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 Review #4467490 |
 | Demon  [E] A girl and her spying.  |
| (4.0)| Greetings, Olive! This isn't bad. I like the idea of this unnamed daughter trying to protect her father from this unthankful demon, and you did a good job of describing her as she spied on him as he was going through his belongings. But I was a little confused at the end. I know the demon somehow got a hold of her recording 'globe' and destroyed it, but I'm not sure why or how she and her father were being arrested at the end. I guess I must have missed something. Great spelling and grammar, and nice job of using that prompt phrase, but I did spot one tiny speech tag niggle: "You are under arrest(.)" a voice said.' (should be a comma) Kee ponw ritin gon, Olive, and welcome to WdC! If you like to write, then you're going to love it here (Yes, I know you've been here 2 months+ already). PS-You might want to get your bioblock (biography) set up so we can know a little something about you (hobbies, favorite books/authors, location, etc.), but that's up to you, of course. PSS-And since you’re new here, perhaps you’d like to check out "Noticing Newbies" and introduce yourself to the rest of the community if you haven’t already.
PSSS-If you want more exposure for your items you can put them on the Please Review Page or The Shameless Plug Page under Community on the left hand side.
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You responded to this review 02/08/2019 @ 7:04pm EST