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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/brotherjames
Review Requests: OFF
48 Public Reviews Given
48 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (5.0)
This puts things in a perspective that I think I needed to see.
2
2
Review of The Caring Soul  
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful sacrifice. What makes it better is that it really happened.
3
3
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (5.0)
A writer looking for a story discovers his-story.That was a brilliant ideal to get the victim's family perspective.
4
4
Review of Darlene  
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice. A story about magic that for a while was tragic about a crystal ball that was fantastic.
5
5
Review by Brother James
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I didn't see that end coming. But it doesn't matter this story had me hooked from the first paragraph. Not sure why.
6
6
Review of WITH YOU  
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (4.0)
A study in contrast
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7
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your first chapter served its main purpose. It made me want to read on to the next chapters. Having said that some edits are suggested;
- Spacing between the paragraphs make for a better visual experience reading.
- Reduce the instances in which you use the present participle that is words that end in "ing"
- There are lines where adverbs and adjectives could've been replaced with more thoroough descriptions.

These are the things I liked;
I believe the correct term as used in past English classes is personification. Anyway, I thought it effective when you used this to show what non human forces did. For example..."the hum passing her ears silenced all other noises and any attempt at communication." The fire gave the story a hot start (pardon the pun) by personifying it. Also, I liked the subtlety in how you showed Kari came to realize things would never be the same again.


8
8
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (4.0)
This makes for a good forward or prologue to introduce the main body of the book to come. It reveals without revealing too much.A couple of sentences could've been worded better. Overall a fine effort.
9
9
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (3.5)
I like how the first sentence is separate. It's a good tone setter for the story.The beginning and end work in concert. Could've used a little more details in body of the story. Still good though.
10
10
Review of Nosedive No More  
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love a story about overcoming. Nosedive flew and landed right into my heart.
11
11
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (4.0)
Like your perspective. Also work lives up to its title.
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12
Review by Brother James
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
The story drew me in from the beginning. I cant over state how important that is. i'd just make one small point. A word like cacophony should only be used once in a story this size. It's written that the "truth shall set you free." However, that doesn't mean it'll make you feel good. Great story.
13
13
Review by Brother James
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
The story was dialogue rich. I could picture a man and a woman working in the dirt together as the narrator/ main character provided background with how they met. The story moved quickly and effortlessly. The title was both symbolic and substantive.
14
14
Review of To be a patriot  
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very good. Patriotic is as patriotic does.
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15
Review of Naked Santa  
Review by Brother James
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A unique take on the Santa legend. I was howling when I read this. This gets a "5" for origninality.
16
16
Review by Brother James
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Victor is a real prize. Angela may be sorry she let him go. Seriously though, reading thisjust might cause me to write my own social media inspired tale.
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17
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (4.0)
Spring cleaning can unclutter your heart as well as your house.I like the unique view of relationships.
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18
Review of God's Telephone  
Review by Brother James
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very good! The way you relayed the animal stories brought a sense of the characters' history to the plot with brief passages that did not slow down the story.
The way you look at Max is how God sees us. He can't stop loving and fretting about us no matter how badly we behave.

Your story enlightend me.I thought the city kids got into all the trouble.
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19
Review of GARLIC  
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (5.0)
You can't say enough good about garlic. I might print this out, sketch in some background and then hang it on the fridge.
20
20
Review by Brother James
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Promising
1.I wonder how the man you speak of came to his current situation. It is a good thing when readers think enough of a character to ask themselves about him/her.

2.You give a precise description of what we in America would call a crack house.

3. I really look forward to chapter 2.

Now, the editor/proofreader in me comes out:

1. The first paragraph is too long. It should be broken up into three to five paragraphs with te use of transitions.

2. The correct spelling is s-t-o-r-y to describe a floor or level of a building. Also, you began a sentence with a preposition when it would have read better with another way. For instance, you wrote the following:
"On the top two, both rooms were bedrooms." It may have read better as follows: The rooms on the top two floors were both bedrooms.

3. The editor/proofreading tips are suggestions which are not written stone. I don't claim to be the Grand Poobah of all things writing but I think these will help.

Good Luck




21
21
Review by Brother James
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your poem is a creative exercise in adding a twist on the night before Christmas classic. Spacing would make this more pleasant to read.
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