*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/arcticsquid/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
46 Public Reviews Given
46 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- ... Next
26
26
Review of Yeah, so...  
Review by Wiwaxia
Rated: E | (4.5)
That was pretty nice. The events flowed organically, and the characters breathed life and emotions. I do slightly wonder why this John Jones developed an interest for Anne though. I mean, sure, crushes do spontaneously happen, but causation sure could help a tad bit. Other than this too-sugary-to-be-true turnout of both Johnny and Anne asking each other out, and the odd name of John Jones, I like the story since it was quite realistic, had great character interplay/dialogue, contained vivid descriptions, and left readers hoping for a sequel.
27
27
Review of A Petulant Life  
Review by Wiwaxia
Rated: E | (4.0)
That was quite beautiful, and deep. I gather that a god from heaven is speaking the last words of this story? Here's the thing I wonder though... what was the "purpose" Violet had in her life? Is it all the joy she had missed out? If so, I think it may be good to deliver the point more in the last part, perhaps with the god saying something like "So many times I showed you the vibrant colors of the flowers and let its fragrance waft to you, yet in your mind they were grey and insignificant, for you merely stormed past them despite your pretty name, ever obsessed with your petty lifestyle and stubbornness." Well, it doesn't have to be like this, but the idea is to let the readers know what god's purpose for her was, or at least imply it. Violet sort of hints at it with her thoughts about the rain and how she regrets not enjoying it more, but I think the god should reinforce the idea once more, if I am reading it right.

Also, the god mentions there were bright, though rare, moments in Violet's life. I think it would be great if an example of the "best times" could be included as well in her memories; it may perhaps help illustrate why Violet feels even those were corrupted by vanity.

Finally, two minor grammar issues at paragraph 6. I think "surround" should be changed to "surrounded" for the correct tense. Also, I think the sentence "Even in my best moments I now realize how utterly vain they were." could be paraphrased more clearly to indicate whether it's her life itself or her good times she realizes were vain.

Nevertheless, it was a good, meaningful read, and I hope I understood it well. Thank you in advance for reading my review, and hope my thoughts help!
27 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/arcticsquid/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2