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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4743858
Review #4743858
Viewing a review of:
 Invalid Item Open in new Window. []

by A Guest Visitor
         Review for entry/chapter: "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings H❀pe Author Icon! I am sending you a review of your story, "Invalid Entry" Open in new Window.. The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

*Announce* WHY I AM REVIEWING THIS: I am one of the judges of "Fox's Socks Newbie Short Story Contest" Open in new Window.. As a bonus (for me), this review is for a "Game of Thrones" Open in new Window. challenge.

*Shield1* TITLE: I like the title of your Wonderland Challenge book item: A Wonderous Tumble.

*Shield2* HOOK: Your story has an enticing start, with kids building a go-cart, but I'm not sure if I see an actual hook.

*Shield3* SETTING: You do a good job adding enough setting to help your reader envision the story.

*Shield4* CONFLICT/STORYLINE: The group of kids build a hut together and are excited to spend the night in it. A big storm comes up and puts a damper on their fun.

*Shield5* CHARACTERS: To be honest, I had a little bit of a hard time keeping track of the kids and which group they fell into.

If you capitalize the name of the kid groups, you don't need to also use the quotation marks. It has the effect of interrupting the flow of reading, oddly enough.

*Shield6* DIALOG: You dialog works to bring interest to the story and advance the plot.

*Shield7* POINT OF VIEW: Third-person point of view is probably the only viable option for a story with this many kids, lol

*Shield8* NUTS & BOLTS:

Sometime later, Hope and Tony wondered what ]The Others’ were doing?
A couple of nitpicky things about this sentence. You have a stray bracket that just needs to be deleted. Also, even the sentence is about Hope and Tony wondering something, the sentence should end in a period.

*Scroll* FINAL THOUGHTS: Thank you for entering the contest.




House Lannister image for G.o.T.
GeminiGem
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/11/2024 @ 4:23pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4743858