~ The Poet's Place Cafe~

Hi Jake, Your frame is missing a 4 syllable line 2-4-6-6-4-2 and as a reader, I missed it even if I had not known it was a required element of the form. Your subject grabbed me and I wanted it to develop more, I wanted to see where it was going. I think it may have been a larger subject than only 1 stanza could contain but you even cut that one stanza short. This one is worth going back to the drawing board for.

I think this could be a very good poem if you just gave it more time and a little effort to help it grow.

~~Tink