An Unconditional Prayer

When you start to doubt, something always happens to reasure your beliefs.

         'Psh, whatever,' I mumbled as I wheeled past the old man bent over in prayer. His wife had been admitted to the hospital this morning after suffering a severe heart attack in her sleep. Now she was resting in her room right next to mine. From everything I had overheard, there was a slim, very slim, chance she would pull through.



         Climbing back into my bed, exhausted after another Echocardiogram, I closed my eyes trying to rest. Low sobs from next door broke the silence and I knew it must be the old man. I remembered how earlier I saw his bloodshot eyes, heavy with pain and I wanted to cry myself. It had to be hard to accept he was going to loose his wife and praying must have felt like the only thing left he could do. Sadly, he would soon realize, just as I had, prayers go unheard. I used to pray constantly, even after my first heart attack, but once I suffered yet another in less than a years time, I gave up praying.



         I got out of bed, still dizzy, and walked to the door. Peering out just enough to look next door, I saw the old man sitting at his wife's bedside weeping. She looked so calm laying there, but I knew, just as her husband must have, she was in pain, both physically and mentally. I wanted to go and stand beside him, offer him words of comfort, but instead I just stood there. After all, I was no one to this family, a total stranger. Then he looked over at me and gently smiled. I felt embarassed as I realized a nurse had walked up behind me, resting her hand on my shoulder. "You know you shouldn't be standing here," she whispered, turning me back towards my room.



         "I know, I'm sorry," I apologized. "I...I just couldn't help myself, you know?"



         "I understand dear, but it's against hospital policy. Let's not have it happen again." She winked as she helped me back into my bed and tucked my blankets around me.



         "Please, could you apologize to the family for me? I wasn't trying to be nosey, I just... well, I just wanted to offer my sympathy." I looked towards the window, wanting to escape this moment. The nurse said nothing as she took my vitals then jotted them on the board. Walking out, she looked at me with an intense gaze. I knew all was forgiven, but I also knew I better not try anything like that again.



         Throughout the day and well into the night I was unable to get any rest. People, I guessed to be friends and family, came and went next door. When all was quiet, the silence kept me awake. I listened to the beeps and buzzing of machines, both mine and my neighbors, as the walls were very thin. Every once in awhile I would hear the old man sobbing as he prayed the Lord would save his wife.



         I was finally exhausted enough I couldn't bare to stay awake. I turned off the Jay Leno show, dimmed my lights and closed my eyes. In another hour the nurses would be making their rounds again so I decided to sleep while I could. I drowned out the machines and drifted into a light sleep. I'm not sure how long I had been asleep, but I knew it couldn't have been close to an hour. I awoke to loud beeps, then footsteps running past my room, into the room next door. Nurses were yelling for the doctor, "code blue" and all that which I knew meant the lady was close to her death. Her husband was gently pushed out of the room and I watched him as he stood there halfway between his wife's door and mine. He was overcome with fear and confussion. He grabbed everyone passing him frantically wanting information, but all anyone ever said was, "I'm sorry." He dropped to his knees and began to whisper a prayer. My eyes filled with tears, I knew he was about to loose his wife. My heart raced as I watched him.



         Finally he stood as the doctor came out. I watched him wipe away his tears as he nodded often in response to the doctor. All I heard was there was nothing more they could do, time was limited and he should go in and say his good-byes. My tears fell harder as I watched him move into her room. I got out of bed. I couldn't help it. I felt this need to be standing at her door when all was finally over, to comfort this poor man. All the nurses were still shuffling about in panic, making calls, grabbing supplies, darting in and out of her room with frowns on their faces.



         Suddenly everything was going in slow motion. I looked over at the old man standing there holding his wifes hand. As he said Amen, his tears dried up and he smiled down at his wife. He whispered, "I love you, I'll wait for you,' and he sat down in the chair next to her. He glanced over at me still smiling and said, "She is going to be just fine. The Lord has answered my prayer."



         Tears welled inside me, oceans of confussion surrounded me. 'How could he sit there and think she was going to survive? How could he still be holding so much hope when everyone already told him it was her time?' He turned his attention back to his wife, watching as her breathing shallowed. "It's okay sweetheart. You're going to be just fine," he whispered, squeezing her hand. He sat back in his chair and closed his eyes. He whispered something else and suddenly his hand slipped from hers. He slumped over in the chair, with a loud sigh. I blinked my eyes a million times and shook my head. There was no way he could be gone. I grabbed one of the nurses, not saying anything, just pointing to the old man. She ran over to him, checked his pulse and screamed, "this man just died!" As her words echoed through the room, the old woman laying there on her death bed, opened her eyes. She sat up, looking at her husband sitting beside her. "Frank? Oh Frank, what did you do?" she wept, trying to get out of bed. Two nurses were trying to hold her down and calm her, but it was of no use. She pushed them both away with ease and cradled her husband in her arms.



         Everyone was startled. This woman had just been on the verge of dying, now suddenly she had the strength of three men. No one moved, no one spoke. They just watched as she rocked back and forth, holding her husband, whispering, "I love you, Frank. Wait for me," as tears streamed from her eyes.



         It was then I realized what the old man had prayed for. He sacrificed himself in order to save his wife. An unselfish act of unconditional, undying love. I had just witnessed that prayers don't go unheard. I should have known that all along as the reality sank in. Even after two heart attacks, I was still alive.