Protector

who I am or was

I sheltered you both
Because I had to
You were both so small
I didn't want you to feel what I did

But I could only help so much
While I protected you from physical "punishments"
Like the ones I had received
I couldn't stop you from inheriting me

Diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety, OCD, ASD, ADHD, PTSD, and bulimia
Genetics had it's way with me
So depressed but unsurprised when you both caught one too
Depression and Bipolar respectively

I can't help feeling like I failed
I know I can't rewrite your DNA
But oh my god would I try
I love you so much more than any word could describe

Yet I only almost protected you
You weren't the victims like I was
You didn't have your hair pulled from the root or be forced to eat actual shit
You weren't constantly screamed at and made to feel so small and insignificant

But here you are
Just like me
The thing I tried so hard to avoid
Because you were my darling girls my baby sisters my babies

To you I'd give the world