\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED ITEMS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4839780
Review #4839780
Viewing a review of:
 Fathers Face Moms Mistakes. Open in new Window. [E]
first poem ive published anywhwere.
by jay Author Icon
Credit this reviewer
#4839780
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I discovered this by using the Random Read and Review button on the left sidebar.

This poem strikes deep, piercing our hearts with the anguish of your heritage in words both immediate and relatable. I feel for you, for I struggle with nearly the same demons. You spill out the burdens of a chaotic, unhappy upbringing, tracing the irreconcilable divides separating you from your parents and they from each other. The chasms split straight into your psyche, and you are unable to separate your identity from their failures. I wish I could offer some wise counsel, a hug, something to make you see your unique, beautiful soul and the way you are your own person with your whole life ahead of you to find wholeness and avoid the same mistakes they made. You are not defined by your past or anyone else's. Peace is attainable *Bird*

For a title, I would recommend adding a comma like "Father's face, Mom's mistakes" and eliminating both the period at the end and the uppercase on face and mistakes. This will help it look more professional. I know subtitles can be a stumper, but try something like "my reflection is a hybrid of their messed up lives" or something like that, to draw people in.

Ooh, as I wrote that, I remembered this song... Is this how you feel?
click here, please ▼

I would recommend learning our proprietary coding language to help optimize your writing on the page... For starters, you can add {size:4}{font:Verdana} to the beginning of your piece. That will create a clearer and more engaging reading experience across devices. You can find out more cool tricks at "Writing ML: Docs and Help" on the left sidebar under "Writing.com Tools." You can also browse "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window. for all the scoop on how to get the most out of your time here *Smile*

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *NoteR* You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4839780