As the first blog entry got exhausted. My second book
|Evolution of Love Part 2|
|THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:
1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."
|*A simple story on leadership nothing more nothing less.....*
In his memoirs General Douglas MacArthur wrote about his first meeting with
Emperor Hirohito after the end of the Second World War:
"Shortly after my arrival in Tokyo, I was urged by members of my staff to summon the Emperor to my headquarters as a show of power. I brushed the suggestions aside.
"To do so," I explained, "would be to outrage the feelings of the Japanese people and make a martyr of the Emperor in their eyes".
No, I shall wait and in time the Emperor will voluntarily come to see me. In this case,
the patience of the East rather than the haste of the West will best serve our purpose."
"The Emperor did indeed shortly requested an interview. In cutaway, striped trousers, and top hat, riding in his Daimler with the imperial grand chamberlain facing him on the jump seat, Hirohito arrived at the embassy. I had, from the start of the occupation, directed that there should be no derogation in his treatment. Every honor due a sovereign was to be his.
"I met him cordially, and recalled that I had at one time been received by his father at the close of the Russo-Japanese War. He was nervous and the stress of the past months showed plainly. I dismissed everyone but his own interpreter, and we sat down before an open fire at one end of the long reception hall.
"I offered him an American cigarette, which he took with thanks. I noticed how his hands shook as I lighted it for him. I tried to make it as easy for him as I could, but I knew how deep and dreadful must be his agony of humiliation. I had an uneasy feeling he might plead his own cause against indictment as a war criminal. There had been considerable outcry from some of the Allies, notably the Russians and the British, to include him in this category.
" Indeed, the initial list of those proposed by them was headed by the Emperor's name.
"Realizing the tragic consequences that would follow such an unjust action, I had stoutly resisted such efforts. When Washington seemed to be veering toward the British point of view, I had advised that I would need at least one million reinforcements should such action be taken.
"I believed that if the Emperor were indicted, and perhaps hanged, as a war criminal, military government would have to be instituted throughout all Japan, and guerrilla warfare would probably break out. The Emperor's name had then been stricken from the list.
" But of all this he knew nothing.
"But, my fears were groundless. What he said was this: 'I come to you, General MacArthur, to offer myself to the judgment of the powers you represent as the one to bear sole responsibility for every political and military decision made and action taken by my people in the conduct of war'.
" A tremendous impression swept me. This courageous assumption of a responsibility implicit with death, a responsibility clearly belied by facts of which I was fully aware, moved me to the very marrow of my bones.
"He was an Emperor by inherent birth, but in that instant I knew
I faced the First Gentleman of Japan in his own right."
A commander/ head of govt/ ruler/ dictator etc must take full responsibility for their decisions whether they took that alone or consulted a thousand others to arrive at it. *That is true leadership.*
*Errorist* : Someone who repeatedly makes mistakes.
*Askhole* : A person who constantly asks for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you tell them.
*Ambitchous* : Striving to be more of a bitch than the average bitch.
*Dudevorce* : When two male best friends officially end their friendship over a lame disagreement, usually concerning a girl.
*Nonversation* : A completely worthless conversation, wherein nothing is illuminated, explained or otherwise elaborated upon. Typically occurs at parties, bars or other events .
*Destinesia* : When you get to where you were intending to go, you forget why you were going there in the first place. Not to be confused with being stoned.
*Unkeyboardinated* : Lacking physical or mental keyboard coordination; unable to type without repeatedly making mistakes.
*Cellfish*: Those who continue to talk on their cell phone, oblivious to the effect on others around them.
*Textpectation* :The anticipation one feels when waiting for a response to a text message.
*Carcolepsy*:The inability to stay awake and alert when in a car, or any other thing that moves, such as trains, planes, and buses.
*Hiberdating* : Someone who ignores all their other friends when they are dating a boyfriend/girlfriend.
*Deja poop* : The feeling that the same shit keeps happening
1. When you say *"a, e, i, o, u"* your *mouth* gets *smaller* with each vowel you say ! 😊😊.
2. You *don't really wash your hands;*... they *wash each other while you stand there and watch.....
3. Things are not on fire,... *fire is on things !* 😳🤔
5. When you say *'Forward'* or *'Backward',*... your *lips move in those directions !*
(yes,...just like that !!) 😄😄
6. The word *'Australia'* has three *A's,*... all of which look the same, but are... *pronounced differently !* (surprised ??) 😳🤭
7. If You rip a hole in a *net,* there are actually *fewer holes in it than before !* 😄🤭
8. The sentence "All the faith he *had had had had* no effect on the outcome of his life."... *is actually correct !!* 😄😄🤭🤭 (getting too much??)
9. Sometimes you have to *sing* the *whole alphabet* in your *head*... just to find the *next letter !!* 🤔
13. *“Dammit I'm Mad "* backwards is still *"Dammit I'm Mad".* (and that's the *condition* you have *almost reached !!*) 🤪🤪😝😝
14. *Nothing* is *behind your Back.* it is always in *front of your back !!* (Now that's *stretching* it a little bit *too far !!*) 😂😂🙃🙃
15. Most of the time the people who tell you to *calm down* are the *same people that made you angry in the first place !!* (Yeah... You got that *RIGHT !!*) 🤣🤣😜😜
16. *Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia* is not fun to say, but ironically, this is the *medical term* for the *fear of long words !!* 🤭🤭😝😝 (Nailed it ??... *Right ??*).
|A police patrol officer who parked outside a local neighbourhood bar noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.
After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car which he fell into.
He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn, and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles.
At last (when almost everyone had left) he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street.
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test.
To his amazement, the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyser equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight, I'm the designated decoy. They all got away!"
|We all know how meticulous are auditors in raising objections, and how meticulously such objections need to be dealt with.
Army personnel are entitled to an additional quantity of rum if posted at a certain height in the Himalayan range. One formation of Jat regiment were posted at a hilly location and drew the additional quota of rum. The Audit Department, after verification came to the conclusion that the height of the location falls short by 5 feet from the height prescribed for additional rum entitlement. Hence as the unit has already consumed additional rum without entitlement, the members of unit must pay back the cost of rum consumed.
Official memo to this effect was received by the CO of the unit. CO replied that:
" Ours is a formation of Jat regiment where the height of each jawan is more than 6 ft. We further undertake that all rum has been consumed in standing position only, thereby at a height more than the prescribed limit for free entitlement.
The audit objection was dropped. 😂😂
In the days when you couldn't
count on a public toilet facility, an English woman was planning a
trip to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest house owned by the local Schoolmaster.
She was concerned as to whether the guest house contained a WC.
In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC which stands for 'Water Closet'. She wrote to the school master inquiring of the facilities about the WC.
The school master though fluent in English did not know what 'wc' meant. So he asked the local priest if he knew the meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady wanted to know if there was a 'Wayside Church' (WC) near the house; a bathroom never entered their minds.
So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is located just 9 miles from the house.
It is located in the middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is open on Sundays and Thursdays.
As there are many people expected in the summer months, I suggest you arrive early. This is an unfortunate situation especially if you are in the habit of going regularly. There is, however, plenty of standing room.
It may be of some interest to you that my daughter was married in the WC; as it was there, that she met her husband. It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on their faces. We can take photos in different angles.
My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable to go recently. It has been
almost a year since she went last, which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to wait till the last minute and arrive just in time.
I would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be heard everywhere.
The newest addition is a bell which rings every time a person enters. We are holding a bazaar to provide plush seats for all, since many feel it is long needed.
I look forward to escorting you there myself and seating you in a place where you can be seen by all.
With deepest regards,
Needless to say the Woman never visited India !!!
HELL EXPLAINED BY A JEWISH CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues via the Internet.
*Bonus Question: *Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives us two possibilities:
*1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
*2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So, which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by my girlfriend Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh God, I'm coming."
The student received an A+ !!!!!!🤓
“ 10 toffees for 1 rupee” and
“1 toffee for 10 rupees”,
we grew up!
“Ground may aaja” and
we grew up!
“stealing chocolate from our sister” and “Buying chocolate for her children”,
we grew up!
“Just five more mins Maa” and “Pressing the snooze button”,
we grew up!
“Crying out loud just to get what we want” and
“Holding our tears when we are broken inside”,
we grew up!
“I want to grow up” and
“I want to be a child again”,
we grew up!
“Lets meet and plan” and
“Lets plan and meet”,
we grew up!
"Being afraid of our parents"
"Praying for our parents" we finally grew up
And as we grew up, we realize;
How Silently, Our Lives Have Changed.......
|Way back in 1997 an officer was promoted and celebrations were on in the mess. Everyone was making merry, when one officer saw that the letter stated the promotion was effective from 997.
There was a typo and the 1 was left out. In the prevailing light hearted mood someone suggested writing to AHQ asking for back pay for 1000 years.
A letter was drafted and given to the mess in charge to post which he did. In a few days everyone had forgotten the letter and thought that it would be thrown into the WPB( waste paper bin). Three months late a letter came from AHQ. Signed by the MIlitary Secretary( officer in Army HQ) who evidently was even smarter.
The letter stated - We have received your letter....blah blah blah and have decided that your claim for back pay has been sanctioned. The amount with interest as confirmed by the CDA(O) is Rs.25,37,654,492/=.
However while examining the records it has come to light that from the time of the battles with Mohammed Ghazni (1007) till World War I (1918) a vast amount of arms, stores, supplies etc were found missing after each battle. The Judge Advocate General has opined that you, the sole surviving officer, are responsible. The amount of the missing items totals to Rs. 25,37,655,492/=.
Hence amount of Rs.1000/- is due from you and this will be deducted from your salary next month.
However in view of your long service and contribution the amount will be waived if you withdraw your claim. We are also pleased to inform you that the Army has instituted a new medal - EVLSM - Extremely Very Long Service Medal - to be awarded to those who have completed 500 years of service. As you have served for more than a 1000 years, a bar will also be awarded. Thanking you .................