Allyson Lindt's (acelette) Reviews

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BY ONLINE AUTHORS

My Thoughts

Can we at least keep our thoughts to ourselves?

And where are you in all of this?

if you badly want to help others, why can't do the same with yourself as well?

Memoirs of a Przewalski's Horse

Told by himself. Cameos by Betty Sue, Delicious, Mr. Lincoln and Rosalee. Multiple povs.

The Silent Owl

how loud is its silence

READ A NEWBIE

~Sojourn.

Embracing trials as catalysts for soul growth, inner transformation, and eternal freedom.

The Monster and the Clouds

Will the monster keep on laughing? Will the clouds keep on collecting? Don’t take over!

What am I even doing-

Request by a friend to make a poem out of my previous poem descriptions… WHY WOULD YOU-

Truman

The untold story of America's greatest president

BY ONLINE AUTHORS

A Wonderful Group: United with Strength

A wonderful group who have been together for a while having good eats - a nice poem.

Forecast

Downpours without a breeze; Sprinkles with winds; Fog moving in; Slimy ... and Wet.

WW1 Veteran's Tale

Tribute to Grandpa, a true story, a life well lived.

Vampires at the Sleepover

Mia and friends have a fun, spooky vampire sleepover full of laughs, games, and cookies!

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Allyson Lindt

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787 Public Reviews Given

997 Total Reviews Given

Public Reviews

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Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#2800536

Review of Hard Times in NYC

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: I appreciate the time you took to read my work, and I offer this review in return as a way of showing my appreciation (and honestly, I just enjoy reading your work

). The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
I love the imagary and simile (sp?) used in your very first sentence - great way to paint a picture. You use this device throughout and I think it works well for this piece.

simple and lousy isn't a hell of a lot better than complex and lousy - just less strain on the brain.
This would make a great, quotable one-liner/tag line.

In Looney Tunes, the helpless victim doesn't know karate. The two of us flew in different directions, and I swear I never even saw her move.
I was rolling when I read this, it totally caught me by surprise.

I like the casual voice that this is told in - just a guy relating a story, and I loved how in the end, this hare-brained scheme earned him a date. In response to your author's note, it stands on its own, but I see the potential for something much longer. I would read an entire book about Johnny's antics, I bet it would be entertaining

I have very few specific suggestions:

and all devil may care.
I think it's devil-may-care

Because of the tone and voice of this story, grammar corrections aren't really appropriate. I can see this as being the way this character speaks, and for the most part will allow him to do so unfiltered. That being said, this sentence was awkward to me:
but with the extra enticement of a wad of cash she seemed a pretty attractive mark.
Suggestion:
but the extra enticement of a wad of cash just added to the attractive mark.

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#2800492

Review of Girl Watching

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Reviewer's note: I appreciate the time you took to read my work, and I offer this review in return as a way of showing my appreciation. The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
The description of this caught my eye, and I just had to read. Your opening paragraph says that this is targeted at men who appreciate watching women. As an addition to that, having read the whole thing, I think more women should take note of this piece as well. You offer an unabashed appreciation of the female form, and not just the 'ideal' form, but any that's well put together. You do girls' bodies justice with your work, and have interlaced (although I don't know if its intentional) wisdom and advice for any girl who feels the need to put herself down based on looks.

One line that I really liked was
There are natural walks, and there are forced walks. You know the latter -- a walk by a girl who feels the need to exaggerate or accent her walk to ensure she is noticed by those around her.
This is so very true.

As an individual with an appriciation for any well assembled form (male or female, large or small), this was a worthwhile read.

I have very few specific suggestions:
This is so well assembled, your thoughts moving in logical progression, that nothing stood out to me. The only suggestion I have is that I'd be interested to see more of your essays that expand into the hinted at, but mostly untouched areas of this one. Great job!

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#2798618

Review of The Writer's Stairway

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
I like the way this is laid out - its something that I'm sure every writer can relate to - those who are human at least. And the comparison of a being a writer to a stairway with an unseen end is a fantastic, unique visual.

I like the conclusion that Dick reaches at the end. It's so simple, yet so difficult to grasp until you look at it in the right light. Great job.

I have very few specific suggestions:

When just a young lad he had written poems for his mother
This sentence was a little awkward to me. Suggestion:
As a young lad he had written poems for his mother

his interest expanded to writing stories of fantastical
Repeated word 'expand'. Maybe change it to 'grew'

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#2798617

Review of Shimmy and Roscoe

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
You do a great job of painting this as a standard night out with an irritated but loving pet-owner.

as if he were scanning the airwaves for the best reception to show him the way as he romped around but tonight
This is a fantastic visual.

He brought his nose closer to her face, taking in the odor of a cheeseburger long since eaten
I could picture this perfectly - it's so true to animal behavior, my cats do the same thing.

The ending to this is fantastic. You've built tension through conflict with the dog, and the rising storm, and the implied threat wraps it all up. Great job.

I have very few specific suggestions:

but the animal just didn't really care about her feelings
this combination of words gave this sentence a weak feel. Suggestion:
but the animal didn't care about her feelings

He didn't seem to notice how noisy it was today.
This phrase is repeated again at the end of this paragraph. I think you can remove it here and things will stil work.

And, you are the one controlling when I get to take you out for a walk!
Change 'you are' to 'you're' to give this a more casual, conversational feeling.

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#2797161

Review of Butterfly Kisses and Baby Bear Hugs

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: I'm offering this review as a fellow contestant in:

Invalid Item

This item number is not valid.
#1424961 by Not Available.

The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice. Best of luck in the contest!

My Personal Opinion:
I enjoyed that this story was told from a Grandfather's point of view. You managed to capture his pride in his grandson, as well as convey the grandson's personality and perspectives from an outside observer.

Your dialogue from Taylor was appropriate and well written. I could hear the child trying very hard to sound grown up in the way he spoke. And I felt such a tug when he started talking about Mommy. Throughout the story you take us through a wide range of emotions. I was touched to see the world and his desire to help his mother. And I think your light ending was a perfect lift at the end of a very thought provoking tale. Great job.

I have very few specific suggestions:

Well, on this particular day, Taylor had something to say.
Though I know its standard dialogue for a person to start sentences with 'well', in narration, it's not usually needed. Drop the 'Well' here and I think your sentence will have the same meaning.

The dialogue was great in this piece, and you had some lines where you worked in action to go with it, but I would have liked to see more of that. You had a lot of dialogue without any action. Maybe have Taylor fidgeting more, show some more facial expressions, things that coincide with the tone of voice that you've described in several places.

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#2797155

Review of Deaths Door

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Reviewer's note: I'm offering this review as a fellow contestant in:

Invalid Item

This item number is not valid.
#1424961 by Not Available.

The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice. Best of luck in the contest!

My Personal Opinion:
You said this was your first attempt at poetry; I rather enjoyed it, I think your venture was successful

I like the metaphor that you chose to use here. The fear associated with passing on placed in the midst of a scene that most of us associate with a deep seated terror. I felt a lot of emotion in this piece. Great Job.

I have very few specific suggestions:
I will admit to not being a poet either, but these are the things that stood out to me

Your rhymes each appear on the same line. Consider starting each of these on a new line to help the flow. For intance:
Passing beneath moonlight clear, I wandered far and near
Suggestion:
Passing beneath moonlight clear,
I wandered far and near

Though I made no movement and felt my panic grow
An awful shadow falling over me, urging me to turn and flee
This set of lines is throwing me off...starting a new stanza between might help, or:
Though I made no movement,
I felt my panic grow
Awful shadows falling over me
urged me to turn and flee

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#2794993

Review of A Pet's Love

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
I think this is a sweet piece, it reminds me of my own pets. I love the way you bring to life the relationship with these wonderful creatures, and the joy and affection both owner and pet offer.

I have very few specific suggestions:

The second and fourth line of the first stanza threw off the rythm to me. I think it had a little to do with their length and a little to do with the fact that they didn't quite flow into the sentence above them.

Your closing tag should be {/center} instead of {center/}

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#2794951

Review of The Daughter of Death part 1

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
Interesting opening. It's very brief, but it's also very true. This is a clean introduction and it promises an intriguing, thought provoking story. I hope there's a lot more where this came from.

I have very few specific suggestions:

There must be some out there wondering, ‘How stupid, to begin with an ending.’ And here is my answer.
The surrounding language implies a question, I'd suggest changing the thought itself to a question.

That is what Shay Raquel though to be the one and only truth
Change 'though' to 'thought'

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#2794911

Review of A Snowflake in the sun

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
I can see from most of the items in your port that your forte' is poetry, but from reading just this, I would have guessed that your forcus is the short story. It's a very well written, clean tale full of imagary and emotion.

I ate enthusiastically after that. Not that the food was good or anything, I just did not want to be force-fed again.
What a great line and good, effective way to show character development.

I think you've done a wonderful job of showing us the life of captivity through the eyes of someone who lived it, and the last sentence of this story gave me chills. What an appropriate way to wrap up this tale. Very well done.

I have very few specific suggestions:

During every meal that I ate, I would wish for a piece of fresh-tasting food.
Remove 'that I ate'. The sentence will retain its movement and I think it will flow better.

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#2794891

Review of WAITING FOR SOPHIE.

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
This is such a clever story. I enjoyed being able to meet Sophie from her dialogue and from the bear's point of view, and I thought it worked well to have the bear's thoughts in italics the way you did - it brings him to life. I like how she takes him everywhere, I thought that was a nice touch.

The casual way that this story begins has a way of adding to the tension itself. I expected each turn to be conflict, but just as I had decided this was an event free tale, you sprung the police visit on us. Great job conveying Rita's emotions here.

This comes to such a sad conclusion, and I think that telling the story from Teddy's point of view added an extra dimension to this story and the subtlty made it that much more powerful. Great job.

I have very few specific suggestions:

“You won’t have to go in there again,” she promised.
Change promised to promises to keep the proper tense

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#2792128

Review of Waiting For My Daughter

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
While my mother doesn't have alzheimers, she is in a nursing home with a declining mental condition. The way you start this story very much reminds me of Sunday visits, and I could picture and feel both the settings and emotions that you brought to the surface. And then this line just solidified it all:
"Carrie, you have to take me home," she pleaded.

"Yes, it is. My daughter's coming to visit me today. She hasn't been here in a long while and I can't wait to see her."
This one line is so very powerful and heart wrenching, it brought tears to my eyes.

What a bittersweet ending, and an emotional tale. Thank you for writing this.

I have very few specific suggestions:
I did wonder why the nurse was just explaining the details of this condition to her a week earlier. With the onset of the story you lay out that this has been going on for a while and I would have expected her to have received this information earlier. Maybe if this conversation can be pushed back further in the past. I would still very much believe that weeks later, Carrie is still trying to take this advice.

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#2790618

Review of The Unremarkable Life of Hector Perry 1

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
This has a very intriguing start.
Hector is aware of his existence as a fictional character; he knows only too well that he will never be a 'real boy', as Pinocchio would put it.
Not many authors venture into something like this, it's difficult to do, and I'm curious to see how it plays off here. I very much want to learn more about Hector now that you've said this. Great way to suck the reader in.

This has a casual, meandering pace to it. It's easy to like Hector, and even to feel his frustration over something as simple as a phonetic. I would have liked to see more here and I hope that's coming next

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#2789523

Review of Ice and Dark

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
This is a great introduction to a story. It gives us background on the world and lets us know what to expect from the species and this universe. I like that it's only an indirect tie to the story (it doesn't have the same characters), but lays down a description of the destiny we're going to see unfold. I also think it's good that you chose to tell this portion in a different voice, something more bibilical or fairy tale like. It lends a mythological feeling to the prologue.

Great job.

I have very few specific suggestions:

Beloved and prospered them with many riches.
I'm not sure if this is the correct use of the word prospered.

Grief weld up in Valmar and he cried out for his children
Change weld to welled

the forest keeps and yielded not even to the god.
Change yielded to it yielded

I see the same comma issue here that I noticed in Chapter 1 (sorry for reading them out of order). For instance:
Therefore, in a rage that rent the world, in agony Valmar let in the sea severing the great lands.
Put a comma before severing

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#2789512

Review of Ice and Dark - Chapter One

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
This is a strong opening. The power of this storm is described in vivid detail, and lends a tone to the story almost immediately of desparation or hopelessness.

You do a great job throughout of weaving description into your tale instead of detracting from the narration with it. This is a hard thing for many people to master, but it looks like you have it down.

Drédor purred, a sated kitten next to his prey.
This is a wonderfully wicked line. It does a great job of conveying the character's personality.

This chaper starts off benignly, passively, at a casual pace, and ends with gut wrenching action. I think you've done a great job of sucking the reader in and making us see this world through Ian's eyes. Ending the chapter the way you did, with pending death everywhere, is a good hook and a good way to go. Structure wise, your story is sound, it just needs a little grammar polishing. I'm off to see if you have more of this posted because I'm dying (no pun intended) to see what happens next.

I have very few specific suggestions:

There are a few places throughout that are missing comma's. I'm not a comma expert (I tend to overuse), so I won't point out, but take another read through, maybe aloud, and place them where pauses fall...it will help the reader better keep track of your fantastic descriptions.

Just for writing.com, consider puting an extra line break between each paragraph, espcially if you don't have indentations, this will make it easier for the eye to follow.

That was the reason for his birthright to be revoked from him
Because it's his birthright being revoked, I believe 'from him' is redundant and can be removed.

He was very proud at himself for
Change 'at' to 'of'

We can't have anyone, even the guards, spy you here...you must NOT be ever seen alive.
I'd suggest using something to set this apart. Because it's both remembered and dialogue, you can either put it in italics or quotes. But use something to help us realize it's not part of the regular narration. There are a few other places with thought as well, I'd suggest making them all italics

under his breath and edge closer to the bed out of his
Change edge to edged

Ian slammed the lead projectile into the man named Drédor's kneecap.
I think you can remove these instances of 'the man named'. You've established that these are the names they call each other so this is not needed.

After seeing the many frightened faces of his victims before he slaughtered them thrilled him to continue on assassinating.
This sentence was akward to me. Suggestion:
eeing the many frightened faces of his victims before he slaughtered them always thrilled him to continue an assasination.

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#2789483

Review of A Foolish Chief

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
I liked the casual, even tone of this poem, and I can see why it's a winner. You start with a dramatic tale and end it with a fantastic punch line.

Chief then conceded being challenged geographically,
His tribe looked around them and agreed most emphatically
This was my favorite set of lines.

Great job!

I have very few specific suggestions:

The timing and pace of this piece is very near perfect. I can feel the rhythm and it flows smoothly. There were a couple of lines that I stuttered on though. Maybe read it aloud and if it still flows well to you, then there's nothing to change.

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#2787830

Review of A life well lived

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
This is a wonderfully touching story. I'm a little slow today, so it took me a minute to get the life flashing before his eyes concept, but I figured it out in the end

I loved the way you switched between the deathbed scene and the memories of the past, finally merging both into one, and the last sentence, bringing everything full circle when he rejoined his love, was the final tear jerker. You've done a lot with 300 words.

I have very few specific suggestions:

Emily was his first best friend back then.
This sentence almost looks like its trying to convey first love or best friend back then. If that's the case, I'd suggest picking one. 'first best friend back then' seemed like awkward wording to me.

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#2786779

Review of Poolside Embarrassment

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
I really enjoyed the casual pace of this piece. It made it easy to relate to the narrator and made the story pleasant to read.

I was reading a romance, as usual. Even then I was fascinated by the things people will do in the mating ritual we call dating.
This is a great line, and offers a good look at who this person is. It's not the kind of statement I'd expect from a romance novel reader, and tells me they've got an interesting personality.

The embarassing moment brought a smile to my face, and you did a great job with describing the event, adding to the believability of the embarassment. But the ending on this was the funny finishing touch - of course making me more than curious what happened on 'the date'.

Great piece

I have very few specific suggestions:

I wasn't interested in him and wished he would give it up.
Suggestion to avoid the repeated word 'interested'.
I didn't feel the same and wished he would give up

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#2786768

Review of I Was A Tiger

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
The last time I went to the zoo was probably five or so years ago, and the reason I never went back was because it broke my heart to see the caged animals, especially the large cats, pacing in a space that was to small, a place they were never meant to be confined to. That feeling rings through so strongly in this piece, and I appreciated that you took this point of view when writing this. Great job.

To me, the timing was a little off, where I usually expect rythm in a rhyming poem, but I apologize, I don't have any suggestions to fix it. It didn't imapct the message you were conveying though.

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#2786655

Review of THE DAZE

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and

leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
A lot of poetry is full of metphor, which paints vivid imagary but can, on occasion, make it harder to envision what the author pictured when they wrote it. The thing that stood out to me about this was that all of your imagary was straightforward and painted a beautiful picture. I could see the staircase, and the vision of beauty poised on it, and the nervous mate waiting for her at the base. Great job.

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#2785576

Review of The pain you caused for me

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
The message behind this is clear, though you chose to write most of it metaphorically. I thought that your imagary was powerful. I have a close friend going through a similar experience right now, and I can see parallels in what they've said in your work.

Thanks to you,
my mind is a puzzle, missing pieces,
This is my favorite line.

This was amazing work, I'm glad you posted it.

I have very few specific suggestions:
its so cold down in the water
Change its to it's

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#2785140

Review of How To Be An A+ Teacher

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
I have my own opinions (like I'm sure most people do

) about what makes a good teacher, so I had to read this.

All of these were fantastic points. There's a lot of passion behind this and I think anyone who is capable of living by these guidelines will make a great leader in any profession or industy, teaching or otherwise.

This was my favorite line:
Care more than is safe for your emotional stability. The FDA doesn't regulate a raw, bleeding heart.

This is great advice, and I'm glad you took the time to vocalize it. Well done.

I have very few specific suggestions:
I really enjoyed the list format of this piece, but because I don't think you have these in any specific order, and because sometimes one leads to another, consider bulleting each item instead of numbering it.

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#2784672

Review of South Bank and the Senses

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
like an intermittent sniff in a silent library
This is a great visual. You've got a lot of good imagary throughout this piece. Your description says you're working on incorporating all of the senses, and I think you've done a good job of that. I can feel the rain, hear the sounds of the harbor, see the various colors, and taste the cigarette.

One thing I noticed as well is that you intermixed your similies with different senses. For instance, each raindrop that landed on my scalp irritated a little more, like an intermittent sniff in a silent library is a great combination of touch and sound.

I like that though the narrator's thoughts were of a past event, you focused on the here and now instead, not dwelling on the specifics of what set them off. I think this was very effective for your story. However, I felt like for such a short piece, you almost spent too much time on the senses instead. I would have liked to see more internal reflection from the character used to stretch this piece out. That is, of course, just a personal preference. Great job overall though. I did enjoy reading this.

I have very few specific suggestions:
Some of my suggestions are based on US slang. Since your story is not set in the US, please feel free to disregard all of them if they're not appropriate to your piece

yesterday while my inners were contracting with anger and the slam of
change 'inners' to 'insides'

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#2784649

Review of The Glorious Death of Wilbur Strode

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
I like the easy to read tone of this story. I find myself drawn to Wilbur Strode from the begining. The point where he reflects on talking to 'Backward Wilbur' made me laugh out loud.

It made him think of jumping in mud puddles and swimming in blood. He could not remember which he had done when he was young.
The story starts out kind of meandering. This, combined with the previous description of the kitchen, and the T-shirt he's wearing, begins to give it a hint of something darker. Very smooth transition into this. Well done. Especially the T-shirt - fantastic subtle foreshadowing.

This is a very well written, clean piece. You conveyed Wilbur's shattered mind becoming whole again, and the memories flooding back I could clearly picture both he and Malcon in my mind (and had to wonder if Malcon was a play on words for Malcontent).

I don't know if this is meant to be a one-off piece or if you're going to build more around it. It certainly stands on its own, but if you were to continue it, I'd love to see more about the snippets of past that were hinted at and possibly delve into both hazy and clear recollections of things that Wilbur has done. Fantastic job.

I have very few specific suggestions:

He knew this not only from his now gray and thinning hair or the creak in his joints as he went about his day.
The 'not only' here implies that you're going to continue this thought in this sentence. I think you can remove it, as the next sentence stands without it.

He knew why his mind was darkened slowly over the years
Change 'was' to 'had'

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#2781457

Review of How to Write a Query Letter

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
I'm getting ready to start querying agents, and one of the things that I had trauma over was how to structure my query and summary. I stumbled on this article and was so grateful for both the explanation of structure and both the good and bad examples. My piece will be longer fiction, so it won't be like what you've provided examples for, but you've explained the different aspects so well that I know I'll be able to make it work for me.

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100

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#2781025

Review of This is the Best Trap, Yet!

Review by Allyson Lindt

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Reviewer's note: The comments below are just my opinion. Take only what you need and leave the rest, or leave it all. Ultimately, this is your piece and your voice

My Personal Opinion:
The description of the condo is fantstic, I could definitely see it in my mind. Great detail in the midst of this tale. This has a great ending. You hinted at it with your earlier mention of the pixie's enemy, but still did a good job of hiding it in the midst of this tale. Great story, well done.

I have very few specific suggestions:

This year I shall be winning pixie of darkness
Suggestion - if this is a title that she'll be winning, capitalize 'Pixie of Darkness'. If this is what she already is, put a 'the' in front of 'winning'

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