Was this Intended for me?

What did I do... am I that bad of a person?

Is this what God intended for me just pain and misery?
As soon as things are good someone stabs me right through
the back, directly into my heart. Am I really that bad?
What did I do? All I've ever wanted to do was help. Just when
I begin to feel a little more than the numbness that's ruled my life
for so many years, it all comes crumbling down. My mind is fragmented
between the strongest love for life itself, people and humanity then the pain people
seem unable to keep themselves from inflicting on everyone around them.
I used to feel I was brought into this part of my life for a reason, to help, to be
there for the people I care about and all I get in return is despair thrown in my face
over and over again. I can feel the numbness slipping over me like a cold
familiar blanket that's been yearning to jump out and cloak me in the sadness that
seems determined to follow me to an early grave.