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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/astraldoll
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14 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Violet
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a really powerful piece. I could feel that your heart really went into this, and it's sad that these issues are still such a big problem in the world.

This part in particular stood out to me:

"How do you return a severed tusk to the elephant?
Fur to the poor lynched lynx cat?
Skinned skins to the python?
Or ripped feathers to the peacock? "

It is so poignant and sad. Really good work with this.

-Violet
2
2
Review of a Day in School  
Review by Violet
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed this. I actually kind of like the fact that you said your grammar sucks and you don't care because it made the piece feel more authentic. When people are panicking and nervous they don't speak or write as clearly as normal.

I used to have a lot of anxiety when school started too. I had nightmares kind of similar to this so reading it felt familiar. Overall this was great. The tension built up well.
3
3
Review of WITCH DOCTOR  
Review by Violet
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I quite enjoyed this! Short sentences, right to the point.
"Beware that vodoo magic and witchcraft
That so survive on the gullible and the daft."
was the part that stood out to me. Powerful.
4
4
Review of Serpent lies...  
Review by Violet
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really enjoyed this piece. I do like the fact that it wasn't broken into stanzas, albeit the fact that it made it a tad bit harder to read.

I suggest that this line: "For the right to awake with the light", you change awake to awaken. Not a necessary change, but something I think might benefit the sentence.

Expanding on this piece in the future might be a good idea if that's something you're interested in. It's a fascinating topic and I'd love to read more of it!

Violet
5
5
Review of He Carries You  
Review by Violet
Rated: E | (5.0)
Absolutely beautiful and full of emotion. I'm so sorry to hear that this is not a fictional piece, and I can't imagine the pain of a mother losing a child- but this poem conveyed those feelings very well.
6
6
Review of Food For Thought  
Review by Violet
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I actually found this quite informative! I liked the style of broken up lines even if it was a bit jarring at times, and I didn't find any technical errors. I haven't come across many pieces like this so far, so I appreciate your creativity in contributing to these topics.

Overall this was very interesting to read, and that last line was absolutely food for thought. Perfect way to end things.

Violet
7
7
Review of The Business Man  
Review by Violet
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
What a cliffhanger ending! I'm so curious to find out more details, this was really interesting. I like how you built up the action and you really communicated the urgency and fear of the main character.

I did notice some grammar issues, but they didn't detract from the overall impact of the story. I would suggest that in the phrase "Every second is precious and every step leading me closer to Henley and farther from him" you add the word both after me (Every second is precious, and every step leading me both closer to Henley and farther from him).
8
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Review of Insert title here  
Review by Violet
Rated: E | (4.5)
I adore this poem. It almost reads as a tongue twister with such similar words grouped together which made it really enjoyable. I found the structure of the poem to be perfect for the theme.

My only suggestion is that the line "You will awake with your eyes" be changed to awaken. It seems like it might flow a little better. Just a suggestion though!

Violet
9
9
Review of Life  
Review by Violet
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was such an uplifting piece, I loved it. Short but sweet as they say. I did notice one small typo in the line "I don't plan to stop before death takes it's hold. " It's should be its.

This was a really enjoyable read, and honestly it's refreshing to see some positivity.
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