I missed your birthday!
It was an accident.
I thought it was fruit juice and it wasnt. I got snockered and fell off the pier. Then I swam to the wrong beach and there was this actor and, well ...
the thigh tattoo was fun but it was going in the wrong direction and so we kept adding to it and now I’m all blue and lavender with specks of chartreuse. Well as you cal imagine, I had to go get new glasses because the old ones clashed with my new skin tone.
And after I sobered up, I fell asleep and now it’s tomorrow.
So that’s how I missed your birthday.
I hope you had a happy and most wonderful day and that the coming year is the most wonderful yet!
Your calamitous friend,