can do this. You can go to Neo Neapolitan, and get a job." Suddenly, she panicked a bit. "But what if they don't hire me? What if my huge bust gets in the way, and they laugh at me, and say mean things, and-"

She trailed off when she was the group on the hill. Scared but intrigued, she slowly walked over.
On the hill where the girls were waiting, Patty sighed as she scratched her bloated belly. "Where are they?" she asked a little irritated. Wes patted her neck from her shoulder. "They're helping us out here so give them a little time." he told her. "That Dethina chick could be anywhere. She doesn't seem too down to earth." The hippo groaned just as Destiny and Aria pulled up in their car. "Look who we found harassing her neighbor." the gargoyle said. "I wasn't harassing anyone!" Mallory protested. "She's just always so mean to me! That big tittied furbag needs to be brought down a peg!" Anne got out of the car as well holding Rob in her palm. "Hey, you actually got a real zombie!" Wes noted with a hint of surprise. Mallory forgot her anger and puffed out her chest with a grunt of pride, while Anne and Rob rolled their eyes. Patty rode over in her little vehicle. "Hey, you're from that diner. What the hell hapened?" Mallory asked. Patty sighed before explaining. "I was cursed and we need your help to summon someone who can fix it." she said. "So, you need a great sorceress of my caliber huh?" the succubus aksed with grin. "Or we just don't know many magic users." Corona said bluntly. Mallory sticks her tongue out at her before Destiny grabs her by the arm. "Okay, just get into position." she ordered. "Why should-" Mallory began before a red eyed glare from Destiny shut her up. Rob stifled a chuckle. Everyone was soon in place, forming a circle, ready to begin. "Okay, everyone focus, and I'll lead the summoning." Una instructed. The lioness held out her arms as the rest of them focused.

While the ladies on the hill were getting ready to summon a goddess, the cerberus and her comppanions were nearly there. "That car went this way!" the cerberus said and they picked up the pace. Viveka and Gina were not too far behind. "Should we really be doing this? Those two seem pretty scary." Gina said meekly. "Boss's orders." Viveka told her. "At least we're still getting paid." All of them were coming up on the summoning. "There she is!" the orthrus said. Just as they reached the summit a flash of light went off. When everything was clear again a large owl harpy was standing in the center of the circle. She was slightly taller than Destiny, sporting white feathers and long brown hair, as well as a slightly tight fitting toga. The cerberus and her group arrived soon after. "Okay, you're coming with us!" she said, closing in on Mallory. She stopped however when she spotted the harpy. "Lady Athena!" the hydra exclaimed. "What are you doing here?!" Athena looked around taking in her surroundings. "I've been summoned, but for what?" she said. Patty sighed in relief. She didn't seem upset, maybe she was willing to listen. "Excuse me ma'am. My name is Patty Round, and-" she tried to explain. Athena interrupted however. "Yes, you're the one Aphrodite cursed. Can I assume you'd like me to lift the curse?" The hippo nodded silently. Athena saw Wes and tilted her head. "Oh, your one of Achilles descendants. He was a great warrior, and fun to watch in wars." Wes and his wife looked at each other, then at Athena. "Very well." she said, and with a wave of her hand Patty is back to her normal size. "Th-thank you!" the hippo shouted and looked over her body. "However..." Athena started. "Here it comes." muttered Corona. "When Aphrodite sees that you're cured, she may punish you. I'll protect you from her one condition. Just make it interesting for me." The goddess gave a last look at Mallory and Hades' servants before vanishing. "Make it interesting? What does she mean?" Patty wondered. "Hey, thats gods for you." Corona said with a sigh. "Whatever the case, I'd say we're done here. How about we go out to celebrate?" Vienna suggested.

As everyone moved to go have a good time. Mallory was pulled back by a large claw. "Hey what gives?" she yelled indignantly. "We've got business succubus." the cerberus said. "With you and your zombies." Viveka and Gina arrived at this point. "Wait! Please don't hurt her!" Gina cried. The hydra looked confused. "Hurt her? We're just here to question her." The cerberus proceeds to interrogate her. "Listen, you've raised two zombies in less than a week. No one should be able to do that." she explained. Mallory just stared at her, so she continued. "Zombies are a naturally occuring thing on Mons Terra, but skilled sorcerers can create their own. To keep the balance of souls in the Underworld the number of zombies they can make is controlled. You, however, somehow bypassed the restriction." Mallory looked quite proud of herself until the orthrus stepped in. "You don't seem like a super great mage, so I'm willing to bet you got your hands on some ancient magic." Mallory folded her arms in a huff. "So what are you gonna do?" she asked. The cerberus snapped her fingers and a burning sensation hit the succubus's chest. 'What the hell?!" she cried, clutching her chest. When the burning stopped there was a tattoo of a black helmet on her chest. The same mark had appeared on Rob and Anne, but they didn't feel the burning. "You are all now subjects of lord Hades. You can still play with your little spells, but do anything forbidden and we'll know." Mallory seemed to take this better than expected. "So I've got the lord of the dead behind me? Now I can really conquer the world!" she said beeming. The cerberus laughed. "Yeah, knock yourself out." Their work done, the minions of Hades vanish in black flames. "Well at least you're okay." Viveka said, patting Mallory on the back. "Come on, so we can let Cora know." As they all head to LOS lovelies Mallory can't help but feel hyped. "Once we're done we should get something to eat!" she suggested.

Once everyone was gone, Luanne, who had been hiding nearby, came out. "I'm so glad they didn't notice me!" she said with her hand on her chest. "Goddesses and curses? I just need to get to that restaurant fast!" she said to herself before floating away. As she made her way to Neo Neapolitan she passed by two women dressed as pirates. "When I find out who ransacked Anne's grave they'll be looking down the barrel of a flintlock!" she heard one of them, a whererhino, say as she passed by. The other girl, a ghost like herself, had a human on her shoulder. He seemed to be saying something as well but they had already passed and were too far away to hear. Luanne just kept making her way down the street until she reached her destination. At Neo Neapolitan Salli and Allen were in the middle of the graveyard shift. They had a few customers, but it wasn't too busy. Tanya was wiping tables, taking care not to let her huge rear knock any chairs over. Just as she looked up from one of the tables she was met with a gigantic set of boobs out of nowhere. Luanne was floating in through a wall and her bust ended up engulfing Tanya's face. When the ghost was fully in the restaurant she saw what she had done. "Oh! I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed. She waved her arms about, trying to back off, but Tanya's own flailing threw her off. They ended up tumbling to the ground. The combination of Tanya's butt and Luannes's boobs hitting the ground caused the surrounding tables to tremble. "Oh geez, are you alright?" Luanne asked, still on top of Tanya. At this point Salli and Allen came out of the kitchen. "Uh, whats going on?" the elephant asked. Luanne looked up and Salli noticed the flyer in her hand. "Oh looking for a job?" The ghost girl looked up at this with a hopeful smile.
A Non-Existent User
Salli and Allen smiled. "Glad to meet you, Ms..." Allen said.

"Luanne Kenmore." Luanne answered.

"Ms. Kenmore." Allen finished. "So, why do you want to work her at Neo Neapolitan?"

"Well, I have a bit of a p-problem." She answered. "I'm a Hantu Tetek, a type of Malaysian ghost, so I'm supposed to be scary. But-"

The door opened before she could finish. The sound of the door made her scream and jump behind Salli to hide. Patty and Wes walked in and saw Luanne, who wasn't doing a good job of hiding.

"-I'm scared of practically everything." Luanne finished.

"You're looking better, Patty." Salli said. "What happened?"

Patty smiled. "Athena happened. She lifted Aphrodite's curse. So who's this?" She asked about Luanne.

"Luanne Kenmore." Allen answered. "She's a Hantu Tetek and wants to work here."

"A Hantu Tetek?" Wes asked.

"A Malaysian g-ghost known for having an e-enormous bust." Luanne answered.

"Between that and Tanya's butt I don't know how much longer this place will stand." Wes said. "Well, why don't you come back and Patty and I can interview you, OK?"

Luanne nodded and followed Patty and Wes back.
Meanwhile, Mallory and Anne were walking away from the hill, with Rob in Mallory's cleavage looking at the new tattoo on her chest.

"So, we're connected to Hades now?" Rob asked. "What the heck does that mean?"

"It means my power can become much greater, and I can finally become ruler of the world." Mallory said. Then she let out a happy giggle. "Crap. Need to work on my evil laugh."

Anne frowned. "Unbelievable. I'm stuck with a nutty Succubus, and now I'm being watched by Hades. I wish something good would happen." She said.

"ANNE!" A voice yelled. Anne looked and saw Captain Blackhorn and Phanta. Anne smiled.

"Captain!" She said as she raced over. She stopped right in front of Blackhorn. "I though you were dead!"

"I knew you were dead!" Blackhorn replied. "Who brought you back?"

Anne pointed behind her at Mallory, who was rambling.

"Ma'am!" Blackhorn yelled. "Did you resurrect my first mate?"

Mallory turned to her. "I did. She's my servant now. Who are you?" She asked.

"Captain Blackhorn." Blackhorn replied. "I need to have a word with you about robbing the graves of my crew, Miss..."

"Mallory von Blaze, but you may call me Deathina." Mallory answered.

"A pirate and a wannabe world dominator. Joy." Rob said, annoyed.
"So what makes you think its all right to claim a pirate's first mate as your servant?" Blackhorn asked Mallory with narrowed eyes. "Well, I did bring her back from the dead, so that makes me her master." the succubus answered bluntly. This just frustrated Blackhorn more. "So you disturbed her rest just for your foolish ambitions?" she said. From Mallory's cleavage Rob waved to the rhino above. "To be fair, she didn't do it on purpose. She was just hoping for any zombie. Its like casting a line out hoping to catch a fish." he said, offering an explanation. His mistress patted his head with a smile, unaware of the slight insult. "So your saying she's a slave by accident?" Blackhorn asked, clenching her fist. Seeing her former friend under the command of such an airhead was all that she could take. She grabbed the succubus by her shirt and pulled her close. "Listen here, you're going to release her from whatever hold you have on her." she ordered. "N-not likely!" Mallory told her defiantly. "She's a member of my army now!" Rob was still watching the whole affair and offered more of his two cents. "I'm willing to bet she doesn't even know how to release her." her called to the angry pirate. His mistress let out a HMPH! and looked to her side. "Anne! Help me out!" she ordered. In a flash the zombified succubus separated the two and stood between them. "Sorry captain..." she said looking slightly at the ground. Seeing the two pirates stare at each other made Mallory feel just a little bad. "Anne! You are never to betray me, and if I am threatened you will always come to my aide! However, I grant you permission to hang out with your friend every now and then." she said with proud look. "You're so generous." Rob said with a roll of his eyes. Despite the dirty looks her captain was giving, Anne sighed. "I think this is the best we're going to get." she said. "But first I need to report back to Cora at work!" Mallory announced, pointing forward like a general leading her troops. Both zombies sighed and Blackhorn face palmed. "So does this mean no one is getting beat up?" whispered Jack to Phanta. The had been standing by with Gina and Viveka, waatching the scene unfold. With the show over they all started heading for LOS Lovliess, some of them not quite knowing why they were going along with it.


Meanwhile in the back room of Neo Neapolitan Patty and Wes were conducting Luanne's interview. "Okay, so why do you want to worrk at our diner?" Patty asked. "Um, w-well I'm such a scaredy cat, but I'm supposed to scare others." the ghost mumbled. "Sorry, but could you speak up?" Wes asked from Patti's shoulder. "Eep!" Luanne nearly tumbled off of her chair at the sudden question from the tiny human. "Sorry! I just hoped that working at a place like this would force me to interact some more, and then I would build up some courage!" she said, just a little too loudly. "I mean, from what I see this area has a lot going on. I mean, you and that group were on the hill summoning a goddess, and then there was that scary cerberus!" Patty tilted her head in surprise. "You saw that?" she asked. Luanne's eyes widened and she bowed her head quickly. "I wasn't spying, I just happened to pass by!" she said apologetically. "Patty, I think we should give her a chance. I feel kind of bad for her." Wes told his wife. She sighed with a smile. "You little softie. I agree that she deserves a shot. There's nothing wrong with trying to better yourself." she said. Luanne smiled and grabbed Patti's hand. "Thank you so much!" she squeeled, than noticed she was pretty close to the couple. "Aah!" She jumped back and floated into the air. "This might be a little tough..." the hippo said. "But new employees aside, I need to find a way to satisfy Athena when Aphrodite comes back." Wes sat down on her shoulder as Luanne floated closer slowly. "She said mke it interesting, but how exactly should we go about it?" he wondered. "I'm sure we'll figure something out, but for now lets get Luanne here familiarr with the place." Patty told him motion to the h that was pacing around nervously. Suddenly there was a loud crash from out front. If Luanne had skin should would have surely jumed out of it. "Lets start by seeing whats going on out there." Patti said with a sigh.
Patty and Wes walked out to the front to see what the sound was. Luanne followed closely behind them, hiding behind the door frame and peeking out. The scene before them was actually not that serious. Deathina, that crazy sorceress was sitting at one of the booths. Her zombie succubus was currently restraining a wererhino dressed as a pirate captain. There was an indigo skinned succubus as well as a werewolf sitting in the booth with Deathina. Once Patty noticed Phanta and her husband were there too she groaned. "Oh great, HER." Wes patted Patty's shoulder. "Come on dear, she didn't do anything." he said. "Sure, but 'd still like to know what the hell is going on!" she said, raisng her voice to be heard. Everyone turned to look at her and Salli slid into vew. "Just a little misunderstanding between the customers." she said with a shrug. "Yeah, sure. What are you up to?" Patty asked, turning to Deathina. "Nothing, me and my minions are just enjoying our food!" the succubus answered. She had a large burger with extra cheese in front of her. Rob was currntly on the plate next to the burger chomping on a small piece of meat. "Minion, my ass..." the rhino pirate muttered as she plopped down in Phanta's booth. Patty stared at her quizzically before someone offered an explanation. "That rhino is Captain Blackhorn, and the zombie girl used to be a part of her crew. She's mad that Mallory made her into he slave." the indigo succubus whispered to the werehippo. "Thanks, and who are you exactly?" Patty asked. "I'm Viveka. Me and Gina here work with Mallory down at LOS lovelies" The werewolf waved meekly and went back to eating her pizza. I swear we must be a magnet for big boobs. Patty thought to herself.


While everything settled down Luanne was standing off near the corner. "Anyway, this is Luanne. She's gonna be working here." Patty said, urging her to come closer. "Hello Luanne! Tanya is looking forward to working with you!" Tanya said happily, running up to shake her hand. Her massive butt accidentally bumped Salli out of the way, almost making her fall. "Sorry..." the cat said looking at her. Luanne meanwhile, was taken aback at how Tanya rushed at her. Her first instinct was to run away, but Tanya alredy had a grip on her hand. Instead she just went silent. Mustering her courage, she managed a greeting. "H-hello. My name is Luanne and I'm hoping to work with you to build some confidence." she said quietly. Salli gave her a pat on the back, which startled her. She fell forward, landing on Tanya, recreating their very first meeting. Everyone present watched the little display and chuckled. "Man, that would be a natural disaster in the human world." Mallory said. "You're probably right." said Rob, who himself was once human. Still the size of one, he felt the tremors of the two women falling more than anyone else. The patrons went back to their business, with Blackhorn looking rather annoyed, while Salli gave Luanne a tour of the diner.


Later that day everyone had gone back to business as usual. Una Pride however was hurrying to answer her door. "Coming!" she called out as the knocking continued. When she opened it Deneb was standing there in her masked glory. Una, who had met her before but really had no relationship with her, was a little surprised. It was a little strange for her to just show up out of the blue. "How can I help you?" she asked hesitantly. The goat woman didn't say anything but instead held up an old book. Una tilted her head and studied it for a second. "I'd like to give this to you." Deneb said before thrusting it forward. Una was taken aback but still accepted nonetheless. "Why me?" she asked. "You're a pretty good authority on the occult around here. I took this book from a succubus who thought of herself as real big shot. She's pretty much harmless, but something like this shouldn't be in her hands. Its an ancient magic that I can't even imagine how she got ahold of." Deneb answered. Una could guess who she was talking about, having spent last night helping Patty summon Athena. There was a particualr succubus there who seemed rather confident to say the least. "I figure you could take better care of it then me. I tried studying it but my knowledge on this subject is limited." Deneb told her. Una looked down at the cover. "Well, I'll certainly take it but-" she looked back up and the goat was gone. After looking around her doorstep she shrugged and shut the door, not noticing Deneb up on her roof. She gave the book another look as she walked through her house. It looked to be Lemurian. "Guess I'll study this later." she said, placing it on a bookshelf.
A Non-Existent User
Back over at Neo, the phone was beginning to ring. Tanya walked over and picked it up.

"Neo Neapolitan, Tanya speaking." She said. "Oh, Tanya apologizes, but we were closed at the time. Yes, Tanya will take your order. Ten brontosaurus burgers, 6 loaded pizzas, 5 dozen donuts, and three milkshakes. That's... quite a bit, Miss Matanos. Oh, well, Tanya has Glutos Syndrome, but she's never... OH! You want TANYA to deliver it? Well, OK. Tanya will be over in an hour." With that, Tanya hung up the phone.

"Making a delivery, Tanya?" Patty asked, walking up to her. Tanya nodded, making Patty smile. "Well, guess you're getting a little more work experience. Norman and Pam will go with you. They explain how it goes. I hope. Now, what's the order?"

Tanya told her. Patty's eyes widened. "My, that's quite a bit." She said.

"Miss Matanos told Tanya she had Lactose Overload Syndrome. Tanya's never heard of LOS women eating that much." Tanya said.

"Well, best get started." Patty said.
Meanwhile, Mallory and Blackhorn were trading stories about their lives, while Rob and Anne talked about their "bosses".

"She's always going on and on about how she'll be "The Empress of the World" and that everyone will "bow before her"". Rob said, using air quotes. "But the plans she does come up with are all so stupid. She get's most of them from Super Sentai."

"Well, Blackhorn's much more sane." Anne replied. "She cares about all her crew, and usually tries to not kill. Though there are times her greed gets the better of her."

"ROB!" Mallory yelled, making Rob jump. "We need to leave now."

Rob was confused. They kind of just got here. "What for?" He asked.

"My shift starts up again in an hour." She said. "So we need to go now if I'm going to make it." On that, she scooped up Rob and placed him in her cleavage. "I'm so sorry, Blackhorn. Perhaps we can meet again." On that, she walked off.

Blackhorn looked at Anne, who was hoping Mallory wouldn't realize she forgot the zombie. "She's an odd one." Blackhorn said.
Meanwhile, back at Deneb's house, while she was upstairs, Mallory's spell book began to glow.
After a few seconds of glowing the book began to shake slightly. Soon the rest of the bookshelf stated to tremble with the spellbook trapped inside it. However just as the shaking started a purple glow surrounded the entire thing and it stopped. Soon the sound of footsteps started and Una descended the stairs. "What the-?" she said when she saw the glowing bookcase. "Oh, of course." she sighed. The Lemurian spellbook seemed to be acting up. Fortunately her home was covered in protective charms. Everyone may have called her a nut but she knew what she was doing. After saying a little chant she dispelled the glow and pulled the book off of the shelf. "Alright, lets see here." she mumbled as she fipped through the pages. She planned on doing this later but she figured she should find out why the thing is so unruly. Suddenly the pages started flipping on their own and the book started to glow again. The glow disappeared as it shot from the book and straight into Una. She shook her head a few times before strteching her body. "Finally!" she announced. "It took forever to get out! You'd think it would be easier to get out of my own book!" She ran her hands along her body and cupped her breasts. "Whao! Quite a pair on this one!" She started to take a step when suddenly she bent over in pain. A tattoo of a strange symbol on Una's right breast began glowing from beaneath her fur, and in a few seconds the light that came from the book was expelled from her body. "That was close." the lioness said while panting. "You picked the wrong one to possess spirit." she said looking at the light as it took form in front of her. When it finished it took the shape of a busty young woman with short black hair in a white dress. She just floated there in the air, staring the lioness down, each of them waiting for the other to make a move.

Meanwhile over at LOS Lovelies Mallory had arrived and was preparing for her shift. She was currently in the dressing room adjusting her uniform. "Barely made it huh?" Cora asked with a smirk. "I'll have you know I had a long night! I helped summon a goddess and then received the blessing of a god!" the succubus said. "Yeah." her boss said with a roll of her eyes. "Its true!" Mallory huffed. "This is the symbol of Hades!" She pratically shoved her cleavage at the werewolf, whoes own massive breasts made that difficult. "Alright, alright..." she said. Mallory, not to be look down on, reached into her breasts and retrieved her little zombie. "Look! Rob was marked too!" she said, brandishing him like a little trinket. "You know I don't just wait around fo giant fingers to pull me into the sky down there!" he protested. He then noticed the enormous face of Cora right in front of him. "Hey." he greeted her. When she saw the mark on his chest she just smiled. "So you and your little friend got matching tattoos?" she asked. "No, they're really brands of Hades! My other minion has one too!" Mallory insisted. "Other?" Cora asked. Suddenly Mallory realized Anne wasn't there. "Hey where is she!?" she exclaimed. Rob sighed and rolled his eyes. "She's probably with her captain. Why don't you use some magic to get her here, oh great sorceress?" he said sarcastically. The succubus folded her arms annoyed. "I would, but my shift is starting. We'll get her later." she said as she stuffed her zombie back in her clevage. Cora watched in amusement as she left the room.

Back at the diner Blackhorn and Anne were still catching up when Blackhorn made a suggestion. "Why don't you just come with me and sail away?" she asked. "That airheaded witch won't know until we're already gone. "Believe me, I'd like nothing more captain, but I don't think I can go doing aything rash." she replied as she stood up. "Why not?" the wererhino asked. Anne began to head for the door and turned to look at her. "Well for one, I'm apparently heading for wherever Mallory is, because I can't control my body!" she answered as she walked out the door. Blackhorn hurried after her, leaving their table empty. At that moment, the food Tanya was supposed to deliver had just finished being packed up. "Okay, are you sure you can handle this?" Patty asked. "Tanya was asked for specifically, so she'll perform her job!" the cat answered. Patty chuckled. "Okay then, get out there." she ordered as Tanya left the diner.

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