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Given: Sep 10, 2025 at 9:33pm
Length: 986 Characters |
921 w/o WritingML
By using hunger as a sharp metaphor for violence and emptiness, you’ve given us something dark and haunting. The imagery of crumbs, rot, and endless appetite sticks with the reader long after reading. The stanza with the silent women in the kitchen adds a chilling layer of generational pain.
There is one easy typo fix: he didn't even like taste → he didn’t even like the taste.
Some stanzas need a little punctuation and grammar polish to flow better. Here’s one example of smoothing out the ‘taste’ stanza:
He didn’t even like the taste;
he didn’t know the meal’s name.
But food should never go to waste—
for that would be a shame.
This keeps your intent but makes the stanza read more cleanly.
Overall, it’s unsettling, memorable, and delivers its theme with real force. Good job!
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