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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/archiek
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9 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of I am Puerto Rican  
Review by Mister K
Rated: E | (4.5)
The words of your poem convey tremendous emotion. I feel the determination, the drive, the unwillingness to give up. I feel the hurt, the betrayal, the frustration with the system. Great use of words to get your message across. Look for words that you can cut. For example: "Believing that he was all mine
A relationship build on lies"
The word 'that' can be cut as well as 'all'. The word 'A' can be eliminated. "build" should be built, but that is a minor issue.
Keep up the attitude and your situation will improve. It may seem slow, but be proud of who you are and what you are accomplishing.
Well done!
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Review by Mister K
Rated: E | (3.5)
A good start to a story with a nice cliffhanging ending that will get readers onto the next chapter. What I feel is lacking is more description of the setting. How big is the Stargazer? How large was the crew. How long did it take to get to this planet from Earth and how long will it take to get back. What form of propulsion does the ship have? describe the plant life, give me a view of what you see through your own eyes. What do the characters look like?
The writing is good, I see no grammar issues. The storyline is good so far. Keep on writing!
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Review by Mister K
Rated: E | (4.0)
While all of the concepts here are familiar, I am not one to memorize quotes. This is a great compilation of political thought in a well organized speech. Well done.
Personally, I prefer a story demonstrating these thoughts. As I read, my mind went through a novel I have written, most of the concepts mentioned are referred to in the story. The heroine goes through many in her life.
Good writing.

p.s. My first review and I have not figured out the gift points or ratings. Forgive me if I miss something.
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