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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brotherjames
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35 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (4.0)
Like your perspective. Also work lives up to its title.
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2
Review by Brother James
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The story drew me in from the beginning. I cant over state how important that is. i'd just make one small point. A word like cacophony should only be used once in a story this size. It's written that the "truth shall set you free." However, that doesn't mean it'll make you feel good. Great story.
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Review of To be a patriot  
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very good. Patriotic is as patriotic does.
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4
Review of Naked Santa  
Review by Brother James
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A unique take on the Santa legend. I was howling when I read this. This gets a "5" for origninality.
5
5
Review by Brother James
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I just read your editorial. The last time I looked Florida, Hawaii, Idaho, Montana, S.Carolina and S.Dakota are the only states that don't have any limitsof any kind with regard to texting and/or talking on a hand held cell phone while driving. The remaining states are starting to catch up slow but sure and are enforcing talk and text bans.

I wrote about the attempt to bypass theConstitution and engage in internet censorshipon the part of monied Hollywood interest back in January. The editorial is called "A Call to Act: Free Space, Free Speech. Feel free to offer a review. I just request an audience,agreement is optional.
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6
Review by Brother James
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Victor is a real prize. Angela may be sorry she let him go. Seriously though, reading thisjust might cause me to write my own social media inspired tale.
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7
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (4.0)
Spring cleaning can unclutter your heart as well as your house.I like the unique view of relationships.
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8
Review of God's Telephone  
Review by Brother James
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very good! The way you relayed the animal stories brought a sense of the characters' history to the plot with brief passages that did not slow down the story.
The way you look at Max is how God sees us. He can't stop loving and fretting about us no matter how badly we behave.

Your story enlightend me.I thought the city kids got into all the trouble.
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9
Review of GARLIC  
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (5.0)
You can't say enough good about garlic. I might print this out, sketch in some background and then hang it on the fridge.
10
10
Review of Two Attorneys  
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (4.5)
The verdict is in: This story is guilty of being a good read. You provided enough character history with twelve words surrounded by quotation marks. The opening statement (lawyer talk-get it) grabbed my attention. Well done.


11
11
Review by Brother James
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Promising
1.I wonder how the man you speak of came to his current situation. It is a good thing when readers think enough of a character to ask themselves about him/her.

2.You give a precise description of what we in America would call a crack house.

3. I really look forward to chapter 2.

Now, the editor/proofreader in me comes out:

1. The first paragraph is too long. It should be broken up into three to five paragraphs with te use of transitions.

2. The correct spelling is s-t-o-r-y to describe a floor or level of a building. Also, you began a sentence with a preposition when it would have read better with another way. For instance, you wrote the following:
"On the top two, both rooms were bedrooms." It may have read better as follows: The rooms on the top two floors were both bedrooms.

3. The editor/proofreading tips are suggestions which are not written stone. I don't claim to be the Grand Poobah of all things writing but I think these will help.

Good Luck




12
12
Review of In A Hicktown  
Review by Brother James
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I look forward to the next chapter, the next best shot.
Having said that, there is room to improve. Some of your sentences could be tweaked to use less words with more description.
For instance, "The blond gasped loudly enough for the defense junior associatesten feet away from the prosecution group to take notice and stare" may read as follows: The blond's gasp disturbed the chatter among their defense team counterparts though they stood ten feet away. Just a suggestion.
13
13
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your poem is a creative exercise in adding a twist on the night before Christmas classic. Spacing would make this more pleasant to read.
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