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 Review #4744011 |
| (4.5)| Greetings H❀pe  ! I am sending you a review of your story, "Invalid Entry" . The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. WHY I AM REVIEWING THIS: This review is for week 15 of "I Write in 2024" . As a bonus, this review is also for a "Game of Thrones" challenge. TITLE: The title caught my attention despite myself. I see that it is actually the first part of the prompt. HOOK: Your hook is in the second paragraph. Since both the first and second paragraphs are very short, this isn't terrible. I might consider swapping the order of the paragraphs. SETTING: You describe the father's yard very well. I could picture it in my mind. CONFLICT/STORYLINE: Hoarding is not an easy thing for the family to deal with, even if it starts out as hoarding with a purpose. Maybe especially then, because the rationals and excuses for having all the stuff is readily available. CHARACTERS: The daughter clearly loves her father, even with his hoarding tendencies. She wants to help him to get the junk problem under control. We don't really hear how the father feels about this other than his past reluctance to cooperate. If he is a true hoarder, letting go of all the junk can be almost impossible without therapy. DIALOG: There is no dialog in this story. If the story was longer and more involved, it would benefit from dialog. I'm not sure how you could use it with the way the story is set up now. POINT OF VIEW: This almost feels like something that would be in first-person point of view, although third-person POV is certainly acceptable. FINAL THOUGHTS: Good job getting a GoT story put together, teammate! 
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You responded to this review 04/12/2024 @ 1:59am EDT