Classified

The perils of being a vampire.

"The Writer's Cramp"  winner, 9/9/09

Classified

The vampire was not handsome,
Or even fair of face.
His clothes were somewhat shabby,
No manner, style or grace.

His victims turned out lucky,
He was such a bungling dud.
He looked so scary coming,
He never tasted blood.

They only had to see him,
To run the other way.
He slobbered and he ogled,
A failure in disarray.

He became so weak and frail,
He took a desperate measure,
Thinking the local classified
Might have something for his pleasure.

While leafing through the want ads,
His gaze fell on this line,
"Lady seeking gentleman
Who loves to dance and dine."

He dialed the number given
And asked her for a date
To dine with him that evening.
He could hardly wait.

He knocked upon her door.
She answered with delight.
Each went for the other's neck.
They died of double bite.