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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/batesywriter
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23 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Batesywriter
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
It's one of my pet hates, and I'm not sure if it's a fault of the site's program, but the format of the piece looks like an office email rather than a story. There are no tab indents to indicate the start of new themes as you find in many published books, hope you don't see this as nit picking, but for me the layout disturbs the flow of reading.

Apart from that gripe I found this a very good piece, an enjoyable read, congratulations.
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Review of BLAVATSKY'S BUS  
Review by Batesywriter
Rated: E | (4.0)
It's one of my pet hates, and I'm not sure if it's a fault of the site's program, but the format of the piece looks like an office email rather than a story. There are no tab indents to indicate the start of new themes as you find in many published books, hope you don't see this as nit picking, but for me the layout disturbs the flow of reading.

Apart from that gripe I found this a very good piece & a very readable story.

Congrat's on a fine job.
3
3
Review by Batesywriter
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love the way you constructed this, even the format evokes the heart.

I got a stuck on the word "realms" though and it interrupted the flow of the piece for me a bit.

Not sure if I would like another word or perhaps one added to the piece.

It's a beautiful poem though and congrat's for your crafting.
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Review by Batesywriter
Rated: E | (3.0)
Full of knowledge
Regretful

I found myself wanting to read the word "And" here, "Full of knowledge And Regretful," the "Regretful" by itself interrupted the flow for me.

It's a good piece though, on personal emotions that are so difficult to find the right words for.

Congrat's on a fine effort.
5
5
Review by Batesywriter
Rated: E | (3.5)
Great piece to help raise awareness of this debilitating condition, I also cope with type one B.P. so I do relate to your argument. The quick and simple minded comparisons to other health problems like cancer or diabetes is sad reflection on how little understanding there really is out there.

Congrat's on a fine effort to raise awareness of this difficult issue.
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Review by Batesywriter
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
I know it's probably a feature of the site program, but the double spacing on each line break really puts me off when I attempt to read a story that should be formatted like a book, the spacing makes this look like an office email.

I liked the start until the double description of the bedroom ceiling, perhaps there is merit in the "less is more" advice for writers, it immediately gave the impression you were trying to hard.

It's a good story though and with polishing around the "small things" like format presentation would read very well.

Congrat's on a fine effort.
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Review by Batesywriter
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Very, very good. Funny and thought provoking at the same time, reminding me of the quip "he who the god's would make a fool, they first deprive of a sense of humor."

I wonder about the education required to even get a sense of what you mean though, I suspect to many would skip the effort to think about it.

Congrat's on such thought provoking humor.
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Review of She says  
Review by Batesywriter
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! I really enjoyed this piece. It feels like a personal experience in the ocean as well as that ageless metaphor of drowning, as a feeling of being overwhelmed by life.

I got a little perplexed by the use of the - in some places, yet this did not distract from the depth of the piece, which captures what goes on beneath the surface of mundane reality so well.

You really nailed it with "All He can hear is “Fine, and how are you?”"

Congratulations.
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Review by Batesywriter
Rated: E | (5.0)
The food for thought in this piece is bordering on masterful, I really enjoyed reading it and was so taken by the first reading I had to come back to it 24hrs later before posting this review.

The word choices made it impossible for me to read it neutrally on first reading, but going back and reading again in a robotic dispassionate way only adds to the allure.

Congratulations, I wish I had your command of language.
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10
Review of Renewal  
Review by Batesywriter
Rated: E | (2.0)
Posted under "self help," I was expecting advice on how to achieve a goal, yet read an article on personal faith, I've read that "Title" is important to a reader and it holds a promise the writer should attempt to deliver, so I feel this should have been posted under "religion" rather than "self help."

God bless you.

Keep up the journaling.

11
11
Review of More Why  
Review by Batesywriter
Rated: ASR | (1.5)
Click this link if you dare. Humanity is reduced to wallowing in it's own filth - completely voluntarily!

Some drunken people in having fun (in their eyes) condemns the whole human race? Trying to use this as a valid argument against Darwinism is sadly pathetic, considering that millions have been slaughtered in the name of your so-called Holy God.

If you want to believe in "Intelligent design" look up Sir David Attenbourgh and his example of why no such thing exists, how he documents the case of the tiny worm that eats the retina of a child's eye for it's survival, where is your intelligent God in such manifestations of nature.

And if 'HE' created humans in his own image, does that not defeat your argument, and why is he "male", does this say more about male insecurity and the projection of the male need to feel powerful than the reality of the "Universe"

If you read read psychology, you might get the eerie feeling that God is imagined in our image as projection rather than we are created in his image. Lucid dreams and psychosis fill the pages of the bible with very human imaginings.
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Review of His Last Battle  
Review by Batesywriter
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
My first impression was about the spacing of the piece, all that white area gave me a "this is too amateurish " feeling - sorry.

Then I got into it with the flashback memories of a war vet, yet the big jump in spacing to the rescue mission interrupted the flow.

Too much is put into the sensation of the tiled floor as a shock, and too little into the sudden appearance of the child to make the story ring true for me on a gritty subject that can be riveting in terms of human interest.

I hope you develop it a little more.
13
13
Review by Batesywriter
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Courageous writing about a very personal and difficult subject, I too have bipolar disorder and find my experience of it the most difficult thing to write about.

I found myself wanting more personal detail, more about the guts of your experience while fully understanding the need to cope with raw emotion while writing about such difficult experiences, like the trials and errors of medication, particularly the side effects about which the general public are largely unaware.

Perhaps an example of your advocacy work would have allowed a closer look at life in the world of mental health.
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