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A collection of thoughts and ideas
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You have found my collection of ideas and thoughts.
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July 14, 2020 at 5:48pm
July 14, 2020 at 5:48pm
I cannot help but go over the walk I took with my bf. things started as a bight sunny day. but in the matter of minutes they brightened and deepened colors becoming sharper and more vibrant. I felt my body relax and sing as if it had just been too tightly wound up. I was tired but in a good way yet also so full of energy I had not felt in a long time.
July 13, 2020 at 5:45pm
July 13, 2020 at 5:45pm
It's so silly I feel like dancing from the rooftops. I know its not much but finding that special someone is alway a great feeling. To find they have the same feelings that in its own way magic nothing can really explain. There might be 300 miles between us but I know I don't have to worry this one's a keeper. The good thing is that depending on how things go the job I hold I can do transfers with and there is a location in the town he is in.
July 13, 2020 at 11:32am
July 13, 2020 at 11:32am
Ok, this past week has been an odd rollercoaster ride for me. My son came back on Wednesday as his father promised and of course I have had my ups and downs as I worked out with kiddo that the only bad thing was that he did not get a private spot for just him. But with how many people are in that house I am not surprised.

As for me it's been an odd mix of feeling like I was forgotten about just to have the one I have been talking to normally ping in about that time. We got to talking to find out we both have had feelings for each other from years ago before my son was born. We worked at the same place and well yeah. Time use to be perfect that I could talk with him on his break and before I clocked in.

I dont know if he is going to tell anyone but I know I'm floating.
July 9, 2020 at 12:00pm
July 9, 2020 at 12:00pm
I never realized how much I would stress over my son being with his father. Now, that he is home I feel the stress wash away knowing everything is alright. My son appears to have had a good time with his father and i managed to connect with an old friend while he was away that has the possibility of becoming more.
July 7, 2020 at 6:37pm
July 7, 2020 at 6:37pm
My world is spinning and I am not sure how but the downward swirl I had been in is hopefully been turned on its backside. I was not doing well emotionally then COVID lockdown started. Really the only thing that kept me going was my work and my son. yet through that I was talking with an old friend I knew was interested in me just did not realizes how much till just recently. it was all in thanks to my brother who showed up one thursday and said here have my rig for a week. I took advantage of the situation and drove 300 miles to give my son a chance to s[end time with his father. I dropped my son off at my exs then drove back home feeling lonely but good that I was giving my son what he asked for. The fallowing weekend I drove back just to get asked if he could stay till his father could drive him back. nervous i said yes.

I then took an opportunity to see the one I had been talking with. Easy to say I'm not the only one that had been looking but him being married ment we both were behaving. I don't break up couples and well I could see that h was not into temptation. Yes, back then I was single. The conation i felt was just like old times we walked and talked. I relaxed so much. I had not felt that relaxed in so many years. Right now nearly anything bings him to mind wanting to share or just to be closer to him.
July 7, 2020 at 11:57am
July 7, 2020 at 11:57am
Well, this past weekend has been an interesting one. Right now my son is with his father so I am a nervous weak about that. Grant it I am told my son is having fun and his messages are saying the same but my kid knows how well i worry so he might be holding back to keep me from worrying.

As for me I connect with an old friend that like me right now is free to see who they want. I cannot help but think about him since I had to go home. needless to say we are 300 miles apart right now. but when we are talking it as if he is right there next to me. Hes one of the few people "I have found not stirred away by all I can do.

So yeah i just pray this turns out for the best. I'm tired of being alone. Tired of looking over my own shoulder. tired of feeling like the world thinks I need to be alone. I know my great friends here are here and have helped greatly keep me stable. Thank you.
July 2, 2020 at 3:50am
July 2, 2020 at 3:50am
Well, today started out feeling like I should stay in bed. Got ready for work only to lose my phone as it sat right next to me. I searched for it for 5 minutes before turning around to look were I had been sitting to see my phone sitting right there next to my seat.

Thing only got more interesting from there. I was suppose to have till today and a new man on shift the floor. Just to end up building a chair for a customer then taking the floor so that the new guy could take over till and I got to wander the floor putting things away, helping customers and doing my best not to hit my head as i guided the new man in how to communicate with the crew.

Yet, in the end it was a good day. I got a lot done and at lest for a moment I got it through to the guy how to get things to till. Then after work i decided to gather up a few flyers to hand out at our nearby mall. That was fun and a huge success. I only got a few flyers to pass out but had such a good response that I went back and grab enough flyers to pass out to about 3/4ths of the stores in the mall. The flyers had item numbers for thing that have been hard to get a hold of lately.

I had only a few stores say no thank you. The rest asked about our hours so that they could makes plans of when to stop by.
July 1, 2020 at 11:51am
July 1, 2020 at 11:51am
Ok, the last few days I have been struggling but not as bad as in my past. I know a lot of what I am feeling is the empty nest feelings. In time they will pass it is just getting to that point. My work days have been interesting but productive. I do get to build at least 3 chairs this morning along with my daily cleaning and manning the tills. This does not include all the stocking I will get to do at the same time.

At home I have not been active. I really need to be more active to help fight off the empty nest feeling. I do message my son each day just to make sure he knows I have not forgotten him. I want to go do something today I just don't know what. I sit alone. I keep trying but at this time i find no one there catches my attention so I sit alone. I never have been into the bar scene.
June 29, 2020 at 10:53pm
June 29, 2020 at 10:53pm
What a mix of emotions I have right now. I'm excited for my son because he is getting the chance to spend time with his father. I'm nervous and scared that something will happen and I am over 300 miles away from my son. Grant it that is a 6 hour from one city to the next with the Denali national park between us. Half lost not sure what to do because I have had my son at my side for the last 13 plus years.

Ok! How did this all come to happen? My brother was going out of town for the week so he handed me the keys to his jeep and said go have fun maybe go camping. Well that sounded like a great Idea. So, friday I rounded my son up after work and away we drove back to our home town. I was having a blast. Grant it we got into town about 1 in the morning so instead of waking people we just camped right there in the car. Then once awake I called my ex to let him know we were in town. I got growled at about not calling ahead. That I did my best to brush off simply because that was him and I know he needed to understand I dont flex on every thing he says.

One thing lead to an other and I had to get a phone repaired while there. So it gave the guys a chance to hang out. While hanging out someone had the idea of a week long sleep over. After we parted ways. For the day my son asked if it would be ok for him to spend the week with his father. I was frustrated and stressed over the idea but instead of being an ass I answered with "What do you want to do? I will support you either way."

I know my son wants dad time he needs it badly I'm just not sure his father is the right one for the job. I pointed out goid and bad thing then ended with no matter what happens it is his choice and will support him.

We grabbed lunch then went over to a local park to spend the next 4 hours with friends. My son played several games and had a blast with our great friends in the park. He even was given two foam swords so he could come back and play again.

We camped again in the jeep. The following day we had breakfast with my ex and his girlfriend. We all talked things over then went over to were they were staying. After a while my son asked to stay the week. Instead of saying no I handed him money and his emergancy card.

This week will be hard on me for all I can do is think about how my son is doing.
June 26, 2020 at 11:44am
June 26, 2020 at 11:44am
Well, I am not sure what type of angle is on my shoulder but here lately things are appearing to be changing. Out of nowhere my brother decided to let me use his rig for the next week while he is out of town with his lady. Who knows it might just be Karma smiling back at me for all i have done and keep doing for others. All I can say is I am grateful and know that at lest for two weekends I might be able to get out and do something instead of feeling the strain of staying inside away from the world.

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