|I haven't come across too many westerns on Writing. This was a welcome break. I'm a sucker for action, too. I enjoyed the feel of the piece, but I think the mechanics could use some tweaking. I didn't see any spelling errors. Some thoughts I have to pass on:
- Careful of using commas to create run-on sentences. Ex: "He slipped the faded photo of his murdered wife from his pocket, gazed at it, lit a cheroot, lit the fuse, casually tossed it into the saloon." Needs to be split into separate sentences.
- You don't need to use quotes when referring to a town or bar, unless the name is incorporated in a direct or indirect quote from something or someone else. Double quotes can also be used to earmark a word for irony or disdain.
- Using less adverbs (think of descriptive words ending in 'ly') means your work is more concise, makes your tale easier to read, and reads more emphatically. For instance, instead of saying, "Six other men hastily stood from the table..." consider: Six other men jumped up from their table. Or, instead of, "...there was a flurry of frantic activity." You could just say: ...there was chaos. Or: ...the room fell into chaos.
- Careful of using known phrases like, "Dropped like a wet sack of potatoes." Use your own words.
- Did the dynamite ever explode? There's a reference at the end to a fire, but it's not explained where the fire came from.
- In the beginning you capitalize "The Highwayman" and later his title/name is not capitalized.
Thanks for submitting your work! It was fun to read and I look forward to coming across it again one day after it has been revised.