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23 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by bearbit
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
More of a rant than a poem or prose. In the end stanza you gave us a glimpse into to the woman who was admired. I find myself interested enough to look her up. Find out more. That is the beauty of writing it educates, investigates and inspires us to know more ... be more.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Halloween Night  
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (3.0)
It was a good poem.
The last line was superb.
I found i had to reread several times. I could not see the imagery of where it was happening.
The rhyme scheme worked very well.
If Ii were to rewrite it ... it may change the poem entirely.
Get rid of "on" in "on All Hallows Eve"
I would love to find a way to express the interruptions of "there's no reprieve
from Otherworldly tricksters" without changing the rhyme scheme. To make it clear you are welcoming "otherworldy tricksters" That would make the where clearer. BTW probably a typo Otherworldly should be otherworldly. The capital is jarring.
"so we carve faces in pumpkins not much, but it's somethin' " "not much" is jarring as well. To change it would require much more thought but it would create imagery. IE."a knife to make a face become something" " a vampire pumpkin maybe something" pretty lousy change on my part but i hope you get the idea.
I liked the 2nd and 3rd stanza.
I guess i am saying Great Poem but it requires more imagery.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review of Aloneness  
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (5.0)
Yep that is the truth. We try to remain silent but " The world could not allow such luxury. " Even with your health problems you have not stopped writing you have just stopped typing. A writers mind is a curious thing it never stops ..... dreaming, believing, proposing, most of all it is the most free mind of all.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Billie's purse  
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (4.5)
Yes there was emotional envolvement with the main characters Billie, Mrs Johnson, Emma.
The emotional involvement grew as the story progressed. The superman reference flowed throughout the main characters. It included loneliness, strength and bravery and other emotions i have yet to identify.
Initially I was not sure would find interest in the story. Yet it drew me in until i could not stop reading. The character development was what drew me in but the timing of the introduction of the mothers death and then later Mr Johnsons death was jarring in an amazing and good way. It was reasonable for Billie to hate Mr johnson but to discover the impact of Mr Johnsons death on Mrs Johnson gave the characters believability.
Staying true to the timeline is a sign of a seasoned writer.
Superman flowed subtly through the story and the characters. The Sherriff was also a good foil showing the strength of the characters.
You stayed true to the timeline a sign of a seasoned writer.
Th ending required a suspension of belief.
I guess it is a sign of the times. Compassion is a rare commodity in this New World.
All in all well written.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (3.5)
At last a discussion not an argument about Covid. The difference is an argument is about proving who is right ... a discussion is about understanding the truth. Those in power will never remember that it was not the CEOs or Politicians that saved us but the Nurses Doctors Sanitations workers, Grocery Clerks, Gas station Attendants and all essential workers. After it is all done we will go back to minimizing them in every way possible.

Thankyou again for making it a discussion.

My two cents worth One cent after tax
And Children
Jim (bearbit) Jim (bearbit0
https://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/bearbi...
Contest
Poetry-Contest-and-Inspiration
FORUM
Poetry Contest and Inspiration  (18+)
Contest Cancelled due to Lack of Interest.
#2253936 by bearbit

Poem to Book Contest
"Invalid Item
My rating system.
"How I rate and review.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Anna’s Angels  
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (2.5)
I would remove anything that is not about anna angels and demons.

My two cents worth One cent after tax
And Children
Jim (bearbit) Jim (bearbit0
https://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/bearbi...
Contest
Poetry-Contest-and-Inspiration
FORUM
Poetry Contest and Inspiration  (18+)
Contest Cancelled due to Lack of Interest.
#2253936 by bearbit

Poem to Book Contest
"Invalid Item
My rating system.
"How I rate and review.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Hold On  
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (2.0)
If it were me i would have one of many good lines. Then expanded on it. What so I know I write just because i can.

My two cents worth One cent after tax
And Children
Jim (bearbit) Jim (bearbit0
https://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/bearbi...
Contest
Poetry-Contest-and-Inspiration
FORUM
Poetry Contest and Inspiration  (18+)
Contest Cancelled due to Lack of Interest.
#2253936 by bearbit

Poem to Book Contest
"Invalid Item
My rating system.
"How I rate and review.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Some Like It Evil  
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (3.0)
Ummm not sure it is a great poem but it fits with my view of people in power. I read it 3 times so therefore it drew me in which is a sign it is well written.

Thanks
My two cents worth One cent after tax
And Children
Jim (bearbit) Jim (bearbit0
https://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/bearbi...
Contest
Poetry-Contest-and-Inspiration
FORUM
Poetry Contest and Inspiration  (18+)
Contest Cancelled due to Lack of Interest.
#2253936 by bearbit

Poem to Book Contest
"Invalid Item
My rating system.
"How I rate and review.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review of Light the Way  
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (2.0)
The below should be a separate poem. I had none you fellow ask me about his poem. It was 3 pages long and contained too many thoughts. A chapter of a book, a paragraph, a sentence, are one thought or description. Most of all a poem is one thought or description. If it is not the write a book. I would have ended with
"Light the way for me
Such a long time I’ve been alone"

Time to write a book below
""Downtown there’s a thousand little people,
Going about a thousand little lives
Just a mess, all kinds of footsteps,
That all kind of pass me by
There’s a bunch of towers, all steel and stone,
Grabbing out like fingers at the sky
Dotted all up with a thousand windows,
A thousand points of citylight
Pretty machines all sleek and clean,
Just going along for the ride
Little worlds can end with a bang like thunder
Or fade out like a little sigh
Open up the curtains and stare into the sun,
Or hide behind the window blinds
One thing is certain when it’s all said and done,
It’s still a thousand points of citylight ""

My two cents worth One cent after tax
And Children
Jim (bearbit) Jim (bearbit0
https://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/bearbi...
Contest
Poetry-Contest-and-Inspiration
FORUM
Poetry Contest and Inspiration  (18+)
Contest Cancelled due to Lack of Interest.
#2253936 by bearbit

Poem to Book Contest
"Invalid Item
My rating system.
"How I rate and review.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow I love it. It challenges physics and the known world in ways that may be true. Well done.

Thanks
Jim (bearbit)
https://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/bearbi...
Contest
Poetry-Contest-and-Inspiration
FORUM
Poetry Contest and Inspiration  (18+)
Contest Cancelled due to Lack of Interest.
#2253936 by bearbit

Poem to Book Contest
"Invalid Item
My rating system.
"How I rate and review.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Memorable Days  
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (3.0)
FORUM
Poetry Contest and Inspiration  (18+)
Contest Cancelled due to Lack of Interest.
#2253936 by bearbit


Honourable mention Awarded 500gp

Your poem was a close call for 1st or 2nd place but i had to make a decision.

My two cents worth
One cent after tax
And Children
Jim (bearbit) https://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/bearbi...
Contest
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225393...
My rating system.
http://www.stories.com/main/view_item.php?item_id=...
12
12
Review of Shine your light!  
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (3.0)
FORUM
Poetry Contest and Inspiration  (18+)
Contest Cancelled due to Lack of Interest.
#2253936 by bearbit


2nd place Awarded 1500gp

My two cents worth
One cent after tax
And Children
Jim (bearbit) https://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/bearbi...
Contest
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225393...
My rating system.
http://www.stories.com/main/view_item.php?item_id=...
13
13
for entry "School Days
Review by bearbit
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
FORUM
Poetry Contest and Inspiration  (18+)
Contest Cancelled due to Lack of Interest.
#2253936 by bearbit


1st Place Award 2500

My two cents worth
One cent after tax
And Children
Jim (bearbit) https://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/bearbi...
Contest
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225393...
My rating system.
http://www.stories.com/main/view_item.php?item_id=...
14
14
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (2.5)
 
STATIC
A Knights Tirade  (E)
It would interest me to see what others come up with for part2 The Maiden Strong.
#1177520 by bearbit


In case the bitem does not work. Good question though.

A Knights Tirade


You want a white knight
to make your world right.
Brave strong and true,
Tall,dark, handsome too.

He will ride to the rescue.
As if he were on cue.
But those who need him,
Only find him grim

His pride is his throne
Be it made of broken bones.
His castle ramparts
Build on a broken heart.

Bones broke and eyes black
She asks him "attack".
If he shoulder falter.
A new hero's at the altar.

Honour bound is he
to a maidens plea.

Onward he will ride,
Maintaining his pride.
The maidens still call
him into the brawl.

He will wonder why
Maidens always cry.
He will wonder how
far, he has to bow.

Sweet knight, the sunset
Silhouette beckons you
To cast away, heavyheart,
and bones broke apart.

Sweet knight rest ye here.
Put aside all your fear.
With a maiden strong.
You can hear her song.

Honour bound is she
To the hero's plea.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review by bearbit
Rated: E | (3.0)
We cannot change the truths of the past but we can help others grow through knowledge. Cancel culture is as wrong as the crimes committed.

This is our responsibility.

Child of God, Dear child

Some pains are not yours.
Take them as a burden,
To carry, so that others
Can walk strong beside you

The hate is not yours.
Be brave and be kind.
So that others can see
Life can be better

The greed is not yours.
Your good works will be
Enough for happiness
Creating a home.

This life belongs to
You.
Find a place where you
Are understood, loved


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Just Doing My Job  
Review by bearbit
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well written.
The conversation flowed with appropriate pauses.
You drew the reader in and held them transfixed.
Nothing was superfluous. Characters were adequately described.

There are not many that carry a story primarily through conversation. You did it well.


My two cents worth
One cent after tax
And Children
Jim (bearbit) https://www.writing.com/main/portfolio/view/bearbi...
https://www.writing.com/main/forums/item_id/225393...
My rating system.
http://www.stories.com/main/view_item.php?item_id=...



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review by bearbit
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Yes!!! You describe complex theories but draw the reader back in again by language normal people can understand / relate to. You took a basic map and then showed us the trees. You created a map with real reference points to our point of view. Yes i was drawn in.
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