|Title: I like the title. It has an ambiguous meaning at first that gradually makes more sense.
Plot: This is one of those plots that starts well, but seems to fall short of the original promise. You introduce is to a pair of partner detectives, so it seems reasonable to assume that they will detect something, but almost as soon as they start detecting, they fall victim to what they were trying to find. It is possible that if this had happened six thousand words later after a series of attempts and miscues, it would feel appropriate, but right now it just feels chopped off.
Style & Voice: The style is interesting, for the most part, but only starts to develop as the story goes on. If it started right from the beginning, and continued all the way to the end, the story would feel more smooth. The voice of the characters is also a bit inconsistent. The protagonist starts with a strong internal voice, but the dialogue between him and Sherm is fairly wooden.
"Hey, Jim! There does seem to be a common link here. All these people were working on their computers when they died."
"You’re right, Sherm, but what could that have to do with their dying?"
If you find yourself writing "You’re right, Sherm" in a dialogue, it should be a big red flag.
Referencing: I seldom have much to say in this category, but in this case, I am genuinely confused. Is the story supposed to be detective or horror, realistic or paranormal? His extrasensory perception seems completely out-of-the-blue and random, almost as if the author couldn't quite figure out what how to resolve the situation.
There is also a weird disconnect between the first corpse, which has been drained of blood somehow, and the latter ones, which have died with no trace of how. Also, the weird screen saver shown in the first death is way too much of a giveaway as to the importance of the computers, but also seems not to be there with the others.
Scene/Setting: The early scenes are pretty good, but they get less realistic as you move through the story. The final "facilities" are very hard to picture or imagine based on the story.
Characters: The only character who is given any depth is the protagonist, and even he is a bit hard to imagine based on what is said. I would suggest more interaction between the partners to give us a sense of both appearance and character.
Grammar: There are small problems, but nothing huge. There are much bigger issues with the story which should be worked out before worrying about grammar and spelling and such.
Just My Personal Opinion: I think the story has promise, but I think you need to clarify for yourself what kind of story it is. If it is a detective story, there needs to be much more detecting and discovery. If it is a classic "ghost story", it would be better to have the main characters not be detectives, and just stumble on the problem somehow. If it is a paranormal story, that should be made clear early on and play into the plot from the beginning.
Of course, these are just my thoughts. Do with them what you will, and I hope I was able to be of some small help.