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An innocent little baby sat on the porch while The Mommy sat on the porch swing drinking something that had steam coming out of it.
A grasshopper hopped up the steps and near the baby, without making a noise.
“Password,” the grasshopper said.
“Goo, goo, gah, gah, boo.” Baby said.
“Your mission Agent Baby is to destroy the clown,” a grasshopper said.
“Right.” Agent Baby replied. “Mission accepted sir.”
“This recording will self destruct in thirty seconds.” Agent Baby picked up the grasshopper and stuck it in his mouth to prevent The Mommy from seeing it.
“No no, baby. Don’t eat the grasshopper! Ewwie!” The Mommy said.
That was a close one. I got a good chew in there to destroy the device, Agent Baby thought to himself.
Agent Baby went about the rest of the day ‘playing’ as The Mommy would say. If anyone actually knew, Agent Baby was gathering the tools he needed to defeat the clown. The Mommy had inadvertently invited an evil clown to Baby’s birthday party the next day. Poor Mommy, Baby thought. She doesn’t know any better.
Let’s go over the list again. A hammer, too bad I couldn’t get a real one but this plastic one will have to do. Musical toy that I have modified to paralyze anyone that hears the song. Too bad I couldn’t get any rope but my blankie can provide the same service if I use it right. I am ready.
The next day, other big people arrived with children. Baby placated the grown-ups by saying and doing all the things one expects a baby to do. The party started and everyone made their way outside.
“Okay every one, are you ready to have some fun?” The Mommy asked all the children.
“Yay!” some yelled while others just drooled all over themselves.
“Here is Bobo the Clown!”
Baby watched as this ridiculous looking person came into the backyard. He will be easy to destroy. Baby stood up and waddled as he should up to the front. He needed to be in the right position to carry out his plan.
He pulled the musical toy out from under his blankie and began to ‘play’ the song. The clown looked down at him with a look on his face that Baby had never seen before. Mommy never looked at me like that. How do I react to this look?
Before Baby could figure that out, Mommy took the toy away. Baby wanted to cry about it but decided it would be best to move on with his plan.
The clown began pulling colorful things out of his over large pants. Baby took the plastic hammer and hit the clown in the foot. It had no effect! The clown kept doing the silly trick!
Baby was shocked that nothing had happened - the clown didn’t shout or jump up or anything! Baby tried again, and again, and again.
“No no, baby. Don’t hit the nice clown.” The Mommy said and took the hammer away.
Bummer! Baby thought. As Baby never went anywhere without his blankie, he quickly crawled around the clown's feet, secretly tying the blankie around his ankles. The clown tried to take a step and fell - on top of Baby!
The Mommy rushed forward and rescued Baby. Baby cried, not just because babies do that, but it really did hurt.
“Oh my poor baby!” Mommy cooed.
“Poor baby! I’m the one that landed on my face!” The clown yelled.
“You should pay attention to what you are doing.” Mommy said simply.
“Me!? You should pay attention to what your baby is doing! Then I wouldn’t have tripped in the first place!”
“How dare you!” Mommy screamed.
Oh, Mommy is mad. You better run clown! Baby thought.
“Look here mister. You’re getting paid to entertain children so YOU should know to pay attention as little children can easily get under your feet!”
“YOU should be a better parent!” The clown yelled back. “It’s not that easy to parade around in this outfit ya know! I’d appreciate a little help here!”
Mommy slapped the clown, knocking the red rubber nose off the clown’s face. The other children were cowering behind their grown-ups. Baby laughed and clapped his hands.
“You better believe that I will call your boss and tell him about this!” Mommy said through clenched teeth. “You better leave my yard right now or I will call the cops!”
The clown growled and left the yard as fast as he could. Baby couldn’t understand why the clown would wear such huge shoes; it’s hard enough to walk as it is!
Yay Mommy! Baby thought. He giggled to tell her that he was happy and hugged her.
Mommy hugged Baby back, put him back down on the ground and began to tell the other grown-ups good-bye. A grasshopper came over to Baby, and hopped onto his knee.
“How is the mission going Agent Baby?” the grasshopper asked.
“The clown left due to intense humiliation. Will most likely lose job due to injury to Agent and The Mommy’s feelings. Mission completed sir.” Agent Baby said.
“Well done, Agent Baby.”
The grasshopper hopped away. Agent Baby turned around just in time for Mommy to pick him up and take him back inside.
“Well, baby that was an interesting day wasn’t it?” she said gently. “Happy birthday little one.”
“Mommy.” Baby sighed and rested his head on her shoulder.
Being a secret agent was exhausting. He smiled in memory of Mommy yelling at the clown. It was a GREAT day. Baby thought as Mommy put him into the tub. Mommy helped him wash - agents do get dirty after all.
Baby enjoyed the feel of Mommy when she snuggled with him. Today was even better since he saw first hand how much she cared. The clown tried to hurt him and Mommy came to the rescue! She is the best backup an agent could ever need. Baby thought dreamily as Mommy rocked him.
“Good night, my baby.” Mommy whispered.
Baby didn’t answer. He was dreaming about what new adventure awaited him the next day.
Word Count: 1,021