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 |  Fibro fog, pain, writing sandwiched in between. Quotes. Sermon notes. Encouragement. |
A Texas Sunrise  A friend, William Taylor, took this picture. He visits Surfside Beach with his dogs almost every morning, watching the sun rise while the dogs prance about at the water's edge. This is only about ten miles from where I lived in Lake Jackson, Texas. Sadly, I only visited this beach about four times in the six years I lived nearby. Each day is a challenge. A challenge to get by without thinking about the fibromyalgia pains. A challenge to stay awake when chronic fatigure wants to take over. And a challenge to navigate through fibro fog. I haven't been writing as much as in the past. For years, I wrote at least 500 words a day. Now, I'm lucky if I write 500 words in month. Sigh. For more information about what my day (or life) is all about with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, chronic pains, IBS, depression and everything else thrown in, check this out:
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As I read a few stories and poems today, I thought about something that William Stafford said. "We do not correct a piece of writing; in doing so, we question a life." William Stafford Stafford started writing as a youth, but his first poem was not published until he was 48 years old. In his lifetime, he wrote 22,000 poems and had 3,000 published. None of us should give up. Robert Frost's poetry was first rejected. And Stephen King was among the many writers who had to self-publish their first works. Keep your chin up. And write on! |
When my son was little and we lived in the same small town as Terry Bollea (aka Hulk Hogan) we often ran into him in the grocery store and at the gas station. He always wore his Christian Athletes Association hat. When Derek was 3, he had his photo taken by my mom with Hulk Hogan at Orange Blossom Groves. That's where she worked, in the gift store. And Terry frequented the produce section and the gift store quite frequently. We enlarged that photo to poster size and Derek took it to preschool to show everyone. My brother "knew" Hulk Hogan because he followed wrestlers. He was jealous of Derek getting his picture with him. Derek and I enjoyed watching Terry talk about Trump, the man that he has known for decades. "When they took a shot at my hero Donald Trump, I realized that I couldn't be silent anymore," Hogan told Fox News ahead of his appearance at the RNC. "I had to step up, I had to be a real American just like all these real Americans here, and Donald Trump. I have a voice too and I want people to know, it's time to talk, it's time not to be silent anymore." |
| Huckabee made a comment on his new show Huckabee Today. I think that he might have been quoting someone, but I didn't get a name. Think about what you have seen in other instances of people shooting into a crowd or a venue. What is the normal reaction? People try to flee, often times killing each other as they stampede. Now think about the rally where President Trump was shot and almost assassinated. Nobody fled, in fact authorities had trouble getting rid of people. They ducked. They prayed. And they stayed. Huckabee said that most of us probably hadn't thought about that. I certainly hadn't. They ducked and they prayed. They didn't trample each other. |
So, I've been on the medication for over a week now. There are many possible side effects listed for this medication. One side effect that most people have is hot flashes. I haven't had those. ..although maybe I have. In this heat wave our air conditioning isn't working like it should. Or is it just me? I have had some heart palpitations, which is another common side effect. I have talked to my primary care doctor and my cardiologist. But this medication is supposed to shrink my breast cancer tumor, so for now I will continue taking it.  "My Favorite Neighbor"  "Sharing Sunshine...It's What I Do!" "Admirable Women" "Whose Work Are You Stealing?" "The Potter's Cup and Saucer" |
For those of you following my breast cancer adventure, I met with my hematologist oncologist yesterday. Our first appointment was quite informative. For the next month, I will be taking a medication that is supposed to curtail the over activity of estrogen that likely helped trigger my cancer. If I have tolerated the medication well, I will continue taking it, and have mammograms at 3 and 6 months. It is expected that in that timeframe, the tumor in my left breast will decrease in size. The most optimal result will be that it entirely disappears. But if that doesn't happen, it is expected that it will be reduced to a size that will be either watched or perhaps removed by surgery. Surgery is not what any of my doctors want based upon my age, my many maladies, the medications that I take and the fact that when I do have anesthesia, it is always difficult to wake me up afterwards. Let's pray that the medication works so well that the tumor disappears, shall we? |
| I saw the surgeon oncologist today. Or rather, we spoke. I was having trouble getting to the appointment because of my many other physical problems, so we scheduled a video conference. Neither my phone nor laptop could complete the necessary form that would allow me to enter the video call, so we spoke just on the phone. My appointment was with a surgeon because based upon the size of the tumor - about 2 inches in diameter - the medical professionals, including my primary care doctor, thought for sure that the first course would be surgery. The surgeon and her team were concerned with my age, the fact that I take quite a few medications, that I had a heart attack, that I'm on oxygen and that I don't heal quickly. So they spent time looking at my past mammograms as well as some chest xrays and other tests done over the past few years. They determined that my tumor was a very slow growing tumor. And just as we began talking, they got the one piece of information that they had been waiting for. I am HER-2 negative. The surgeon and her team concluded that surgery should not be the first treatment. They concluded that the kind of cancer that I have was caused by my own body and the levels of hormones I do and don't have. Therefore, she is suggesting that I see another cancer doc closer to my house who can prescribe the hormones (and anti-hormones - not the scientific term, but you get the picture) that I need. They predict that the tumor will shrink with this treatment. Meanwhile, they will watch its size plus monitor whether or not there is activity in my lymph nodes. Right now they are fine. So all of that was great news. I want to sincerely thank everyone who has been praying for me. And I would ask that you continue. |
Some of us were talking about the weeks leading up to Obamacare passing. I first became disillusioned with politicians as a teenager in Pittsburgh. But that's a discussion for another day. Since then, there have been many times that politicians have proven to me that they cannot be trusted. I remember when they were supposedly arguing about Obamacare. I and many others asked where does the Constitution say that the federal government should control our health care. Some ignored our questions. Some tried to say that it was so that we could pursue life, liberty and happiness. Some claimed that the federal government is supposed to take care of our general welfare. Some boldly said that they didn't know. Or care, obviously. The ones who really bothered me were the ones who said that their job was to create laws and the job of the Supreme Court was to determine if the laws that they passed were Constitutional. Some of the ones who said that were supposed Constitutional scholars themselves or supposed conservatives who ran on wanting limited government. It was then that I realized that none of them would ever want limited government nor would they want to stop creating laws to control us. |
"We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that what's deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit." - E.E. Cummings |
There is good news and bad news. The good news is that on my right side, I have a benign lump. The bad news is that on my left side, I have invasive ductal carcinoma. I have to choose my cancer doctor soon, because this cancer grows quickly. |
"A word is not the same with one writer as with another. One tears it from his guts. The other pulls it out of his overcoat pocket." ~ Charles Peguy |
I won't know the results of my breast biopsies until tomorrow or the next day. Meanwhile, I was reading through my notebook. Kenzie says: "If you dream of being a writer, you already are one! The words are merely being held prisoner in your mind. Release them!" |
| Still requesting prayers. Today, I had biopsies of both breasts. |
| I had my first fall as an elderly person. Hubby and son were not in the room with me, but even so, I was embarrassed. I jumped up immediately, which was a huge mistake. Jumping up quickly like I would have done successfully 20 years ago caused me to lose my balance again. I ended up with a bruise on my right breast, 2 bruises on my left arm, an open wound on my right knee, a bruise on my jawline and neck. I have absolutely no idea how any of that makes sense. I look like I've been in a car accident or maybe even in a fight. And all I did was fall in the living room where there is carpet and nice cushy furniture.  "My Favorite Neighbor" "Sharing Sunshine...It's What I Do!" "Admirable Women" "Whose Work Are You Stealing?" "The Potter's Cup and Saucer" |
| Biopsies on both breasts will be on May 21. I hope that we will get my son to his doctor before then. |
| I keep getting messages for me to update my blog. Mostly, I don't see any reason to since it doesn't appear that anyone ever reads it. But on the off chance that someone might, I would like to request prayers for my family. I could review the many maladies I have and face, but that takes time. I'm Marilyn, known by my writing friends everywhere as Kenzie. I have fibromyalgia and all of the other maladies that tag along with it. Three years ago, I had a massive heart attack and ever since have been on oxygen. If I try to do any kind of exercise or even household chores, it leaves me breathless. Last week, I had a mammogram. This week I had a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound. Next week I will be getting biopsies of lumps in both breasts. My hubby is a writer here too. We met here about 20 years ago. Incurable Romantic. He has had mild cerebral palsy since he was a baby. Now in his elderly years, his leg muscles are weak and if he falls down, he can't get back up. He has diabetes II and now something is going on with his kidneys. Next is my son. For years, he was our rock, doing the physical things around the house that Jim and I can no longer do. Then he woke up one morning unable to feel his hands and feet. He has unexplainable neuropathy. One doc insisted that it was due to a lack of B vitamins because he was a vegetarian for 10 years. Before that could be settled, he woke one morning with blood coming out of his mouth and nose. That they decided was non-alcoholic liver problems. He's been learning to cope with all of that when suddenly he has a lump where his leg meets his groin. Seeing a doctor should be a priority, but my son has agoraphobia. He needs antianxiety medication just to leave the house. But his doctor doesn't like prescribing it. So there we are. We need some prayer warriors. And when I went looking for some, I couldn't find any here. That surprised me. I can certainly ask for prayers on Facebook and Twitter. But this has been my comforting place since September, 2001...one week before 9/11. Pray for us, please. |
| In the 1700s, the average lifespan was 34 years. Benjamin Franklin lived for 83 years. Shouldn't we be copying what he did?  "My Favorite Neighbor" "Sharing Sunshine...It's What I Do!" "Admirable Women" "Whose Work Are You Stealing?" "The Potter's Cup and Saucer" |
| Black history month is almost over. Have you ever studied Langston Hughes? If not, I suggest that you do. Here's a sample of his poetry. Hold onto dreams For if dreams die Life is like a broken-winged bird That cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams For when dreams go Life is a barren field Frozen with snow. Langston Hughes |
| My mom used to sing a song about the word "can't". In our house, you were not allowed to say that you couldn't do something. She sang, "I'll never, ever say I can't. I'll always say I'll try." The other word that we couldn't say was "hate". We definitely were not allowed to hate people. We could hate their actions, but not them. We were allowed to dislike foods, but only after we had tried them. And even then, we had to try them again periodically, in case our tastes changed. I tried to instill these same ideas in my son's growing years. And, yes, I did sing the song to him.  ****In 1902, an aspiring young writer received a rejection letter from the poetry editor of The Atlantic Monthly. Enclosed with a sheaf of poems the 28-yr-old poet had sent was this curt note: "Our magazine has no room for your vigorous verse." The young poet rejected the rejection however, and went on to see his work published. His name was Robert Frost.***** We can't give up. We must always try. "My Favorite Neighbor" "Sharing Sunshine...It's What I Do!" "Admirable Women" "Whose Work Are You Stealing?" "The Potter's Cup and Saucer" |
Today is Lincoln's birthday. Baby boomers used to celebrate it. We all had artwork of Lincoln's silhouette. |
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