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When I wish not write, I come here. To relieve my thoughts. |
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As I navigate my way through life, much like this great web site. I get lost, Like being in a small forest I know the edge is near. "Where oh where" I cried out. It never answers back. Then one day, I awoke with a clarity known only to me. The Beginning of One
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The Manuscript ~ The lessons ~ The steam As I learn more about this “Blog” stuff, I prefer my method. Plain text! I say that because I’ve seen Blogs that look like websites (even though by ‘definition’ a Blog is a regularly updated website or webpage). I have hosted a small variety of websites over the years, mostly community ones, updated every day. Never knew anything about a “Blog”…. That is not why I am here though, unleashing random steam, or thoughts. I haven’t written in a while, I’m not completely sure why. I do have a lot going on in my life, still, I could force smaller pieces of time so I could write. I feel that affects the quality of my work, and my learning as well. I know, not writing for long periods and throwing out randomness is not helpful to my efforts either. Why am I am here, blogging at the moment, I needed to let the words out of course. Many built up now from far and near. New thoughts present with those that still exist. It’s like my mind is doing the tango, or is it the twist? I had a manuscript stolen recently, my first actually. It wasn’t finished, only several chapters in. It was my first novel in creation, one I’m sure will win. Lucky for me though the pages are lost, my memory still recalls the sights, scenes and sounds of that place that is so dear. That in and of itself would be a short story, what happened to draft number one. This is why I’m here blogging, I have a little time to write. This form of relief helps me decide which path is right. I have a confession, I have been thinking about someone. More than I should, our paths crossed yes, in a manner forced by human nature. Not Mother Nature. My best analogy would be thinking about a coworker. We don’t work together, we are working on a project together. I know there’s that “if it’s meant to be it will be” path. Still, I find my mind wandering time and again, of an equal Spirit. Equal meaning alike, the same in most manners. What will be will be, if it is or is not, we shall see. It was and still is refreshing to feel the sense of another’s soul, and it’s feeling is of kind. With that in mind I breath a sigh of relief. I’ve let it out, a thought that can not seem to escape, a welcoming mind. On to the ’ important’ stuff; My email here reminds me to update my blog, almost every day. Takes me a few minutes to delete months’ worth of repeat emails “Update your blog!” I should remember to look for that setting sometime…. With being busy comes many distractions, I would enjoy nothing more than writing to support myself, I’m not there yet. I’m also distracted, There are many things pulling on me all at once. Something positive, I’m going to the west coast in a few weeks. I’ll see the Pacific Ocean for the first time. I’m looking forward to that. I’ll be out there for a month, on business mixed with a little pleasure I am sure. That is one of my newer positive distractions as it is still weeks away, a most welcome event. Maybe next time I’ll write about my first time flying a remote control drone with HD camera onboard. It didn’t go as I thought it would. |
Still reluctant to write, I am uncovering the reasons why. Aside from procrastination and my current living environment. I have come to realize that Karma has had an influence in recent years. You see in wanting the dream so badly, I could not see things for what they were. For over three years, I was in love with and in a relationship with a narcissist. To this day, I am still suffering the effects of her “vengeance”. You see, when you are involved with a narcissist, you don’t have to do anything wrong. You can be the most loyal friend and love them ‘till the end of time. None of which matters. I’ll not go into the illness itself, rather I wish to write and like a tornado, my thoughts are swirling about today. I feel writing is the only way to relieve this feeling. As much as I wish to finish my manuscripts, I am in no rush. I will not rush my work, nor write something I plan to publish mainstream without it being precisely how I intended it to be. So I’ll spend a short time in my Blog, besides, who reads this junk anyway. For me it’s like opening a valve and letting the steam out to relieve pressure. My writing times and location are far from ideal. The one good thing in my life besides my children are all healthy. The one good thing for me personally, is my “day job” well actually I work third shift right now which I don’t mind at all. Work is going well. You see work makes me feel sane. Sometimes when I tell people an idea or a thought I have. It tends to go one of two ways. They either look at me like I just escaped or belong in an asylum. Or they are enthralled by my words and crave more. I know the differences and I know why, I do not care to go into that now either. Just the tapping of the keys and the sound of piano music in the background is soothing me. That’s all I wanted. To relax and find relief. Of my few sanctuaries, this is one of them. Writing, much in the way a reader, be it my own or any reader dives into a story and gets lost or finds themselves in another place and or time. Writing has that effect on me. I am working on my talent or skill, focus being the most important as of late. Also punctuation, grammar, writing in general. Many people have reviewed my writings and have told me they are positive, inspiring and many other great things that encourage me to write on. I am learning about positive and negative energy fields. I feel as though I am in a negative energy field now, however being a source of great positive energy, I push forward knowing what I am capable of…to an extent. Today is one of many tough days, as I started out saying, protecting myself from a narcissist is something I never saw coming into my life. They say love is blind, “they” being the people who have they themselves once at some point been blinded by it. I suppose it is true, love is blind. I have allowed myself to be placed in dangerous situations, of course in the back of my mind wondering why. Not really caring though as another day with my love was like a wish from the Gods had been granted again and again. It wasn’t until she got what she wanted from me, then left. At the time I hadn’t realized she’d done me a great service by leaving. Her wrath of self-imposed “revenge” I could do without. I learned a lot from that experience. Though I see the light coming closer and closer, my desire to look back and wonder how, why? What could have been? Is dwindling. Today, I am thankful to God, the Universe and every molecule of positive energy that hears me and helps me through times like this. I think I am going to stop here for today. I feel better as though I have been relieved of some pressure or weight. I will write again soon, I will get back to my manuscripts as soon as I am ready. If you read this. Thank you. Maybe you picked up something you needed to know or learn. Or just needed to lose track of time if even only for a few moments. Good day to all. |
| Good day reader, For starters, I don’t feel much like writing today. That describes most days lately. It could indicate why I feel so out of balance as well. All these thoughts and emotions trapped in my head, with nothing, not a word even said. I surely can’t work on my stories or manuscripts, not feeling this way. Thus being the case, my blog wins out. I haven’t written in it in a while anyway, one could say I am certainly overdue. New time restraints mixed in with old issues I’m working through. I just haven’t had the strength to write. As I’ve written once or twice I’m sure, sometimes I can’t control the writing and it must come out. Well, Today “Tracy” suggested I do some writing, a note, a journal entry. Anything. She was right, I needed this to free up some space, like cleaning out my hard drive….I admit as tired as I feel and physically and mentally drained. This is the best thing I’ve done all day. Scribble some words down. Think of it as stretching if I were a gymnast. There have just been a lot of personal changes going on in my life, some days overwhelming, other days I find peace and hold onto it for as long as I can. In this economy, if I could keep my paying job stabilized, I would be able to develop a writing schedule. I know, sounds like procrastination, and it most likely is. Oh and to my Characters, I am sorry I haven’t been in to visit, I assure you we will make up for lost time soon enough. As I said, there’s much going on in my little portion of the world. Things I’d rather not jump into at the moment. I’ll just tap the keys a little bit more, then peruse the web site and maybe create something short, something fun. If you did read this my reader. :) I hope your having a good day. Maybe one of those good luck days. =P |
| This is for the few who check for updates. I love all three of you. ;) For starters, things are tough. I haven't had the freedom to come here and relax. Rather then dwell and ponder, I'll try to let my mind wander. This may be short, or could be long. If it we're up to me, It would be in another language, well still English. Written in another book. Instead, to attempt to clear my head. I snuck in here to open up my mind a little. A good image would be sneaking out to your parents garage, slowly opening the drivers side door of your dads '57 Chevy. Pretending to drive, hoping of course dad doesn't catch you. While that's not really what's going on for me, it's kind of how I feel at the moment. I can't even start the engine, just to hear it purr. Daytime in my current location, forget writing. I've written about writing through distractions, well I am far beyond that. The closest feeling I can imagine, would be prison, which I am clearly not in, or am I? Prisons don't have to be huge concrete buildings with guards every where. There are many types of 'Prisons', I suppose I have allowed myself into one more. So I wondered if mechanics worked on their own cars, doctors on their own pain. I thought maybe coming to 'my hospital' would make me feel better. In many ways it does, but I am also sad. The cars to loud and I can't fire it up here. I have my private projects also, I do manage little time slots for, problem is when you only have a little time to write and a lot to free yourself from to do it. You don't get as much actual writing done as you wold like. To my three loyal supporters, and the many others who have eyes on me now, I appreciate it. Boring as this may be to some, it's unstressing me. It's my blog anyway. I keep telling myself to write some short stories, they always make me feel better. It's a struggle in my world right now, last year around this time, I thought for sure I would be doing much better. But when you go to the doctor and say "Doc, it hurts when I do this". What does the doctor say? "Don't do that". That's only a partial part of whats blocking me, rest assured it's not writers block, I simply can't write at most times that I want to because of some poor decisions I made over recent years. Ironically enough, those "poor choices" involved helping people. I didn't see it then, but clear as a fresh water stream, I see now I need to focus on me. Thing is part of who I am, is helping you. I'm the guy pushing your broken down car out of the way, not because you're in my way, because I see you're stuck, checking all your mirrors, almost panicked. I'm one of those kind of guys. I care, and I suppose that's what brought me here tonight. Behind the curtain, is my data collecting people counting page monitoring master super computer. Really it's just some tools we have to see how many views each page gets. My numbers are doing well. Better than I could have imagined, I mean come on, I have three readers! No, I'm kidding, you're probably like what? you, me and someone you know? Well that would be three now wouldn't it. If it where only three readers out of all my writings, and ramblings. If someone got something nice out my writing, nothing else matters to me. It's why I write. I have to, I need to read some more also. I'm not huge reading fan, but I have read a couple of books in the last year. Prior to that, other than my day job materials, which the reading only consisted of insert part "A" into part "B" and turn 45 degrees counterclockwise. OK, it's getting real late now and I'm robbing myself some much needed rest. I just wanted you to know. I'm always writing. If my updates aren't coming fast enough, or you would like me to write something specific. Feel free to email me. I'll write just about anything, for anyone. In the mean time, I must go get back in my box, it's time to sneak out of the car, slowly close the door and hope mom and dad are still sleeping. Last time, dad noticed the mirror I forget to put back the way he had it. Thank you for your curiosity if nothing more. I started this hoping it would make me feel better, clearing my head. I did accomplish that, only so much so you know I'm still alive, I'm out here, trying make it to my desk, where all is silent, my worries are no longer shoved down my throat eight hundred million times a day. I am overdue for a short story, I will create more time, some how, someway, I'll make it dark, and scare the demons away. I'll go work on that soon, then crank out one of these stories, I have several running in my mind. I know you will enjoy them. I did. |
And better notes. Well, this year has certainly proven to be the year things change. Not really what I had in mind, however. As the winds of time, have blown me everywhere but the right direction. 2014 was the year, that I fought through every storm, and I triumphed where others saw failure. I have persevered through the hardest decisions of my life, to preserve the future that I hold so dare to my heart. My endurance tested time and time again, yet my energy remains un challenged…most times. I have just returned from a 30 day stay somewhere I really didn’t need to be. I haven’t the strength to attempt to articulate it now. Just returning home today, having accomplished so much between my return, and to where my body was ready to fail me. I wanted to write a few chapters this evening, I could not. That gets frustrating at times. I long for the days when my manuscripts are seen and my work enjoyed by the masses. I now know, I have been gifted, of the many gifts, the ability to not only tell stories, to show you, within your own mind, a world unknown to most people I have interviewed. I could use the money also, as I struggle to get by. I will upgrade my writing to a higher priority, seems the more I write, the better I feel. Most writers I know who feel this way, tend to want to vent out their lives on readable print, to be read by all. I wish to write stories, not of my life, but of yours. I can’t divulge too much here, it would take the mystery out of what I am getting at. Since February of this calendar year, I have relearned how to write, in a way such as only the ‘Sages’ mused. My spelling is sometimes off, minor grammar errors once and awhile, mostly when I’m writing passed my bed time…. I enjoy posting here; it gives you something to read at some other point in time. I’m not sure what people think about me here, I make some laugh. Probably irritate a few (behind the scenes in the Authors Lounge) ::Wink:: Hopefully I inspire at least one of them, they inspire me. I like this community, it is the only reason I post many things that I do here. I have articles, and short stories written by hand. 3 Novels, those are in ‘production’ with a fourth concept in mind. I would enjoy days were my writing supports me; in the meantime, I’m working on becoming the best I can be. Some people won’t understand it that way. That is OK, anyone who reads this would understand it, or get it if said another way. As they say around here, Write On! Seems I can’t go anywhere without a pen and notebook handy, some of my ‘tools’ of the trade now. Far cry from my contractor’s tools, or my computer equipment. Though they all require notes. How funny. For me, in all three groups, the notes contain not just data, but ideas, creations. If there were only more time in the day, I was shooting for one thousand words, but I need sleep. I like this blog stuff, it’s my note pad. |
Once upon a sleepy eye... I woke before the other guy.... Just random stuff, my public notes if you will. I have been practicing my writing, since I have joined the family here. I have many distractions still, I am working on those. Most of my writings, I consider them my notes, others may see them as stories one day. Anything I post up here is meant for humans to see, not that I am not human too, I have already seen all of this stuff. I'm almost ready for bed but wanted to randomize some more things out of me cap. writing is not only healthy, I find it therapeutic. I have also realized I am not so much a writer, as I am more of a creator. I create things. If you do not know what that means, you haven't met the right words, yet. I like to write those, it calms me. Little irony there from my personal life. The Jargen Bargain, you get my jargen, it's free. |
The New I'm a writer apparently and I am sure some of my followers are anxious for a new read. It is not that I don't have anything to write about, it is quite the opposite actually. I have much to say and really no where to just sit and write. The ideas and now the words, they flow like the mightiest rivers most people can't even imagine, they are that blinded by history. What's right and wrong as well as many other distractions. If I was the one, how would they know. They expect a fucking light show, I mean really. They are that stupid, learning from old writings that age well beyond their spectacles. re written by other blinded men, it only gets worse and somehow, they held onto certain parts. Born here, rightful owner to the 'thrown'. I have the same rights as you, only I chose to be one, I am one I was born here. I am also a natural born leader. It's like knowing a guy is Obama and saying ok good. Now, when the grease turns clear, the burger is fully cooked.... |
| One of those days, I don't want to write today. I have too much on my mind. "The Queen"....is anything but. Rise of the apes? I think that's the name, of the movie I want to see again, it was good. |
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