Melting Away Memories

About a man erasing his fake past.

  The fire flickered through the rainbow, blue, green, violet, and more as the flames licked and slowly ate the picture. One by one he fed the fake memories into the hearth, each a small charm to confuse and control him. The fire devoured the past that wasn't even his and he slowly began to remember, flashes of conversation and scenes from his life filled his mind.

  His mother was the first vivid image to take over his thoughts. He could see her so clearly, as if she were standing there in front of him. Oh how he wished he could reach out and hold her. She was one of the few people from his real past that he missed. Somedays he had even thought of returning home even for a brief moment, just to see her one more time, but he knew better. He'd been gone too long just to waltz back in as if nothing happened.

  He never knew his father growing up. He had walked out long before he was even born. His father was the reason he left home all those years ago. He felt he needed to find this man who gave him life and then ran. There were just too many unanswered questions that no one but he could answer. To this day, it still bothers him that he couldn't find him. Another reason he could never go home.

  Inventing an imaginary life became the easiest solution to forgetting the past. At least then he had a loving family, a stay at home mom and a hard working dad. Brothers and a sister who gave him nieces and nephews to spoil. And spoil them he did with expensive gifts and abundant love.

  Finding pictures for this fictitious family was the easiest part. With all the new technology around, he created the perfect family. Only things didn't end up being so perfect. He never thought of the consequences he would face when, and yes he knew it would come to when, the truth revealed its ugly head. He didn't realize all the people he might hurt in the process. Truth be told, at the time of conception, he didn't care. He never thought for one minute he'd find someone worth hurting. But he had and that was the reason he sat there now, waiting to finish the task of erasing his whimsical past.

  All the lies had entangled and changed so many times, it was a miracle the facade went on for as long as it did. But now it was finally going to be over as soon as this damn storm would pass.

  Its just too bad he couldn't erase the memories of the people he knew now. The ones who were probably, at this very moment, fading out their memories of him.
     
    The girl he fell madly in love with, who now says she never really knew him. Every thing he ever told her was a lie and how could she love someone she didn't trust? He didn't blame her though. Shit. he didn't even love himself let alone know who he was anymore. How could he expect love from others? But, oh how he loved her. If only he could start over, he was sure he could make her love him again. But again, he knew better.

  He not only hurt her, he hurt everyone in her family. They had grown to love this stranger like a son and he stabbed each one of them in the back. There was no way they would ever let him back in.

  Then there was all his co-workers,people he had grown to accept as friends. He had fit in so well at work. Being a hard worker was something, if anything, he was proud of. He was damn good at his job as a mechanic. He never went to school to learn, it was a natural talent, but that didn't stop him from lying to get the job.

  This is what caused the start of the unraveling. After working for his boss for so long, he finally decided to do a background check and realized everything he said on his application, as well as to everyone there, had been lies. Trying to come up with some sort of explanation was what finally did him in. One tall tale after another until he couldn't remember what he said and to whom, before his words twisted and tangled and he finally gave up and gave in, walking away, never to return.

  So wrapped up in his thoughts and memories, he hadn't realized the storm was calming. He could hear the rain still pattering above him, but the thunder had rolled on to another destination. It wouldn't be long now. The rain would soon become a light mist.

  He needed a few minutes to gather himself in order to determine where he would go from here. Where would he go from here? He couldn' t go home to his mother and he surely couldn't run into the arms of the woman he loved. There was no place for him now, no job, no money, no home of his own, no friends, and a family too distant.

  Once the rain subsided, he found himself right back at his fire pit, behind the bus station. He put the last picture of the past in the fire, watched the corners of the photo curl up and crumble and extinguished the flames with a feeling of freedom. Yet a sadness still remained. Knowing that he had a family, no matter how fake it was, gave him a reason to go on.

  Now he felt he had nothing left. Nothing he could offer the world and nothing to gain in return. As he walked,  he only had thoughts of home, his real home. The only place he ever really felt he belonged. Forcing one foot in front of the other, he found himself standing there at the bus station with the steel trap doors open wide with welcomed arms. He looked up at the bus driver, who in turn, seemed to have a look in his eyes that said, "it's time to go home."