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Review #4845439
Viewing a review of:
 Strong man and the woman Open in new Window. [E]
A story of admiration
by Port Lariat Author Icon
Review by TeeGateM Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Review of: The Strong Man and the Woman

This story is absolutely charming — warm, tender, and beautifully framed through the lens of memory. The parallel between the carnival strong man and the narrator’s quiet devotion to his wife gives the piece a lovely, full-circle emotional echo. It’s sweet without being saccharine, reflective without dragging, and it paints both characters with affection and respect.

The imagery is rich and vivid: the golden morning light, the old carnival, the breathtaking woman who commanded the ring. The contrast between physical strength and emotional strength is handled with a thoughtful, poetic touch, and the ending lands perfectly — soft, heartfelt, and sincere.

The only suggestion I’d offer is that the opening might benefit from a tiny bit of tightening, just to smooth the shift between his restful mood and her high-speed focus. But even as written, it sets the theme beautifully: two people who are opposites, yet fit together with a natural, effortless balance.

A handful of small tense inconsistencies could be cleaned up, but overall the writing is strong, polished, and emotionally resonant.

If I were helping prepare this for publishing this is a list of editor notes, small punctuation or consistency things:

1. Tense consistency
• “The morning sunlight slanting through the window is caught in her hair”
Should match the past-tense frame around it (slanting… was caught).
• “A soft sound escapes her lips”
Should be past tense (escaped).
• “the tension in her shoulder’s dissolved”
“shoulder’s” should be shoulders (no apostrophe).

2. Minor punctuation
• “Now, years later the memory lingers…”
Needs a comma after later: “Now, years later, the memory…”
• “She paused looking up at him…”
Should read: “She paused, looking up at him…”
• “There’s a perplexed smile…”
Should match tense: “There was a perplexed smile…”

3. Small clarity / agreement
• “In the next five minutes she would juggle more calculations…than he would the rest of the day.”
Should be: “…than he would in the rest of the day.”
• “He remembered a carnival from his boyhood that his parents had taken him to.”
The “that” is technically acceptable, but some may prefer a clearer structure.

4. Repetition
• “lift a heavy weight for you… help lighten your load”
Not wrong, but slightly repetitive wording.

That’s it — no big errors, nothing majorly wrong. Mostly tiny polish points.


This was a joy to read — truly a lovely, glowing portrait of partnership, admiration, and everyday devotion.

Kind wishes,
Tee


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