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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bdkfam
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26 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have thoroughly enjoyed reading your fairy tale. It has been a learning experience as well. The characters are well defined, and the story line holds together well. The princesses are lovable. However, 2 other cahracters stood out for me. They are Fafni and Hermod. Every fairy taled needs a hero or two.

Three minor things that need attending:

Chapter 7
Thor jumped out of his chariot and tackled one of the trolls. Pinning the beast to the) on ground with his hammer to its neck, Thor ordered, “Stay still, troll! There is no escape for you.”

Chapter 8

Fenris?” (asked) said Loki, with a look of shock.

Sigyn looked on in horror as Silje collapsed onto the ground. Jumping up, Sigyn ran over to the princess.

“What did you do to Silje?” she cried

Why would Sigyn show any sympathy toward the princess. A note of explanation would be helpful to the reader.

The ending leads me to expect more adventure for the girl. I look forward to reading your work.

Thanks,

Bonnie

2
2
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: E | (5.0)
Ahhhh, the plot thickens. Your characters jump off the page. There are times when, at just the right moment, you show another side of the characters, as you did with Fafni . I find myself hoping that at some point, he will do the right thing. The same was true to a lesser degree with Thor. Your characters are likeable and believable. Chapter 6 will be for tomorrow. Thank you.
3
3
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,
This is the third time writing and submitting review for chapter 4. The first two are not showing. If you have received a previous review, I apologize.


There are two very minor corrections to be made:

Hermod, please tell the guards to open the gate so we can go!” said (who?)

burning their shields as they all collapsed under the weight of (a) single blow.

Otherwise, I found this chapter very exciting. The evil, which seems to be lurking about, is very reql and made my heart pound a little.

The characters continue to grow, as do their personalities.

The love and devotion they feel for each other is quite clear.

I really like that they have good character at an early age.

This is really enjoyable to me. Thank you. Your talent is obvious.


4
4
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: E | (5.0)
There were two very minor errors:

Hermod, please tell the guards to open the gate so we can go!” said (who?)

burning their shields as they all collapsed under the weight of (a) single blow.

Otherwise, this chapter was very exciting. You make the evil lurking about seem quite real. The characters get more interesting as I read along. The two princeses' personalities shine through. Their devotion to and love for each other is very tender. The great ladies they will be one day are beginning to show. They already display great character.

I am really enjoying this. Thank you.
5
5
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Although this is an interesting interpretation of the book, it could use a bit more editing.

It would flow more easily if you stay with first person. That is true for most of the story, but there are times when the I changes to you. If you wanted to change it up, you could use "the reader".

A space between paragraphs would also add to the ease of reading.

Keep writing.
6
6
Review of Going Home  
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was a great story. It caught and held my attention throughout.

I enjpyed your writing style. And your descriptions made my senses come alive.

The only minor suggestion is that you change the tense here: she didn’t hear the door bell. It would flow better if it read: she hadn't heard the door bell.

I look forward to reading more of your work.

7
7
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: E | (4.5)
As the story goes on, I can feel the characters becoming more real to you and therefore, more real to us.

You have such knowledge about the people and customs, I wonder if they are your ancestors,or if you have done a lot of research.

It was interesting to read and learn more about the culture and customs of these people.

It is a great read. I am looking forward to the next chapter.
8
8
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really liked this first chapter. It held my attention and was easy to follow. You have developed the characters well, and they are attractive. The princess is mischievous, but lovable.

There are times when it seems you want a new paragraph, but the space is not there. That could be equipment error.

When a pet name or title is used to address someone (“Have fun, sweetheart!, “Good morning, your highness,”) it should be capitalized.

Keep writing. You are talented.
9
9
Review of The Desk Clerk  
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: E | (4.5)
I really liked this story and the feelings it presented. The descriptions of the geography are really good. Some of the minor details could use a bit more attention. Overall, it was a pleasure reading this.
10
10
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really liked this piece. Hope does spring eternal. Your writing style is very enjoyable. You use good grammar and good spelling. Good job!
11
11
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: E | (5.0)
I thought this was beautiful as a song or a poem.
12
12
Review of God's Poem  
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: E | (3.5)
I read this at a time when my own life is full of discord. I would have liked to have seen a little more detail regarding whatg is going on in your life and how you feel about it and how you deal with it. It would also be nice to see where you are in your faith.
13
13
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a good story that held my interest from start to finish. The main character was sympathetic. Except for a couple of minor flow issues, it was excellent. One final comment, is that I would add that the friend offered to buy Craig a drink in the tavern. Otherwise, how did he still have the original twelve dollars? Of course, that is what we assume, but a comment would make it clear. Thank you.
14
14
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This was a nice story with a surprise ending. It hit close to home, as I love nuts and peanut butter, but developed a very seriosu allery to them. It never occurred to me that a kiss could be a danger. Why did the medic look relieved? Thanks.
15
15
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This story is beautifully emotional and bittersweet.
16
16
Review of Without You  
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good idea and great emotion but need spell checking. Keep working on it as it is worth it.
17
17
Review of Sever  
Review by Bonnie Lass
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Whiel this is a bit dark for my taste, it is a story that needs to be told, I think. I would check the spelling more closely. And I would work on whether it should be in first person. Also, if the heroine is telling the story or if it is a narrator. Altogether, it is imaginative and has substance.
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