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I've just edited an item in my portfolio:
Well, actually added the resolution. Lemme know if it is too easy an ending. |
Just looking through one of my better stories. I added a first scene to help flesh out the world. It greatly enhances the character's world, makes it much more intelligible, but I fear that it is far too soft on the basics of scene, e.g. the goal, conflict and disaster are tepid. Love to hear what you think... it auto rewards. If your answer is, "yes it's boring, I quit early, cut it" just make sure you ramble enough to get the auto reward. Preferrably tell me how far you got? Or just ask me for a manual award. Additionally, ideas on how to ramp up the goal, conflict, and disaster would be appreciated!
Added benefit: there are three reviewable sections in that story alone, and a couple more about the same heroine as an adult. This one being the origin story, it likely has the best character arc. I will gladly reward all three with at least a thousand if you review! Warning: just because the heroine is too young to wield her sword properly, don't assume that the whole thing will be sweet. Her origin is violent, 18 +. |
| P.S. The first section includes more than the lead in scene... it includes the inciting factor that causes her to become what she does, a very different breed of warrior than her aunt and uncle (and father and mother.) |
Like| I just finished retelling the oldest story I ever finished, at least that I remember. It's the tale of Stiles, who is gifted a magical necklace by a ghoulish gypsy. With it, if he will but put it on the neck of the lady he loves--by the end of Halloween--she will be his for life. Needless to say, it came out a lot different. I was in fourth grade, and now I am in my forth decade. I was in my Edgar Allan Poe period. Wish I had the original, I might post it for comparison.
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| Looking at a first draft of a poem that I forgot about... inspired pile of rubbish. I'm like... was I for real? Maybe I think it should be easier by now. |
| Hi Joto-Kai! Can you help me review my very first piece of writing on this website? The link is here[[https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2162960-Berry]] Thank you! |
I've just edited an item in my portfolio:
It's a tiny edit, but it hasn't seen any action in a LONG time. One of my best works, and just about the only one I set in the real world. Check it out, let me know what you think or if you see any ideas. |
| In this piece, I get to lash out, put some of my more suspect thoughts--thoughts too edgy for a blog titled "Thoughts of Madman"--into the mouth of a character. This lout: an idiot, a troll, or does he have a point? For your consideration:
Edited for punctuation and completeness; third person objective. Comments on the sanity of the character's ideas welcome too. |
| It came to me that you would never want to be one of my Mary-Sues. It's just... not a good thing, as the story evolves. Carolie: evolved from a sheltered goody-two-shoes village healer, to eventually become the clone-daughter of the Dark Lord. Turns out, he-she starts out with good intentions, then gets frustrated and starts getting destructive. At that point, he-she spawns a clone who will put the original in his-her place, only to do the same 1000 years later. Or, in Carolie's turn, maybe this year... her plan to save the day? She 'cures' the free will of her friends and soldiers, so that they will be more comfortable while facing the legions of the old Dark Lord  Brannon: Started out as an interstellar rogue who gets caught up by accidentally 'buying' a symbol of the rebellion, a MacGuyver flying around playing Dr. Who. Ends up as a brainwashed spy who thinks he's liberating people and is really just setting them up to be assimilated by his old empire. Oh, and meanwhile, the two people he cares about most in the universe are BOTH trying to 'fix' his brain, and the only thing he can be sure of, is that nothing he sees or thinks is worthy of trust. Now, he has to choose. Easy enough, actually, except that the choice will determine the fates of millions of people. And that's before they move on to the next world. In sum: Don't be a Mary Sue. I will exact a heavy penalty.  |
| So I prepare myself for the descent into darkness. No, I'm not becoming depressed or going spelunking, though those aren't bad ideas. What I am doing is endeavoring to make a scene by scene synopsis of my beloved novel. So far, two scenes in, I nearly had apoplexy as I realized how starkly melodramatic the ideas are. I knew they were pushing it, after all it was a NaNo and it was genre-related to some really odd stuff that I watched. (No, nothing I will willingly admit to having watched.) And it's already Scifi. Please, may the PTB have mercy upon me. |
| That moment when: you are pleased that you got a great review about a poem whose subject that hurts to think about. |
| If you and your significant other build poetry together, does she have a copyright to it, barring you from building something derivative? What about in the privacy of your own thoughts, then. Wouldn't that be 'fair use?' I do wish she'd comment and tell me. Banning me from talking to her should have been enough, but it wasn't.  |
| That moment that the 'balding hairy ape' character, with the broken dialect and the penchant to treat everything like a broken droid, the character that never says anything even a little out of character, says something uncharacteristically insightful and true. And it's still 100% in character. If that isn't reward enough for being a writer, you're in the wrong hobby/profession/dangerous obsession. |
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