|This is a really funny premise, but (to me) it doesn't feel like you've followed it all the way through. It feels like the beginning of something larger. Here's a few specifics:
1. These aliens have come to the planet to investigate rap. Why? If they were somehow influenced by rap, this needs to be more clearly stated. As it is, there seems to be only one reference to rap-speech: "I am Captain, and you'll not dis' me. Not on my watch."
2. The use of present tense: It's reallly difficult to write a good story in present tense. You're to be commended for attempting this. In my reading I can think of only one or two cases where this has succeeded (Jay McInerney's Bright Lights, Big City comes immediately to mind.
3. Word variance: Be careful to vary your wording. You don't want stuff like this: "He then walked over to individually look over his horde of warriors from head to toe." And, if you don't have one, a Thesaurus is a great tool. "Smirk" is used far too often...
4. I LOVE this line: "A bit startled by the intercom, his alien sleep toy fell to the floor as he responded through a much needed yawn." All I can picture is some tentacled squeeze toy...
5. Speaking of #4 above, what DO the aliens look like?
6. And what is the motive of the aliens? Why are they invading? Or are they just investigating?
In a nutshell: This is a good premise, but you need to put it through some serious work for there to be a payoff. I can't find a motive to the character's actions, nor visualize them. Sentence structure needs some work as well.
Sorry to be sort'a tough on you. I think with some work this could be a good piece. Pour yourself into it some more.
And if you ever have any questions, feel free to contact me. That's one of the reasons I'm here!