%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #3894360 |
 | A letter to Zac  [E] Human encounters furry creature having a bad day  |
| (3.5)| Greetings! The following are only my personal opinions. Ultimately, you and only you can decide what works best for your item. Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" PLOT AND FORMAT: At a glance, I know right away if it is appealing on the page and is easy to read and understand. If it is in one huge paragraph, it becomes too difficult to read. Make use of white space between paragraphs and character dialogue.The format of your letter is not as good as it should have been and the letter is not divided properly into paragraphs. You need to divide them into paragraphs so they are easy to read and understand. The plot here is the writer writing a letter to someone. SETTING: This is important. A nice balance of imagery and well written word makes me feel as if I am there, but overdone it ends up being repetitive and redundant. The setting here is a weezle who has been lost and the writer helps him. I do not know what a weezle wobbler is so you should mention it  LENGTH: If the piece is overly long, then I am more reluctant to read it, but if it's intriguing, I still might. The length of your letter was short and I also was interested to know what this letter would be about. GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION: While punctuation errors can make a piece impossible to read, often I can pass over them, depending on what it is, and noting where and what so the writer can go back and revise them. It is often something easily fixed. The red phrases are from your story whereas the green text is my personal opinion. ==> When he came out of the soil he made me and Kranky jump and Kranky who was really scared scratched my finger with his long pointy claws and I wasn't able to write any letters for quite a few weeks. When he came out of the soil, he made me and Kranky jump and Kranky, who was really scared, scratched my finger with his long pointy claws and I wasn't able to write any letters for quite a few weeks. ==> I could tell that he had been crying because his green coloured tears were shooting out from his eyes You just mentioned above that he had one eye in this sentence "they have 3 legs on 2 eyes but this one had only 1 leg and 1 eye. " then "eyes" should be singular to "eye" ==>I do suggest that it would be good if you made it look like a letter like adding Dear Brother, with proper format and at least Dear Bro and Regard and nice ending in the end, it would add a good touch to your letter DIALOGUE: I love dialogue. I take note if it has any or if it has the character's thoughts. There is no dialogue in your stroy since it is a letter and written in first person so N/A. POINT OF VIEW: I must know who's point of view we are in. If there is a rough transition between character's points of view, then I will not be able to understand the letter. The transition in your letter was good as well as clear and easily understandable. The transition between the character's was also good. FLOW: The story must not only be told in a logical order, but must have a feel to it. That means I 'm not stopping and starting abruptly, or stumbling over the words or distanced for some other reason. The flow of your letter was good though it ended very quickly. You are telling a story in this letter. Try to make it more interesting by adding more details. MY FAVORITE PART/THING ABOUT YOUR STORY: The thing I liked about your story/letter was the addition of the fiction in your letter and this was just not what I expected from the title of your letter THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR WORK! Write On!  Have a nice day/night! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Invalid Item" |"Invalid Item" |"Invalid Item" |"Invalid Item" |"Invalid Item"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 09/03/2013 @ 6:07am EDT