|P.S. this is a mixed review...
There's a lot to love in this piece.
The rhyme scheme makes the poem have an easy flow.
The vivid description makes the whole thing easy to imagine.
The comparisons are just, damn brother,how do you do it?
I feel like you have a whole idea in your head, which I see through the vivid description. It's amazing, really, but at the same time it's quite a hard read. I caught myself going back to a sentence just trying to grasp what it meant. And to me, that's a great thing. I love a good ol' poem that makes me think.
This poem is a complicated one. You fall in love with it once you wrap your head around what it's about. I can just feel the idea, the metaphors, all floating around in your head. The problem is, the reader doesn't really know that. While reading this piece, I was working out every line, trying to decode them. Considering the average reader, it's one that you're going to have to contemplate a lot-A Lot- on.
At the end of the day, great discoveries always are always criticized. What you have here my friend, is great. It's genius, and personally, I loved it. I keep reading it over and over just for the descriptive writing. It immerses the reader into the moment. I would definitely come back when I would want to feel something. I could almost see what you're portraying out here. I was in the moment, although I didn't know where I was at first.
Finding my way around, I realize I'm never leaving this place.