Have you slept with your gal?
It’s strange. Other guys would be bragging about it, but you haven’t. It’s so ironic that the guy you used as a meat condom will know first - before even Jimmy, your best friend.
“Of course, man.”
“How was it?”
“It was magical,” you reveal. Then you snicker. “Look at me. Saying it’s magical.”
“Hey - call it whatever you want, dude. I won’t judge.”
“Y-you won’t?”
“Of course not! Call it religious experience, call it super happy fun time – whatever. Did she like it?”
You snicker even louder. “I think so, man. She wanted a repeat. Doggy style, even.”
“Eyyyy!” Ashton swipes his meaty hand, and you miss it. It takes a couple times before you hit, laughing it all off. “See - that’s why I think staying virgin’s stupid. You could die any day. You’re gonna keep those emotions holed up?”
That was deep. “That was deep, man.”
“Ally says weed unlocks your inner wisdom. You know she does spirit trips with it?”
“She does?” You snort. “Izzat why she emmen... Ermen...” You grunt. “E-man-see-patisse?”
“Naw, man. Uh, sorta. It’s like... Her dad caught her smoking, he said ‘you ain’t gonna smoke that while you live here’, she told him ‘fuck you’ and made her case.”
“Just like that? But... that’s... kinda childish.”
“You don’t get it, man.” Ashton straightens up, rubbing his face. “Look - don’t tell Ally I told you, but it was a lot more stuff.”
“What kinda stuff? Last I know, th’ court don’t allow kids to emmenthipody themselves just like...” You snap your fingers. “Like that!”
“Some terrible stuff, man. You know what’s to get abused by your grampa, then get called ‘liar’ by your dad?”
The room suddenly grows very cold. Ashton’s tale awoke a very dark energy inside, seeping through your pores and giving you goosebumps. The air feels oppressive, and the lights grow dark.
He points at the bed, his shadow stretching like a tree branch. “I ‘member seein’ her cry the first time, right there. She doesn’t deserve her dad’s scorn.” He clenches his fist, trembling. “I hate seein’ her cry, man. It breaks my heart.”
You look at the bed. You can almost hear the cries and sobs, and the laughs and moans and the way the bed creaks when the two of them lay atop it. Something – maybe the “secret ingredient” inside those brownies – is making you tap into those memories.
You really got to admire him. He’s got one hell of a big heart. “Sorry, man.”
“Nah, it’s alright. Ally wants to keep it shut. She thinks it’ll make her seem weak.” The room grows even darker, and you hear him sob. “That’s bullshit. She’s the strongest gal I have the honor to call my girl.”
“You’re a good man.” The moment you say that, the darkness surrounding you disappears. You see a dim light shining atop Ashton – or rather, you notice he’s been sitting under a bar-style hanging lamp all this time, but now, it becomes more meaningful.
“You’re a good man too,” he responds. “I knew it from the moment I saw you. When Ally told me you needed my help, I saw you, and I said to myself, ‘that’s a good man’. And you just proved it, man. Just now.”
Under that light, you see Ashton as a saint. You feel sick; your gut feels heavy, like your heart and your soul have sunken into it, cold and heavy as stone.
You scoff. “You really think I am?”
“Why not?”
“Because...” Again, the clammy shadows surround you. “I took advantage of you, and you’ve nothing but nice to me...”
“Why d’you feel like you took advantage of me, man? ‘Cos of the brownies?”
“No, it’s just...” The weight on your chest is so oppressive, you feel the need to let it out. “We used you, man. My girlfriend and me. We used you and Allison.”
“Yeah,” he acknowledges, and that weight squelches your innards. “You needed us, no? For your big story?”
“It’s not that, man. Look – the thing at the party? With the kid and the cheerleader? That was us, man.”
He studies you for a good while before chortling. “That’s the brownies speakin’, man.”
“No! Like – it was us! My girlfriend wanted them together, so she asked me to use some sort of high-tech pen that turns people into skins!” You grab the black pen and show it to him. “Remember this? When I said it was a pointer?”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t have a battery, right?”
“This is what I used!”
“What!?” He jerks it off you, giggling like a maniac. “Doesn’t look like it’d do that. Looks more like the pen you’re gonna write this crazy story with!”
“I’m serious!” You try to stand, but the crushing weight in your soul makes you stumble. “I put on the kid, then I went to the party as him. My girlfriend was using the skin of another of the cheerleaders – Kelly! You remember seeing Kelly?”
“Uh...” He looks up, trying to remember. “Maybe?”
“Blonde, short hair, big-tittied?”
“That describes most of the cheerleaders, man. Gotta be more specific.”
“I told you! Short-haired!” You rub your face, looking for a sign, only to recall why Claire wanted to stay as her. “She’s got the biggest titties in the squad?”
“Bigger than Sonya’s?” Just then, you see a flash of inspiration in his eyes. “Oh yeah! I think I know her!”
“Well, my girlfriend was her! And... and then, I try to hit on Lindsey, but I fuck it up, so my girlfriend goes plan B and turns her into a skin!”
“Dude,” he titters. “You’ve got a wild imagination!”
“Alright,” you tell him, frustrated. “Remember when you told Lindsey that she was naked? That was me and my girlfriend. We were trying to escape, so she had the idea of switching skins. That’s when we saw you – Allison was mounting you, and she asked if we could wait, and then--”
“Yeah, but you heard Lindsey and me.”
“Dude, I’m serious! And then, my girlfriend points the pen at you two, and we switch! It wasn’t whatever you were using to fuck around! It was us! We escaped on your skins!”
“Bro, that trip’s fuckin’ awesome, but I think you gotta ride it down--”
You can’t believe he’s not believing you. You gave him enough proof...
Of course! There’s only one thing that will convince him. “After this,” you say while pointing the black pen at you. “You’re gonna believe.”
Then, with a click, you use the pen on yourself. You realize, very late, that this is the first time you’ll experience it, but you black out before you can worry about it.
--
You wake up screaming. “What the hell, man!?”
It was a weird dream. (It was definitely those damn brownies.) You recall being desperate, trying to convince Ashton of something. Then, you point the pen at yourself, and everything goes black. Except you felt something touching you from inside. Something stretching you. Something filling you and then slipping away. And then, waking up.
It’s only when you hear the pen clacking on the floor that you realize what happened. Ashton is white as a ghost, on the floor, his pecker shriveled but visible. His pants were thrown aside, and so did his boxers.
One thing’s for certain – whatever was oppressing you was gone. (Maybe it’s the effect of the brownies that wore off.) You rub your head, still feeling a bit light-headed. “What happened?”
“Dude...” He grabs your shoulders, holding his breath. “Are you alright?”
“I think so. What happened?”
“Dude, you’re crazy! Like, you told me that weird story about the party--”
Shit! You look at his eyes, grabbing his skull. “What story about the party?”
“About you and your girlfriend wearing people like clothes!”
Fuck, fuck, fuck! You stand back, horrified that he’ll maul you to death out of anger.
“Then you pointed yourself with that pen, and you deflated like a fuckin’ balloon! I was curious, so I slipped my leg inside yours, and when I felt the floor and the air I was like ‘fuck, man, this shit is real!’ Man, you scared me!”
You’re not sure whether to sigh in relief or sprint the hell away. “What else did I tell you? Did I... Did I tell you that my girlfriend and I--?”
“That you used us?” he says, still in shock. “Yeah.”
“Sorry, man! Listen – it was my girlfriend’s idea! She wanted to pair Mikey and Lindsey, and she figured she could use the pens to--”
“What did you do afterwards?” he asks with a very serious tone.
“Uh... we went in your car. I was wearing you, and my girlfriend was wearing Allison. She asked me if I could take her somewhere, so I took her to Lovers’ Hill. And then... well...”
“You fucked your girlfriend while you were wearing us?”
You gulp hard, fearing you’re signing your death sentence. “Y-yeah. Sorry about that.”
He gives you one hard, stern look, then surprises you with the most unexpected response. “Did you like it?”
You’ve never been wrongfooted this hard in your life. “You... You’re not angry at me?”
“Why? You were honest about it all.”
“But I asked you to--!”
“Dude, I thought you were trippin’ balls!” His snickering stops abruptly as he snaps at you. “Hold on. You said you banged your girlfriend twice, right?”
“Uh... yeah.”
“You banged your girl doggie-style while she was wearing Ally!?”
You flinch. “I’m sorry, man! It was... spur of the moment!”
“Duuude!” He lifts his arm, waiting for you to smack it – he's elated. “High-five!”
“Why? You heard me – I basically banged your girlfriend!”
“That was the trippiest thing you could ever do! Man, if I had one of these, I’d do the same thing!”
“You... don’t mind we used you?”
“Why? You had your fun, and one hell of a story. Plus, you left us at a good place. You cared for us, man. Why should I be angry?”
You feel your knees weaken and your eyelids heavy. And the last thought before your second blackout?
How the heck this guy isn’t angry at me?
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