It sounds to me as if this young man were "invisible" without anyone realizing it before it was too late.
I'm going to be sharing this poem with our IYN group as a reminder that it's so important for kids to feel accepted so that they'll know that they're going to be loved no matter what.
It doesn't matter if they're gay/lesbian; if they're pregnant/have gotten somebody pregnant; don't want to go to the college you'd hoped he/she would want to go to; got ditched by that special person; or whatever else might make him/her believe he/she would be better off dead and everybody else would, too.
Invisible youth don't always live without a roof over their heads, and they don't always go out with a bang like the two young men who went on a killing spree at Columbine did. Some, like this young man, go out with a whimper...
The only thing this poem needs to make it complete is a greeting card with a beautiful photograph on which to place it!
I'd love to know more about your late niece who inspired this poem. Perhaps, I'll find what I'm looking for in your portfolio--if not now, hopefully, soon...
I think that Will has wisdom beyond his years. I'm wondering what the story is behind his poem.
It sounds to me as if he's talking in the voice of either a homeless person or else somebody who doesn't have a very nice house but wants to be accepted in spite of this but hardly believing that he will be.
Very well-written and moving story! I have goosebumps on my goosebumps! I wouldn't be surprised to find out that the setting for this story was Tennessee where they have that ridiculous TennCare.
You covered a lot of problems that exist in health care today--including age discrimination, giving up on people before it's time to, etc. but you do so by painting a very poignant word picture instead of simply writing an editorial!
You really know how to come up with interesting In & Outs! So glad that I discovered you!
I'll be back to check out more of your work later, but I had to share this one with anyone who might like to check it out--and, hopefully, come up with some creative names for businesses that don't generate business!
This is a cool idea! I think that the only reason that it hasn't caught on is that it needs exposure. Just wait until I post this as a public review! I could be wrong, but I have the feeling that there won't be any shortage of messages in bottles around here!
This is such a powerful poem that I'm tempted to go even higher in my rating of it to 4.5. In fact, for power and message, it's already a perfect five.
So, why the four?
For one thing, you didn't follow through on the description given.
It would be better, perhaps, to name the poem Society and have the description being something along the lines of Things that are wrong with modern society
You also need to go back to correct several misuses and misspellings of words.
Let me know when you have done this, and I'll come back to present you with a higher ration.
Anyway, it's an excellent poem! Welcome to our neighborhood!
If this war ended in the next five minutes, it would still be too long for me! I feel for and admire those who have gone off to fight this war as well as people such as yourself who are keeping the homefires burning. God bless all of you!
I gave you five stars, because I think you express yourself so well and so heartfelt--but I want you to go back and proofread this poem, because you've made some typos. They are easy enough to fix, so read it over and see if you find them. Let me know. If you can't find them, I'll send you a copy of the poem with proofreading and editing done.
If he's not due to leave until November or December, it just might be that they'll be sending more troops home by then than they are sending them there so that he'll end up not having to go. I hope that this is the case, because this war has gone on far too long.
I definitely support our troops, but I'm not sure if I support this war any longer. I just hope and pray that the love of your life will be one of the ones coming home still on this side of life and with little or no physical damage to him.
Hopefully, our troops will come home sooner instead of later.
This war should have never lasted as long as it has--but that's not the fault of people such as your husband. He's a hero hands down!!! God bless you both, and God bless our troops!
It looks as if the two of you took the roundabout way instead of the shortest path when it came to ending up together, but the important thing is that you did!
I'm so glad that your story turned out to have such an ongoing happy ending, and you did a wonderful job of telling it!
What a totally-delightful idea! I'll be contributing my own garden plot to it a.s.a.p.
In the meantime, I'm going to make this a public review and encourage anyone reading this to be sure to add something to your garden--which seems to be really growing and blossoming already!
P.S. April showers bring May flowers--and, speaking of May flowers--the guy who makes my heart blossom like springtime by just thinking about him ( russellonline ) is turning 66 on May 14, so I'm giving you 514 GPs in celebration!
You've made some great points in a very interesting and unique way--doing this through a kind of running conversation with a variety of different people who kept putting off important matters that should have been tended to but have gotten to the place where it's either too late to tend to them or else comes awfully close to being so!
I'm impressed with what you have so far in your port and am anxious to be reading more in the time to come!
This is actually a five-star idea. However, I had to remove a star from it because I tried to post to it twice--writing a big, long one yesterday only to have it not take and writing a shorter one today and STILL having trouble having it to take.
So, I'm just going to have to put the gist of my message in this public review, which is:
I hope that it's a great one. I'm sorry that I couldn't show up on this wonderful birthday greeting, but you still have lots of well-wishers listed there, so be sure to check it out!
Even though I'm not there in message-form, I'm still there in spirit!
Although I have some errands to run before I do more, I'm not yet finished with you, Kenzie, so--God willing and my computer doesn't do what russellonline's has done to him (gone AWOL}--be expecting more surprises from me before the day is over!
This story is nothing short of amazing and *so* meant to be shared--and so I'll be doing so in many ways in the days to come!
For starters, I'm giving it a public review and encouraging others to read it, too! I'm looking forward to reading more about Michelle, Dorian, Violet, and the rest of your family!
If he were a real crook, he would have probably taken out more.
He'd probably meant this to be a short-term loan that he was going to replace but didn't realize how maxed you were and how that one $100 check really ended up costing you.
How did he get access to your bank account? It's possible that this could have all been some sort of misunderstanding.
If this had just happened, I would have advised you to sit down with him and communicate. Perhaps, a great relationship could have been saved.
However, that's water under the bridge or over the dam.
Anyway, that's a sweet poem. The poem, itself, reminds me a lot of russellonline and me--as does the first part of the story. So you can imagine that I was simply melting into a pool of tiger butter while reading this.
This is a very unusual story with an ending that I wasn't expecting. Reminds me of something that might be turned into an episode of The Twilight Zone.
When you find the time and want to, I would really like to know what inspired such a story. Had you ever met someone like the main character--perhaps, someone who was helping they relative of whom you spoke?
Anyway, it's really interesting and makes for some great, thought-provoking reading!
These are sweet, simple, and WarmAndFuzzyAllOver greetings--and I found a simply perfect one to send to russellonline just now to share something I'd written ( "Invalid Item" )with him.
This is where I'll also be finding a perfect note for the ladies who inspired this piece: F.T. Colette (reviewer) and PastVoices (writer).
The name of my piece (originally, a review) is "Invalid Item" , and--if you decide to read it--you'll find that your cards fit right into the category of being pro-life, because they're about spreading the positive around!
You've painted a word-picture here--not just a word-picture but a word-portrait in oils.
I can picture a single tear falling slowly followed by an increasing number of tears with the subsequent ones sliding down your face even faster as if skiing on the residue of previous tears.
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