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Dec 29, 2001 at 11:47pm
Our Family Christmas Letter
Jim and Irmalene Whinnery

To all our friends and customers at The Whine & Cheese Company, Inc.

We jest wanted to let chew kno whut wuz happenin in our family in 2001.

This here been a wonderful yeur. We's all healthy and t'gether fer anuther yeur fer Chris'mas and tu look toward a new yeur.

Fer the 22nd yeur, we didn't move tu a new hous. Yep, we still in our honeymoon cottage what Jim bought when we wuz mahried. But, we doin good, all 16 of us.

Jim, he left his old job. He wuz a Can Han'ler/Traffic Waver fer thu Gates & Assocites Solid Salvege (G.A.S.S.). That mean he git tuh hang on the driver side o' thu truck and when a car git b'hind the truck, he hang out and wave 'em on around.

But now he start The Whine & Cheese Company, Inc, with his best frind and cusin, Bubba. They done renovate ('at mean they painted the walls, maw) the storeroom b'hind Harley's Texaco fer duh company.

Paulene, she our oldest and she jest turnt 22 on our weddin anniversery. She thank she gon graduate this yeur. She thought that last yeur, but she didn't quite make it. She hav trouble wit her Englush class. I doan know why she hav 'at problum; I hep her ever'nite. But Aunt Fannie Mae say she doin real good and we keep our fangers crossed.

Raylene, she wus caller number 9 this year on thu radio show and got tuh talk tu John Boy. He call her "Baby Doll." And this yeur she decide tuh be a shampoo girl instead of a graduate. Miss Ludie Farkward, what owns Miss Ludie's Coffitures, she done hir'd Raylene and give her training 'bout hare and shampoo. Maybe they be a wedding bell fore too long, cause I thank her and Bubba gone tie the knot fore long.

Ethyllene, she our pride and joy. She done pick duh luck number down at A.B. Smith General Groceries and Merchandise and won thu mantle clock with thu horse on it. Hit shor do look purty on the shelf Jim put up.

Saylene, she increase our family with a bouncin new grandson. She haf tu interrupt her school work, but she be back in duh ninth grade next yeur a'ter she wean duh baby. He a rite fine lit'le boy and his head be a little whop-sided, but Doc Falderwing say he grow out'n nat. He also say that epididle spray, take 'at hare rite off'n his face. He a fine lit'le boy and look like his grandpaw, but he faver me, too.

Matthew, Mark and Luke doing good in thair's school. Mark and Luke done caught up wit Matthew this year in thu fourth grade. Matthew is thu biggest one in his class. He already got dat fazeke like his paw and I don't thank he drank 'at beer yet.

We welcome John Boy back home this yeur. This our John Boy, not thu John Boy on thu radio show. He finish his training at thu Columbia Trainin School and thu judge parole 'im back tu us. We happy he back with us and a fixin tuh go back tuh school in thu sec'nd grade here at thu Red House Consolidated Schoolhouse. Aunt Fannie Mae, she happy he back cause he one o' her best students til he set far to thu outhouse. But she didn't git burnt too much and Burnelle buy her a new dress tu replace 'at one what got burnt a little.

The twins are jest fine. They a growing and looking more like each other ever'day. Jim can't tell which is who. He finally use a magic marker and write a "O" on O'Ranjello's neck and a "L" on LeMonjello so he know who is which one. That hep a lot cause they give me grief, too. I go tu thu bedroom and one in the bed and I say, "O'Ranjello, where yor sister?" And she say, "She in duh bathroom." So I go down thair and she not thur. So I come back and say, "O'Ranjello." And she say, "I'm LeMonjello." So, I say, "LeMonjello, whur yore sister?" And she say, "Well, I jest got back from the bathroom and she gone thur." So I go tu thu bathroom and she not thur and I come back and say, "LeMonjello." And she say, "I ain't LeMonjello, I'm O'Ranjello." I thank them two trying to pull sumpin on me. But, the magic marker hep a lot.

Then, the little boys, Peter, Demas, Pilate and Judas. They so sweet; we give all our boys Bible names. Peter, he start school next yeur. This yeur he in thu Red House Pre-Schoolhouse program. He go haf a day and he can beat up all them udder lit'le chil'ern. Miss Fannie Mae say she gonna throw him in with thu high school next year. Demas and Pilate, they start pre-school next year and I thank Miss Smoot say she hate tu do it, but she gonna haf tu retire fore she hav anuther one o our youngans. Judas, he duh sweet one, cause he only 8 months old, but Burnelle say just wait for New Years and he be startin tu walk.

Jim, he duh champean of ever'thang here in Red House. At thu big fourth of July barbeque, he won thu Beer drankin contest, thu bean eatin contest, thu pig rasselin contest. After thu bean eatin contest, all thu men folks go out b'hind thu barn fer that udder contest. Jim won 'at one, too. A'ter that, the bullfrogs quit hollering in thu bottom. I guess they thank the big frog done a'rived. I thank Jim done set a new world record.

Now what 'bout me and Jim? Well, we gonna hav a baby!!! That's right, we expecting little Mablene or Jim, Jr. Doc say he be born one month before Judas' 1st birthday. Course, 'at means Jim, Sr. gonna haf tu git tu werkin makin and sellin 'at cheese cause we gonna have one more mouth tu feed. So ya'll send dem order in fer 'at good ole Whine and Cheese gift packs (Smile).

This year we gonna all gather round the dinner table and hav us a big Christmas dinner, cause John Boy done got us a live turkey real cheap. I thank he won it or sum'body give it to 'im. So this year we real happy he home from nat training school. He a fine boy.

Merry Christmas, and ya'll come to see us sumtimes. Jim, Irmalene, Paulene, Raylene, Ethyllene, Saylene, O'Ranjello, LeMonjello, Matthew, Mark, Luke, John Boy, Peter, Demas, Pilate and Judas
Our Family Christmas Letter · 12-29-01 11:47pm
by Writer of the Winds

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