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 Review #3478160 |
| -The Disclaimer- I dare to climb and take a peek At your Idea Garden. I leave opinions, thoughts and notes You're welcome to discard it.  Tina B Hi! I just came across your poem on the Reviews Requested page. First Impression: With the title and the first line I thought you were going to talk about a retiring sailor (of which I am one), so I was ready to go! But by the end of the poem, I realized you gave a perfect description of what depression feels like. What I Liked: I loved your word choice and the images it brought to mind. To name a few: "sail an aging river," "pain in always hoping," and "and in shadow I know pain." The "Nitty Gritty" Details: First, the Title didn't really fit the poem well to me. I was expecting something restful, but "sorrow", "pain" and "freedom lost" doesn't really fit that. The flow was beautiful, but I actually read this out loud and found I was saying "There's" for every "There is" you have. In the last stanza, I'm not sure if you meant the first to lines to be a plea or a question. I put to the side what I think it means. If I find the bend in the river, may hope be waiting there, (I pray hope is there) or If I find the bend in the river, may hope be waiting there? (Will hope be there? Dare I dream?) And finally a formatting bit. Did you intend to double space the last stanza to set it apart from the rest? Final Thoughts & Suggestions: This poem actually brought tears to my eyes. It left me with a feeling of "fearful optimism." A desperate cry, "please, God, let me find hope because I couldn't bear it otherwise." It's incredibly beautiful, and I would love to add this to my port as a favorite with your permission (and once I figure out how, since this would be the first). Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to learn and grow by opening up a part of yourself. I'd also like to lay out the welcome mat to my portfolio. Drop by anytime to read a bit or leave a note in my notebook at: http://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/tbeshers Keep writing Tina B My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed"  .
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You responded to this review 02/27/2011 @ 11:05am EST