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2,059 Public Reviews Given
2,305 Total Reviews Given
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126
126
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
lol i love the last line - i find myself doing this even when the temp is 104 degrees - though i love my job nothing is better than an unexpected snow day.

What a cute look to a real situation.

You seem to have covered it all in just a few lines.

Great way with words.

Audra
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127
Review of From Beyond  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is very original. At points it made me smile, at others it made me look at my corners for them. I wonder what weapons dust bunnies would have.

Creative, smoothly written. Nice job.

Audra
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128
Review of May Angels Watch  
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this so beautiful and calming. I could almost feel the angels smiling. What sweet sentiments you have shared. In a way, its beauty almost made me sad that not everyone would wish such positive things on others.

Your words feel heart-felt and honest.

I loved the first stanza probably the most, which might seem odd since I don't have a spouse - but the wording was smooth and unpredictable.
The last line of this stanza particularly touched me.

You have written a beautiful poem in a beautiful way.

Audra
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129
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Let's get my pet-peeve grammar thing out of the way first:

Its only has an apostrophe when it is a contraction for it is or it has. If it is showing possession it is "its".

Its a funny little township, where people haven’t much to do. - thus it should be It's
To see in all of it's dull glory, - and its

I have to say, I really enjoyed this. It had kind of a Phantom Tollbooth feel. (A book I read to my son years ago).

What I liked most is the easy rhythm. I can visualize the seen without an overabundance of adjectives. You've taken me to a whimsical place that is at the same time quite real to our world.

Great job!

Audra
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130
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Such a beautifully written, yet tragic poem. You describe at the beginning something we all treasure feeling and then at the end something we all fear feeling.

The emotion was very believable.

I especially liked this part:

I get lost in your deep brown eyes--
-like in an enchanted wood,

At times the rhyme seemed a little predictable. you might think to yourself "what do they expect me to say?" and then try to come up with a twist of the wording.

And all this I can feel-altogether - i stumbled a little on this line - i think perhaps because of the "all" being in there twice.

You have a nice flow to your writing.

Thanks for sharing.

audra
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131
Review of More Snow Melt  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
As I read many of your entries and glanced through others, I almost have a sense of guilt. I have viewed blogging/journal writing as an "extra"/whenever I have time and think about it activity. Your blog has shown me the importance of it. You are capturing your life and emotions through beautiful, truthful words. What a legacy this will be.

You show your strength, your humanity, your frustrations - all so freely.

I am so impressed.

Audra
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132
Review of I Walk Alone  
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
How beautiful and sincere! How could such an act of love be improved on? It can't, it is meant to be enjoyed, and perhaps envied lol.

You both have written beautifully.

Thank you so much for sharing something so personal. I hope more people will read it, and realize words do make a difference.

Audra
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133
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very deep and moving poem. I especially loved the last stanza; I thought it was inventive and provided a feeling a closure to the thoughts that is sometimes missing with poems.

Your use of visual imagery is strong as well as personification.

Great poem - great writing.
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134
Review of EFFECTIVE WRITING  
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good Morning Mr. Warrior,

I was drawn to this piece for several reasons. 1. I write (obvious, I know) 2. I teach writing to 8th graders 3. I just passed my Journalism certification test.

I agree with so much of what you said. In fact, I think many times people are discouraged from reading all together because of flashy vocabulary. Very few will take the time to research unfamiliar words. Nor do they want to feel stupid by not understanding. Their answer? Stop reading.

people with ones knowledge - I believe this should be one's (since it is possessing knowledge)

I've always abided by the principal that, It's the other principle -- I just remember this one because the students tell me The principal is our P a L.


it's not the words you choose to use, it's how you use the words you choose. - I love this -- what a great tool in teaching style and varying sentence structures.

Great job!
Audra
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135
Review of First Heat  
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
lol Hmmmm. not what I was expecting but very good.

It is refreshing something like this that doesn't involve young "perfect" people.

A couple of suggestions:
I just wanted to call and check on you. How are you baby?” the - there should be a comma after you

I wanted to feel wanted again. - This is a great sentence. It gives insight into the character as well as is relatable

We arrived at Jim’s house. He asked if I wanted to come check my email while he changed. The minutes that it would have taken to change, turned into hours - didn't really understand this part. Why would you want to check your email. And the minutes sentence - I'don't understand, I'm sorry

His fingers loosed my breasts with one flick - i stumbled on "loosed" how about freed

“May I taste you please?” - comma after you

His pale blue eyes watched as he felt my release, when the strongest waves of orgasm rushed over me - i would delete the comma

Unbutton your pants, baby, I want to taste her once again.” I unzipped my pants and gave him full access. He stroked and dipped gathering his nectar, sending me into ecstasy again - clarify that you are still in the car

he slid into me “I want to feel you surrounding me.” - comma after me

I was alive again. - again, a simple and insightful line.


I think if you added a little more information about thoughts and feelings going through your mind this would make this an even stronger piece.

Nice job,
Audra
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136
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Jim,

What an interesting write both in subject and style. Thought-provoking for sure. The amount of pay for a job in our country, in my opinion, is definitely a head-shaker. You've demonstrated this. And even though you only compare military to athletes; it does bring to mind the other areas. For example, I have a sister that has worked at 7/11 gas station as a cashier for one month. I've been a teacher in the public school system for 8 years. Her pay this month was only 200 less than what I make. But life is lfie -- fortunately my job offers me many other rewards.

December 20th, 2010, - you don't need the comma after 2010

The Vikings punter found it interesting that the NFL - apostrophe after Vikings - it's possessing punter

And it led me to this thought about professional athletes, and our military members. - I would delete the "and". It's not needed. and delete the comma after athletes

And we’ll assume that the monthly pay of an ‘average NFL player’ is what an E-4 with two years of service makes ($1986/month I would change the And to Let's -- but thats just me - it my opinion it kind of brings the readers into the discussion.

There’s a good possibility that someone is tackled hard that they could suffer a concussion - i think you need an "if" in this sentence.

I really enjoy your writing. It is unique and makes me think.

Audra
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137
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
lol boys will be boys rather men will always be boys.

You might use a little more description to let us non-sea faring people understand some of the terms more clearly. Like for the following 2 sentences.

understand that crews mess on this submarine was very small, it held maybe 16 men.

Right next to it was a small berthing area, with a door that opened in to crews mess.

I like how you ended it. We all have those experiences where "you had to be there".

Thank you for serving our country. I mean that with all my heart.

I have a little sister in the Navy Reserves who is being deployed July 15th.

Thaks for the read, Jim.

Audra
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138
Review of A Damned Old Man  
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Holy hat! I don't know when I've enjoyed a read as much as this. I hope you don't mind, but I'm forwarding it to my dad, and anyone else I know with half a since of humor.

It was genius - from the dialect, dialogue, metaphors, descriptions.

I have to say, I want a sequel. PLEAAAAASE!

I love Corny; actually I love all the characters.

A couple of things:

He never wore anything but jeans, which fit so snugly that it looked like it just had to hurt. - i stumbled on this a bit - maybe something like which fit so snugly it looked like the bones would tear the denim. Well, that's not really good. Maybe just rewording it.

fat man who didn’t say much but who sneezed a lot, sometimes eight times or more in a row -- minimizing this sentence would keep the fast pace flow you have going -- fat man who didn't say much but sneezed (actually just take the who out)

“Damn homo hippies! Why dontcha go screw each other? - missing end quotation.

Harry, (I'm assuming that's your name) this was magical. Pat yourself on the back, have a cold beer, and beat your wife at a game of checkers. You deserve it.

Audra
139
139
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was really cute. Very invented. I found myself smiling throughout.

You've done especially well with the use of dialogue. It pulled me right in.


A couple of notes/thoughts:

grounded individual, contented in life, - I think just making it "content" with life would be okay. I get that you made it past tense because of grounded - but well - I don't know - think about it.

There was a great rumbling in the sky, something he’d never heard before, the whole earth around him shook from the force of the rumble. - okay, this is just an "Audra" (me) thing. I find that starting a sentence with "there" usually takes some of the punch out it and is easily fixed. For instance: A great rumbling from the sky erupted, something he'd never heard . . . . To me it gives it more umpf

Karlo couldn’t believe he was seeing what he saw in the sky - this may be a style thing but I tripped on it a bit. - You might simplify to Karlo couldn't believe what he was seeing in the sky

making it easier to move.
He’d moved to New Mexico six months ago to - Watch repetition of words "move" so close together - You actually use it again later i think. You could change it to He'd relocated - again, just a thought.

He’d moved to New Mexico six months ago to enjoy the southwestern style of living. He hadn’t counted on his yard being full - be careful of starting sentences with the same word in a single paragraph. It interupts the flow a little. Just varying the sentence structure will add a rhythmic quality.

I loved the characters, plot, and twist.

A great read.
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Review of A New Day  
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh my gosh! I love this! Guess why? Yes, I'm a teacher, too. Though mine is a little different (not much) because I teach middle school. Would you mind if I wrote one as well? I don't want to "copy" but this is such a great idea.

If the world only knew, right?

You wrote this perfectly. The style presents the urgency we have ALL day long. I can't tell you how glad I am that I stumbled on this. You have made my morning!

Absolutely Brilliant!

Audra
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Review of Night Song  
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm not usually a mystical creature fan - but I really enjoyed this.

my favorite part was:
A mist arises in the fading light
to blur the edges bounding the two worlds
of the here now and the just out of sight.

Your use of subtle alliteration is awesome - Flickering lights from fairy fires show

You've incorporated so many literary devices to pain a clears scene for us, the reader.

Thanks for a great read!
Audra
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142
Review of My Essays  
Review by audra_branson
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
This is an interesting introspect and history of Harry Potter. I did find myself distracted by the errors, so it was harder to put my full concentration on the message.

Its easy to see that the Harry potter - It's (contraction for it is) - Potter

Movie titles need to be underlined

cenes,more blood, an -- space after scenes and "an" should be and

images I'v seen I've commercials alone are scarier than anything in T - I've after images and the second I've should be on i think.

There was a case in Canada where a nine - starting a sentence with There makes it very unactive. You could just rearrange In Canada, a case was reported where a nine . . .

ooks sisx and seven were rated young adults and was no longer juvenile appro - sisx/six - was should be were

But one thing that worries me about this whole situation. I'm afraid that material in movies that will be considered acceptable for younger audiences will get more and more too adult so to speak. - But one thing that worries me -- that sentence is a fragment

You need more of a conclusion than that last statement. And what would be the repercussions in our society if this happens? Is it only happening in the world of Harry Potter? What movies are a good influence?

You have a nice start, it just need to be polished a bit.

Audra
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143
Review of The Healing Sand  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a very inspirational piece that I think many of us can relate to. We hear the importance of taking time for ourselves, but often we don't recognize the truth in it until we feel as if there is nothing left inside of us.

The only thing I would look at is varying the sentence structure. For instance: She said that she had gotten a cottage but was afraid that she would not be able to go because her knees were so bad that she would not be able to pack and move the stuff and her friend who was to go had just had abdominal surgery 10 days ago and would be absolutely no help. -- I got what you were saying but I had to slow my pace of reading to do so. You make break it up into 2 or more sentences.

I'm glad it ended happy - I was afraid it wouldn't.

Audra
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144
Review of Thank You, Father  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is wonderful. The morning is my time with the Lord as well. Just He and I the world not quite awake. You've portrayed how I feel every morning.

There was just one line that either I'm not reading right or might be a typo.
With gratitude I begin I day,

Thank you for the beautiful poem.

audra
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145
Review by audra_branson
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I love this. The times I've said "God you said you wouldn't give me more than I can handle. I think you may have misjudged me" are too numerous to count. But then something fills my spirit and I am able to see beyond the temporary obstacles. Your poem embodies this.

Thanks for sharing it.

audra
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146
Review by audra_branson
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A wonderful story that I hope you will grant me permission to read to my middle school students.

Recently, some of my students came to the school counselor. They were concerned how most people viewed preteens and teenagers - including their peers. It seemed all the talk was of negativity - gossip, bullying, self-involvement. They proposed an anonymous "pay-it-forward". To assure no one would be forgotten, there was a list of all students posted in the cafeteria. When you had received your act of kindness you highlighted your name and found 3 people to pay it forward to. Many poems were written that week and placed secretly in lockers, cards made, bows given, etc. The last day before Christmas break we had semester testing. I noticed a girl in my class looking at a list of names after her test. She explained to me that it was the people who had not been highlighted. She was trying to make them all a short note before the end of the day. I didn't say much, but I went to my desk and began making some notes of my own. I have to admit I probably wasn't as attentive to my class as I should have been, because it was a while before I noticed that everyone in the class had quietly joined in on her quest -- boys, girls, popular, brains, jocks, etc . . . They had banded together to complete the task.

I'm sorry, that wasn't a review of your story, but yours did move me to remember this. the only thing in yours I would take a look at is : meal’s when - meal's isn't possessing anything nor is it a contraction so i would take off the apostrophe.

Thanks so much for an inspiring story. It made my morning!

Audra
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Review of The Party  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a great prelude to a story -- it makes me want to find out more. You've showed us a lot about the characters without just saying it. That is admirable -- not an easy thing to do.

I would suggest talking a look at your sentence structure. Most your sentences are long and in a couple of cases run-ons. If you mix long with short it creates a strong rhythm.

Great description and excellent job at showing not telling.

Audra
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Review of Stand With Me  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very beautiful visual.

The only thing that caused me pause was the two last lines beginning with the same word. Other than that it painted a picture I could both feel and see.

The rhyme was natural and read effortlessly.

Thanks !
audra
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Review by audra_branson
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
a beautiful reminder for us all. I love the repetition of the last line. This poem squeezed at my heart as one of my young sisters is going to afghanistan in april.

You have brought to light what too often we choose not to think about because of the reality it brings.

Thank you for this beautiful tribute.

Audra
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Review of The Gray  
Review by audra_branson
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really love the last line -- it brings the whole poem together.

you might look at making your similes less cliche to make the poem show a little more strength.

You speak from the heart and soul and that shines through. Words are felt not just written.

Nice job.

Audra
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