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Review #4840586
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 Heaven's Scream-Storm Open in new Window. [E]
To my JMPG, may you recognize these initials
by Kaise Author Icon
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#4840586
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

I discovered this by using the Random Read and Review button *Smile*

What a fierce and powerful poem, yet it holds within itself a vulnerability and uncertainty, a hesitancy and yet a thrill of wonderment. I feel your rush of stormy emotions swirling around like a tsunami, overwhelming everything and leaving you breathless. Ending with a hint of the warmth and infinity of love is an open ended way to imply unbridled energy of potential.

Line by line, you explore the strength of a newly realized relationship by weaving it into the metaphors of a thunderstorm,. hinting at the dangers of giving oneself over to such a powerful and unpredictable emotion.

For improvement, I noticed "my hearts secret" needs an apostrophe, as in "heart's," indicating the possessive. Also, the fourth line's ending feels unclear in its awkwardness: are you looking at the person in a "dream-like" way, as in a surrealist swirl of new feelings? Or is there an implied simile here that tapers off unfinished?

I would suggest adding {size:4}{font:Verdana} to the beginning of your text block in the entry form; that would help the eight lines take up more space on the page and appear as professional as possible. You may also want to read "Writing.Com 101" Open in new Window. for useful information on how to optimize your time here with us.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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