Hi sunflower,
I found this piece truly stirring; thank you for being so open, it’s helped me to understand, on a new level, the afflictions that some of my family and friends have—those who also have bipolar disorder. Your writing style flows quite naturally, and so, makes for a fantastic read. Moreover, your word choices and descriptions are deliciously dynamic.
What follows is a list of comments, suggestions, and a few discovered typos (written in the order they appear in your article). I hope you find it helpful; feel free to disregard anything you are not of the same opinion with (other than the evident errors mentioned, of course, lol!).
o “When I came again to awareness, three days had passed.”-- an excellent opening sentence; it jumps right to the tale (I so hate boring intros). This line is intriguing, drawing the reader in.
o “I'd been away in the fog.”—beautiful metaphor.
o “With that being done and complete,”—repetitive, “done” and “complete” are synonyms; I’d cut one of them.
o When you first mention “They” you’ve got they in quotes, but the rest are italicized. Stick with one or the other for consistency.
o “It effects behaviour.”—affects.
o “Somebody must've decided to soften the emotional impact with gentler sounding words.”—lol! I enjoy the sarcastic humorous tone here.
o “. . . my anti-depressants, not realizing that I would swing the other way--into mania--if the antidepressant . . .”—for consistency either use hyphenated version or the non-hyphenated one.
o “I'm dealing with my body making it's own cocaine.”—Awesome image, but you’ve got the wrong “its” in there. Also, the following sentence, “Those things cocaine users seek,“ may I suggest you use “coke users” to avoid repetition.
o You need to run a spell check; there are a lot of spelling errors. Examples: “Michaelangelo” & “schizenophrenia” ; Michelangelo, schizophrenia.
o “When manic, bizarre, unusual, and attention attracting clothing is the norm, and just another part of the scene. This extreme dressing is usually unintentional.”—rather confusing, try rewording this part.
o “On a "good episode,"—I’d change “on” to “during.”
o “fed numerous anti-psychotic cocktails.”—yet another wonderful description.
o “This terminology refers to a little bit, a small amount, of mania,”—cut either “a little bit” or “a small amount,” they are the same thing.
o “literary types of the Eithteenth and Nineteenth Centuries have behaviour documenting”—“Eighteenth”; also, I’d use “suggesting” instead of “documenting.”
o “No task seems unattainable, no challenge undauntable.”—contradiction of terms: Undauntable: Not admitting of discouragement: undauntable heroism; undauntable optimism. (Dictionary.com)
o “Parts of that three day period was spent in sleep.”—were spent in sleep.
o “To recovered from a day and a half up,”—recover
o “But, because my body has turned on it's "manic button",”—its
o “The darkness of light, and the brightness of day,”—I believe you meant night where you said light.
o “to distinguish between what is a "passing"' mood, what what is a personality trait”—double “what.”
o “I'm not in the proverbial driver's seat of my life. I'm definitely there, going along for the ride,”—love that comparison, very revealing.
o “It's a reverse domino theory.”—Perfect imagery for this condition.
o “I lose track of time because of the watch on which my brain functions.”—I love how this line shows how your psyche functions on its own agenda, oblivious to real time or the commands of physical reality.
Well that’s about all I’ve got for you. Thanks again for sharing this write with Writing.com, and keep up the exceptional writing!
cj
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