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 Blog attempt 1. |
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The first few entries come from a private journal I have kept for a few years now. also home for my entries for 
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| I am lost. I don't know what to do. I am buried beneath a pile of crap so deep I don't know what to do about it. Amber left the house for the first time in 7+ years a little over a week ago. I convinced her to get an eye exam because her vision has gotten so bad. She went because she was honestly afraid she was going blind. At the appointment the eye Dr said she had cataracts and needs surgery. Okay I figured we could deal with that. Medicaid would pay for the surgery. Then we got home and she very nearly couldn't get up the stairs into the house. It became clear she cannot safely get out and back IN the house safely. So we need a ramp for her wheelchair. I asked for some estimates. Got one 7100. Okay I'll apply for help. I applied to the barrier removal program with the league of human dignity. It sounds like we'll be on their waiting list no problem. We just have to wait. Saturday night Sophie our Chihuahua started struggling to breathe but she go. Fine we'll get her to the vet on Monday. Nope Sunday morning she started having really bad trouble and she seized. We took her to the emergency vet. 135 no problem paid it. Found out she has a class 5 out of 6 heart murmur she needs to be on a new medication and should probably have a chest x-ray. Fine we'll take her to the vet on Tuesday. That vet says 5 or 6 on the scale and a very enlarged heart. She needs no one but 2 additional meds. Fine. Pay for X-ray, meds visit and refill Charlie's insulin, 302.50. then I remember that the er vet upped her lasics and she needs her monthly refill. 24 dollars.. I get home from the vet get the new meds into the Budget Shannon helps us out on the vet bills, since Sophie was hers for a while. Okay got it moving on. I am not even done figuring that all out and precious our chiweenie, Charlie's grandma starts barking and stops suddenly and starts crying. She stopped eventually so I let it go. She ate dinner. I get up this morning and she's not right she's whimpering off and on and wouldn't even eat the hot dog I offered her for breakfast. Now I am scared she needs to go to the vet. I have no more money for an unexpected vet visit. I can't ask Shannon for any more help. We are almost definitely losing Sophie in the next 6 months to a year. I wouldn't survive it if precious died because I didn't get her help when she needs it. But I don't even know if she's that bad. I have to get a ramp. I have to take care of Amber. I have to take care of our babies. I have to save up for a random cremation. I have to talk to someone I can't talk to Amber she's emotionally fragile enough right now. I hate the words palliative care and can't help thinking Sophie is basically on hospice. I can't think of what to do if we don't get aid for the ramp. I just can't anymore. I feel like the past two weeks have been one kick to the ribs with a steel toed boot after another. |
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